Guest Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 That is not the truth in my case....there is touching, that is why I was upset. The stripper told my husband he could touch anything but her boobs, and caressed her thighs as she was rubbing. Yes she could touch whatever she wanted but he only did touch her legs, whereas his friends were touching other areas...it depends on the stripper. This club was a Gentlemens Club, high end strippers (if there is such a thing). I do not mind my husband going to these kinds of places especially for a BP and do realize we all make mistakes, but when alcohol and not-so-good influences are around I truly believe my husband had a lapse in judgement.....he did not even pay for the lapdance, he was peer pressured into it and someone else paid. That is also why I am angry...grow up and make your own decisions. He is not a teenager anymore. No I am not perfect and do not want to be. I am just hurt for the moment but will get over it. What I was trying to say is that communication is the key, if she is uncomfortable with it she needs to let her SO/BF know......
Salicious Crumb Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 I haven't replied since Friday, I take the weekends off from here. Get over myself? Actually to me and my wife it is harmless fun. Ok....so tell us. What do you consider fun about it? Why do YOU think it is fun? Do you think its fun because it is pathetic that someone of the opposite sex has to make money by rubbing their nude body all over someone, and in most cases very undesirable people, and that makes you laugh or something? Do you think its fun because a stripper gives you a hard-on? What is it that is fun in your mind?
Salicious Crumb Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Lying is never ok, however neither is telling your husband or trying to convince him that he cheated just because he went to one. You have no idea the psychological damage that you do when you try to instill into someone they cheated. I think it is borderline as to whether its cheating or not. I won't say it is cheating....but I do not think it is harmless fun if your SO is uncomfortable with it and someone could care less about their feelings to do it anyway. What about the psychological damage to the SO's feelings that the strip club client could seem to care less about? If you and your wife think its ok to get your rocks off by other people...then that is your choice....alot of people are hurt by their SO's going to strip clubs. And any person that goes no matter how their SO feels about it, then they aren't worth 2 squirts of p!$$ and need to be kicked to the curb so they can play games with someone elses head. The emotional guilt that comes into play and the lack of love that surrounds the couple now can really damage the relationship. IMO trying to convince someone they cheated is far worse than what he has done. Nah...its obvious this guy could have cared less about the poster's feelings and doesn't care that she is uncomfortable that he is grinding his d!ck all over another fully nude woman. He is a jackass and she deserves better.
CaringSoul Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Nah...its obvious this guy could have cared less about the poster's feelings and doesn't care that she is uncomfortable that he is grinding his d!ck all over another fully nude woman. He is a jackass and she deserves better. Thanks, Kinda thought I was crazy for feeling this way. My SO has said he was very sorry and this behavior does not happen everyday...this is probably the first and last. He is a good man and has tried to make it up to me stating to me that after the 3-4 minute song was over he was quite taken back and did feel ashamed because he is married and loves me. Now I feel bad, but I still cannot get the picture out of my head of a young blonde manouvering her nakedness all over my man. That hurts. I have not made his life miserable or made him to feel emotionally distrought, I am the one who feels that way! I just want to know why this was so important to do......................with another women.
Carbine Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 The other girls (when not on break) will either be walking around looking to give a 30 second lap dance, in which the guys have to keep their hands at their sides (they don't touch the girls). I don't for the life of me see how that's not cheating. I disturbs me, the thought of these sluts prowling around looking for easy targets to make a quick dollar off. I resent the fact that some girl who's hotter than me can slope up to my man and use her looks to seduce him for her own personal gain. She knows that he wants to touch her. He knows that he wants to touch her as well. Some stupid rule to prevent this from happening means diddlysquat to me. It's completely irrelevant that these girls get paid to do this. If my man was out somewhere and some egomaniac little tart began moving her body in a certain way to get his attention, knowing full well that he'd become aroused and feel some sort of attraction to her, then it's the same thing. I talked to one of the girls there and we had about a 10 min. conversation. I asked her about her dancing. She told me she was a marketing rep. for AT&T You mean she found a creative way to explain that she's actually a (naked) promotions model for Ass, Tits & Twat incorporated? Don't make me laugh. I'm a marketing student myself and I know plenty of people in the industry who are actually legitimate marketing reps for big multinational firms. Most of them earn extremely good salaries, appear satisfied with their lives and most importantly, they manage to hold more than a ten minute conversation without having to resort to compulsive lying to impress people. I doubt a single one of these people would go out and jeopardise their careers by working in a strip club after hours just because they "like to dance". and that she really doesn't need the money just likes to dance. She could be lying, but some girls just like to dance for the dancing. Then how come she doesn't go to a dance party or a club or a rave and dance there instead?? Not all the chicks are out there looking to screw men. If they wanted to, they could easily get that anywhere. No, but most chicks are out there to try and validate their own existence. These whores do it the easy way with their looks. The more men that they can tease and try to tempt into wanting to touch them, the more valid their existence actually is. They score double-points when the man they get a reaction from is a 'taken' man. There is a big difference between prositution and stripping and no stripping does not lead to it either. The 'big difference' being a couple of phrases within the prostitution control act that allow the slightly more 'softcore' sex workers to escape via a loophole? ?? So you'll just try to be one of these girls that he slept with? You are changing because of him? That's the wrong reason to do it, and you'll end up with alot of resentment in the end. I will not 'try and be' one of these girls completely, only in a physical sense. And I'm wanting to change not because of him but because of my desire to get him back. My only resentment is not holding on to him enough when I had the chance. Even if you had the perfect body before, he would still cheat. He didn't cheat because he was in a strip club, he cheated because of his immaturity and personality. Let's take a closer look at this for a bit: Personally, I think his immaturity and personality played a very small role in causing him to cheat. The way I see it, the likelyhood he will cheat is determined by 1) how satisfied he is with his partner and 2) the situational factors that facilitate cheating. A Strip club strongly facilitates cheating because it: a) Employs women whose physical traits mean that they appeal to a wide audience in terms of being the 'ideal' or 'perfect woman'. I.e. tall, thin, blonde. b) requires it's employees to entertain patrons in a fashion that may be interpreted as sexually alluring/arousing (Read: naked girls dancing/touching themselves suggestively and being in close physical proximity to male patrons. c) generally projects an image/culture of naughtiness, secrecy and slightly risque fun which in turn: d) encourages patrons to fit into this culture by behaving in a way that shows that they are 'one of the boys'. This in turn causes peer pressure which influences this behaviour further in combination with e) the presence of alcohol and other drugs that are typical and vastly consumed within a club setting and known to lower inhibitions The combination of the above factors is enough to push patrons a step further and engage in a f) lapdance or similar services are offered So, if cheating behaviour is determined by a mans satisfaction with his partner and situational factors then: Less likely to Cheat = (not satisfied w/parters appearance)x(doesn't attend SCs) because while the desire to cheat maybe there, he's got much less chance of crossing paths with a 'hot' woman worth cheating on, in an atmosphere which condones it, and that almost guarantees he wont get caught. More likely to cheat = (not satisfied w/P.A.)x(attends SCs). Unfortunately, this was how my ex came to cheat on me by hiring a lapdance. I guess his dissatisfaction with my body plus factors a - e simply waved an offering in his face that was too good to be true . With your posting, you have really scared me. Sounds like you are obessed with getting him back. That is not healthy. Yes we know you love him, but if he doesn't want to be in the relationship then the best thing you can do is let him go. If you are going to do any changing it has to be for yourself. Not for anyone else. Why are you scared? It's not you i'm going after.
rainfall Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 I haven't replied since Friday, I take the weekends off from here. Get over myself? Actually to me and my wife it is harmless fun. It sounds like there are alot of things that you two consider 'cheating' but by the norms out in society it's not. This is the fastest way to lose your SO, by accusing them of cheating all the time. Over the long run you will cause that behavior to happen. If your SO is being accused of it all the time, why not actually do the deed and get some enjoyment out of it? That, or he'll just leave you for someone who doesn't treat him like a piece of dirt. . Just because you do not consider a naked stranger ontop of you dry humping you cheating does not mean everyone esle agrees. The fastest way to lose you SO actually is to care more about your needs and wants then to even consider how bad it will hurt them when you get a lap dance.
CATENZA Posted March 26, 2007 Posted March 26, 2007 Just because you do not consider a naked stranger ontop of you dry humping you cheating does not mean everyone esle agrees. The fastest way to lose you SO actually is to care more about your needs and wants then to even consider how bad it will hurt them when you get a lap dance. I have to agree.. I am some what ok of my husband going to a SC as long as he is honest about it. The way I see it is you have the balls to get grinded, you should have the balls to tell your wife. Anyway, sitting here pregnant my husband goes to the SC to take care of himself, his needs.. It does Kinda hurt when I think about it.
jmargel Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 Ok....so tell us. What do you consider fun about it? Why do YOU think it is fun? What the fun is for me is to go out with friends and socialize, and to see the bachelor's on the stage get tortured. It's something different than the same old bar scene Do you think its fun because a stripper gives you a hard-on? I never got a "hard-on" from a stripper. Those places don't really sexually excite me that much, to be honest. I won't say it is cheating....but I do not think it is harmless fun if your SO is uncomfortable with it and someone could care less about their feelings to do it anyway And has his SO gone with him to a strip club to see what it's like? I know that she probably wouldn't feel as threatened as she does now if she would have went with him to see what it's all about. She is basing an opinion without fully exploring the whole situation. However if she did go with him and was still not comfortable with him going then I would agree that yes, he should not go for the sake of the relationship. Now I feel bad, but I still cannot get the picture out of my head of a young blonde manouvering her nakedness all over my man. That hurts. I have not made his life miserable or made him to feel emotionally distrought, I am the one who feels that way! I just want to know why this was so important to do......................with another women It's not important to do. When you are there it just happens. A chick will just come up and smile. He didn't do it to hurt you, it was a 'in the moment' kind of thing. It lasted a whole 30 seconds. You are spending more time analyzing and worrying over this than it's worth. He wasn't comparing you to any other woman nor was he giving up any sort of bond with you. Trust me.. I don't think he thinks of her.. lol I don't for the life of me see how that's not cheating. I disturbs me, the thought of these sluts prowling around looking for easy targets to make a quick dollar off. I resent the fact that some girl who's hotter than me can slope up to my man and use her looks to seduce him for her own personal gain. She knows that he wants to touch her. He knows that he wants to touch her as well. Some stupid rule to prevent this from happening means diddlysquat to me. It's completely irrelevant that these girls get paid to do this. If my man was out somewhere and some egomaniac little tart began moving her body in a certain way to get his attention, knowing full well that he'd become aroused and feel some sort of attraction to her, then it's the same thing. What these girls do as job wise, IMO is not cheating. They are not sluts either. Actually if you look at their faces while giving a lap dance, they aren't smiling. They've been there, done that before about a 1000 times over. If they do smile it's a fake one and all of us men know it. As for a guy wanting to touch her? I honestly had no desire to touch any of them. I would rather do that to my wife. I don't go there to try to hook up with any of the girls or go there with the intention of them getting me horned up. Maybe there are guys out there that do, but not everyone is like that. You mean she found a creative way to explain that she's actually a (naked) promotions model for Ass, Tits & Twat incorporated? Don't make me laugh. I'm a marketing student myself and I know plenty of people in the industry who are actually legitimate marketing reps for big multinational firms. Most of them earn extremely good salaries, appear satisfied with their lives and most importantly, they manage to hold more than a ten minute conversation without having to resort to compulsive lying to impress people. I doubt a single one of these people would go out and jeopardise their careers by working in a strip club after hours just because they "like to dance". Why are you so hostile? When I talked to her (I live in PA) she worked for the AT&T in Harrisburg, and drove about 20 miles north to a club to dance. She mentioned that she couldn't dance down there and would lose her job if she did. She just likes the atmosphere and the girls are close friends of hers. People in this world like different things, you know.. No, but most chicks are out there to try and validate their own existence. These whores do it the easy way with their looks. The more men that they can tease and try to tempt into wanting to touch them, the more valid their existence actually is. They score double-points when the man they get a reaction from is a 'taken' man. Wrong.. 99% of them do it for the money. There's alot of it and it comes very fast. They could careless if they give a lap dance to a single man or a married one. A dollar is a dollar. It might inflate their egos when they first start stripping but after awhile the novelty wears off. They just want to make their money and go home. Let's take a closer look at this for a bit: Personally, I think his immaturity and personality played a very small role in causing him to cheat. The way I see it, the likelyhood he will cheat is determined by 1) how satisfied he is with his partner and 2) the situational factors that facilitate cheating. A Strip club strongly facilitates cheating because it: IMO that's wrong. You could put me in a room full of beautiful women but I still am smart enough and have enough maturity, wits and respect not to cheat. It doesn't matter what environment we are in. It's not like us men are alcoholics and we are sitting in a bar having us tempted to fall off the wagon and start drinking again. Maybe if the guy is a sex addict but other than that he can still think straight even if he's in a strip club. a) Employs women whose physical traits mean that they appeal to a wide audience in terms of being the 'ideal' or 'perfect woman'. I.e. tall, thin, blonde. Wrong. I know guys that love BBWs. In fact the strip club I was at, had a night where only BBWs were allowed to dance. Apparently there must have been a large enough want from it for them to dedicate a night for it. These women are not perfect. Alot of it is the lighting. If you really look close you can still see the stretch marks, etc.. on them. They are hardly the playboy model types. b) requires it's employees to entertain patrons in a fashion that may be interpreted as sexually alluring/arousing (Read: naked girls dancing/touching themselves suggestively and being in close physical proximity to male patrons. That's how they make their money. They don't stand on the stage naked and read poetry. lol c) generally projects an image/culture of naughtiness, secrecy and slightly risque fun which in turn: d) encourages patrons to fit into this culture by behaving in a way that shows that they are 'one of the boys'. This in turn causes peer pressure which influences this behaviour further in combination with e) the presence of alcohol and other drugs that are typical and vastly consumed within a club setting and known to lower inhibitions If your guy is going to get involved in heavy drinking or drugs then that is a whole seperate problem there. The club doesn't encourage patrons to behave in a certain way. In fact if a patron starts touching the girls they are escorted out very fast. It's a very controlled environment and when you walk in you can feel the aura of it. It's not like some biker bar where guys are swinging off the light fixtures and smashing bottles everywhere, gang-banging the girls. The combination of the above factors is enough to push patrons a step further and engage in a f) lapdance or similar services are offered So, if cheating behaviour is determined by a mans satisfaction with his partner and situational factors then: Less likely to Cheat = (not satisfied w/parters appearance)x(doesn't attend SCs) because while the desire to cheat maybe there, he's got much less chance of crossing paths with a 'hot' woman worth cheating on, in an atmosphere which condones it, and that almost guarantees he wont get caught. More likely to cheat = (not satisfied w/P.A.)x(attends SCs). Unfortunately, this was how my ex came to cheat on me by hiring a lapdance. I guess his dissatisfaction with my body plus factors a - e simply waved an offering in his face that was too good to be true . IMO the reason why a person cheats is a number of issues. First and foremost is the break down in communication between the spouses, the second is the maturity of the person who cheated, third certain drugs/alcohol could play a part however the person is still responsible for their decisions. If he was not satisifed with your body, this was a maturity issue on his end. For him to do this because of just your body size shows you that he has not grown as a man. Him not showing you the respect you deserve is based on his immaturity and good chance before he has an 'awakening' he will continue to do this to others. He can only fix himself and if you were to continuinly try to go after him just boosts his own self-ego. The best revenge you could do is to show him how happy you are in life without him. That he passed up something great and he no longer has a chance at getting back unless he really takes a hard look at himself and changes major things in his life. Basically if a guy goes to a strip club and cheats, he will cheat on you anywhere. Him trying to blame it on anything is just him not taking responsibilty for his actions. Quote: Originally Posted by jmargel With your posting, you have really scared me. Sounds like you are obessed with getting him back. That is not healthy. Yes we know you love him, but if he doesn't want to be in the relationship then the best thing you can do is let him go. If you are going to do any changing it has to be for yourself. Not for anyone else. Why are you scared? It's not you i'm going after. Because you are going after him. Nothing you do to him will erase the pain he has caused you. Unfortunetly in life we all have felt this pain. You can either do two things here. 1) Try to make his life miserable and continue to be in pain yourself. Or 2) Fix what you want to fix within' yourself, set short term goals and accomplish these and start doing things in life to make yourself happier, and to love yourself more. I think the latter will get you alot further in life and overall make you enjoy life more.
Salicious Crumb Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 I never got a "hard-on" from a stripper. Those places don't really sexually excite me that much, to be honest. That much?? And has his SO gone with him to a strip club to see what it's like? I know that she probably wouldn't feel as threatened as she does now if she would have went with him to see what it's all about. She is basing an opinion without fully exploring the whole situation. ??? Why in hell does she need to go to a strip club to know that having a naked woman grind on him is unacceptable to her? Just like I know I don't need to go to a male strip club to find out if I would feel fine with it or not. If my wife were to go to a male strip club, then come home all horny, I'd have to push her ass off of me. I don't want sex because she is all hot and bothered because of other men. Either she wants sex because she is all hot and bothered with me, or she can sleep on the couch.
CaringSoul Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 I guess that is what is really bothering me......does he think about the lap dance, (her) did he get off??? and is afraid to tell me anything more about it.....he says no (does not want to hurt me anymore) he does not (cannot even remember the song or her name), do I believe him since the lying in the beginning????? I love my SO and do believe in my heart this was a form of cheating/or should I say a very bad lapse in judgement. I am not a prude but cannot beleive that for a 3-4 minute song with a naked beautiful blonde all over my mans areas, how do men not remember this? I feel all my intimacy has been taken away with my SO. She touched him with her breasts and her privates all over his privates ..that makes me mad and a little sick to death. Why would he have such curosity about a lapdance, he states he did not even know what one was so therefore had to try it since all his buddies were. After all these years I have curosities too but do I act on them, not if it would hurt him. Or was it just the time and place and men can just let it go?
jmargel Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 Salicious Crumb, I don't get 'hard ons' at all when going to those clubs. Maybe next time I go I should invite you so you can check yourself? ??? Why in hell does she need to go to a strip club to know that having a naked woman grind on him is unacceptable to her? Because they seem to have the wrong idea of exactly what goes on there. At least the club I visit now & then is very classy. Their are some women on this board that are accusing their SO of cheating when they haven't fully explored the environment itself. They are making a huge accusation on something that is not true and the only way for them to get this whole truth is for them to visit the place themselves. I took my one friend to one about 2 months ago. She kinda had the same feeling about those places and wanted to see what it was like because she had an ex goto one. When she got there is found the place alot less intimidating then she expected and she even told me she enjoyed it. She was able to pick up some new dance moves from the strippers. I guess that is what is really bothering me......does he think about the lap dance, (her) did he get off??? and is afraid to tell me anything more about it.....he says no (does not want to hurt me anymore) he does not (cannot even remember the song or her name), do I believe him since the lying in the beginning????? I love my SO and do believe in my heart this was a form of cheating/or should I say a very bad lapse in judgement. I am not a prude but cannot beleive that for a 3-4 minute song with a naked beautiful blonde all over my mans areas, how do men not remember this? I feel all my intimacy has been taken away with my SO. She touched him with her breasts and her privates all over his privates ..that makes me mad and a little sick to death. Why would he have such curosity about a lapdance, he states he did not even know what one was so therefore had to try it since all his buddies were. After all these years I have curosities too but do I act on them, not if it would hurt him. Or was it just the time and place and men can just let it go? Trust me, as a man he doesn't truly remember her name or the song. I know I don't remember them. As for lapdances even if she was nude, he wasn't. Good chance he was more nervous than anything and I very highly doubt he got turned on or for that matter 'got off'. I still stay this is not a form of cheating. He was curious, there is nothing wrong with that. He loves you and he has probably shown it in countless ways. For you to pick this one 'slip-up' in your eyes and dwell on it, it will ruin the relationship. I don't know how long ago this has happened but over time it will fade away. He didn't lust after her or wanted her over you. She did not try to steal him either. The mood these things are done in, is not erotic. It's more of a happy go-lucky, comedy mood. Think of it this way.. Even if she did want him, she doesn't have him. You do. Try to stay focused on the good that is going on in your relationship not pick at one lonely sore spot. As long as you dwell/pick on it, it'll never heal. Honesty my advice of you going to one with him would be something you should look into. Not to have him get a lapdance, but to sit at a back table and just see what really goes on. I can guarantee that afterwards you would feel alot better. That's just something you have to trust me on. But if you do go, go with the intention of not putting him down or punishing him anymore. If you go it's to go for yourself and to see exactly what little actually goes on there.
CaringSoul Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 jmargel I think you have made me feel better, it is good to hear a mans point of view. I will consider going but not right now. You sound alot like my SO, he said he would take me to see also, stated it is more hyped up and really is nothing. He said he actually had a few goof laughs, which is all I wanted him to have.....(LOL) I will try to alleviate my insecurity as to not ruin my wonderful marriage.
jmargel Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 jmargel I think you have made me feel better, it is good to hear a mans point of view. I will consider going but not right now. You sound alot like my SO, he said he would take me to see also, stated it is more hyped up and really is nothing. He said he actually had a few goof laughs, which is all I wanted him to have.....(LOL) I will try to alleviate my insecurity as to not ruin my wonderful marriage. Glad to hear that Sounds like you two have a good thing going.
rainfall Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 I don't need to see a naked chick grind into my man to know I will think of it as cheating. Also in my state lap dances ARE NOT 30 seconds.... they are at least one full song.
jmargel Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 I don't need to see a naked chick grind into my man to know I will think of it as cheating. Also in my state lap dances ARE NOT 30 seconds.... they are at least one full song. In your state? lol First off a regular lap dance only lasts about 30 seconds, usually one that lasts the whole entire song is a VIP dance, which is basically the same thing but just done privately. Apparently you are not reading my posts and putting your own twists into them. However it's your life so you can deal with losing your man to something like this..
CaringSoul Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 FYI- Lap dances in the State of New Jersey last 3 to 4 minutes also....but it does depend on the club. The club my SO went to was a Gentlemens Club with upscale strippers (if there is such a thing) totally nude club. No alcohol, only a juice bar and $10.00 to get in per person with a two juice minimum......sorry just sounds funny...juice bar at a stripper joint....anyway the strippers also before preforming there lap dance put a cloth size table napkin on the mens crotch as not to excrete any personal area juice. They also have VIP rooms for a 20 minute minimum for $60.00, I just thank the lord my SO wasn't curious about that, although some of his buddies were and now are in sever trouble with their SO's. Yes I have done my homework needed to know what I was dealing with, and by the way the women at this establishment are beautiful. At least on the outter side.
rainfall Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 In your state? lol First off a regular lap dance only lasts about 30 seconds, usually one that lasts the whole entire song is a VIP dance, which is basically the same thing but just done privately. Apparently you are not reading my posts and putting your own twists into them. However it's your life so you can deal with losing your man to something like this.. They do last a full song here. Maybe where you live is different. But here it is 20 dollars to get a lap dance that lasts for a full song. You are not reading my posts as well it seems. I think if it works for you to have lap dances great have fun. However I do not find it OK in my relationship. If I am going to lose my man because he can't have strippers then good. I would deserve better then someone who places strippers/lap dances above my feelings.
CaringSoul Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 They do last a full song here. Maybe where you live is different. But here it is 20 dollars to get a lap dance that lasts for a full song. You are not reading my posts as well it seems. I think if it works for you to have lap dances great have fun. However I do not find it OK in my relationship. If I am going to lose my man because he can't have strippers then good. I would deserve better then someone who places strippers/lap dances above my feelings. I do agree with you Rainfall, but I sure do need to forgive otherwise my marriage is doomed. I really do not want that. Another person should not have fun at the expense of another person especailly to taunt with there feelings. Sometimes we make mistakes, and if my SO says it was a one time mistake, I need to somehow forgive but believe you me this will never happen again.
Salicious Crumb Posted March 27, 2007 Posted March 27, 2007 Because they seem to have the wrong idea of exactly what goes on there. At least the club I visit now & then is very classy. Their are some women on this board that are accusing their SO of cheating when they haven't fully explored the environment itself. They are making a huge accusation on something that is not true and the only way for them to get this whole truth is for them to visit the place themselves. Uh..if they are naked and give lapdances...thats all she needs to know about it to not approve.
Miss Jane Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 Because your SO doesn't have any willpower of his/her own if there are strippers around? They lose the ability to make their own choices? Riiighht.... It's not just the temptation of the strippers--at bachelor parties or outings with the guys-- it's also the peer pressure that will get them even if they're not that interested. My husband got a lap dance when out for a night with the guys. He was the only one that hadn't done it and the guys were telling the stripper to give him a lap dance and he ended doing it. Granted he could have said "no". I found out about it several months later--he "forgot" to mention it and honestly, I was devastated. It's amazing what some T&A can do to the male brain--
Miss Jane Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 My husband went to a BP 7 months ago and it has ruined our life......He received a lap dance and yes she was fully nude, she rubbed her breasts all over his chest and grinded his leg and penis.....it does depend on what state you live in and the laws of the SC. When he came home he lied, lied and lied more. Said he did not want to hurt my feelings. I am furious and do think of this as breaking our marriage vows. He has never done this before and does not frequent SC, he says he is sorry all the time and has tried to make it up to me. He says it was wrong but had no idea what was going to happen when she got on his lap.....and when she started her thing he was taken back. (I'm sure) Anyway bottom line is be honest with him if it bothers you for him to go tell him, or if he goes advise him not to touch and to please respect your feelings. Good luck and much happiness to you, as for me 1 day at a time. ditto. . .
Miss Jane Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 Quote: If some girl at the beach even glanced sideways at my ex, I'd have knocked the little whore so far into the ocean that she'd probably surface in China. That is well put. Quote: I realise the mistakes I've made in the past with him. I will always, ALWAYS detest strippers, bachelor parties, and other women. But to get him back I'll do anything - instead of taking my jealousy and rage out on him, I'll channel it into exercising and starving myself till I'm thin, bleaching my hair blonde, learning how to strip/lapdance etc etc. Because, at the end of the day, he'll end up with someone who's not only beautiful but who also has the brains, personality and love for him that he deserves. Funny, I've been so f***** up in the head since I found out about my husband's strip club/lap dance experience that I did try to get my anger out by exercising more, I've lost over 10 lbs (I weighed 93 this morning and I feel sick), I got a couple of DVD's showing strip/lap dance moves, but I'm asian so the blond thing would be too ridiculous for me. I do have the brains, personality and love for him, but I'm not sure he deserves it-- 3 minutes for some "entertainment" has overturned 22 years of marriage.
Miss Jane Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 I'm as lucid as i'll ever get, americat. Try and look for as many cracks and weaknesses in my sanity as you want - you'll be looking for a long time. Yes I detest beautiful blonde women with nice bodies BECAUSE they have been born with something that lets them have happier and more successful lives than me. I'm just expected to wait around and pick up the crumbs. It f**king destroys me inside to know that despite all the popular crap perpetuated by society about earning happiness and success by using one's brains and accepting oneself, all that matters in the end is having a small waistline and a nice ass. I have tried to find self-worth and gain respect from others through my education, by being a decent person and by making the most of what ive been born with. But no matter how hard I try I'll never be valued as much as better looking girls. Next to a semi-literate skinny blonde stripper, I'm always going to be judged as just some fat unimportant brunette who's not even worth spitting on. And THAT is why I want to change myself, so that i'm good enough to win the same quality of life as strippers and hot girls. And when did I ever say that I wasn't in competition with the OW? Sorry you feel this way about yourself. The right person will love you just for you--any guy that doesn't isn't the guy for you. You need to feel better about yourself. Our society inundates us with so much emphasis on youth, beauty, and sex but it's not real--most of it is fake. I wouldn't say I think that strippers and hot girls have a particularly "good" quality of life. I'm sure their choices will have a long term affect on their lives. My husband was with a stripper (blond, of course) that is a senior in high school this year--I'm 48. We have an 18 year old daughter. Kind of brought me to a whole new level of disgust. But as my husband made clear to me--"who wants to look at 50 year old strippers? Of course they're young! "The beauty/youth thing is pretty hard on the ego. But I wonder how she'll look when she's my age. Be happy--life's short!
Miss Jane Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 I guess that is what is really bothering me......does he think about the lap dance, (her) did he get off??? and is afraid to tell me anything more about it.....he says no (does not want to hurt me anymore) he does not (cannot even remember the song or her name), do I believe him since the lying in the beginning????? I love my SO and do believe in my heart this was a form of cheating/or should I say a very bad lapse in judgement. I am not a prude but cannot beleive that for a 3-4 minute song with a naked beautiful blonde all over my mans areas, how do men not remember this? I feel all my intimacy has been taken away with my SO. She touched him with her breasts and her privates all over his privates ..that makes me mad and a little sick to death. Why would he have such curosity about a lapdance, he states he did not even know what one was so therefore had to try it since all his buddies were. After all these years I have curosities too but do I act on them, not if it would hurt him. Or was it just the time and place and men can just let it go? Please read some of my posts. I am also "still hurting".
Salicious Crumb Posted March 31, 2007 Posted March 31, 2007 Quote: I realise the mistakes I've made in the past with him. I will always, ALWAYS detest strippers, bachelor parties, and other women.. That last part....a woman saying she detests other women(although kind of a generalization), seems kind of narrow minded...but if you have been in this forum long enough, you realize that there might be a reason for saying that. There are plenty of women(and yes, there are men here that are the same way) on this forum that don't have any problem with sleeping with other women's husbands.
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