Married Men in Strip Clubs

[rainfall]

 

He looks at another woman because he is human. Just like you look at other men. There is a difference between looking and cheating. Looking at another woman is not because there are 'defects in you'. Seems like you are putting your own self-worth into all of this, which you should not be doing. If you base all his actions because what he thinks of you, then that will drive you insane.

 

 

I don't check other men out. I don't get all excited if some guy "hot." Sorry I just really don't see the point. I don't want them.

 

Also why in hell would I want my man to "pounce" on me after being in a strip club? I love sex but if I knew he had spent the past few hours in a strip club having some chick rub against him then I would probably cringe if he even tried to touch me.

 

Yes going to a strip club for me and my relatilonship is wrong and a deal breaker. I am better then the women there and I desreve to be treated that way. If you are ok with it in your realtionship thats great.

 

However do not tell me I am insecure, controlling, or whatever insult you chose just because I do not think the enviroment strip clubs provide is one my man should be in.

[AnneB49]

I don't check other men out. I don't get all excited if some guy "hot." Sorry I just really don't see the point. I don't want them.

 

Also why in hell would I want my man to "pounce" on me after being in a strip club? I love sex but if I knew he had spent the past few hours in a strip club having some chick rub against him then I would probably cringe if he even tried to touch me.

 

Yes going to a strip club for me and my relatilonship is wrong and a deal breaker. I am better then the women there and I desreve to be treated that way. If you are ok with it in your realtionship thats great.

 

However do not tell me I am insecure, controlling, or whatever insult you chose just because I do not think the enviroment strip clubs provide is one my man should be in.

 

I do not think you are any of those things...I just feel that men and women are different and have different ways of being in the world...Men are far more visual...I do not get turned on by naked men...on the other hand, I am not all that I was when I got married..you know 20 or so extra pounds...it takes a toll on our relationship...I can still please H and he knows it...but sometimes he needs a little extra to get him in the mood...

[rainfall]

I do not think you are any of those things...I just feel that men and women are different and have different ways of being in the world...Men are far more visual...I do not get turned on by naked men...on the other hand, I am not all that I was when I got married..you know 20 or so extra pounds...it takes a toll on our relationship...I can still please H and he knows it...but sometimes he needs a little extra to get him in the mood...

 

 

I don't care how "different" we are. He has no business whatsoever to go to a strip club. I have made it very clear that if he does he will no longer be a part of my life. He better not need anything extra to get himself going. Especially since I work my freakin butt off to stay looking good for him. I am actually alot smaller now then I was when we got together.

[LittleWoman12]

I don't check other men out. I don't get all excited if some guy "hot." Sorry I just really don't see the point. I don't want them.

 

Also why in hell would I want my man to "pounce" on me after being in a strip club? I love sex but if I knew he had spent the past few hours in a strip club having some chick rub against him then I would probably cringe if he even tried to touch me.

 

Yes going to a strip club for me and my relatilonship is wrong and a deal breaker. I am better then the women there and I desreve to be treated that way. If you are ok with it in your realtionship thats great.

 

However do not tell me I am insecure, controlling, or whatever insult you chose just because I do not think the enviroment strip clubs provide is one my man should be in.

Maybe you should go to the strip club with him. They do have couples night. I have done it with my BF and it was very enjoyable. Did you ever try getting a lap dance from another female? You should try it.

[rainfall]

Maybe you should go to the strip club with him. They do have couples night. I have done it with my BF and it was very enjoyable. Did you ever try getting a lap dance from another female? You should try it.

 

Why would I want some nasty chick to touch me? Why would I want her to touch me man. I don't need to try it to know it is not for me or my relationship. If I ever feel the need to bring a third party into my relationship that will be the day I end it.

 

The only person I have any desire to be touched in sexual way by is my boyfriend and he better treat me with the same respect or we will no longer be together

[AnneB49]

Why would I want some nasty chick to touch me? Why would I want her to touch me man. I don't need to try it to know it is not for me or my relationship. If I ever feel the need to bring a third party into my relationship that will be the day I end it.

 

The only person I have any desire to be touched in sexual way by is my boyfriend and he better treat me with the same respect or we will no longer be together

 

 

what is with the hostility? You are a very angry person it seems...

 

Life is supposed to be fun and full of pleasure...why does that have to include jealousy and possessiveness? Open you eyes and open you heart...there is so much out there in the world just waiting to be discovered...I mean how do you know if it is good or bad if you have not tried it? Did some book tell you?

[Wantingtogetitright]

I didn't realise I was opening such a massive can of worms when I posted my initial question. I really eanted to know if other women felt as I did that and from married men if they thought it was right or wrong, acceptable or not.

 

Before this thread degenerated into slanging match and getting nasty there were some very sensible comments from married men on their feelings and women on theirs.

 

This question was not about cheating, it was a plain and simple should they be in a strip club full stop. I can see some of you feel that attending is cheating, I don't in the "normal" sense of the word and have explained my reasons for being disgusted and hurt by it in previous threads.

 

Basically the difference in the 2 trains of thought here in the simplest form is that when it comes to sex, teasing, intimacy etc there are those that believe it is totally exclusive in all forms between a committed couple and those with more liberal views and deem it acceptable to do all of this bar actually having intercourse with someone else.

 

These 2 sides will never meet and we should stop attacking each other for these differing opinions.

 

In answer to someone elses question directly to me earlier, yes we have watched porn ocasionally together, neither got turned on by it, I saw it as more of an anatomy lession and realised that I have a very pretty little puss compared to some of these chicks with all dangly bits etc and he was asking questions like does would that do anything for you if I did that etc and me to him, shall I try that for you. But as a general rule, we don't really watch it. A night where we have cuddled and enjoyed a good movie or had a huge laugh or just simply enjoyed spending time with each other is what leads to the most mind blowing love making session. And yes it is different becuase it is is just between the two of us and no-one else. A dvd is an inanimate object and doesn't look at or judge us.

[Carbine]

you and I are so on the same page, I read your posts and think yup that's what I would have said.

 

It's nice to have someone agree with me for once!!

 

Wow.. so it serves her right that some guy drugged and raped her because she hung out at a SC?

 

She didn't get raped, she had her drink spiked but managed to find her friends and get out before anything happened. Basically the experience involved a lot of vomit on the taxi ride home and ****loads of money being wasted coz the taxi driver kept the metre running while she repeatedly puked by the side of the road.

 

I believe you are talking about yourself here. This why you are acting this way.

Riiiggght...and your evidence of this is...?

 

I agree but the more important thing is, what are you doing for yourself Are you getting the counseling you need? Are you getting the medication that you might need to allivate the destructive behavior that you are doing to yoruself?

 

Don't ever, EVER attempt to diagnose me like that again. Do you really think I'm going to medicate myself just to please a bunch of people who dont understand me? No way in HELL. This society is screwed if it believes that the best way to treat a problem is to zombify the person. FYI I've 'sought help' before, been on just about every antidepressant you can think of, spoken to all the councellors in the world and it just screwed my health up more in the long run. If the best way to treat my "mental illness" is to fog my mind so badly that I can't even put 2 and 2 together and allow myself to feel the resulting emotions from this, then f**k me, I'm happy to be a mental patient!!!

 

As for how your mind works? I disagree with you there. You are cutting yourself and going through deep depressions. You are going through mental torture which does not allow you to think with a clear mind.

 

You accuse me of twisting things to manipulate the argument in my favour yet you're guilty of doing exactly the same thing, but in a much more sly and underhanded way. Fair enough, cutting and whatnot may be a symptom of mental illness, but I will NOT be told by someone - especially someone without any medical qualifications - that my lack of mental clarity is due to a mental illness. My mind is perfectly clear, I understand myself better than most people, i have not lost the ability to reason, and most of all, I do NOT get into arguments that I can't win.

 

You falsely accusing me of mental illness is exactly the same as me apparently accusing others on here of cheating. In your own words, it's "disgusting".

 

IMO you need to relax, find a good counselor and find out exactly why you are doing the things you are doing. I feel this goes way beyond strip clubs here.

 

In case you hadn't realised, nothing exists in a vacuum - especially not strip clubs. While I admit that my problems with SC's are quite severe, I also have enough emotional intelligence to understand how the two are connected. And to realise that I have every right to feel that way. If men do not have this simple grasp of EI then they are the ones who need counselling.

[Carbine]

if done right, learned skills do have plenty to do with respect and values. for most people, it's how you learn values and gain character

 

Learning to suppress and doubt your own thoughts and feelings is not a skill, nor does is it conducive to respecting yourself and others. True individual values and strength of character come from within; from a solid grasp and understanding of your own feelings/reasons/thoughts and then being able to hold your own in a world with multitudes of individuals who may not agree with you.

 

Learned activities, say essay writing, debating, even anger management etc are skills that can be utilised to increase your chanches of maintaining or increasing your self respect and communicating your values appropriately. But I hardly think being taught the 'pleasures of the flesh' is the same sort of thing.

 

ps. She understands the reality that men are going to enjoy looking at the other flesh; stifling that in any way isn't going to work. And besides: When I get home, I pounce on her and give her all the affection (and sex) that she wants.

It's hard for us girls to understand, I know. But don't you take advantage of the situation when he gets home? I do!

 

OMG i still can't believe people happily say this without a care in the world. While the reasons for men attending SCs vary in their degree of legitimacy, this one IMHO does not even score 0.5% for legitimacy. It's a pathetic attempt to grasp the crumbs of the situation and I seriously doubt you two or anyone else who uses this ridiculous excuse actually believes what they're saying deep down. Lord, I feel embarrassed for you...

 

Maybe you should go to the strip club with him. They do have couples night. I have done it with my BF and it was very enjoyable. Did you ever try getting a lap dance from another female? You should try it.

 

And here's another one who's obviously misled. LittleWoman, did you actually find it 'enjoyable' to try and change your sexual orientation to suit your BF??

 

Life is supposed to be fun and full of pleasure...why does that have to include jealousy and possessiveness?

 

If that's the case then jealousy and possessiveness is the flipside of fun and pleasure. It's also probably safe to assume that if life is supposed to be about fun and pleasure, then humans are by nature hedonistic. So why should some s*ut be allowed to dip into my fountain of pleasure?? This makes perfect sense to me...

[rainfall]

what is with the hostility? You are a very angry person it seems...

 

Life is supposed to be fun and full of pleasure...why does that have to include jealousy and possessiveness? Open you eyes and open you heart...there is so much out there in the world just waiting to be discovered...I mean how do you know if it is good or bad if you have not tried it? Did some book tell you?

 

Life is fun for me. However I refuse to see cheating as fun. Yes I am possessive over my man because well he is mine. No no book told me strippers were bad. I just know that what I want in a relationship and being with someone who touches other women is not something I want.

 

Again I know I am better then these women and will not have my bf put them above me by paying them money to turn him on. I can do that myself for free. For him to have to pay someone to do it is well in my opinon pathetic.

[AnneB49]

If that's the case then jealousy and possessiveness is the flipside of fun and pleasure. It's also probably safe to assume that if life is supposed to be about fun and pleasure, then humans are by nature hedonistic. So why should some s*ut be allowed to dip into my fountain of pleasure?? This makes perfect sense to me...

 

I do not believe that I said that jealousy and possessiveness were the flipside of fun and pleasure...I only said they got in the way of that pursuit...

 

and yes Humans are by nature hedonistic...unless they had some ridiculous religious training when they were your to beat it out of them...

 

and why should you share your slut with another slut...because that if how we all have fun...I would be more than happy to send my H over to dip into your fountain...you would have to send a photo first to see if he would be interested...but it is OK by me

[AnneB49]

Life is fun for me. However I refuse to see cheating as fun. Yes I am possessive over my man because well he is mine. No no book told me strippers were bad. I just know that what I want in a relationship and being with someone who touches other women is not something I want.

 

Again I know I am better then these women and will not have my bf put them above me by paying them money to turn him on. I can do that myself for free. For him to have to pay someone to do it is well in my opinon pathetic.

 

paying a stripper is not cheating...not when he ends up in your bed...

[rainfall]

paying a stripper is not cheating...not when he ends up in your bed...

 

To you.... However in my relationship cheating is any type of sexual contact with someone other then me. If he does pay a stripper he better stay away from me and not even try to get near me or my bed ever again.

[AnneB49]

To you.... However in my relationship cheating is any type of sexual contact with someone other then me. If he does pay a stripper he better stay away from me and not even try to get near me or my bed ever again.

 

you are a tough one...you will lose more than one man that way...they all "cheat" if looking at another woman is cheating

[rainfall]

you are a tough one...you will lose more than one man that way...they all "cheat" if looking at another woman is cheating

 

Well I haven't lost my man yet. Lap dances is what I was saying is cheating though. Plus I would rather be single then a pathetic wimp who doesn't have the guts to leave a cheating loser. (Which in my case would be a lap dance)

[jmargel]

She didn't get raped, she had her drink spiked but managed to find her friends and get out before anything happened. Basically the experience involved a lot of vomit on the taxi ride home and ****loads of money being wasted coz the taxi driver kept the metre running while she repeatedly puked by the side of the road.

 

 

Don't ever, EVER attempt to diagnose me like that again. Do you really think I'm going to medicate myself just to please a bunch of people who dont understand me? No way in HELL. This society is screwed if it believes that the best way to treat a problem is to zombify the person. FYI I've 'sought help' before, been on just about every antidepressant you can think of, spoken to all the councellors in the world and it just screwed my health up more in the long run. If the best way to treat my "mental illness" is to fog my mind so badly that I can't even put 2 and 2 together and allow myself to feel the resulting emotions from this, then f**k me, I'm happy to be a mental patient!!!

 

 

You accuse me of twisting things to manipulate the argument in my favour yet you're guilty of doing exactly the same thing, but in a much more sly and underhanded way. Fair enough, cutting and whatnot may be a symptom of mental illness, but I will NOT be told by someone - especially someone without any medical qualifications - that my lack of mental clarity is due to a mental illness. My mind is perfectly clear, I understand myself better than most people, i have not lost the ability to reason, and most of all, I do NOT get into arguments that I can't win.

 

You falsely accusing me of mental illness is exactly the same as me apparently accusing others on here of cheating. In your own words, it's "disgusting".

 

 

In case you hadn't realised, nothing exists in a vacuum - especially not strip clubs. While I admit that my problems with SC's are quite severe, I also have enough emotional intelligence to understand how the two are connected. And to realise that I have every right to feel that way. If men do not have this simple grasp of EI then they are the ones who need counselling.

 

 

No I am not a medical doctor or a professional counselor but when you are telling me you cut yourself due to anxiety and other issues going on in your life, then yes that is a mental disorder. The solution is to not fog your brain to get past it, but to find the right doctor to give you the right treatment. I am not attacking you but trying to help you.

 

You and rainfall also talk about strippers being nasty.. They aren't.. They are just regular people like us.

[rainfall]

No I am not a medical doctor or a professional counselor but when you are telling me you cut yourself due to anxiety and other issues going on in your life, then yes that is a mental disorder. The solution is to not fog your brain to get past it, but to find the right doctor to give you the right treatment. I am not attacking you but trying to help you.

 

You and rainfall also talk about strippers being nasty.. They aren't.. They are just regular people like us.

 

I am nothing like a stripper. I respect myself. I am not a worthless human being like they are.

[Fiona]

Very interesting thread. Everyone to her own. I may be too liberal, but my Shrekky can wet his appetite where ever he wants, as long as he eats at home.

[1DeadB]

I am nothing like a stripper. I respect myself. I am not a worthless human being like they are.

 

 

What????

 

Do you have a clue?

[AnneB49]

I am nothing like a stripper. I respect myself. I am not a worthless human being like they are.

 

you might be surprised how many of the girls you currently know and respect have at at some time in the past (or even currently) worked as a stripper...

 

I had 4 girlfriends in grad school who earned their way through school stripping...they tried to talk me into it..I went a few times to check it out...decided I had too much stage fright...but my goodness they made a lot of money...I might add none of them felt taken advantage of...more like they felt empowered...every man in this room wants me...and all that...they also had the best wardrobes in school...two nights work and then a massive shopping trip...it was crazy to watch...on the other hand I got the castoffs when they got bored with the clothes...lucky me

[Sevenmack]

rainfall said: I am nothing like a stripper. I respect myself. I am not a worthless human being like they are.

 

Apparently you don't know any strippers. They are like most people: Some sweet, some wonderful, some awful as human beings, some in between. The fact that they are strippers does not, as you think, make them "worthless human beings." And actually, one can say, based on your statement, that you're actually talking about yourself. After all, it takes one to know one.

[typical]

If it is ONLY entertainment it can be easily let go of for other more acceptable means of entertainment. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO GO TO A SC--IT IS NOT A LIFE OR DEATH NEED.

 

That was the point I was trying to make. If it is only entertainment, why then is there such a struggle and emotional temper tantrums over the right to watch jiggling tits?? If it hurts your partner emotionally, if you go, can you not compromise and watch a porno together instead, to satisfy the overwhelming and overpowering urge (which I think is a crock of $hit anyway) to stare at the OTHER flesh?

[Sevenmack]

The issue isn't whether or not one wants to see tits. Nor is it a life-or-death discussion. The issue is about control, trust and misplaced fears, plain and simple.

 

First, there is the misplaced fears underlying the arguments by those opposed to strip clubs that their spouses will stray. Again, the problem ultimately isn't the stripper or the lapdance, but within the marriage itself. If the communication is weak in the marriage and you're not willing to trust or grow with your significant other, banning them from the stripclub or the nightclub won't do a thing to improve the relationship.

 

Which goes to trust. Be honest: You don't trust your spouse. On that score, you need to figure out if the problem is some behavior or action the spouse did that caused you to lose trust in him (or her). Or is it something within you, a problem with trusting people with which you must deal. If you don't resolve that problem, a stripper won't even be close to a major problem.

 

Then there is control: Instead of dealing with your spouse as a human being with desires and needs, who occasionally enjoys looking at other women, you want to basically program him to look at you and you alone. That's not even close to reality. Women are women and men are men; the latter crave looking at the flesh while the former generally crave security; a stripper is an alleged threat to the security and wellbeing of the former in their mind.

 

This also explains the reason why many women hate strippers: They think instinctively, based on centuries of programming, that any other woman who shows their wares to their men is attempting to take their property i.e. their men. But that instinct backs to the days when the only source of wealth for women were their men. In this day in age, with working women of all kinds -- including strippers -- earning their own keep, this is a silly notion. The stripper doesn't want your man, just their money. And that's respectable: We pay athletes for displaying their physical prowess.

 

The problem lies within you. The men who enjoy strip clubs and the women who allow them to do so don't seem to be all that excorcised over the matter. It's the rest of you.

[jmargel]

I am not a worthless human being like they are.

 

I'm done with this thread. I refuse to even carry a conversation with you when you can degrade someone like that. You are very ignorant and disrespectful. I hope one day that you will grow up and mature.

[1DeadB]

The issue isn't whether or not one wants to see tits. Nor is it a life-or-death discussion. The issue is about control, trust and misplaced fears, plain and simple.

 

First, there is the misplaced fears underlying the arguments by those opposed to strip clubs that their spouses will stray. Again, the problem ultimately isn't the stripper or the lapdance, but within the marriage itself. If the communication is weak in the marriage and you're not willing to trust or grow with your significant other, banning them from the stripclub or the nightclub won't do a thing to improve the relationship.

 

Which goes to trust. Be honest: You don't trust your spouse. On that score, you need to figure out if the problem is some behavior or action the spouse did that caused you to lose trust in him (or her). Or is it something within you, a problem with trusting people with which you must deal. If you don't resolve that problem, a stripper won't even be close to a major problem.

 

Then there is control: Instead of dealing with your spouse as a human being with desires and needs, who occasionally enjoys looking at other women, you want to basically program him to look at you and you alone. That's not even close to reality. Women are women and men are men; the latter crave looking at the flesh while the former generally crave security; a stripper is an alleged threat to the security and wellbeing of the former in their mind.

 

This also explains the reason why many women hate strippers: They think instinctively, based on centuries of programming, that any other woman who shows their wares to their men is attempting to take their property i.e. their men. But that instinct backs to the days when the only source of wealth for women were their men. In this day in age, with working women of all kinds -- including strippers -- earning their own keep, this is a silly notion. The stripper doesn't want your man, just their money. And that's respectable: We pay athletes for displaying their physical prowess.

 

The problem lies within you. The men who enjoy strip clubs and the women who allow them to do so don't seem to be all that excorcised over the matter. It's the rest of you.

 

 

I agree, if more women new the truth, there would be less controversy about exotic dancers and strip clubs.