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Confessions of a bad boy friend...

Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 14th December 2011, 5:16 PM   #31
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Its been a few weeks since my last post so I thought I would update you guys and get some direction...

The verdict?...we'll Me and GF have been going to counciling which seemed to help for about five minutes...We argue and fight...say mean and horrible, damaging things to each other..I think about her cheating all the time..i dream about my past gf almost every i write this out my stomach cringes at the realization that she is the one that got away....will let you know if the pain goes away or if i can put her behind me and move on and crawl out of this pit of misery im in......
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Old 15th December 2011, 10:30 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by sour_pikle View Post

The only thing that made me do this (i think) was the fact that i had never been with anyone else really...i didn't know what was out there.
This is where your problem lies, not so much your exGF. Perhaps you feel you haven't experienced enough of life? It sounds like you've only dated two women long term, correct?

In my opinion you shouldn't contact your exGF just yet. You don't know what's going on in her life right now AND don't think you're sure it's her, or current GF, or that you want to date other women. Leave your ex alone to live her life. What makes you so sure you won't cheat on her again?

Whatever you do, if you choose to date other women, you need to leave your GF first. If your heart isn't in the R anymore, leave. Good excuse she cheated and you're having second thoughts. No guilt in being honest to yourself and people around you.

Also you're hardly a bad boy. Atleast you have a conscience. You should see some of the crap my friends go through.
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Old 19th December 2011, 2:54 PM   #33
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Originally Posted by Just_A_Poster View Post SOOOO remind me of George Costanza on Seinfeld. He was going slowly insane, feeling trapped by his relationship with his fiancee, Susan. He finally manned up and made the break he'd been wanting to make.

Within a week, he was moping and crying about what a horrible mistake he'd made, and he'd do ANYTHING to get this girl back because she was 'the one' and he was heartbroken and all that.
"hey, if you happen to see the most beautiful girl"

Well, he got her back.

And within days, he was right back to crying the blues about how miserable he was with her. It seems you always want what you CAN'T have. The quote someone posted earlier was right on the nose - happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you've got.
"This was suppose to be the summer of George!!!"
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Old 28th March 2012, 5:02 PM   #34
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Well today I'm feeling good. It's been a little over three months since my last post.

Since then, I've decided to remain with my current gf (baby mama) during her pregnancy. I want to be able to say I did the right thing when that child is older. so for now, I have decided to put myself and my selfish additude aside for the sake of this child. Though, I must say our realationship has not progressed forward much at all. Fights are massive, but I've resorted to hiding in my car or taking off for an hour to avoid fighting and name calling that has been coming from her lately.

Today, the reason I'm feeling good is cause I was in contact with my ex (the girl i cheated on like an *******). She had sent me an email letting me know that she was moving out of thr province for the summer and that I had a few mailing adress changes to make that were still arriving at our old apartment. I called her cell to ask what mail was still arriving at her apartment as i had no idea there was mail still being adressed to there.

Anyway, I kept the call brief and only said nice things usuing my business phone call voice. She explained what mail I needed to change, and also (which I found odd) told me that she was moving at the end of april. I acted uninterested and did not respond aside from saying "right on" and quickly told her to "take care" and tahnks for letting me know I had mail after over a year of it being sent there.

Why do I feel good? I'm not sure really we exchanged an email or two after the call and I told her I was glad we were finally able to speak in a civil manner and that I wished her luck with her travels. She casually said where she would be moving to and when she planned on coming back and that she would "catch ya on the flip side ". I felt so good just to be on speaking terms with her. Its been over a year since we spoke like we used to. I feel good about it cause i'm maturing I guess..I know that even if love dosen't find away and that were not meant to be, we still have the memories of each other and everything we taught each other about loving another person, the good and the bad. I walked away from my contact with ehr feeling good about where my life was headed and i haven't felf like that in awhile. her forgivness for my actions was a major weight lifted for me....even though I know I still love her..I guess im starting to learn how to love her while not being with her.

Now, if I coudl just get me and my gf back on track and figure out things with this baby maybe I'll actually get back to sleeping and eating properly???
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Old 29th May 2012, 5:25 PM   #35
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is anyone reading this??? anyway....

My son was born this month, healthy and happy. I can only thank god for that one, and i'm not even religous at all! lol It is the best and scariest feeling in the world all at the same time. It's even scarier to look at the child and he really mine, that kind of thinking can and IS starting to mess me up alittle. Possibly an understandble thought after all the bull**** that led up to my son coming into this world.

Still can't get her off my mind....everyday and every dream.....her her her!
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Old 29th May 2012, 6:10 PM   #36
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DNA test results when? Whose name is on the child's birth certificate?

Are you still in counseling? I wish you the best.
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Old 29th May 2012, 6:13 PM   #37
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Congratulations Sour!! I just read your threads today, and yes, what a mess you made of things! It does sound like you have done a lot of soul searching and are doing your best to do the right thing.

Have you gotten a paternity test yet?

Your newborn deserves a happy loving home.. can you provide this for him? If you do not love his mother, yet stay with her because of your son, that will not make you happy. If you are not happy with yourself you may not be the best role model for your son.

Some other poster said that you owe it to your son to stay with his mother. I disagree.

What "your" child needs is a happy stable home. You cannot achieve this if there is no love, no trust, no respect, between you and his mother.

Regardless, take this time to enjoy him, and best of luck to you!
You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. ~Dr. Seuss
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Old 29th May 2012, 6:56 PM   #38
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I agree with Spark. You have a child with the OW, not your ex. It sucks that you cheated and broke your ex's heart...but here the OW is the one you have a child with. It would be far better if you were with her, you made no vows to your ex. If you love your new woman, make it work with her for your child's sake. She loves you, you haven't betrayed her, you have a better relationship with her anyway. You should break contact with your ex completely, let her get over you and give your new woman some piece of mind and security that you are with her whole heartedly.
Without truth first, actions will be based on lies and misinformation.
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Old 30th May 2012, 6:43 PM   #39
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This si2ation is still nothing but a pathetic mess.

Find out if the baby is yours (though it is probably 2 late if you're on the birth certificate). End contact with your ex and tell your GF about it.

What am I saying? You're not married and aren't capable of acting like you are, so why try?

You are all very young and have a lot of growing up 2 do before you can have healthy relationships (with other people, not each other!).

-ol' 2long
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Old 12th June 2012, 10:07 AM   #40
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I think...well, actually I know that in the long run this isn't going to work out with the OW. She has some deep childhood issues that have never been addressed. The things I've heard out of this girls mouth, it's no wonder that I miss my ex, that realationship was pure bliss compared to this girl.

But, now there is a child in the mix and we can't take that back. My name is indeed on the BS. I was in the delivery room after all. and we have not been to councellig because my gf believes that she has not time or energy to continue going.
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Old 12th June 2012, 10:55 AM   #41
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So what's your plan?

Shamble on along with your relationship the way it is, generally unhappy until the next big blowup?

Or do you want the situation to change?

Personally, I'm a great believer in ultimatums if you're willing to enforce consequences if they're not met.

If you don't want to stay like this...INSIST on what changes you need to happen...but be ready to implement consequences (that are defined and communicated beforehand) if she refuses to cooperate.

If you're so darned unhappy...enforce change, or end the relationship.
"Do, or do not. There is no try." -Yoda
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Old 13th June 2012, 2:34 PM   #42
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I wish an ultimatum would work...if I could stick to my guns and mean what i have said to her I would have moved out atleast a dozen times. I have no idea why I let her call me down and scream and yell??.

.....i have this great notion inside my head that, because of what i did in the past (cheat), that i am in someway punishing myself for my mistreatment of the women that cared for me thus paying my debt to myself and the people I hurt. Alittle bit of self inflicted pain I guess....

but then my other thought is that maybe im just too weak to leave, maybe im afraid to actually be on my own.

All i know is that something has to happen quick....if I get called a loser or told that I should just die cause my son is gunna think im a loser or she spits in my face again i may finally snap and give her a taste of what it feels like to be treated like dog
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Old 14th June 2012, 6:23 PM   #43
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Did you get a DNA test done yet to find out if he actually is your son...??
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Old 17th June 2012, 6:18 PM   #44
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I don't think you really ought to be with the OW at this point, because whether you admit it or not, she is "second best" for you, and she probably knows it deep inside. She was the repair kit that you resorted to in order to fix your "real" relationship, and you went with her because you had screwed up with your SO. She's a consolation prize.

That happens to a lot of OW/OM because their affair partner wasn't fully available emotionally to them at the beginning, because they were cheating, and many, like you, carry unresolved issues forward with them into the second relationship. Very few relationships between cheaters and their OW or OM work; there's too much baggage.

If you do want to have something workable with the OW, get couples counseling with her, and be honest, and start with working on the roles that you both played in this way back when. And break off contact with your former GF, because in your case, she's now like an OW for you.

If you don't want the OW really, or aren't sure whether you do or not, get counseling anyway, for your own sake--you call this a mistake, and maybe it was, but it's certainly ruining your life now.

And last, but certainly not least, get counseling for the sake of the child.
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Old 17th June 2012, 9:24 PM   #45
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Originally Posted by sour_pikle View Post
The sound of my gf crying and asking why is a sound that i will carry to my grave with me...
I respect you for making a mental snapshot of what you did to her.

You speak of self inflicted punishment. Here it is: OWN THAT MISTAKE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Then you can forgive yourself for the mistake of a flawed boy and begin to grow into a man with stronger integrity. If you ever greedily allow yourself to forget it, you could find yourself repeating it.

Moving forward. If it were me, I'd need to know if that baby was really mine. Thinking he may be another mans child could maybe plant a seed of resentment in every interaction you ever share. I would hate myself for letting that child grow up with any bit of my full love reserved away from him.

Once you know the truth about the baby, then you can fully decide your hearts intent in regards to building a family.
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