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Did i ruin it or he ghosted me ?


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

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Old 13th March 2019, 3:48 AM   #121
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Originally Posted by toomanyquestions123 View Post
You are all absolutely right !!! I don't know why i bother myself with this and I am still not really invested in him. Yesterday after work, he called me and asked me if i want to have dinner and watch a DVD at his place. I went there, we ordered salads and started a new series on Netflix. This guy is just the way he is, i do think he is interested but i think he has a lot of other stuff on his mind ( his job, football, PS4 games addiction ) that he makes me believe that he is not interested. That's the way he is, I am gonna either take it or leave it. He didn't even try to touch me while i was just sitting close to him lol. We just held hands and hugged me when i left lol.
So what are you going to do?
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Old 13th March 2019, 3:58 AM   #122
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So what are you going to do?
I absolutely don't know He is not even my type. I am not body shaming or something but his lifestyle is completely unhealthy, he doesnt have food during the day and when he comes home he orders a burger or something fattening. He smokes at least one pack per day, and he is over 230 lbs and he doesnt think he should do any activity to lose weight. He is a handsome guy but he is neglecting himself a lot, concentrating on other stuff.

He is really bad in communicating yes, his lifestyle is unhealthy yes, but on the other hand we have the same common cultural and religious background, he has a decent job, owns a very beautiful house and a really nice car. We both are introverts and like to stay home and watch Netflix and we both are food fanatics.
As bad as he is in communication, but i know he is not dating me for sex. Because he never mentions it, and we have seen each other 5 times so far and he would only hold and kiss my hand.

So I am torn in between if I should be patient or just let it go and thats why I am dwelling on it.

Last edited by toomanyquestions123; 13th March 2019 at 5:10 AM..
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Old 13th March 2019, 7:38 AM   #123
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First positive thing youíve mentioned about him is his money.
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Old 13th March 2019, 9:05 AM   #124
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First positive thing youíve mentioned about him is his money.
I just meant he is financially stable. Something important to take into consideration given that i am looking for something serious.
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Old 13th March 2019, 1:39 PM   #125
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I just meant he is financially stable. Something important to take into consideration given that i am looking for something serious.
Hmm I donít really care about how much money someone makes. It would be nice to be married to someone and not have to work lol but I would preffer to struggle with someone that makes me feel secure not financially but emotionally.

Anyways, if he hasnít made a move or anything maybe heís just taking it super slow? Lol heís probably shy ..one of you will have to make the first move if you want it to get there.
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Old 13th March 2019, 3:14 PM   #126
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I

So I am torn in between if I should be patient or just let it go and thats why I am dwelling on it.
Say you choose to be patient

What are you patiently waiting for exactly?

For him to change?
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Old 13th March 2019, 6:32 PM   #127
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I absolutely don't know He is not even my type. I am not body shaming or something but his lifestyle is completely unhealthy, he doesnt have food during the day and when he comes home he orders a burger or something fattening. He smokes at least one pack per day, and he is over 230 lbs and he doesnt think he should do any activity to lose weight. He is a handsome guy but he is neglecting himself a lot, concentrating on other stuff.

He is really bad in communicating yes, his lifestyle is unhealthy yes, but on the other hand we have the same common cultural and religious background, he has a decent job, owns a very beautiful house and a really nice car. We both are introverts and like to stay home and watch Netflix and we both are food fanatics.
As bad as he is in communication, but i know he is not dating me for sex. Because he never mentions it, and we have seen each other 5 times so far and he would only hold and kiss my hand.

So I am torn in between if I should be patient or just let it go and thats why I am dwelling on it.

I think you are dwelling on it because your intuition is telling you something isn't right. I did not read the entire thread but read the first page and last. You yourself seem lukewarm about this guy and maybe that's why you are questioning things.

What you wrote about him does not suggest that he is a good long term prospect just because he has a nice house, car, financially stable, etc. I dated a great guy who was not healthy, had money, drove a Mercedes and was a smoker and a slob. I wanted to be into this guy because he was great to me and great on paper, but I wasn't aching to be with him because his habits turned me off. Not sure if you feel that way but from what I read it came across as though you were uncomfortable by those habits or qualities. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone more health conscious, that's pretty important in my book, and to many people.

From what I understand you are feeling anxiety because you are hoping that things will 'ignite' a little faster? I would say that yours and his interest level are both at the lower spectrum and also possibly due to his social anxieties or lifestyle habits/communication issues. I personally wouldn't stick this one out just because he looks good on paper financially. Unless you feel so strongly you just can't imagine this guy in your life, but I'm not hearing that.

As far as the communication, as you know, when someone is into you, they want to be in communication. They won't let a day pass, it will be too hard.

Best of luck.

Last edited by littlebridge; 13th March 2019 at 6:36 PM..
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Old 13th March 2019, 7:14 PM   #128
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I have some insecurities due to my past break-ups and would overthink if someone doesn't text me for a whole day. He did not ghost me so it's either one of those scenarios:

1. He has anxiety disorders and since he is busy and overloaded at work, he is not really thinking about me right now.
2. He is not that into me.
3. He doesn't think he has to text me all the time, everyday ( although he did since we matched on tinder ).
I'm sorry. All three. He's not thinking about you right now because he's too busy and has anxiety disorders, AND he's not that into you. He doesn't think he has to text you all the time (you mean daily?) because he's not thinking about you and isn't that into you. A guy who is doesn't have three dates with you in the first month. You know this. One day passing without texting or call is reasonable, but if you're finding you only text a few times a week it's not really promising. I think perfectly acceptable in the first couple weeks or so of dating but once you're into each other that changes. You're not into each other from everything I'm reading.

I'll give you a comparison. I met a guy that I matched with on Bumble in mid-October. Before we met in person he contacted me daily for 2 weeks until our date happened. We met on our first date, he asked me for the second the same night, later that week we had our second date, asked me for the third that night, and not one single day has gone by (not ONE single day) that he hasn't been in contact with me. I get the 'good morning' and 'sweet dreams' and/or 'let me know when you get home safely' every single day. We've been dating 5 months as of yesterday. It's not too much to ask, but you are trying to fit a round peg into a square hole with this guy. Not worth it.
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Old 13th March 2019, 7:23 PM   #129
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Ugh! if you feel you have to instruct someone in how to date you, don't date them. Date those who treat you the way you want to be treated...pretty simple.
Omg this! And even if you do let him know what you want and he still do the opposite? You got to let it go!
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Old 14th March 2019, 3:49 AM   #130
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Thank you all for following up with my long thread. This guy seems into me and not into me at the same time. I mean if he was not into me, he wouldn't try to fix things with me after 1 month of cutting things off. He apologized as if we were a couple and he wanted to fix things. Second thing, after my communication conversation with him, i realized that this is how he is, he started calling me once per day to catch up, not a day passes where he wouldnt communicate, but it is only once per day. 2 days ago he invited me to his place. But no good morning/goodnight from his side. I decided i will give it a final one month last chance. I am anyway talking to another guy in parallel, it is not like i missing out my chances. Let's see.
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Old 14th March 2019, 6:00 PM   #131
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I don't understand how can someone be handsome and fat.. anyways.
I think you just like the idea of having a guy in your life that is into you calls you sees you compliments you. So as long as he's somehow decent you'd do it with him? I don't see how you like this guy for who he is.
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Old 19th March 2019, 4:06 AM   #132
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I don't understand how can someone be handsome and fat.. anyways.
I think you just like the idea of having a guy in your life that is into you calls you sees you compliments you. So as long as he's somehow decent you'd do it with him? I don't see how you like this guy for who he is.
You re totally right, it's a shame that i am giving a chance to someone that obviously i don't like, doesnt add anything to my life, is super lazy and shows minimum interest in me. Actually i went to his place on Friday night, as usual ordered food and watched Netflix, fell asleep while i was there, so i went back home. He barely texted me or contacted me since then and barely replied to my texts. Such a waste of time, this is it, that was his chance, he took it and he ruined it. I gave him a chance because i know he is on Seroxat ( SSRI ) and xanax and thought his behavior is affiliated to his mental issues and medications but im not an emotional charity. This is it, it is over.
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Old 19th March 2019, 5:15 AM   #133
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How does one even ďbarelyĒ text? Is that even a thing..?

I will say this one last time: You will not become more attracted to someone if they text you more. You might get a bit high on sweet talk and attention for a while - but thatís not a good foundation for a lasting relationship.

Stop trying to find excuses to dump him when the real reason is that you simply arenít that into him. My point is: You donít need a silly excuse - not being attracted to him is a perfectly valid reason not to continue this.
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Old 19th March 2019, 10:08 AM   #134
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How does one even ďbarelyĒ text? Is that even a thing..?

I will say this one last time: You will not become more attracted to someone if they text you more. You might get a bit high on sweet talk and attention for a while - but thatís not a good foundation for a lasting relationship.

Stop trying to find excuses to dump him when the real reason is that you simply arenít that into him. My point is: You donít need a silly excuse - not being attracted to him is a perfectly valid reason not to continue this.
No, i am not attracted to this version of him that i know is temporary because he is on medications and he is not okay. If he was mentally stable, i would have, and thats why i agreed to give it another shot because i thought he is feeling better now. Anyway is seems like he ghosted me because i sent him a message yesterday night telling him i want to talk to you, he read it and he didn't answer. WHATEVER. He was the one who wanted another shot. NEXT
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Old 19th March 2019, 10:20 AM   #135
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Well from the way you talk about him this is a good thing that this happened and you can finally end it with him and find the man who eats healthy, doesn't smoke and wants to have sex with you.
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