LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

I need help with my girlfriend, I’m freaking out!?


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

Like Tree117Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 1st January 2018, 12:33 PM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 65
I need help with my girlfriend, I’m freaking out!?

My girlfriend sent me this today and I know she has been dealing with family issues relating to her grandmother is very sick of cancer and may pass away anytime and I gave her nothing but support and love I donít understand I told her Iím not leaving her side and this is not the right Choice. Weíre in a long distance relationship and she was supposed to Come or Christmas but her family needed her due to this. I can tell sheís extremely stressed and confused but I donít know what to do I donít want to leave her and Iím confused why she wants to leave me... I know she is going through a lot of emotions and we had this talk last week she brought up ďfriendsĒ I said no we need to get through this together and I thought we were okay and now this:
I even offered to go there to be with her and she said No, Some things I need to deal alone..

ďI need to be there for my family right now and I canít do both. I have been snappy at you and everyone else and Itís not fair on you and itís not fair on me or them. Weíve barely spoken in the last few days. And you will always mean the world to me. I just canít do this right now. Iíll always be here for you and you are the most amazing person who deserves someone who can give you all the time and attention you deserve and that person canít be me. Thank you for everything youíve done for me and Iíve had the most amazing times with you, but I need to work on myself and my familyís happiness right now before I can make anyone else happy. Itís making us both stressed and anxious and itís not good and I think deep down you know it.Ē
Hockey52 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2018, 12:57 PM   #2
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 27,662
LDRs are stressful in & of themselves. This woman has a lot on her plate & she doesn't want to continue putting forth the effort to sustain an LDR. She is also setting you free to find an easier, more local relationship with somebody who can be there for you in physical & emotional ways she can't.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2018, 1:02 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Marc878's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,478
In essence you got dumped in the nicest way she knew.

If you're smart you'll let this go. Doing the needy, clingy pestering with texts and calls will get you nothing here.

Good luck on your new journey
Marc878 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2018, 1:04 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
LDRs are stressful in & of themselves. This woman has a lot on her plate & she doesn't want to continue putting forth the effort to sustain an LDR. She is also setting you free to find an easier, more local relationship with somebody who can be there for you in physical & emotional ways she can't.
yes she does have a lot on her plate but thatís not s reason to give it up. I was ready to do anything for her and she knows it. I Told her I would not leave her side I donít care.. she didnít wish me happy new year today, but this is a petty breakup I feel she will come back because I honestly canít picture being with anyone else I Love her more than anything I told her that....
Hockey52 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2018, 1:07 PM   #5
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 27,662
I get that you love her. But since she's the one who initiated the break up the fact that you love her doesn't matter.

Let me ask you some Qs:

1. How did you meet?

2. Have you ever dated conventionally, in the same place?

3. How far apart are you? How long will it take you to travel to her & by car or plane?

4. What was the plan to close the distance gap & in what time frame?

If you are very far apart & there is no plan to close the gap, she may be telling you that there is someone closer who she is leaning on now for support.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2018, 1:10 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Marc878's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,478
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hockey52 View Post
yes she does have a lot on her plate but thatís not s reason to give it up. I was ready to do anything for her and she knows it. I Told her I would not leave her side I donít care.. she didnít wish me happy new year today, but this is a petty breakup I feel she will come back because I honestly canít picture being with anyone else I Love her more than anything I told her that....
You are projecting your feelings onto her. It's very obvious she doesn't feel that way about you. Hence the breakup.

Cut any contact. If you chase they move farther away.
Marc878 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2018, 1:11 PM   #7
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 4,327
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hockey52 View Post
yes she does have a lot on her plate but thatís not s reason to give it up. I was ready to do anything for her and she knows it. I Told her I would not leave her side I donít care.. she didnít wish me happy new year today, but this is a petty breakup I feel she will come back because I honestly canít picture being with anyone else I Love her more than anything I told her that....
It's a good enough reason for her, though. You don't have to agree. She doesn't want the added pressure of having to meet someone else's needs right now.
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2018, 1:12 PM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
I get that you love her. But since she's the one who initiated the break up the fact that you love her doesn't matter.

Let me ask you some Qs:

1. How did you meet? We Met on Vaction, it was an instant connection.

2. Have you ever dated conventionally, in the same place? Yes

3. How far apart are you? How long will it take you to travel to her & by car or plane?
I Live in Toronto Canada and sheís in the UK so 6.5 Hour Flight
4. What was the plan to close the distance gap & in what time frame?
The plan was she needed to finish school next year and for the time being she was supposed to come for Christmas, then I was going in February and then she would come for Easter and then stay and work here all summer and restart the cycle till she finishes school there and then she wanted to come here for school . So everything was planned thatís what she wanted to do...

If you are very far apart & there is no plan to close the gap, she may be telling you that there is someone closer who she is leaning on now for support.

And I Hope there isnít anyone else she knows how much I love her and sheís been here a few times she met my family and friends already too.. so I donít understand... I even offered to fly there to offer my physical support..
Hockey52 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2018, 1:13 PM   #9
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 4,327
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hockey52 View Post
And I Hope there isnít anyone else she knows how much I love her and sheís been here a few times she met my family and friends already too.. so I donít understand... I even offered to fly there to offer my physical support..
Why didn't you answer any of donnivain's questions?
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2018, 1:15 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
It's a good enough reason for her, though. You don't have to agree. She doesn't want the added pressure of having to meet someone else's needs right now.
Yes but thatís not a real relationship or Love like she said to me always. ď I Love you moreĒ I told her these are the times you need support the most not just throw it away...
Hockey52 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2018, 1:16 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Marc878's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,478
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hockey52 View Post
And I Hope there isnít anyone else she knows how much I love her and sheís been here a few times she met my family and friends already too.. so I donít understand... I even offered to fly there to offer my physical support..
Your love for her has you blinded at this time.

You're in total denial of where she's at. She's told you and shown you it's over but you refuse to believe her?

That is going yo be your problem at this time
Marc878 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2018, 1:17 PM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
Why didn't you answer any of donnivain's questions?
I did answer them
Hockey52 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2018, 1:19 PM   #13
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 27,662
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hockey52 View Post
And I Hope there isnít anyone else she knows how much I love her and sheís been here a few times she met my family and friends already too.. so I donít understand... I even offered to fly there to offer my physical support..
You offering to fly there was sweet but don't you get it ? It's not enough. You can't very well stay there indefinitely while her grandmother is dying. If you can relocate now to where she is, I suppose on that basis you could try to get her to change her mind but you shouldn't move on the chance that she will say yes.

At this point you are sad & you feel blindsided. You are lost & casting about for any hope. Problem is, that hope is just not there. She wants out. It doesn't matter how much you love her. She's done

The best thing you can do for yourself is accept that so you can start your grieving process that will eventually lead to healing.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2018, 1:19 PM   #14
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 4,327
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hockey52 View Post
I did answer them
Oh sorry!
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st January 2018, 1:21 PM   #15
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 4,327
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hockey52 View Post
Yes but thatís not a real relationship or Love like she said to me always. ď I Love you moreĒ I told her these are the times you need support the most not just throw it away...
You told her. What is she telling you? She doesn't want this right now. It's too much pressure.
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Freaking out when girlfriend suggested breakup drove her away eightninevision Breaks and Breaking Up 17 22nd November 2015 10:17 PM
Girlfriend watches lesbian porn and it's freaking me out keegan1 Dating 58 1st November 2015 11:35 PM
Girlfriend freaking out about my location Medium.Lumo Dating 87 5th April 2014 11:59 AM
Girlfriend wants a baby im freaking out fernendo Dating 40 30th May 2013 6:07 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 9:34 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.