[Teacher's Pet]

*Rocky theme plays in the background*

I've been fat pretty much all my life.

When I was about 8, I was the "cute chubby kid" because I had "baby fat"

Now it's 36 year old fat, and about to turn 37.

For the last 12 years, I've "experimented" with various weight loss plans, diets, exercise regimens, etc... My weight has fluctuated nearly 100 pounds in that time period.

The day I got on a scale (sometime in 1996) and saw that I was about 3 Twinkies from 400 (yes, FOUR HUNDRED) pounds, I knew ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH.

With the help of a nutritionist, I went from 395 to about 300 in just a few short months.

Job stress, my girlfriend's miscarriage, and other issues contributed to putting the weight back on.

About 6 years ago, I flirted with the idea of weight-loss surgery, but abandoned it for personal reasons (a story for another day)

3 years ago, on a whim, I joined a gym. For the first 2-3 months, I worked with a personal trainer, and even though I didn't go too much on my own when it wasn't time for my PT sessions, I did lose some weight, but did gain a lot of muscle. (My arms are fairly solid, considering my weight)....

Then.... I met "The Teacher". Somehow, she "fell in love" (note the quotes...we know the real deal) with the person I was inside, so of course, I pretty much stopped working out and taking care of myself.

Over the course of our relationship/engagement, I started overeating again. Being the vindictive and abusive woman she was, she used my weight as something to always attack me with.

I know in a relationship, it's normal for one partner to make comments like that about another in order to motivate them to improve, but she did nothing of the sort. All she did was hurt me. It was bad enough to feel awful about being overweight, but she made me feel like I was less than human. In one breathe, I was some fat a-hole, and in the next, I was her personal sex toy. It was a mixed message which didn't make sense, yet was very unhealthy for me emotionally.

Right after we broke up, I weighed myself. I was actually down a few pounds from my previous weighing (probably a year prior), but I fell into a deep depression and put the weight back on, once again.

That's about the time I found LoveShack.

2 weeks ago, I was joking around with a couple of my female co-workers who said they were going to help "Sexify" me. They told me that I'm cute, but with some weight loss, I'd be hot.

When 2 twenty-something chicks tell you that, it makes you really want to at least give it a try.

Fortunately, I've never missed a payment on my gym membership, so after using Mapquest to figure out where it is again (haha), I started working out again. I can honestly say I've missed working out on a regular basis.

Prior to last week, I've been to the gym only a handful of times in the last year, but I've gone 3 times in the last week. I really did miss it!

One thing I have going for me is that despite the stereotype, I'm not a couch potato. Sure, I have my moments when a game is on, or if a cool new video game comes out, but I live a VERY active lifestyle, especially when it comes to my job.

Where I work, I'm on my feet anywhere from 6-12 hours at a time, pretty much running around the whole time, and mid-week, I do a LOT of heavy lifting (beer kegs, cases of wine, etc...). I do not sit around! I like to think of myself as an "athletic fat guy".

My main problem is that I eat the wrong foods. It's not even a matter of eating too much, I'm just weak when it comes to good food. I'm spoiled. I work in a restaurant that has gotten 3 and 4 star reviews, and I eat for free. I even "pick" in the kitchen during the slow times.

I'm also quite a good cook in my own right, so I know how to make some awesome, though unhealthy dishes.

In my weight-loss pursuits, I've learned a little about healthy cooking, so I've always tried to substitute healthier ingredients whenever possible.. I don't use much oil any more (PAM cooking spray, etc...), a rarely add salt, if ever, and I eat a lot of "good carbs" (whole wheat breads, rice, etc...)

Now that I am in my late 30's, it's time to really get serious.....

.....(long pause while I contemplate writing what I'm thinking).....

When I was planning on having weight-loss surgery 5 years ago, I went through a lot of the required preliminary examinations. One of the specialists I visited, a pulmonary doctor (lungs/breathing/etc.) told me that one of my tests came back with a "slight problem".

Whether it was related to my weight or not he wasn't 100% (but he actually thought I may have had this problem since childhood), he did find that I have what appears to be a slightly defective lung. When I was about 10, a doctor told my family that I had a slight heart murmur, and being so young, it just sounded really scary, until they explained it's not a major deal.

THIS sounds like a major deal. My doctor sat me down and explained that my lungs don't process oxygen to the full extent they are supposed to, and that combined with being obese, I'm heading down the path to a possible stroke and/or heart attack.

He warned me that if I didn't have the surgery or at least lose a considerable amount of weight, he couldn't guarantee my continued health for more than another 5 years or so. He said that at my weight, I probably would NOT survive my first heart attack, and a stroke would almost certainly be fatal.

Somehow, I was able to let all of this go in one ear and out the other.

2 years ago (almost to the day!), when my ex left me and put me into my serious depression, it hit me that now I was alone again, and probably 2 years away from dying. And dying alone.

There aren't too many things I'm scared of in this world, but one of them is dying alone. But of course, being the eternal "child" that I am, I'm immortal, right? Nothing bad could EVER happen to me. I'm awesome and the rules of nature and medicine do NOT apply here.

Now it's 2008.

Over the last few months I've begun to feel my age and all my previous "health mistakes" are catching up to me. Part of this is from being overworked at my job... I suppose no matter how GOOD a shape you are in, working sometimes 60 hours on your feet in a week will make you feel this way, but I know it's more than that.

For the last 6 months, I've had chronic foot pain (again, attributed to being on my feet so much), but in the last few weeks, I've had constant pain in my right leg. At first I thought they were just leg cramps, but no matter how much time I spend in the hot tub at the gym, they don't go away. My left leg is perfectly fine, but I feel a heaviness in my right leg that I know is a LOT more than just a cramp.

It's a wake-up call. It's a warning.

In 2003, my lung doctor essentially gave me 5 years to clean up my act, so to speak, or face the inevitable.

Well, it's 2008, I'm still here, but now I really don't feel right, deep down inside. I don't know if it's in my head, or something more. Unfortunately, I can't attribute how I feel to "imagining things" anymore.

I really think my body is finally telling me something.

On a side note, I find it odd to post this story. In my entire time on LS, I've always been very open about my feelings, especially when I was going through some really dark times, but for some reason, I never felt it necessary to post my "medical issues". I always felt like I had enough things to deal with in my life, and this site is more about emotional support than medical. But now, my medical problems are beginning to effect me emotionally, so I decided it's time to just vent.

In fact, only ONE other person on LS knows about my "situation", and she's always been a big "cheerleader" for me, privately. I never thought this was something I wanted to post about, until recently.

So............

Last Monday, I got on the scale (for the first time in a long time), and grimaced. I'm still well below my previous high weight (working a physical job tends to keep some weight off no matter how little else you do in your life), but let's be serious here..... IT'S WAY TOO FU**ING MUCH.

I know how much I'm "supposed" to weight (according to accepted medical guidelines, I'm supposed to be 180, but that's ridiculous, as I have a large natural build)....

I'd be VERY happy at 225. In fact, I'd be ecstatic. If I were to wake up tomorrow and was 225, I'd squeeze my ass into a pair of Speedos and run through the streets, screaming.

But, the journey of a thousand miles (or pounds) begins with a single step (or a lot of them on a treadmill), so starting with my "weigh-in" last week, I'm back "in training".

I'm going to beat this. I swear.

I've put myself on a semi-strict workout plan (if I made it TOO strict, I'd never actually do it), and even though I've been a lot more careful with my diet the last couple of years, I'm going to tweak my eating habits slightly, such as giving up most sweets. I'd love to cut out all of the high-fat foods I like, but I've learned that if you try to give up EVERYTHING, you wind up giving up NOTHING, so I'll take the high-fat, high-protein foods I enjoy over the high-fat empty calories that are everyone's guilty pleasures. Besides, with a steady workout plan, you need the fat and protein intake so the body can constantly rebuild.

I can live without the chocolate and the ice cream.

Maybe.

Damn, it's been a long time since I've made one of my depressing, long winded posts on here. I thought those days were over. I figured I'd just do this in silence, and one day post a half-nude picture of my new "hot" self and everyone would go "Wow... what the hell did you do?!?!"... But nah...

I'm an attention whore, and I could use the support of my friends.

Just before I sat down to write this post, I weighed myself to see how I've done in the first full week of my new "attitude".

How did I do?

Why, I.......

-tp
...to be continued

[Teacher's Pet]

.....lost 3.7 pounds.

Now, to the "skinny folks" out there, losing nearly 4 pounds in one week sounds amazing, but it's really not.

At my weight, any sudden change to my level of physical activity or diet would create a much larger change to my weight.

In fact, TWICE in my weight-loss history, I've lost 10 or more pounds in ONE WEEK.

I suppose I could have done it this time, but even though I really did work out a lot, my eating habits could have been much better (though I actually didn't do so bad this week in that respect either)..

Of course, ANY weight loss, no matter how small is a good thing, so I'm not complaining.

3.7 down, 142.7 to go.

There, I said it.

I weigh 367.7 lbs. (you Europeans can figure out the damned conversions yourself! LOL), and dammit, I feel great, believe it or not.

In fact, I'm thinking of banging one of those 21 year olds at work.

I don't care how "big" I am, this Big Poppa has NEVER had a complaint in THAT department.

I make this sh*t work, dammit!

Besides, at my weight, do you think I'd have any problem eating something? *sly grin*

-tp
livin' large

[marlena]

I'm an attention whore, and I could use the support of my friends.

Ok, TP. I know that you and I have not always seen eye to eye in the political forum but I really do like you. You have a great sense of humour and you sound like a genuine person and one that it would be fun to be around.

I happen to like big men (well, maybe not that big) but 225 sounds perfect. I think that you should ellicit the help of a nutritionist. He'll keep tabs on you and guilt you out so badly that you will lose the weight because you will be too embarassed to visit him again when the next appointment is scheduled and you have to get on that darn scale.

You can do it. I bet if you lose 50 lbs you'll catch yourself a girlfriend and she'll be all the incentive you will need to lose the rest.

As for the ex, forget about her. Some people have such huge insecurities that the only way that they can make themselves feel better is by making others feel insecure. Don't bite.

Rooting for you,too!
Marlena

[oasis]

TP, the journey of a thousand miles begin with the first step and you my friend, is on your way. The important thing, is that you got your epiphany. Some people never do and usually end of in disastrous situations, i.e, stroke and worst death.

I am one of those health nuts. I could tell you what my daily regimen is like. It might help some. I eat no sugar, NO sweets, including cakes, ice cream and chocolates. No red meat, gave that up 9 years ago. Some days, either fish or chicken. I eat two bananas for breakfast and 3 scoops of wheat germ and orange juice and snack on grapes during the midmorning. For luch, two servings of vegetables/rice and/or chicken and fish. Around 5 p.m. a protein shake. And I feel strong and healthy just about every day. People are always me for workout and exercise advise, because they knows of my fierce commitment and dedication to it.

I am one of those avid exercise people. I have been also doing it for many, many years and consistently to boot. My size have remained just the same through the years and it is a testimony to my healthy eating and workout commitments. I make no excuses for working out, regardless of tirednesss, depression or whatever. My coping strategy for when things are not going my way, is if I can get through a workout I will be just fine. "Workout" is my yardstick in which I measure my ability to cope. I have been known to be the last person to leave the gym. And it closes at 11:30 PM?

The trick is to KEEP IT UP. No matter what. Envision the way that you would like to look, whether it is like Brad Pitt, or a thinner version of your self and keep that image in your head, during those "I do not feel like working out days". Force yourself and make NO excuses for not going to the gym. Put it in front of everything, beside work. The same thing applies to eating. When you start eating healthier, you will become accustomed to it. I know that it is hard, because of your work environment, but go for the healthier menus. Oh, the protein shake gives you that extra energy, you might want to add that to your diet, when you need that added boost.

And stick with it. You will be glad that you do.

Good luck!

[jerbear]

Originally Posted by Teacher's Pet

In fact, I'm thinking of banging one of those 21 year olds at work.

I don't care how "big" I am, this Big Poppa has NEVER had a complaint in THAT department.

I make this sh*t work, dammit!

Besides, at my weight, do you think I'd have any problem eating something? *sly grin*

#1 I guess the daily specials just got better!

#2 Gives new meaning to "baby! get in my belly! Baby, the other white meat!"

Happy Monday!

[Lunar Sonata]

Teacher's Pet, you're one of the regulars that I'd read a post and go "cool post". Allow me to share a couple of simple, yet effective tips that worked (and is still working) for me.

-Attentive eating. Get in the habit of chewing and tasting every bite. DO NOT eat in front of the TV or computer. Me, I think of every meal as free time to reflect and appreciate what I'm doing. Each meal, I keep in mind that I'm eating food that I worked for, had the opportunity and good fortune to work for, and millions of people in this world would kill to be in my place at this moment. I'm going to enjoy it by chewing and savoring my food! Chewing is so important. This habit was hard to start and keep at first but it gets way easier the more you do it.

Believe it or not, just by applying the above, I didn't even need to change what I ate because eating half the amount of food got me just as full as before I ate attentively. It bears repeating... I ate HALF the food I did before and got JUST AS FULL! That's freaking crazy and surprised the hell out of me.

-Determining whether you're really hungry. Overeating plays tricks in your mind that I'm sure you're very familiar with. I, too, loooove food. I'd see the food and think I'm hungry. I made a four hour rule for myself. If I crave a food, I think whether I ate four hours ago. Don't snack! Incorporate your food craving into your next meal. I also set a deadline at night for when I will eat dinner. I don't eat after dinner and in the rare event I miss dinner, I eat a green vegetable before sleeping. For me, being hungry at night is an aide to keeping my circadian rhythm straight. Good sleep is as important to metabolism as eating well. You're supposed to be hungry before you sleep. Just think "Hey, the sooner I sleep the sooner I eat breakfast!"

Anyway, I'm sure you know the rest about diet and exercise. I just typed up stuff that I didn't find obvious and works for me. In the past 3 months I've been losing like half a pound a week because I lacked exercise. I'm excited about the results you'll get if these methods work for you.

I hope this works for you and may you have a longer, better life because of it!

[ahah2322]

Hey TP, I'm one of your fans

I'm a girl and I'm very harsh when it comes to people's weight. If you are fat (for you, I'm gonna say cute-chubby), you're fat and the reason must be ascribed to you ( unless it's due to unfortunate genetic deficiencies). No one is born overweight. It's the lack of discipline and control when it comes to food and exercise. So, make no excuses for yourself. You deserve to be harsh on yourself. It is not easy and there are NO 'magic' formulae, just the formula of 'EAT LESS, EXERCISE MORE' that many fail to follow through because they lack the mental fortitude to do so. Exercising more and consuming less is an open secret. The mentally tough go through with it, the weak look for 'painless' alternative 'magic' formulae.
The process is painful, sure, but trust me, whenever you're done with a day's workout, you'll be on cloud nine.

Firstly, make no excuses for yourself. You have spent a good part of your life indulging in an unhealthy lifestyle and there are consequences i.e. poor health, et cetera. You deserve to be harsh on yourself. You deserve to go through the pain. You deserve it. Secondly, ask yourself if you want to be mentally strong or mentally-weak. I'm sure it's the former so stick with it. Whenever you falter, ask yourself that again. Do not defeat yourself, TP!

Sure, you can envision where you want to be i.e Teacher 'Brad Pitt' Pet, but exercising should be a lifestyle fixture, so make it part of your lifestyle! It ultimately boils down to whether you want to have the mental fortitude to go through this or take the deplorable path of least resistance.

TP, the rewards are sweeeeeeet! You're awesome now, but you will be more freakin formidable with a strong mind and a fit body.

Ahah2322
-TP, Fighting!!!

(can't resist that, sorry!)

[Lizzie60]

YOU GO BOY!!!!

Don't give up..

First, IMO, you have to find out what makes you eat. You got to solve that problem first.. otherwise it's an ever-ending war against fat.

From there, you got to eat healthy... exercise... then time will take all those pounds off miraculously... but you cannot give up on this new 'lifestyle' that the only way..

Good luck.. I know you can do it..

My advice: visualize... it really works...

Remember ... you will feel better, look better, have more condidence, will have lots of women...

[Stockalone]

Hmm, not sure I can give much advice since my eating "problem" seems a bit different from yours. After I stopped playing organized football, I kept eating as much as always. And I was happy that I didn't have to work out as rigorously as I used to. Add to that a desk job after getting my degree, working long hours in the beginning with far less exercise and being single for over two years (no gf telling me to watch what I eat), and you have a recipe for desaster.

So I went up to 300 lbs from my "playing weight" of 240-250. Right now, I am working on bringing back that 250 lbs linebacker that hides somewhere under that extra weight.

Given that we fat guys already know what is good and bad, but ignore it mostly, you will already be aware of what I can tell you. But I'll do it anyway. We need to be constantly reminded.

First, I would advice you to talk to your doctor on how to best lose weight. Given that you have a pre-existing health concern, he might be able to make a plan for you. If there are things that you need to consider while working out, ect., he will know about it and let you know how do deal with it.

Free food at a good restaurant. Tempting, but it is also a huge opportunity. You can eat what you want, right? That also means you can choose healthy food that still tastes good without having to cook it yourself.

About fatty food, chunk food. I have one day that is reserved for that unhealthy, but tasty food. I picked saturday, because that is the day I already spend on the couch, watching sports (saturday is soccer day here in Germany, like you ahve football on sundays). That is the day I would be most tempted to eat unhealthy, so I made that day the official chunk food day. That way, I know I get to eat what I want (in moderation of course) on one day of the week, and that helps me to stay away from it for the rest of the week.

I am a fairly good cook myself and the biggest problem I had with that was that I always cooked more than I would have needed for one person. Cooking measly portions for one felt kind of stupid. It is also tempting to cook the stuff you really like and less of the healthy things. There was no longer a mommy or a gf reminding me to eat vegetables.

You already said that you started to substitute, eating more rice, etc.. I have substituted cream with milk in a lot of my recipes. Partially in some recipes, completely in others where it makes no huge difference. I love pasta and carbs are my problem. So I switched to wholemeal pasta. I now eat oatmeal with a few frosted flakes instead of only frosted flakes for breakfast. I eat less cheese, etc.

What you could also do is include vegetables or a salad in every meal you prepare. It takes time but as long as you pick things you like, it will help to eat less rice, pasta (meaning less carbs) etc. in the process.

Eat more fruit. Prepare a fruit salad as dinner. When you feel hungry during the day and would like a snack, drink a glass of water and eat an apple, a banana, whatever fruit you like.

Good luck!

[Trialbyfire]

YAHHHHH TP! Losing weight in a hurry is bad mojo. A little at a time is the best way, by increasing your metabolic rate through exercise and eating healthy.

[underpants]

TP,

You can do this.

That surgery is risky and it won't help with the change of lifestyle that is the core issue with obesity.

It is a shortcut that actually is kind of strange because once done it can't be undone and the patient can no longer enjoy the foods they once did ...for the rest of their life. One lady I know distantly has had to redo it 3 times because she has stretched out her remaining stomach by indulging. She hardly has a working stomach any longer and now she is having intestinal problems. She can't digest her food and get nurtients any longer. I'm afraid she will die from her addiction to food and her denial and surgical fixes.

It just seems like such an extreme solution.

Try the hard way first. Even if you did the surgery the hard part will still be changing the lifestyle.

That book 'body for life' has helped someone I know. It is very inspiring. She has been working on her life change for a year now and she feels and looks so much better. She still has a way to go and has learned to change the work out routine when she hits those plateaus of 'no weight loss'. Consistency, TP. Every dang day.

Several tiny healthy meals are better then a few big gut buster ones.

I love that show The Biggest Loser because they really do delve into the whole lifestyle and emotional mentality issues. I find it so inspiring to see how much the attitudes of those people change and how they literally light up after their transformations. They do follow ups and the ones that make it have really changed their mindsets when it comes to food and excercise.

It is not that you have to "give up" things TP. It is that you want to GAIN a healthier lifestyle.

Besides you will have to be able to run, catch and bench press all those ladies.

You can do it. Go TP, go.

[bootylicious]

Go TP! Keep us updated and good luck on your new routine. Stick to it and don't give up!

[Ssheena]

Hi TP..

It's great you are posting about this. Here are some suggestions.

a) keep a food journal. Write down everything that goes in your mouth (specifially stuff that has calories - tsk..)

b) get a complete physical and see what the doctor says (if you have good health insurance)

c) join a group. Weight Watchers or sparkpeople.com (I happen to know someone or two from here on it)

d) hypnosis - also many people have success with that.

e) forgive yourself for your slip ups but get right back on it. Ie, whoops, I had pizza for breakfast, the days shot, might as well eat everything in site. Nope, whoops, I had pizza for breakfast, that was a mistake to eat the whole thing instead of just a slice, now I'm going to really watch what I eat for the rest of the day.

f) lift weights. If you have an Mp3 player, I really like using podfitness.com I can pick my workout, my music, my trainer etc... they have weight workouts, cardio workouts, pilates, yoga, spinning, everything.

g) find a workout buddy.

Jeez, if I could, I'd have the gastrio surgery. If you eat too much, you puke. I'm guessing it's the portion size that gets you. Think about it. The "correct" portion size for cheese is dice sized, meat is palm sized, etc., etc. It is risky though.

The hardest thing for me is keeping plugging away at it. It really is a life change and it takes a long, long time to get it off and keep it off.

I did hear something like if you give up something (like doughnuts if you usually eat those on Fridays or so) you can lose 10 pounds in a year just from that. I gave up bagels and I think chips and cheetoes for a year.

Oh, have a picture taken of you in just shorts and post it where you can see it all the time.

Hope that gives you some idears..

[blind_otter]

Originally Posted by Trialbyfire

YAHHHHH TP! Losing weight in a hurry is bad mojo. A little at a time is the best way, by increasing your metabolic rate through exercise and eating healthy.

I second this. Although my adventures in weightloss, coming soon to a thread near you, are due entirely to my pregnancy - I have been told by multiple sources that I should lose weight slowly, in fact I've been told I should take as long as I was pregnant to lose the baby weight. Otherwise you end up with baggy, saggy skin that can only be corrected through plastic surgery.

Also - if you do keep a food journal, one thing I learned from a previous lifetime is to also journal how the food you ate made you feel. That can help you make connections and understand if you are an emotional eater.

[Gatormaniac]

You can do this T.P.!! And, you're absolutely right that your body is telling you something. It's essential that you not only lose the pounds, but increase your blood flow, especially to your lower extremities. Patience and perseverance is the key. A healthy diet takes work..lots of it. It also takes time out of your day as preparation takes much longer than popping something in the microwave or picking up the phone and ordering take-out! You must go in knowing that it's going to be a radical lifestyle change. Establish diet/excersize and weight loss goals, but make them realistic. Stress management is also essential. I hope you'll continue giving us progress reports!! Best of luck!!!