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Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 25th September 2017, 7:45 PM   #46
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Originally Posted by somanymistakes View Post
He'd be a huge hypocrite to judge her for that, considering his part in it. Anything that can be said about her moral compass can be said about his, and more.
Agreed. Just pointing out the obvious... Perhaps, it's not possible to expect honesty or fidelity from this woman...

Just because he is "monogamous" in the affair, it doesn't mean that she is - perhaps, far from it.
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Old 25th September 2017, 7:49 PM   #47
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Sorry...Don't mean to be rude, however how can you expect her to not have a normal regular relationship with another male?? You have no right Being jealous or anything else....YOU ARE MARRIED...SHE ISN'T.
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Old 25th September 2017, 7:51 PM   #48
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No good can come of the other woman OP.

It sounds like she has mental health issues of some kind. I'm thinking she may be a psychopath, in that the instant connection you feel is just her mirroring your best parts of yourself back onto you.

What I'm saying is that this woman herself may not have an actual identity of her own. That's why she is also with other men. She mirrors back their best qualities onto them, making it feel like there is an instant connection.

For all you know all the confusion and stuff is just her purposely messing with your head to keep you in the fog. As long as she is getting her thrill of screwing married men, it makes her feel significant.

The day you leave your family for this woman, is the same day she will lose interest in you, because the thrill is over. The ultimate win for her is if she successfully ruins your family...imagine how significant that must make her feel.
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Old 25th September 2017, 7:57 PM   #49
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Originally Posted by Thingsfallapart View Post
She has been messaging me all night to say that she wants to be with me and she is depressed... But there is a guy who she says is just a friend but who I know she is trying to move on with...

Some of the posts above were beautiful to be honest because I am stuck between a rock and a hard place...

I have an extremely close relationship with my kids but they are still in elementary school. They are both very sensitive and wouldn't understand at all.

I know my wife is manipulating me to stay...

And the other woman, who I do love and believe is my soulmate and loves me, is also manipulative and lies to cover her indiscretions. So I'm not sure whether I can truly trust her and she is still trying to force me to decide and give her a guarantee for the future...

I am so confused and feel split into two all the time...
You feel split in two because you are a cake eater. You are married and still having sex with your wife, so you can hardly call your AP's dealings with other men "indiscretions". If you don't want to be with your wife, leave her. Your wife can't destroy and extremely close relationship with your children.
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Old 25th September 2017, 8:59 PM   #50
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Originally Posted by Thingsfallapart View Post
She has been messaging me all night to say that she wants to be with me and she is depressed... But there is a guy who she says is just a friend but who I know she is trying to move on with...

Some of the posts above were beautiful to be honest because I am stuck between a rock and a hard place...

I have an extremely close relationship with my kids but they are still in elementary school. They are both very sensitive and wouldn't understand at all.

I know my wife is manipulating me to stay...

And the other woman, who I do love and believe is my soulmate and loves me, is also manipulative and lies to cover her indiscretions. So I'm not sure whether I can truly trust her and she is still trying to force me to decide and give her a guarantee for the future...

I am so confused and feel split into two all the time...

This is love? You say she lies and manipulates and it sure doesn't sound like you trust her....and you think she's your soul mate?

Seriously,think about that...
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Old 25th September 2017, 9:02 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by Thingsfallapart View Post
And to clarify;

I always told my OW that I understood that there would be other guys and while I would be jealous it was ok as long as she was just open about it. But every time I've asked her about it she always lies to my face until I find out on my own or pester her for the truth...
I just don't understand why she can never just be honest about it...
This one is too easy...

The reason she does this is because it's who she is. Some people are such success lairs because they just don't care.

I would highly suggest you get some sort of impartial counseling, as your "relationship picker" is off
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Old 25th September 2017, 9:41 PM   #52
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Originally Posted by Thingsfallapart View Post
She has been messaging me all night to say that she wants to be with me and she is depressed... But there is a guy who she says is just a friend but who I know she is trying to move on with...

Some of the posts above were beautiful to be honest because I am stuck between a rock and a hard place...

I have an extremely close relationship with my kids but they are still in elementary school. They are both very sensitive and wouldn't understand at all.

I know my wife is manipulating me to stay...

And the other woman, who I do love and believe is my soulmate and loves me, is also manipulative and lies to cover her indiscretions. So I'm not sure whether I can truly trust her and she is still trying to force me to decide and give her a guarantee for the future...

I am so confused and feel split into two all the time...
Look up limerence. I personally think your "soulmate" is someone who you are able to avoid the issues at hand with. And if your soulmate is manipulative and lies? Is that the kind of future you want? She seems like a lot of drama, unless you like that sort of thing.

You feel split in two because you're on a horrible roller coaster ride and you want to get off, but you can't (won't).

If your future is with her, do it... but your posts indicate that you know deep down it isn't.

Also, think about why you allow the women in your life to manipulate you so much. Your wife and your girlfriend seem to have you by the cajones.

Last edited by deadsoul; 25th September 2017 at 9:43 PM..
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Old 25th September 2017, 9:48 PM   #53
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OW is beautiful and sexy and funny and kind... why does she keep coming back to me then?
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Old 25th September 2017, 10:00 PM   #54
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I really appreciate everyone's kind and honest responses they are really helping me so much
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Old 25th September 2017, 11:31 PM   #55
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My wife said she doesn't care if I have a mistress but if I choose to divorce she will make the kids hate me. So I'm stuck. I don't want my kids to see that.
And she said she needs me and wants me but she was the one who wanted to go NC and she was the one that wanted space
Then make sure your OW knows that you're in an open marriage and your wife knows and is okay with you having her as a mistress. Make it clear to her that you're not divorcing your wife ever and that it's just an affair. Though I can't see this OW hanging on in that role and getting the short end of the stick forever. Eventually she's going to want marriage and kids from you.

I still think you should at least try counseling with your wife. What changed between you two? When did you fall out of love with your wife? before or after you met your OW?

Right now your OW is all over the map emotionally which is why NC won't stick.
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Old 25th September 2017, 11:32 PM   #56
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Originally Posted by Thingsfallapart View Post
OW is beautiful and sexy and funny and kind... why does she keep coming back to me then?
She's weak in the knees for you. Can't stay away from you because she's addicted to how you make her feel (and vice versa).
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Old 25th September 2017, 11:34 PM   #57
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Originally Posted by Thingsfallapart View Post
She has been messaging me all night to say that she wants to be with me and she is depressed... But there is a guy who she says is just a friend but who I know she is trying to move on with...

Some of the posts above were beautiful to be honest because I am stuck between a rock and a hard place...

I have an extremely close relationship with my kids but they are still in elementary school. They are both very sensitive and wouldn't understand at all.

I know my wife is manipulating me to stay...

And the other woman, who I do love and believe is my soulmate and loves me, is also manipulative and lies to cover her indiscretions. So I'm not sure whether I can truly trust her and she is still trying to force me to decide and give her a guarantee for the future...

I am so confused and feel split into two all the time...
Your wife loves you and is fighting to keep you! Not sure that's manipulative. Should she just hand you over to the OW and give up without a fight? You're not divorcing her, you're still sleeping in the same bed as her, having sex with her so in her mind the marriage isn't over. You're doing and saying the opposite things to her and to the OW.
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Old 25th September 2017, 11:36 PM   #58
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Originally Posted by Thingsfallapart View Post
And to clarify;

I always told my OW that I understood that there would be other guys and while I would be jealous it was ok as long as she was just open about it. But every time I've asked her about it she always lies to my face until I find out on my own or pester her for the truth...
I just don't understand why she can never just be honest about it...
Have you told the OW that you're still having sex with your wife? If she asks, are you completely honest about intimacy at home? Do you tell her that you and your wife still do family outings, share laughs, share moments, spend time with family and friends?

The OW isn't obligated to tell you who she dates when you're at home with your wife.
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Old 26th September 2017, 12:24 AM   #59
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I hate dishonesty so have been honest about everything to both my wife and my OW. OW gets angry if I tell her about my wife and my wife said she doesn't want to know anything either.


OW has been messaging me all day asking me back and saying she wants to be with me but doesn't want my married situation anymore so I need to give her a guarantee.
I spoke to her on the phone and she said the same things. However, there is no love in her voice anymore. She just seems pissed off...

The truth is now after everything that's happened, I'm not sure I would date her even if I got a divorce because of the lying etc. but she said she only does like that stuff because we are not in a proper relationship. For the meeting the other guys I can understand that, and have empathy but I can't understand the lying.

And I can't understand why she seems kind of hateful while at the same time saying she wants a future with me and while at the same time messaging another guy...
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Old 26th September 2017, 1:37 AM   #60
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Hi Thingsfallapart,

You stated this in an earlier post -

"And the other woman, who I do love and believe is my soulmate and loves me, is also manipulative and lies to cover her indiscretions. So I'm not sure whether I can truly trust her ...... "

If this is what a soulmate is and how someone acts that loves you then ... wow ... I hope I never find my soulmate.
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