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Confessions of a bad boy friend...


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 4th October 2011, 6:10 PM   #1
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Exclamation Confessions of a bad boy friend...

I'm not sure what is driving me to write this. perhaps I have some need to hear someone tell me "it's ok, were all human. we all make mistakes," yadda yadda..or perhaps i just need to write this so i can purge this horrible feeling of confusion and regret I have.

Well this is(if you haven't figured it out by now) the story of how I f'ed up a healthy realationship and turned it into a living hell. My (now ex) gf and i met through mutual friends. I immidiatly felt attraction..I saw beauty where nobody else did. she seemed like she got me right from the first moment i spoke to her. Same interests same views on life and so on. We dated for four years total and i think atleast the fisrt three were good. We both went to school through out out realationship. Her mother was very supportive of us, wanting only the best for her daughter and would do anything for her, including helping me get back to college and get my diploma.

Things were great, we had a nice aprtment,we were almost finnished our studies and could finally start an adult life together, but somthing inside of me started to wonder where i was headed in life. it was like a small voice in the back of my mind asking me "Is this what you want out of life?" "Is this the girl you want to be with for the rest of your life?" and if you would ask me that now...i would reply in a heart beat that she was one of the nicest people i woud ever know, and i would love her till the end. but somthing blurred what i should have known in my heart. and I can't put my finger on it exactly...that voice startedto get louder and louder as the months went on.

She had one year left of university and i had landed a good job in a smaller town about 1 1/2 hours away. so we decided that we would do the long distance realationship and be sure to get settled together when she was finnished school. but somthing inside me turned cold. I began to go out during the week with friends and started meeting new people. Women that had would never spoke to me before were now trying to flirt with me. i think it was just cause i had alot of money because of the good job...cause i know i didnt turn into a heart throb over night. Women were messaging me on fb, sending me thier numbers. i even had nude photos sent to me!

At that point in my life i had never cheated on any gf and would have never even thought of it. But things started to get rough with the gf. the distance and the strain of me not being around during the week while at work caused fights between me and my gf. we got into a huge fight one weekend and broke up. this lasted about a month or so...during that time a began to talk to an other woman. Mainly we just went out for coffee and chatted...we were friends with bad realationships and had long conversations that in some way helped us feel better about it.

After a month apart i spoke with my ex and we decided to give it a try again..we both loved each other deeply. But i did not end my realationship with the other woman then, which I should have. I kept her to myslef...I didnt want to hurt my gf in anyway...so i lied and did not tell her that i had been meeting with this other woman over coffe and dinners.

After we got back together, things did not smooth out, we faught all the time, when fridays came i did not want to go home, i wanted to go out and relax with my "friends" and started skipping weekends home. That way I didnt have to face the problems at home.

I'm not sure when it happened but the other woman told me that she loved me and wanted to be with me...I too felf that i may be in love with her and we had sex that night, while i was still with my gf. i felf trapped after that...i put myslef in that spot. i dint know how to make it stop...i would tell the other woman that i did not want a realationship, but when i got into fights with the gf, there i was calling her and headed to her house to watch movies. I felt like i was carrying 100 tons on my shoulders. I was like being trapped in a box and the only way out was to loose one of them.

Eventually, the gf and other womn found out what was going on, and inside i knew that it would happen. I actually felt better when the affair was out in the open. better than carrying that lie around with me every time i looked in either one of there eyes.

The sound of my gf crying and asking why is a sound that i will carry to my grave with me...i tore that beautiful womans heart out because i was selfish and didnt know what i had untill it was gone.

Part 2 to come!
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Old 5th October 2011, 10:50 AM   #2
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Cliffs notes: "I cheated on my gf".

No, it's not OK, and no, it wasn't a mistake. A mistake is transposing two numbers on your tax return. People don't "accidentally" have sex.
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Old 5th October 2011, 10:56 AM   #3
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Well, the same thing just happened to me only I was the other woman. After a 15 month relationship, I just found out he has a pregnant live in girlfriend and has been with her for 9 years!!
The only thing I can say is don't forget the wrong you did to the "other woman". She is likely to be feeling hurt and upset too. Hope you can find peace with it all.
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Old 5th October 2011, 1:14 PM   #4
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Part 2...

Well after everything was out in the open, needless to say I was very discusted with myself and embarassed about what I had done. funny how you never emagine that you are a bad person, but thats EXACTLY what i thought of myself for months.

Once things settled down a day or two after the gf and other woman found out..i decided that i needed to call the gf and talk to her first. being with her for over 4 years i felt I aleast owed her a sincere apollogy or at the very least, let her yell at me and call me what i deserved to be called. It was horrible, i have not and will not forget the heartache and pain i felt saying good bye to her. knowing that the life we may have had was not to be made tears run down my face like a leaky facet. It still hurts 2 years later. I hope it will always hurt to remind me of what cheating does to everyone involved. Thank god we had no children!!!

Then knowing that I had also hurt more than just one woman with my actions, i decided that i owed it to the other woman to try and make it work. and i know what your thinking...."what kind of fool would want a realationship with you!".. and believe me, i agree fully! I told her that I did love my ex and that I always would love my ex but that it wasn't meant to be..."I mean in all reality, there was more to our break up then just my horrible actions. And believe it or not...she told me that she loved me deeply and would give me a chance to prove that I was not a horrible man. I'd like to add that she wasn't the 'runner up" or anything like that..I loved this girl too! But i was young and DUMB when i made those bad choices.

We have been together since! and i just got the news last week....she is pregnant!!!! It is amazing the journey these last two or three years have been. I should be happy...but i'm not...I still think about my ex everyday...and what could have been...I contradict myself at every turn..one day i wake up and am happy with my current gf and the next i cry thinking about the good times with my ex! will this maddness inside me every stop????
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Old 5th October 2011, 3:01 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sour_pikle View Post
I'm not sure what is driving me to write this. perhaps I have some need to hear someone tell me "it's ok, were all human. we all make mistakes,"
oh you'll get some telling you, and mainly from other cheaters.

but the we "we are all human, and make mistakes" is always an attempt to downplay what you did.

everyone is human, but not everyone cheats.

and cheating isn't a mistake. you chose to cheat because you wanted the other woman.

now can you learn from your crappy choices? maybe. I don't believe ever truly, but maybe just a little.
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Old 5th October 2011, 6:05 PM   #6
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Wow. It is really sad that a baby is going to be brought into this mess. I hope that for your child's sake you can get over yourself and your addiction to the ridiculous drama that you bring on yourself.
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Old 6th October 2011, 12:37 AM   #7
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Wow. It is really sad that a baby is going to be brought into this mess. I hope that for your child's sake you can get over yourself and your addiction to the ridiculous drama that you bring on yourself.
so you believe cheating can be an addiction? And your right...this IS ridiculous!
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Old 6th October 2011, 5:20 PM   #8
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Unhappy So...

Like i said, I'm not really sure what I hoped to get out of posting my story. after re-reading my post maybe I'm still trying to figure out what the hell happened. I sure hope I CAN make peace with it some how! I think Im still working all the details out in my mind.

I know that there alot of you out there that are going to say that I can never change and "once a cheater, always a cheater" and what not. But i know in my mind and heart that I will never cheat again. I guess what I want out of this is not to hear someone tell me I can or cannot change, cause getting caught and dealing with the guilt and humiliation was soooo life changing already. What I think i need to hear is, how do you get passed the guilt? how do you rebuild your sanity? How do you let go of someone that has been there for so long?

I wonder the pain my ex went through? Was it a lasting burning pain in the bottom of your stomach? Did she just move on and forget about me without breaking stride? I hope it's a later of the two! Maybe if karma has been paying close attention I just may truly understand how it felf for her. I wish I could take all that pain and just project it on myself where it all belongs.

Long story short...

It was a MISTAKE. And by that I mean, it was a mistake to make myself think that I could play with both these girls hearts and not get burned! It was a mistake to think that a four year realationship wasn't worth the effort of putting in the work to make things better when they got a little rocky. It was a mistake to think that I'm not a horrible person for doing the things I have done. Now I live with my choices...any suggestions? lol
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Old 6th October 2011, 5:46 PM   #9
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so

any feed back would be great!! thanks
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Old 6th October 2011, 8:40 PM   #10
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What is your question?
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Old 6th October 2011, 8:50 PM   #11
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Sounds like you need to sit and think about what you have and why are you happy you have it? It isn't doing you any good to dwell on the past. You're pining for something you cannot have and a past you cannot change. If you want to be told "we're all human and we all make mistakes" then you have to learn from those mistakes.

You weren't dissatisfied in one relationship and turned to another. Now you're dissatisfied in this one and if you're not careful you will repeat the error of the last one.

See the past for what it was...own your wrongdoing and admit to yourself the gravity of the things you did - the depth of the pain that you caused. That's yours. Now, move on. Stop wishing you could go back because you can't. Stop wondering about your ex because she has moved on - and if she hasn't she's still not an option for you.

You're going to be a father now. Prove you're worthy.
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Old 11th October 2011, 11:49 AM   #12
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I should also add, (becaise you said that my ex was not an option for me) that me and my ex had been in contanct for a couple months afterwards while things cooled down. She said she wanted to be friends still. It even went as far as me coming into town for supper and I ended up sleeping with her, even after all of this. We didn't have sex, just held each other and I left for work the next day. But she called and said that she was scared to take me back because her mom told her she would disown her if she took me back (don't blame her). I told her that I understood and that I too felt so bad that I thought I should just leave her be and let her find someone else that she could trust. we went full NC after that call.

I moved on and and started a realationship with the other woman and havent made any contact with her. But now I wake up depressed in the mornings because she haunts my dreams. Do I go for what I know my heart wants?
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Old 11th October 2011, 11:59 AM   #13
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I moved on and and started a realationship with the other woman and havent made any contact with her. But now I wake up depressed in the mornings because she haunts my dreams. Do I go for what I know my heart wants?
Do what you want dude, but quit playing women for fools. Let one of them go so they can find someone who won't screw them over.
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Old 11th October 2011, 1:27 PM   #14
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Your posts made it sound like both women knew about both relationships...and (I'm assuming) that both relationships ended at that point?

You don't elaborate on where these relationships are at NOW, after the truth came out.

We can't offer any advice if we don't know what you're asking, nor what the current status is.

It sounds to me like you've burnt bridges on both sides...so not sure what "following your heart" would mean here.
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Old 11th October 2011, 1:51 PM   #15
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You chose the OW when your fiance found out and ended it with you, yes?

You are soon to be a father and you will have to own that choice for the rest of your life.

I suggest you get to counseling to come to terms with the choices you keep making and keep regretting. You seem to suffer from permanent grass is greener over there syndrome. It's not.

I think you owe it to your child to commit to the mother right now. And a good counselor can help you find peace with that decision.
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