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Husband just got fired for stealing


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Old 28th July 2015, 12:06 AM   #46
 
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If you're ok with what happened, then you just need to deal with the consequences along with him. There isn't a lot more to say about it.

Aside from what an incredibly stupid thing to do it was.

I suppose everyone does stupid things and smudges moral lines here and there, but I just really think stealing is such a chickensh*t thing to do. No matter whether you get caught. And especially if you're well paid (it isn't their problem if you can't manage your budget), and even if you're stealing from a company.
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Old 28th July 2015, 12:14 AM   #47
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An moral & rational person would have just asked their boss if he could have them.
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Old 28th July 2015, 12:16 AM   #48
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Thread starter, it appears a recently banned member decided to return and do a hatchet job on your thread so Robert and I cleaned that up and hopefully preserved the topical responses. We apologize for the invasion. This was not one of the hydras.

One tip: If you see a 'new' member posting like they know everyone's business, report them to us. We'll check them out. All new members are subject to scrutiny. Thanks, sorry for the interruption and please continue.
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Old 28th July 2015, 12:18 AM   #49
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.....he threw away his livelihood away for $300.00 that he didn't need.....

I would start by seeing.....that he gets some therapy to figure out why he is so self destructive and why he does this to you and the baby....
Agreed. This crime made no sense. AND he doesn't know it was wrong. And despite being an "IT genius" beyond compare, he didn't think that he could get caught when the serialized phones with their unique MAC IDs traceable to the legal owner were brought live on the network. Heck, plenty of 10-year-olds could have told him that!

Well, on the bright side, you have all the facts you need about this individual. It's not like he's been hiding his dark side from you, leaving you vulnerable to finding out down the road he's abusive, self-destructive, and afflicted with poor judgment, along with criminal tendencies etc.
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Old 28th July 2015, 12:19 AM   #50
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Arabella, right now you need to concentrate on figuring out your budget, go over your assets, figure out what you can drop, talk to your utility company, phone company....explain your situation....sometimes they have payment plans for when people get in bad situations. Ask...it doesn't hurt to respectfully ask and if you have been a good customer, you will sometimes find a sympathetic soul. I know you feel stressed....make sure you take care of yourself. Try meditation, exercise and yoga or read something uplifting...listen to soothing music...eat a proper diet and get enough sleep so you can emotionally deal with the fall out from this.
Good luck and keep us posted....sending you positive energy,
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Old 28th July 2015, 12:29 AM   #51
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Agreed. This crime made no sense. AND he doesn't know it was wrong. And despite being an "IT genius" beyond compare, he didn't think that he could get caught when the serialized phones with their unique MAC IDs traceable to the legal owner were brought live on the network. Heck, plenty of 10-year-olds could have told him that!

Well, on the bright side, you have all the facts you need about this individual. It's not like he's been hiding his dark side from you, leaving you vulnerable to finding out down the road he's abusive, self-destructive, and afflicted with poor judgment, along with criminal tendencies etc.
Actually, that's not what happened. These phones were brand new and in the box, so he had no reason to believe that any issues would arise. I could go into the technical details, but just trust me when I tell you that it wasn't immediately obvious.

Honestly, this side of him isn't unknown to me. He's done plenty of questionable crap in the past, but nothing quite this dangerous or major...
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Old 28th July 2015, 12:31 AM   #52
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What's grating on me right now is that he's acting entitled with me. He's annoyed at me asking questions about his plans going forward. He says I'm attacking him because I want him to get looking for a job right away and that he's overwhelmed.

I mean, really?
I hope this doesn't offend you, but I think the reason he is behaving like this is because you are enabling it by pushing the issue of his awful behaviour under the rug (as you have with a lot of other things). You're defending him and acting like he did nothing wrong, and he believes that he didn't do anything wrong, so that's why he construes the natural consequences of his actions as 'you attacking him'.
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Old 28th July 2015, 12:35 AM   #53
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I hope this doesn't offend you, but I think the reason he is behaving like this is because you are enabling it by pushing the issue of his awful behaviour under the rug (as you have with a lot of other things). You're defending him and acting like he did nothing wrong, and he believes that he didn't do anything wrong, so that's why he construes the natural consequences of his actions as 'you attacking him'.
I think you're right to a point. However, I don't think that me getting angry would get me anywhere.

As you well know, he never takes any accountability for his crappy actions, no matter who's the one being hurt by them.

Funny, I told him he should call his boss in a few days and apologize, and he told me he already did.

I haven't gotten an apology out of him in years, despite the **** he's done to me.
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Old 28th July 2015, 12:37 AM   #54
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Arabella, right now you need to concentrate on figuring out your budget, go over your assets, figure out what you can drop, talk to your utility company, phone company....explain your situation....sometimes they have payment plans for when people get in bad situations. Ask...it doesn't hurt to respectfully ask and if you have been a good customer, you will sometimes find a sympathetic soul. I know you feel stressed....make sure you take care of yourself. Try meditation, exercise and yoga or read something uplifting...listen to soothing music...eat a proper diet and get enough sleep so you can emotionally deal with the fall out from this.
Good luck and keep us posted....sending you positive energy,
Grumps
Thank you, I appreciate that.

What I REALLY need is for him to step up and say "Hey, since I'm not going to be working for a while, I'll take care of our daughter in the mornings and drop her off at daycare." I really would like not to have to get up at 6 am while he sleeps in every day.

But even the mere suggestion of him helping around the house while he's here was met with comtempt.

Sigh.

Off to bed for now. More tomorrow.
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Old 28th July 2015, 12:57 AM   #55
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Arabella,
Your husband seems to have a real problem with boundaries. He could certainly do with some therapy to investigate his rationale, however, I'm sure your budget at the moment couldn't run to this.

He certainly needs to get back into the job market and this should be a priority.

After that you need to think about how long you want to continue to bail out this troubled person.

Should I get a divorce? Reality check needed.

Good luck. x

Last edited by Arieswoman; 28th July 2015 at 1:00 AM..
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Old 28th July 2015, 1:08 AM   #56
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What the heck is your problem?

Ignore it and get a good night's rest.
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Old 28th July 2015, 1:08 AM   #57
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Thank you, I appreciate that.

What I REALLY need is for him to step up and say "Hey, since I'm not going to be working for a while, I'll take care of our daughter in the mornings and drop her off at daycare." I really would like not to have to get up at 6 am while he sleeps in every day.

But even the mere suggestion of him helping around the house while he's here was met with comtempt.
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I think you're right to a point. However, I don't think that me getting angry would get me anywhere.

As you well know, he never takes any accountability for his crappy actions, no matter who's the one being hurt by them.

Funny, I told him he should call his boss in a few days and apologize, and he told me he already did.

I haven't gotten an apology out of him in years, despite the **** he's done to me.
A, he is going to continue being this way because there are no consequences for his actions. Because you let him get away with it. Getting angry at him at this stage WOULD have a chance of getting you somewhere, because otherwise he knows that no matter what he does, you're just going to grumble a bit and then smile and put up with it and pick up all the slack.

IMO you should tell him that you are going to leave unless he:
1) Gets professional help
2) Starts doing things around the house
3) Acknowledges that he was WRONG to do what he did and to actually take concrete steps to make things right
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Old 28th July 2015, 4:21 AM   #58
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Hi Arabella, I am so sorry to hear this has happened. Unfortunately, I can't say I am too surprised. I remember your posts from a couple years back about his abusive behaviors with you, so sadly I cannot say I'm too shocked about the way he's been acting at work. I would really spend a lot of time thinking about your future together. His life choices are really going to put a major strain on your marriage and not to mention made it difficult for him to secure another job. I think you and your baby deserve someone who will treat you both right and make more responsible decisions.
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Old 28th July 2015, 8:47 AM   #59
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I think you're right to a point. However, I don't think that me getting angry would get me anywhere.

As you well know, he never takes any accountability for his crappy actions, no matter who's the one being hurt by them.

Funny, I told him he should call his boss in a few days and apologize, and he told me he already did.

I haven't gotten an apology out of him in years, despite the **** he's done to me.
Getting angry could get you out of this marriage. He isn't going to change. It will be one thing after another, and never his fault. He has the moral reasoning of a child.
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Old 28th July 2015, 9:15 AM   #60
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I'm really sorry to say this A but after reading your thread about the wake-up call for divorce and what you say here in this one I'm convinced you married a loser.

Sometimes when we live with abusers we aren't even ourselves after a time....we are just being the person our partners taught us to be...so that we don't set them off....because we know what they are capable of.

A lot of what you say sounds so eerily familiar to me especially the way you play everything down.

Then you go on about what's really going to bother you ie: him not waking up.

Why doesn't any of this other stuff bother you? You are that programmed to tune out his negative behavior or something?

He stole. He risked jail and basically said F you to you and his children. But what did you expect when he yells at an infant?

You know what? My exH did that too. Told our preemie to STFU from another room rather than comforting her.

Your loser sounds so much like my loser it isn't even funny.
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