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Micke81's Journal

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So, I was chatting with John and telling him how a mutual friend of ours joined a social network that we are both friends in. So, I went in and tagged her in a picture in which she, John, and Bob were all in (it was the best picture of her) so that she would have a picture on her page. John freaked out because I tagged the whole picture and it showed up on his site. And instead of telling me that it upset him, he basically ended the conversation. He said he was hungry and going to eat and then he just signed out. It makes me so angry when people do that sort of thing. Now I'm angry.


I know that any and all readers don't think I should be talking to John at all and that this is a blessing, but that isn't the point. Actually, I thought we were both doing very good at moving on. I even talked with John about him coming to work here for a month in the fall and about how I thought we could handle it. I've also gotten the impression from him that he really has moved on and is worried about my moving on as well. If he has done such a great job of moving on, why did he get so upset that I tagged him in a photo? And why didn't he just say so?!? I'm so angry with him right now. I sent him an email telling him I was angry. Maybe that will be the end of our friendship. Sigh.


I'm sure you are all rolling your eyes at me, but I'm a real person with real feelings. And they are very deep real feelings, even if you all think I'm an idiot. Sorry I'm lashing out at you the unknown reader, but I'm in a lashing out kind of mood, and I would be doing the eye rolling if it wasn't me in this situation. Besides, this is a journal so in theory I'm not lashing out at anyone.


Again, I'm jumping topics. The fact that I am angry is actually a really good thing. I know you as the reader disagree and think I'm only being irrational, but I will tell you why it is a good thing. I normally don't get angry. At anything. My husband and I haven't had a real fight in 4 years. And I think the inability to get angry is a symptom of my depression. For a long time all I could feel was sadness. I didn't care enough about myself to feel anything else. I hated myself so the only person/thing I could get mad at was myself. So, anger is an improvement.


I like these anti-depressants. They are good. Well, except hating sex with my husband even more now. I guess that's not true, we just haven't had any.


Happy note: Just while writing this, I just got an email asking if I was still interested in a job I applied for awhile back! Yay! Then John could come in the fall and it wouldn't matter one bit! That would be even better. I can't believe how angry I am at him. (Note, I keep typing a synonym for angry, but don't know if it's "allowed" so keep erasing it, but you all can plug it in anywhere you see fit.) it feels good to be so angry.


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