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Satu's Journal

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Does NC get easier?

It can get easier, and it will get easier,   IF   You summon up all your willpower and self-discipline, to do NC perfectly.   If you don't, it won't get easier, and this suffering will become a daily fact of life for you.   NC has to be 100% watertight to work.   A clip from my journal:   "No contact is about two things, and two things only:     1. It protects you from further hurt.   2. It allows you to heal without being distracted by the ex.     Thats all it is, and all it does."    

Satu

Satu

Do no harm.

There are many valid definitions of love, but here is one to contemplate:   "Love is total commitment to the wellbeing of a person."   Underneath that you can place this aphorism, from medicine:   "First, do no harm."

Satu

Satu

Depression

“Depression is like a woman in black. If she turns up, don’t shoo her away. Invite her in, offer her a seat, treat her like a guest and listen to what she wants to say.”   - Carl Jung

Satu

Satu

Debriefing yourself.

Carry on 'debriefing' yourself and expressing your thoughts and feelings.   Telling your story is an important part of the healing process. Its usually necessary to tell the story a few times over, as new insights and realisations come to mind.   Carry on telling your story.   Carry on until there are no more realisations and insights to be found in it.

Satu

Satu

Dealing with anger.

The key to dealing with anger is externalising it.   You can do this by:   Speaking about it to a trustworthy person, writing about it, or any other means of expression that works for you.   Anger is very physical, so physical ways of externalising it can be be particularly helpful. Some examples are:   Going to a place where nobody can hear you and shouting it out as loud as you can, for as long as you can.   Hitting a punch bag until you can't punch any more.   Breaking something, and th

Satu

Satu

Change.

Your mind is the easiest thing to change.

Satu

Satu

Casual sex?

Re 'Casual sex.'   You can strike a casual pose whilst leaning on a wall, or put your feet up on the desk, but you can't have 'casual sex,' because no such thing exists.  

Satu

Satu

Can't move on?

There are three very common reasons why some people have difficulty moving on even after a long time has passed:   1. An omitted or incomplete grieving process.   2. Rebound relationships.   3. Genuinely traumatic experiences within the relationship.   1 and 2 are much more common than 3.

Satu

Satu

Can't be happy without your ex?

You can't fill the emptiness from outside.   You used your ex to temporarily patch the emptiness, but that can only ever be a temporary fix.   You should cultivate feelings of loving kindness for yourself and others inside yourself.   Cultivate empathy and compassion towards yourself and others inside yourself.   That is the only way you can permanently fill the emptiness.

Satu

Satu

Better than arguing.

Instead of arguing, schedule half an hour a week, to discuss matters of concern, before they become 'big issues.'     For ten minutes he/she speaks without any interruptions.   Then you get your ten minutes of uninterrupted talk time.   The last ten minutes is two way chat.   You alternate who speaks first every week.   The first time, you toss a coin.     Its much better than arguing, and can actually be very enjoyable

Satu

Satu

Being with the feeling.

Feel the feeling.   Be with yourself feeling the feeling.   Love yourself for being with yourself.   Love yourself for being.

Satu

Satu

Be kind to your brain. Lol.

A lot of what we do is unknowingly done to keep the brain happy.   The brain is only at its best within quite narrow tolerances.     Too hot? Brain not happy...   Too cold? Brain not happy...   Dehydrated? Brain not happy...   Drunk? Brain not happy...   Not enough sleep? Brain not happy...   Not eaten enough? Brain not happy...   Psychoactive drugs? Brain not happy...   High stress load? Brain not happy...   Etc...       This has been an informational message brought to you by your b

Satu

Satu

Be Bold.

You are not the best and you're not the worst. You're good enough.   The land of the 'good enough' is a wonderful place and everything you want is there to be found.   Be bold, and reach strongly and consistently for what you want.   Fortune favours the brave.

Satu

Satu

As a perfume doth remain

As a perfume doth remain In the folds where it hath lain, So the thought of you, remaining Deeply folded in my brain, Will not leave me; all things leave me - You remain.   Other thoughts may come and go, Other moments I may know That shall waft me, in their going, As a breath blown to and fro, Fragrant memories; fragrant memories Come and go.   Only thoughts of you remain In my heart where they have lain, Perfumed thoughts of you, remaining, A hid sweetness, in my brain. O

Satu

Satu

Are you being mentally or emotionally abused?

Nobody deserves to be abused.     Look at this list and decide for yourself if you are being abused.     1. They humiliate you, put you down, or make fun of you in front of other people.   2. They regularly demean or disregard your opinions, ideas, suggestions, or needs.   3. They use sarcasm or “teasing” to put you down or make you feel bad about yourself.   4. They accuse you of being “too sensitive” in order to deflect their abusive remarks.   5. They try to control you and treat you li

Satu

Satu

Are we having fun yet?

“And so we use them (people) for a kind of pleasure which can be called "fun." But it is not the creative kind of fun often connected with play; it is, rather, a shallow, distracting, greedy way of "having fun." And it is not by chance that it is that type of fun which can easily be commercialized, for it is dependent on calculable reactions, without passion, without risk, without love. Of all the dangers that threaten our civilization, this is one of the most dangerous ones: the escape from one

Satu

Satu

After the affair.

Learn to enjoy the ordinary.   Ordinary is good.   The intensity of affairs can be exciting, but they are something that happens on the periphery of the real. A big part of an affair is make believe, fantasy in motion; like living in a different dimension from everybody else.   Welcome back to the real world, where people are usually exactly what they appear to be.   Decompress.

Satu

Satu

A word to the wise.

A word of very well intentioned advice:   *Treat harsh speech as if it is the most deadly of all poisons. Do not speak harshly to anyone. Ever. It is poisonous to the soul and the heart, and those words can never be unsaid.   There is always a better, kinder, option.   Be respectful even when you're angry.

Satu

Satu

A useful mindfulness exercise.

1. Sit down in a dining chair, or other upright chair.   2. Close your eyes, and let your attention come to your body. Let your attention wander around your body, just noting any sensations you feel. You may feel anything. Itching, hot, cold, tight, heavy, relaxed etc. Just notice any sensation.   3. Notice your breathing. Don't try to breathe in any particular way, just notice your breathing.   4. Bring your attention to the heart area, and let it rest there for few moments. You might like t

Satu

Satu

A simple technique for dealing with fear.

The only way to overcome fear is to face up to it. Allow yourself to feel the fear without trying to push it away.   Trying to push it away creates tremendous inner tension, and feeds the fear.   Notice the physical sensations in you body that come with it, but don't try to suppress them, just notice the way your body feels.   Allow yourself to fully experience it for a few minutes, and then just go about your business.

Satu

Satu

A policy of pain.

No matter what the circumstances, no matter what they've done, these unfaithful married men always play the victim.   "I'm so tired, I'm so stressed, my wife treats me badly, I don't feel well, I'm under so much pressure at work, you shouldn't treat me this way."   And yet its always somebody else who gets to feel the pain.

Satu

Satu

A nice quote from RD Laing.

All in all Each man in all men all men in each man All being in each being Each being in all being All in each Each in all All distinctions are mind, by mind, in mind, of mind No distinctions no mind to distinguish

Satu

Satu

"I'll never find anyone like her/him again."

I understand what you're saying, but in my world you experience the deepest possible connection when you extend yourself to another, to the greatest degree possible for you.     Total extension of the Self.   Nothing held back.   Nothing conditional.   Nothing reserved for 'maybe later.'     I don't think that the real problem is the difficulty of finding someone like her again.   I think that the real problem is that you've self-protectively closed your heart to some extent, as a result o

Satu

Satu

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