The greater part of any affair is fantasy and make-believe:
"He's a great guy, but he's trapped in an unhappy marriage. He and his wife haven't had sex in years. He says he has no feelings for her, and loves me. He feels that he can't leave because of what it would do to his kids, but I do think that he'll leave her though, when the kids are a bit older."
This is life on the edge of reality, in a little bubble of imaginings.
No matter what the circumstances, no matter what they've done, these unfaithful married men always play the victim.
"I'm so tired, I'm so stressed, my wife treats me badly, I don't feel well, I'm under so much pressure at work, you shouldn't treat me this way."
And yet its always somebody else who gets to feel the pain.
'Anxiety' is another name for fear.
More exactly, it's repressed fear try to push itself into your conscious mind, from its origin point in the subconscious.
Rather than trying to push the fear away, its useful to identify and name your fears.
"If we answer the question - what is the anxiety trying to tell me - we begin to address the cause. This may mean some change in the way you life your life, but this change does not necessarily mean that you become less competent, or less valued
“Depression is like a woman in black. If she turns up, don’t shoo her away. Invite her in, offer her a seat, treat her like a guest and listen to what she wants to say.”
- Carl Jung
I don't think its possible to love someone who doesn't love you back.
Real love is a joint creation.
It is possible to be infatuated, with someone who doesn't share the feeling, though.
Most of them are very vulnerable people, with a deep, and long-standing emotional fragility.
The fragility doesn't get mentioned, but its easy to see.
That is what most OM home in on and exploit.
They value it.
Everyone is free to leave a relationship at any time, if thats what they want to do.
It can be painful when someone walks away, but that doesn't mean that the person who left did something wrong, or is a 'bad person.'
They just exercised their right to choose the direction of their life.
They might have done things to hurt you, but ending a relationship isn't in itself wrong.
There should be no hostages to love.
After a certain point, grief can become a habit.
That's the point where it becomes in itself, dysfunctional.
Grieving is an essential part of healing, but if it goes on too long it becomes another sickness, possibly worse than the first.
“The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it.”
― Omar Khayyám
There are three very common reasons why some people have difficulty moving on even after a long time has passed:
1. An omitted or incomplete grieving process.
2. Rebound relationships.
3. Genuinely traumatic experiences within the relationship.
1 and 2 are much more common than 3.
Instead of arguing, schedule half an hour a week, to discuss matters of concern, before they become 'big issues.'
For ten minutes he/she speaks without any interruptions.
Then you get your ten minutes of uninterrupted talk time.
The last ten minutes is two way chat.
You alternate who speaks first every week.
The first time, you toss a coin.
Its much better than arguing, and can actually be very enjoyable
Poetry has always played a great part in my life, so I've decided to post more poetry. Here is a current favourite:
I carry you in my heart.
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has
Re 'Casual sex.'
You can strike a casual pose whilst leaning on a wall, or put your feet up on the desk, but you can't have 'casual sex,' because no such thing exists.
As a perfume doth remain
In the folds where it hath lain,
So the thought of you, remaining
Deeply folded in my brain,
Will not leave me; all things leave me -
You remain.
Other thoughts may come and go,
Other moments I may know
That shall waft me, in their going,
As a breath blown to and fro,
Fragrant memories; fragrant memories
Come and go.
Only thoughts of you remain
In my heart where they have lain,
Perfumed thoughts of you, remaining,
A hid sweetness, in my brain.
O
There's a fallacy that many people have bought into without realising it:
"Men and women are polar opposites."
Its not true.
Most of a man is very similar to most of a woman.
There are more similarities physiologically, than there are dissimilarities.
There are more similarities psychologically, than there are dissimilarities.
And here is the biggie:
There are more similarities hormonally, than there are dissimilarities.
The opposite sex are not exotic aliens that ar
This my hierarchy of preferred communication methods from best to worst:
1. Skype.
2. Voice call.
3. Old fashioned letter.
4. Email.
5. Morse telegraphy.
6. Smoke signals.
7. Carrier pigeon.
8. Ouija board.
9. Sitting alone in the silent void of nothingness.
10. Text message.
After my one and only painful breakup, I cried every day for six months. Not snuffly little sobs, but crying that involved my whole body almost convulsing. I felt like a ghost, disconnected from everything and everyone. I wasn't sure that I even wanted to get better.
After about 8 months, the crying became less frequent. I found a good therapist and decided I wanted to live, even though I wasn't sure if enough of me could be scraped together to build a functioning person from.
Kept going
Trying to make your ex want you, is like trying to make them eat a pickle.
"Eat this pickle."
"No thanks."
"Go on eat it, it's delicious."
"No thanks, I don't want it."
"It's a better pickle. It's been improved."
"I just don't want it!"
"I don't understand why you won't eat it.
"I ate one before, and it gave me indigestion."
"Come on, give it a chance. It won't give you indigestion this time."
"You're really starting to annoy me now!"
"Why don't you realise how
You can't make anyone think, feel, or do anything.
People do what they do because of who they are.
What happens between two people is what their nature and character dictates, and allows.
Once you really get that, its very liberating.
Never begin a new relationship until you've fully moved on from the one before.
Also never begin a new relationship with someone who hasn't fully moved on from their one before.
By 'moved on,' I mean any necessary grieving done, not preoccupied with the ex, enjoying life, feeling good about yourself, and optimistic about the future.
The best way to move on is to decide to be single for a while; not dating, not hooking up, no fwb. Some short term counselling if that appeals to you.
'G
To part now and parting now,
Never to meet again;
To have done for ever; I and thou,
With joy, and so with pain.
It is too hard, too hard to meet
If we trust love no more;
Those other meetings were too sweet
That went before.
And I would have, now love is over,
An end to all, an end:
I cannot, having been your lover,
Stoop to become your friend.
— ARTHUR SYMONS.
