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I'm too old to attract anyone


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 8th January 2019, 5:27 AM   #31
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And Joe won the lottery...

Itís about general trends that partnered women arenít aware of. Anybody can look in love. My last ex looked and was very in love. But he was also an alcoholic with bad debt, stalker ex wife and permanent ED. Itís sad that some of my friends gave me advice that with my age, I canít be too picky (I was 37). I want my equal. Not my equal given that market for older women is worse so we need to adjust by lowering our standards. Itís insulting.

Women that met their long term partners at 18 have no clue what Iím talking about. That would be like me giving advice on raising children.
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Old 8th January 2019, 5:40 AM   #32
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Of course it gets more difficult as people get older. There is a recent thread by a 60-yo man lamenting how few women his age are available and interested, too.


Doesn't change the fact that age isn't the biggest of the OP's issues.
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Old 8th January 2019, 11:55 PM   #33
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I live a life of isolation more or less, the only means I have with connecting with others is the internet and that's been ... Less than successful. Issues? Sure I do. Name someone who doesn't.
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Old 9th January 2019, 6:48 AM   #34
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I live a life of isolation more or less, the only means I have with connecting with others is the internet and that's been ... Less than successful. Issues? Sure I do. Name someone who doesn't.
I am drawn to your situation. It's a bit difficult for me to figuratively look myself in the mirror and understand why. I see myself as a somewhat kindred soul (interpreting you from your posts), being 'alone' and not wanting to be. As a 'seeking' man, the best explanation I can give myself is the overly romantic (I self-identify as a 'hopeless romantic') notion of me looking out for a female 'seeker' with whom we could both become 'finders'. And, LOL no, I'm not asking you out - we hopeless romantics sometimes get off on purely fantasy scenarios.

But on point, I relate to the feeling of a 'life of isolation'. However you and I have two keys differences in defeating that isolation:
- I'm old enough to be your father
- you, as a woman, control the depth and duration of your relationships
In both cases, 'advantage' you.

But I apparently have one advantage: attitude. As difficult it is to stay open-minded and positive, I am, so far, 'staying on the horse'. I'm not the only poster here who has observed that you exhibit a negative, defeatist attitude and frequently act on that negativity by blowing off opportunities to meet men, and people in general.

So I see your generalization about the internet being your only means to overcome your isolation as more negativity. Other posters can chime in (again) about what you can try. I'll just mention meetups and adult classes. I also suspect that at your age you have more (still living) same-age/same-gender/single friends with whom to form a 'mutual aid' support group. Go for it. Make your mantra 'I think I can' or something equally positive. Good luck. We 'isolated' folks can only be uplifted each time one of us succeeds.
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Old 9th January 2019, 8:47 AM   #35
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I was hesitant to write this post as I don't want you to think I am bragging, it is intended for "mortensorchid" and "nospam99".

Over the holidays, I was working in the yard. An older woman approached me and gave me her business card. She was jogging by with her granddaughter in one of those "jogging strollers". She was quite striking and sexy in her tight fitting jogging suit. We chit-chatted a few minutes and she continued on her way. I didn't pay much attention to the encounter, as her business card showed she was a realtor and I'm working on this fixer-upper, which I guess she is thinking I'm going to flip.

Fast forward a couple of days and I was riding my bike and she was jogging by. She stopped me and we talked a bit more. This time I could tell she was flirting, she even mentioned she was divorced/single. (I didn't follow through as I am dating someone, but I was polite and neighborly.)

There are two points I'd like to make:

(1) Don't rely on OLD. Get out there and talk to people, meet new individuals.
(2) And for "mortensorchid" you are not too old to date. This realtor/jogger knows she is an older woman (a grandmother), but is putting herself out there and trying to meet people (in public).
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Old 9th January 2019, 9:34 AM   #36
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I can totally understand and agree with how you are feeling M.O.

Dating truly sucks now! Meeting anyone that you are interested in and getting a connection is like a needle in a haystack as you get older.

I myself have had pretty crappy luck in the last few years also and have pretty much given up finding what I really want.

Putting yourself out there gets tedious and disheartening over time.
Not finding people you really like or finding them and getting rejected gets old after a while. It just sucks the life out of you when most of your friends are either married or in a relationship.

To keep trying kills you and to stop trying also kills you. So what do you do?
How do you stay positive, cheery, and bright about dating?
For me I was upbeat, cheery, and happy with it. Now I am beaten down and completely disheartened.

All I can say is dating, finding someone good is much, much easier for some than others. It all boils down to luck and timing, some people have it and some do not.

I went out with one woman in 2018 a handful of times before I found out the truth about her and that is a story for another day.

I really don't know what to tell you that has not been said already.
If things are not working then try and fill your life with other things that make you happy. Hopefully that makes things better

I wish you luck
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Old 9th January 2019, 9:57 AM   #37
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I have found that once I removed all my dating profiles, I had more opportunities to hang with people in real life. Not in the dating sense but in the sense of not feeling isolated. I was more motivated to reach out to female friends/acquaintances. It may be different for me because my desire to be in a relationship is low. I have used OLD as more of a social outlet - it's really not a healthy place. Age-ist men are overly-represented as are men that are on rebounds, looking to cheat or similar.
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Old 9th January 2019, 10:30 AM   #38
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All of his problems seem to stem from his being an alcoholic. Did you encourage him to quit? Maybe he already quit, and that’s how he managed to keep a girlfriend.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eternal Sunshine View Post
<snip>My last ex looked and was very in love. But he was also an alcoholic with bad debt, stalker ex wife and permanent ED. It’s sad that some of my friends gave me advice that with my age, I can’t be too picky (I was 37). I want my equal. Not my equal given that market for older women is worse so we need to adjust by lowering our standards. It’s insulting. <snip>

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 10th January 2019 at 12:58 PM.. Reason: Truncate quote
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Old 9th January 2019, 11:18 AM   #39
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For some reason ever since I passed 30, my dating options started to increase, a lot. Maybe because I finally got more 'polished' and most importantly, confident.

Now I'm in my mid 30s and if I was to date, I see no issues, however last year I got into serious relationship so hopefully dating chapter is closed for good

My BF ex was almost 15 years older than him and they met when she was 50... It didn't stop him from being with her for a decade. His other ex was over 20 years older, no issues there either. It is just with me that he reversed the age difference, I'm over a decade younger and it makes me a bit self-conscious sometimes LOL considering his past preferences.
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Old 9th January 2019, 11:29 AM   #40
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Was he married to either ex? If yes, then he didn’t want kids?

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Old 9th January 2019, 12:18 PM   #41
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Was he married to either ex? If yes, then he didn’t want kids?
Yes they were married with the second woman, not with the first. For kids... That's what he thought back then. She did have adult kids when they met, so did the other ex. He was fine with it.

I sometimes wonder if their marriage failed because of the kid thing though... Since even since we started dating he expressed interest in having a kid together.
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Old 9th January 2019, 12:44 PM   #42
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The feeling of loneliness can really get you down and start to feel crippling. I've been there. One day you wake up and feel so tired of it that you get with someone. This person may not be perfect and others may object, but you feel happier with them than you did being alone.
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Old 9th January 2019, 1:18 PM   #43
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I think it's true that those in very long term relationships and those who aren't actively looking may not entirely relate with your situation, OP.

I'm happy single and have no interest or intentions in being in a relationship, so I have no clue what you are going through, truthfully.

My younger sister is using dating apps to find someone. I sat with her last week on one of her 'selection' rounds, and tbh I've found it can be soul destroying when you're not a secure person already.

Bearing in mind she is gorgeous inside and out, has a great job, is educated and settled in her life and her friendships, and is in the perfect demographic for her location (relatively high earners, no kids, never married are plentiful there) - she has no trouble whatsoever getting dates (offline too), she is a good person, she's reasonably picky (imo) and she too thinks she can't attract anyone in her late 30s.

In my opinion, she is self-sabotaging - there's always something in the guys she meets that isn't quite right. She rarely goes on a second date because something (generally a detail) puts her off, or she thinks the guy is too good for her. It's the same whether she meets them online or offline. The way she feels about herself affects her dating prospects, not the other way around.

If you are going on dates (which it seems you do, from past threads), attracting men doesn't seem to be the issue. Other than your age, can you think of other genuine factors contributing to your current state of mind?
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Old 9th January 2019, 3:48 PM   #44
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Its been my experience that older women,(40-60) are so aggressive and friggin horny, that it would seem almost impossible that any guy could say that "it's over"....Unless they want it to be???

TFY
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Old 9th January 2019, 5:26 PM   #45
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Its been my experience that older women,(40-60) are so aggressive and friggin horny, that it would seem almost impossible that any guy could say that "it's over"....Unless they want it to be???

TFY

In my case, he was begging me, and he wore me down.
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