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-   -   Found out Dad I was interested in is married?! (https://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/648588-found-out-dad-i-interested-married)

JJacobs 24th December 2017 1:55 AM

Found out Dad I was interested in is married?!
 
This is my first post.

I’m single and my son attends a sports league. I’m used to attention from men but his coach, whose son also plays in my son’s team, is baffling me!

He starts conversations with me when he doesn’t with other parents. I was the first one at practice today and he ran into me in the hallway; he gave me the usual treatment men usually give me, with a lot of smiling, eye contact... Then his voice got really soft and he seemed very subdued, but grinning!

We kept talking as we entered the venue and as he sat down and I kept standing up, putting everything down, he would turn around to look at me as we talked.

I assumed he wasn’t interested since during the practice he wouldn’t make eye contact with me, and I left as he talked (not softly at all!) to a kid. I was halfway out the door when I heard him stop his conversation and say “Goodbye! Have a good Christmas!”. I wasn’t expecting anything else so I gave him a quick “Thanks, you too” and left.

He’s very outgoing with the kids and other parents, with me he’s very careful and shy. I don’t know how else to describe it.

We have emailed quite a bit and he replies to my emails literally within 60 seconds - it’s his work email. I don’t know how he acts with other parents, so no comparison! I always know when men are interested but his mixed signals are throwing me for a loop. Should I keep watching this or let it go?

jjgitties 24th December 2017 2:08 AM

i dont see any mixed signals. where do you see mixed signals?

JJacobs 9th January 2018 10:05 PM

Found out Dad I was interested in is married?!
 
I posted a few weeks ago about a dad at my sonís basketball practice and agreed that maybe I was reading too much into his behavior. But today, Iím not so sure. I caught him looking at me during practice, and afterward when another coach was talking to me, he hung around listening to the conversation and watching my face the whole time - he was standing off to the side.

Then, when that coach moved away, the dad turned to me and said, similing ďIím ready for bed...Ē. I said I was too, but his tone was different. He continued to make conversation and so did I. He seemed to be hanging around waiting for my son and I to leave, since he would not leave first.

Now, is this how married men flirt? I found out through a friend that heís married and even though I donít want to start anything, I need to know if I should cool things off a little - we have emailed back and forth and Iíve noticed some behavior from him then too. Or misbehavior, I should say.

I think whatís been most blatant is the staring. But thatís harmless, right? Guys stare at me all the time and since I donít reciprocate, thatís where it ends. Is he a harmless married man?

Cookiesandough 9th January 2018 10:11 PM

That sucks. Are you sure you weren't reading too much into it? Tbh, I don't neccessarily see flirting. I mean people look all the time. We have eyes after all. People don't want to look at the ground constantly. I don't interpret a look alone unless maybe it's coupled with bedroom eyes and an slow upper lip lick flirting...?
as for "ready for bed..."Again, sounds like he was just tired and ready to go home and sleep. Seems innocuous to me, but maybe you had to be there

harrybrown 9th January 2018 10:16 PM

no he is not harmless.

keep your boundaries and distance.

BaileyB 9th January 2018 10:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJacobs (Post 7507769)
Now, is this how married men flirt? I found out through a friend that he’s married and even though I don’t want to start anything, I need to know if I should cool things off a little - we have emailed back and forth and I’ve noticed some behavior from him then too. Or misbehavior, I should say.

I think what’s been most blatant is the staring. But that’s harmless, right?

Is he a harmless married man?

Is any married man who flirts with other women harmless?

Are the flirty emails harmless? Why are you exchanging emails with a married man? Would his wife be able to read those emails and think nothing is wrong?

My friend, I think you know the answer to your question. Yes, you should cool things off. Put some distance between you...

It doesn't really matter what his intentions are and whether he is flirting... As long as you are clear with your intentions to shut this down before it even gets started.

Cookiesandough 9th January 2018 10:28 PM

Wow really??? If every married man who looked at a woman other than his wife was harmful that would mean all married men are harmful. Look at last thread op starter. He emails with all the parents because he's friendly and kids are in the same league. Can you share what is in these emails that you find inappropriate or flirty? Besides the quick response?

mortensorchid 9th January 2018 10:39 PM

It's just what it is. As long as you are not reciprocating things, attempting to flirt and take it to another level it's just talk.

Are you looking to do something with him? I won't lecture you on what you should or should not do in this, we all know the answer. Keep your distance and barriers up in case he's letting himself wander other than in his imagination. It's ok to look not touch.

BaileyB 9th January 2018 11:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cookiesandough (Post 7507790)
Wow really??? If every married man who looked at a woman other than his wife was harmful that would mean all married men are harmful. Look at last thread op starter. He emails with all the parents because he's friendly and kids are in the same league. Can you share what is in these emails that you find inappropriate or flirty? Besides the quick response?

No, if every married man who looked at a woman other than his wife was harmful that would not mean that all married men are harmful.

Correct me if I'm wrong OP, but everything about your post seems to say "a married man is flirting with me and I like the attention. Is this wrong?" If that is what you are saying, the answer is... Yes.

Cookiesandough 9th January 2018 11:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BaileyB (Post 7507809)
No, if every married man who looked at a woman other than his wife was harmful that would not mean that all married men are harmful.

Correct me if I'm wrong OP, but everything about your post seems to say "a married man is flirting with me and I like the attention. Is this wrong?" If that is what you are saying, the answer is... Yes.

I forgot about the married men who'd rather look at men

Iseult 10th January 2018 1:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJacobs (Post 7507769)
I think whatís been most blatant is the staring. But thatís harmless, right?

As long as his tongue wasn't hanging out or drooling while staring, it's safe to say it's harmless.

S2B 10th January 2018 1:12 AM

It's up to you to set the boundary and act with him as if his wife was standing there with you.

He's flirting? Well, maybe he sees a weakness in you that he thinks maybe you might be willing to date him (a MM)... in case he wonders - you may want to start being clear with him that you're not interested in dating a married man. That includes long gazes and body language.

He trying to get a read on you if you want to play with a MM... if you don't intend to then send clear signals that you are not interested.

ExpatInItaly 10th January 2018 3:26 AM

What do you email about?

I don't see much in this post to indicate that he's flirting with you, and yes, you may be reading into things too much.

We need more information.

TheTraveler 10th January 2018 4:23 AM

At the end of the day, are you willing to get into something with a married man?

JJacobs 10th January 2018 6:49 AM

I’m sorry for not adding more info. I’m not very detail oriented, so putting it all down into words is more difficult!

One thing I should mention - I think I’m not wondering IF he’s attracted to me, but rather if he is ACTING on his attraction at this stage. I’m a model - I work less now than before my son was born, but I still make a living off my looks.

I know when a man is interested in me, it’s been happening since I was 12, UNLESS I am interested ed in him. When I’m interested in a man, I become insecure and unsure of everything he does. That is usually ok, because men have always taken the lead, but I am very attracted to this new person and it’s very difficult to stop thinking about it.

Also, he doesn’t wear his wedding ring, so I didn’t know he was married! Had to find out through a friend.

The emails have been First about the sports, then his work schedule, the kids, etc.. I’m not putting stock into the emails, though, it’s the in-person “vibe” that has given me pause.

I don’t want to get into anything messy. But at this point I don’t even know if he’s doing anything, so maybe I just need to chill out! :)


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