Found out Dad I was interested in is married?!

[BaileyB]

I don't know, are you going to become the other woman?

 

You tell us, because you are the person who makes the decisions.

 

Is this what you choose for your life?

Edited January 11, 2018 by BaileyB

[BaileyB]

What do you get from the attention of a man who is married? This is a married man who is making plays at you. Do you find this flattering? A married man making moves on me makes me feel cheap. He's a scum bag and he must think very lowly of me.

 

If you are ready for the worst years of your life, by all means proceed.

 

Clearly, she is enjoying the attention. It's almost like OP is looking for permission to go for it...

[waterwoman]

I don't know. Are you? It's in your hands and your hands only. Do you want to? From all I have read here it will get harder to get out of it later so make your mind up

[JJacobs]

Thank you, everyone.

 

Some sobering posts. I do think about him a lot, it started when I thought he was single too, since he doesn’t wear a wedding ring! Now that I’ve found out he’s married, it hasn’t stopped. I’m really attracted to him and it’s very difficult for me to even find a man attractive! This bums me out.

 

Do you guys really think the “I’m ready for bed” was suggestive? I mean, I thought so, but then talked myself out of it by saying that he as probably just tired, it was our first weeknight practice. But then again, he could have just said he was tired... And the way he was smiling as he said it... Need to get that out of my head.

 

You know that feeling you have when someone is into you? That’s what I have! I think he’s interested, and I’m afraid of doing something like that because I never have, so couldn’t it be that he’s just being friendly?

[BuddyX]

There are attractive single men everywhere. You just refuse to look.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

You know that feeling you have when someone is into you? That’s what I have! I think he’s interested, and I’m afraid of doing something like that because I never have, so couldn’t it be that he’s just being friendly?

 

No. He's into you. It sounds like you're more afraid of rejection than you are of becoming a mistress.

 

Again, I strongly advise you against embarking upon this path.

[BaileyB]

Why are you wasting your time and energy analyzing this... Nothing is going to happen, right? He's married.

[anika99]

What an odd way to title your thread. Am I going to become the other woman. As if it's something that's beyond your control, something that will happen to you without your participation or consent.

 

Look, only you know if you are going to become the OW or not. If you want to be an OW then that's what you will become. Now if you don't want to be an OW then there wouldn't be any reason for you to start these threads analyzing everything this guy says and does. The meaning behind his words and actions wouldn't matter a bit because you would already know that regardless of his intentions you have no intention of messing around with a married man with children. This thread reads more like you want to start something with him and you want us to confirm that he has the same interest.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

What an odd way to title your thread. Am I going to become the other woman. As if it's something that's beyond your control, something that will happen to you without your participation or consent.

 

Look, only you know if you are going to become the OW or not. If you want to be an OW then that's what you will become. Now if you don't want to be an OW then there wouldn't be any reason for you to start these threads analyzing everything this guy says and does. The meaning behind his words and actions wouldn't matter a bit because you would already know that regardless of his intentions you have no intention of messing around with a married man with children. This thread reads more like you want to start something with him and you want us to confirm that he has the same interest.

 

I agree.

 

OP, you're being offered a great opportunity right now and don't even know it. Choose to be a woman of integrity or choose not to be.

[Cymbeline]

If you do become the other woman, you are going to cause some pretty serious problems for your son and his basketball activities. And he will for his son.

 

It will all be toe curlingly embarrassing.

[JJacobs]

I really enjoy coming to this forum, which is why I feel I need to be honest. Here’s the truth: I haven’t decided how I’m going to act yet. I’m very torn. I’ve always been a good person, so the thought of doing something like this doesn’t attract me.

 

But he does.

 

I hadn’t wanted to be with someone in a long time, so this feels new and exciting. And I don’t even know if I’m really being given a choice to do anything here - I mean, I make a living off of my looks, so I assume he’s interested in me, what I don’t know is if he’s showing me that he is ready to act on it.

 

Right now, it’s all conjecture. But I can’t stop reciprocating when he stares at me. I did look away when he was leaving and my son and I had stopped at a restaurant by the exit, he was looking at me and I got flustered and looked away.

 

So I guess what I’m saying is that I’m slowly coming to a decision. Even though I may not have a choice because he may not be interested. On Saturday I’m going to see him again because there’s a game, but I assume his wife will be there, so I don’t know how that will go.

 

I’ll come back for help if there are updates.. And I’ll try hard not to think about him.

[hippychick3]

You should take the opportunity to ask his wife what she thinks.

 

Your "decision" to become the OW is deplorable.

[whichwayisup]

I posted a few weeks ago about a dad at my son’s basketball practice and agreed that maybe I was reading too much into his behavior. But today, I’m not so sure. I caught him looking at me during practice, and afterward when another coach was talking to me, he hung around listening to the conversation and watching my face the whole time - he was standing off to the side.

 

Then, when that coach moved away, the dad turned to me and said, similing “I’m ready for bed...”. I said I was too, but his tone was different. He continued to make conversation and so did I. He seemed to be hanging around waiting for my son and I to leave, since he would not leave first.

 

Now, is this how married men flirt? I found out through a friend that he’s married and even though I don’t want to start anything, I need to know if I should cool things off a little - we have emailed back and forth and I’ve noticed some behavior from him then too. Or misbehavior, I should say.

 

I think what’s been most blatant is the staring. But that’s harmless, right? Guys stare at me all the time and since I don’t reciprocate, that’s where it ends. Is he a harmless married man?

 

DO YOU want to be the OW? If no, then stop paying attention to this married man. If you continue to welcome his flirts and emails, you're the one giving him signals to go ahead and make that first kiss happen which WILL lead to an affair.

 

There are thousands of single guys out there, don't get involved with a married one. It doesn't matter if his marriage sucks or if he's unhappy... He is unavailable to you and YOU deserve more than being ego feed and his OW.

 

Stop the contact, he's not a friend either.

[BTDT2012]

Are you looking for someone to tell you to ahead and become an OW/AP.

[hippychick3]

Are you looking for someone to tell you to ahead and become an OW/AP.

 

She's looking for someone to give her validation that this amazing man has a massive crush on her and wants her so badly so she can feel excited and flattered.

 

A good person would not feel torn in this situation.

[Vivir]

JJacobs, welcome to Loveshack.

 

Don't be like me.

 

Some sobering posts. I do think about him a lot, it started when I thought he was single too, since he doesn’t wear a wedding ring! Now that I’ve found out he’s married, it hasn’t stopped. I’m really attracted to him and it’s very difficult for me to even find a man attractive! This bums me out.

 

Do you guys really think the “I’m ready for bed” was suggestive? I mean, I thought so, but then talked myself out of it by saying that he as probably just tired, it was our first weeknight practice. But then again, he could have just said he was tired... And the way he was smiling as he said it... Need to get that out of my head.

 

You know that feeling you have when someone is into you? That’s what I have! I think he’s interested, and I’m afraid of doing something like that because I never have, so couldn’t it be that he’s just being friendly?

 

I, too, was very attracted to the married man I became involved with.

 

I, too, did not know he was married - not for many months, because every time I saw him, he had on gloves (I met him in winter). He never volunteered the information.

 

I was so attracted to him, as he is quite beautiful. I was incredibly flattered by his attention and the fact that he seemed to like me and want to get to know me.

 

When I found out he was married, I was completely taken aback, caught off guard, felt like a fool, you name it. His wedding ring hit me like a ton of bricks.

 

And for two months, I cut off all of that flirty eyes thing and small talk and everything...

 

And then. I thought. well... I could be his friend...

 

If you think your threads are sobering, jump to any page of this forum and read.

 

You make your living off of your looks, and I assume you have pretty high self-esteem. Becoming an other woman, and that is what you will be if you let this continue, has the propensity to degrade your self-esteem and self-worth.

 

Trust your gut. He is interested in you, but not to replace his wife. He is likely interested in conquering the beautiful woman and/or making her a complement to his existing marriage - or both. You would do well to heed his behavior as predatory and protect yourself accordingly. He does not have your best interests at heart. Do you?

 

You can counter his bullisht by asking about his wife whenever he speaks to you about anything suggestive.

 

Don't be like me. Cut it off. Now.

[BaileyB]

As has been said previously, if you are a woman of integrity you would not be considering the possibility... To even consider engaging in a sexual relationship with another woman's husband is totally inappropriate and shameful.

[Poppy47]

Gosh, I wonder how your son will regard you, indeed all his basketball team.

 

If you become the OW it will, at some point, all come out into the open. Do you think that would be attractive? Can you imagine what a **** sandwich that will be for everyone?

 

What kind of role model are you for you son?

 

Poppy.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

So I guess what I’m saying is that I’m slowly coming to a decision.

 

Well, whether you think you will or you think you won't, you're right!

[olivetree]

I really enjoy coming to this forum, which is why I feel I need to be honest. Here’s the truth: I haven’t decided how I’m going to act yet. I’m very torn. I’ve always been a good person, so the thought of doing something like this doesn’t attract me.

 

But he does.

 

I hadn’t wanted to be with someone in a long time, so this feels new and exciting. And I don’t even know if I’m really being given a choice to do anything here - I mean, I make a living off of my looks, so I assume he’s interested in me, what I don’t know is if he’s showing me that he is ready to act on it.

 

Right now, it’s all conjecture. But I can’t stop reciprocating when he stares at me. I did look away when he was leaving and my son and I had stopped at a restaurant by the exit, he was looking at me and I got flustered and looked away.

 

So I guess what I’m saying is that I’m slowly coming to a decision. Even though I may not have a choice because he may not be interested. On Saturday I’m going to see him again because there’s a game, but I assume his wife will be there, so I don’t know how that will go.

 

I’ll come back for help if there are updates.. And I’ll try hard not to think about him.

 

 

You should spend some time in the infidelity section to see the results of your possible future choices.

 

Think of how an affair would tear his family apart.

 

Think of YOUR children and how it would affect them by the example you would be leading and if found out, the embarrassment that mom slept with the coach.

 

Think realistically and then squash this infatuation.

 

Plus a man who would cheat with you is no catch at all.

[No_Go]

She's looking for someone to give her validation that this amazing man has a massive crush on her and wants her so badly so she can feel excited and flattered.

 

A good person would not feel torn in this situation.

 

It is easy to get flattered, BUT indeed any honorable person learning that the crush is in a relationship / married -***backs off***

 

I just had to do it, and I've done it once in the past. Also: in my cases guys were both childless and in a process of exiting the marriage. So what? I'd have felt like a piece of sh*t to interfere in someone's relationship, NO matter in what stage.

 

Btw the guy from my past knocked up a 'lady' like 2 months after filing his divorce and made her his wifey N2, of course now few years later he's back crawling to wifey N1. People like this have no integrity so of course you can expect all types of follow up........

[minimariah]

I’ve always been a good person...

 

in a - i hate Hitler and want world peace - kind of way... you are.

in a - i want to screw my son's married coach - you're really not.

 

in fact, one could argue that you're a terrible mother who decided to put her own "itch" before her child's needs/safety - you decided to literally ***** where your son eats. having an A with his COACH (father of his friend/teammate) could have some serious consequences for your son's life and it's almost baffling that you didn't give that enough thought to stop yourself - almost.

 

...so the thought of doing something like this doesn’t attract me.

 

But he does.

 

let me rephrase this for you - the though of having an A doesn't attract you, unless it's with someone who attracts you. in other words - you're only good and moral when there's no temptation. wherever there's a serious test, you WILL fail.

 

good luck to your kid.

Edited January 12, 2018 by minimariah

[S2B]

Just for a moment explore how you will embarrass your son. I'm sure he has already noticed your interest in this MM.

 

Set an example for him and how to handle any MM - stop engaging with him and stop any eye contact/flirting.

 

That's the example you show your son by your actions.

[Cookiesandough]

If it is true someone needs validation from a married man's stares that is very sad because many long married men are perhaps the most thirstiest men (with their eyes) and stare a lot because that's really all they have. They are going home to the same woman each night and often not getting as much sex anymore because life happens. A lot of them have no intention of ever cheating so their fun is in harmless flirts and looks with just about every female in sight. It's no flattery unless you find being gendered as a woman flattering. Try going to a male prison - even more flattery

Edited January 12, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[ExpatInItaly]

As the others have said, think of the backlash your son will surely receive should you decide to try to chase a married man.

 

If you won't stay away based on your own integrity, do so for your son. You seem to have very little care or insight into what you're setting him up for here.

 

This is not all about you.