Madea Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 What if he had told you that night he was going to a strip club, would you have been okay with it? I ask because you don't mind a stripper's boobs in his face during a bachelor party, sounds as though he needs permission to have a stripper's boobs in his face. For me, and most women I'm sure, I would NEVER be okay with another woman's boobs in my hubby's face no matter what the occasion. Link to post Share on other sites
VinaAmez Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 I feel I turned into a terrible person. No your not a terrible person. He's the one that made the mistake, not you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 12, 2007 Author Share Posted February 12, 2007 If my husband told me he went to a strip club that night I would be mad, but i would of forgave him already. I would of said, ok, at least he told me the truth. I would of been mad at that and thats it. Instead he lied!! Which makes it alot worse. Now I sit there and question everything. I guess the perfume threw me over the edge! Link to post Share on other sites
che_jesse Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 No kidding. Guys can't understand what a pregnant women goes thru and it's pointless to even try and explain it. Ignore it. Its not just men that are asses about this topic sometimes, I actually got **** from other women (ones that have never had children) about why they think I should just grit my teeth and have sex while my back is in crippling pain. Cat just ingnore it. Sidenote: It pisses me off to no end when men start talking about womens issues like they can actually offer any sort of input about them, abortion, pregnancy, and childbirth to be specific. I acutally had some guy try to tell me that "You should have a midwife deliver you baby because..." Sorry of the derail its just irks me to no end. Anyways, Cat. How about this: since you cant sit down and talk to him right now and because this thing is starting to do damage to your relationship that the two of you will have a very hard time comeing back from if it goes any longer, do the following: Write him a letter. In it tell him what you feel and why you feel it, appoligize of breaking his stuff, and ask for a relply. Hopefuly it opens up come sort of communication between the two for you. Link to post Share on other sites
MoonGirl Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Catenza, Have you tried writing him a letter? That can usually be done even if you're crying. If you want to be held by him, then write that in your letter. Just a thought! Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 If my husband told me he went to a strip club that night I would be mad, but i would of forgave him already. I would of said, ok, at least he told me the truth. I would of been mad at that and thats it. Instead he lied!! Which makes it alot worse. Now I sit there and question everything. I guess the perfume threw me over the edge! Try and ask him why he lied. If the lying is all that is bugging you then ask him why he did it. There is a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Its not just men that are asses about this topic sometimes, I actually got **** from other women (ones that have never had children) about why they think I should just grit my teeth and have sex while my back is in crippling pain. Cat just ingnore it. Sidenote: It pisses me off to no end when men start talking about womens issues like they can actually offer any sort of input about them, abortion, pregnancy, and childbirth to be specific. I acutally had some guy try to tell me that "You should have a midwife deliver you baby because..." There you go. Have sex while in pain. I agree. Usually comes from those who don't understand or think they know what their talking about when in fact they don't. Link to post Share on other sites
suchislife Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 I think you need to see your Dr. Believe me, they've heard it all. You need to take care of yourself. Personally, I think your husband is slow on the uptake. I don't want to hear any excuses. This is and should be one of the most important times of your life and he hasn't quite caught up with the enormity of it all. His problem, sweetpea, not yours. For some reason, I don't think this is the first time this has happened. Tell me something. If you had done this, what would he think? I'm sorry this is going on. If this was a mutual thing, whatever, but there was no reason for him to lie, so why did he? I really hope you think about yourself and your children. I'm sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 12, 2007 Author Share Posted February 12, 2007 I am really starting to question if this was the first time too. And why would i believe him if he told me it was. The tension isn't that bad anymore. Today he turn around and said are we going to discuss this or our problem and at the same time my door bell rang.. Nothing was discussed. But I'm thinking is it our problem. Or just a problem he has??? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 You are out of your ever loving mind! He went to a strip club, he didn't commit adultery! You've previously had NO PROBLEM with him going to strip clubs before, so your switcharoo with the rules here is totally irrational and unfair. I agree - she's outta her mind - it's a lapdance for god's sake! But the more disturbing thing is her destroying his property - and laughing when he finds out she's destroyed something - and wasn't just once in a fit of rage - it's ongoing for weeks. That's not love - that's sick. And this bull that they can't talk cuz her 3yo is around - kids nap,kids go play, and he works til late at night at the restaurant - no 3yo is up at 11:30 when he gets home. Sounds to me like she enjoys havin the upper hand and having him on the ropes and being the martyr. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 I think I'm going to have a hard time trying to get my husband to attend counseling.. Maybe he will attend since he knows how hurt I am. Then again.. I know my husband feels really bad, so hopefully we can get passed this w/o counseling. He is a first time offender. Last night I couldn't sleep I was laying in bed and my husband was sound asleep.. I was staring at him. He looked like a different person to me.. Is that strange? yep - he's a different person - your view of him has changed. so now you need to figure out if you can still love the man he actually is - rather than the fantasy man you had in your head. You are enjoying torturing him too much - very sick and if you keep it up - it will destroy your marriage. He made a mistake, he admitted it, you either need to forgive him - or end the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 No kidding. Guys can't understand what a pregnant women goes thru and it's pointless to even try and explain it. Ignore it. I've had two kids - both difficult pregnancies and births - bed rest - etc. I still always managed to keep a sex life with my husband and satisfy needs. Just because WE may not feel like havin lots of sex doesn't mean their needs go away. And - had he gone and had a lapdance while I was 7 months pregnant - big deal. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 I've had two kids - both difficult pregnancies and births - bed rest - etc. I still always managed to keep a sex life with my husband and satisfy needs. Just because WE may not feel like havin lots of sex doesn't mean their needs go away. And - had he gone and had a lapdance while I was 7 months pregnant - big deal. Guest, good for you. Just because your sex life was good then doesn't mean that everyone else's should be too. And if your ok with your h/bf going out and doing that sort of stuff the good for you too. Not everyone is like you. I'm really starting to question if this was the first time too. And why would I believe him if he told me it was. I don't know. You have to decide if you can trust him or not. People lie all the time. I'm sure you've lied about things just like any other human being. Link to post Share on other sites
kbah Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 this is who you decided to bed and marry.. Now that you have a child, it's time to deal with it. A lapdance is not a big deal, but it sounds like you aren't fulfilling his needs at home. Women seem to sex it up before marriage and then after they say "I do", they let it all go downhill from there. Wow...she isn't fulfilling his needs at home because she has a 6 pound human growing INSIDE OF HER. and it's not just for her...it's for him too. They are having a baby. Together. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Hey what does the lap dance have to do with not filling his needs. Men whos needs are fulfilled do go to strip clubs. Some people think it's normal and nothing wrong with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 Wow, alot of different opinions. What it all comes do to is me being respected! I haven't cried today nor had the urge to. I'm getting better. All I really did is destroy his Bow which happened a day later. I needed him to feel the hurt I was feeling. The last 2 weeks were horrible! I mean guys go to strip joints with other guys and then they discuss it with other guys that didn't go and all my husband did is show people around us that he has no respect for me. As for today, thats whats hurting me the most. I'm passed the going to the strip joint and even the lying part... But I can't get passed the respect part. Do his guy friends look at him like a degenerate? they all know I'm pregnant... Link to post Share on other sites
Krytellan Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Wow, alot of different opinions. What it all comes do to is me being respected! I haven't cried today nor had the urge to. I'm getting better. All I really did is destroy his Bow which happened a day later. I needed him to feel the hurt I was feeling. The last 2 weeks were horrible! I mean guys go to strip joints with other guys and then they discuss it with other guys that didn't go and all my husband did is show people around us that he has no respect for me. As for today, thats whats hurting me the most. I'm passed the going to the strip joint and even the lying part... But I can't get passed the respect part. Do his guy friends look at him like a degenerate? they all know I'm pregnant... Hmm... how to put this gently. Well, Catenza... you really freaked out about this. Like REALLY freaked out about this. I believe you were completely unstable for at least the last week and you went on a tirade and could not control your emotions for a long time. I worry about you, seriously. This has nothing to do about what he did being right or wrong. I recommend you see someone for the difficulties you are having. I have to admit that if my gf/wife reacted the way you did I would have to seriously consider walking out of the relationship, child or no child. In fact, I would make damn sure the kid went with me if I could. I have to think that this is only one example of how emotions have been able to overtake you in your life. I find it hard to believe that this event occured in isolation. You need to learn to control your emotions before you end up doing something you can't take back. Link to post Share on other sites
ely Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Hi.. My husband hasn't ignored me for the past 2 weeks he has actually tried to talk to me but i can't talk to him cause I fall into tears. The whole thing with him going to strip clubs at a bachlor party is different in my situation. I allow it cause he goes with people i know. And he tells me about it. I would never let him go with people that I don't agree on. I assume he feels that he did nothing wrong and thinks that I think he got "LAID" because of the way I was so hurt by it. But if you did nothing wrong, why lie about it. Then I start to think, how many times before has he gone and I just never caught him? Now if he ever tells me hes going out for drinks after work, I'm never going to believe him nor trust him and I don't want to be that way. I also start to doubt myself... Maybe its the pregnancy, would i feel the same way if I wasn't pregnant? He whom have nothing to hide, hide nothing , so he lied and you know what that means. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 I think my husband would prefer me act the way I am acting instead of me walking out on him with his Daughter and unborn child. I have never freaked out like this on anything he has done in the past. This to me is the worse ever at the worse time! My husband never saw me like this and is concerned because I am pregnant. What a sucky Valentine's Day i'm gonna have! Oh crap, here come the tears. Link to post Share on other sites
VinaAmez Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 Try talking to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Hansom_as_hell Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 His purpose for frequencing a shoe modeling Spot (strip club) has nothing to do with you. I a freedom thing. To be wanted and not be judge for that Minute. Because you represent what he Love which mean theres (responsibility) and Shoe Modeling Release him from that if only for the minute. And Remember He choose Love in the end not the release. . Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 I want to talk to him.. Problem is I don't know how to start it up. I would perfer he did. Link to post Share on other sites
VinaAmez Posted February 13, 2007 Share Posted February 13, 2007 You don't want to talk to him but yet you want him to talk to you first? Sounds like he wanted to yesterday (not sure day) and I'm assuming that didn't happen. You don't even have to go into this whole pre-speech. You could also say "when your ready to talk about this we will." That way he'll start it up instead of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CATENZA Posted February 13, 2007 Author Share Posted February 13, 2007 But even if I initated it, what do I start with?? I don't want to start with your a piece of $hit.. which i would like too!! LOL Link to post Share on other sites
VinaAmez Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 Sorry can't write you a transcript, Lol!! If you've ever had a problem with him in the past how did you handle it? I'm sure you can do it like a mature adult. Link to post Share on other sites
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