VinaAmez Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 That whole wedding thing would freak me out too. There is no way I would go through an arranged marriage. Good Luck! . Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 By the time you read this it will be the day. I hope you can muster the strength to leave as quickly as possible. I really am praying for you, in my nonreligious way. Good luck, Coco. You are very much in my thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coco_milkshake Posted February 19, 2007 Author Share Posted February 19, 2007 Hey I went in today knowing that I was risking being caught. I was so paranoid that my eyes were scanning everyone around me as I walked towards the clinic cos I was afraid I would be seen. Every time I saw an Indian face I would turn my head in the opposite direction regardless of whether I knew them or not cos there are times where people know I am but I dont know them. I met my counsellor and got her up to date with what my situation has been like at home and when I told her that mum made me swear on my dead grandad she burst out laughing saying that is the most ridiculous thing she has ever heard. She says that what I am going through is a classic case of abuse and that the fact that I am living the way that they want to at home, I am wearing a mask which to her is a survival instinct. She said mum is trying every trick in the book to keep me under control cos she is desperate. She showed me some leaflets about women's shelters. Unfortunately I couldnt take the leaflets with me as that would be evidence that I have been there and mum has been through my bag a few times behind my back. I am praying that no one saw me today cos if it gets back to mum my life will become 10 times worse than it already is. I told my counsellor this and she says in that case I would have to be put into a safe house asap and get the police involved. She told me what I was desperate to hear. I am not a bad person, I am trying to live my life my way which is a basic human right. She called my mum abusive and manipulative. I am still not sure if I want to get out right now cos I am worried about my education more than anything else... Link to post Share on other sites
MoonGirl Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 Hi Coco, Everything the counsellor said to you is right. Please don't worry about school right now. There are ways you can get through school without living with your mum. If you need to take a semester off of school to deal with your personal life, I think that is just fine. You'll be better off in the long run. I hope you can find the strength to leave, Coco. Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 I was hoping that you were leaving today, but there's still hope. As long as you got the info you needed, it's all good. I understand the desire to NOT involve the police, but sometimes that is necessary. Keep your strength! It sounds like it all went well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coco_milkshake Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 I went because I wanted to know what I was getting myself into regarding information about safe houses as I dont want any nasty surprises. What they said sounds straight forward, that I will be sharing a flat or maybe have one to myself and there will be wardens outside the house and that I can be placed in any part of the country. I will also get to meet others who are in the same position as me. Still in the process of gathering courage..... Link to post Share on other sites
MoonGirl Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 Hi Coco, Keep gathering your courage. And, PLEASE don't worry about your studies right now. You will be able to continue your degree later. You are a smart, talented young woman and a semester-long break from school will not hurt you in the long run. Meeting other young women who are in the same position as you will give you a ton of support. You will finally have friends of your own choosing and be able to begin a new life for yourself: the life you deserve to have. Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 I went because I wanted to know what I was getting myself into regarding information about safe houses as I dont want any nasty surprises. What they said sounds straight forward, that I will be sharing a flat or maybe have one to myself and there will be wardens outside the house and that I can be placed in any part of the country. I will also get to meet others who are in the same position as me. Still in the process of gathering courage..... I am not surprised at all about what you have learned. It sounds very similar to what you would encounter in the States. You may not have total privacy, or much privacy at all, but is that much different than where you are now? At least nobody would be looking through your bags when you least expect it. Leave. That is harder done than said, but leave. Link to post Share on other sites
MoonGirl Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Hi Coco, What are your thoughts right now about leaving? I suppose it takes some time to digest the information you have been given. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coco_milkshake Posted February 22, 2007 Author Share Posted February 22, 2007 Hey MG You are right. I am taking in every piece of information I have been given and I am trying my best to be able to just take that short leap of faith, I just wish it would happen soon. I have been thinking about nothing else since for the past week or so now and especially after seeing the counsellor at the clinic who gave me such helpful advice. The courage that I do have now is a lot more than it was a while ago, I am slowly getting myself used to the idea that I will be out there living my life my way and I know I will have to really toughen up if I want to survive on my own. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Hey...a point some people are missing here is you wouldn't really be on your own...I mean they'd pay for the housing, food, clothes, and you'd have some of your own money in the form of social benefits for as long as you want to... Link to post Share on other sites
MoonGirl Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Hey...a point some people are missing here is you wouldn't really be on your own...I mean they'd pay for the housing, food, clothes, and you'd have some of your own money in the form of social benefits for as long as you want to... Good point. And you'll meet friends quickly too. I'm sure there are women who have been in similar situations that you'll really be able to relate to. After leaving my husband, I have met many great new women in my support group, and my friends come over to see me and play with the kids all the time. Coco, your family makes you feel so ALONE, and being alone can actually be so much better than feeling alone. You'll have a ton of support, and I'm sure you won't feel nearly as alone as you do living with your parents. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coco_milkshake Posted February 23, 2007 Author Share Posted February 23, 2007 That is true MG. Like I said I am still trying to get my head around being alone out there and I know Cardplay3r has said that I wont be in terms of help but I meant in terms of loved ones. None of them will support me and it is nice to have some support from the people who count when you are taking a major step like this. Oh well, I suppose the next best thing is LS - you guys are the next best thing to family *hugs to all* Link to post Share on other sites
Author coco_milkshake Posted February 23, 2007 Author Share Posted February 23, 2007 I am so paranoid since Monday cos I am afraid that my family will discover that I was there again. I made sure this time that I had no evidence on me that I was there but I cant help but think about being seen cos our Gurdwara (where we pray) is the street behind it. I am praying that no one saw me. I walked very fast away from the clinic and turned my head away from any Asian face I saw. It is constantly on the back of my mind even though I know I have done nothing wrong but if my family find out..... Link to post Share on other sites
MoonGirl Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Hi Coco, I know the fear. I have felt it, and it's not fun. I hope no one saw you, and if you're accused of anything, simply deny it. Maybe there are other girls out there who look similar to you...it could have been anyone walking into that place! No one can prove you were there. And, yes, you'll have support. You'll meet new friends who have been through tough times just like you, and you will have us! Link to post Share on other sites
Author coco_milkshake Posted February 23, 2007 Author Share Posted February 23, 2007 Yes I am lucky to have met such nice people here on LS. Mum is very controlling though, she will do something crazy like make me swear on our Holy book. Wouldnt put it past her, she has made me swear on my dead grandad so this will be nothing for her. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 She can make you swear on the universe or on orlando bloom, if you really want to leave there's nothing they can do and no way to stop you. But honestly, you haven't decided on leaving yet have you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author coco_milkshake Posted February 24, 2007 Author Share Posted February 24, 2007 Didnt have a good night last night. I kept thinking about Monday which made me feel a bit unwell and ended up having a panic attack in bed. I honestly do not know what is going to make me just get out of there. I just wish someone would just slap some sense into me Link to post Share on other sites
VinaAmez Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 Well I don't think they know. If they did don't you think they would have said something to you by now? Link to post Share on other sites
MoonGirl Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 Didnt have a good night last night. I kept thinking about Monday which made me feel a bit unwell and ended up having a panic attack in bed. I honestly do not know what is going to make me just get out of there. I just wish someone would just slap some sense into me Coco, It takes a lot of strength and courage to leave, and I know you won't leave until you're absolutely ready to go. No one who hasn't been abused can understand why it takes victims so long to leave. I understand what you're going through to an extent. I know our situations are different, but I do know the fear, the guilt, and uncertainty. Just because you're not already gone doesn't mean that you've accepted the abuse and that you won't make the decision to leave in the future. Hang in there Coco. However long it takes, I'll be here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 Coco, just been updating myself on your situation because I have been away from LS for the last week. You are still taking steps in the right direction, so don't beat yourself up about it if they feel like small steps. You are talking to people, and getting support. I think you are amazingly brave to be even considering doing what you are going to do. No disrespect to Moongirl or any of the other people on LS, but when its your family doing the abusing, that adds a whole different dimension. I am lucky enough to have a loving supportive family, and it breaks my heart that you don't... but despite that fact you are still an intelligent, compassionate women who has alot of potential!! So keep it up chick, we are all here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coco_milkshake Posted February 25, 2007 Author Share Posted February 25, 2007 Hey sb129 welcome back! You are right - you totally nailed it there. It does add a totally different dimension when its your family that is doing the abusing. These are the people who are supposed to support you and love you unconditionally no matter what. For me its "live our way, or the highway". Today has been a bad day so far. Mum verbally attacked me cos the standards of the kitchen and the living room was poor according to her. She just stood there and shouted and shouted and I, as usual just sat there and let it in one ear and out the other. She then tried to get me to eat the holy food from the gurdwara and when I refused, she threatened to smash my face in. She said if I cant respect God, then I cant respect anything. I dont think I belive in God anymore and if I had told her that she wouldve definitely hit me. I answered her back cos I am sick of letting her say what she likes. She then called me shameless cos dad was vaccuming (sp) the living room and she said that my in-laws will complain that I cant do work and will "rip out her hair" for it. As mush as I hate to admit this, I love seeing her get wound up, I love seeing her angry cos then it provides an excuse for me to take out the anger that I have felt in the past 12 months or so on her cos she is one of the main causes of my pain right now. I get pleasure out of seeing her in pain and it makes me feel evil at times but I hate her guts. I want out and I am planning on seeing that counsellor again but it will have to be in a couple of weeks cos I dont want to arouse suspicion, this time it will be the actual arrangements for me to get out and I cant fu*king wait. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 You have just described one of the many reasons why I have trouble believing in God. Sorry to anyone if that offends them, but... Good luck Coco. If you don't get out soon I am going to come up there and kidnap you. Link to post Share on other sites
VinaAmez Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 Today has been a bad day so far. Mum verbally attacked me cos the standards of the kitchen and the living room was poor according to her. She just stood there and shouted and shouted and I, as usual just sat there and let it in one ear and out the other. She then tried to get me to eat the holy food from the gurdwara and when I refused, she threatened to smash my face in. She said if I cant respect God, then I cant respect anything. I dont think I belive in God anymore and if I had told her that she wouldve definitely hit me. I answered her back cos I am sick of letting her say what she likes. She then called me shameless cos dad was vaccuming (sp) the living room and she said that my in-laws will complain that I cant do work and will "rip out her hair" for it. Can't you just tell her to bag it? Can you stand up to her because that is so not right of her to do that to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author coco_milkshake Posted February 25, 2007 Author Share Posted February 25, 2007 sb129 - Lol. I always thought about faking my own kidnapping to get away from them hehe - maybe you and me can devise a fool proof plan *rubbing her hands together excitedly* I am usually a God fearing person but the crap that I have suffered in the past year has made me feel that God doesnt exist. I did believe in Him during those hard times but life didnt get any easier so I figure its best to stop believing. I prayed a lot for help but it didnt happen - I am slowly moving away from that and if my parents find this out I will definitely suffer for it. VinaAmez - I have tried to stick up for myself in the past and she tells my sisters and all 4 of them attack me for it. The fourth one who I hate just as much as mum is coming up this weekend and she has been violent towards me in the past so I know mum will love telling her about any incidences between myself and her so that my sister can have a word with me or get physical. Everytime I try to stand up for myself I always end up suffering the consequences for it so I try and stay silent to make life a bit more bearable for myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts