Author princessa Posted December 6, 2006 Author Share Posted December 6, 2006 People do that all the time - they provide updates on their situation and how things have improved and ask for more advice on how to improve things further. "Hey, thanks for the advice, my wife and I are having more sex now, but how do we deal with the kids? We don't have as much time to have sex as we want." Stuff like that. In any case, then look at your threads and consider how many of the specific issues you posted about have improved, or been resolved in a way that satisfies you and makes you happy. Hehe.. yeah I don't post updates for some reason... usually because these conversations tend to go off in so many tangents.. and people give me advice but then I figure out what to do for myself taking that into account.. so I don't really want to offend anybody by doing the opposite of what they told me to you know... Also because it takes 2 months before I'm able to say with confidence "yeah, there was progress there".. by then I feel it becomes irrelevant to the forum... Well if I look back at my threads my main issue (and number one post) was that he was neglecting me to do other stuff.... Well now he got a job and it doesn't happen much anymore.. we talk much more and he's made efforts to call me almost every day.. he attends events with my friends when he can, thing he used to never do before cause he can't plan ahead and was always busy when an event would come up... My second thread was about him being selfish.. well.. I haven't gotten to the bottom of this one yet.. The third major one was sex and talking bout feelings.. We've had about 3 good / honest conversations about that recently.. I think he's been most honest than ever with me recently about those things.. and it felt good.. but having these conversations is still tough.. and there are still a few things to clean up.... that was our 3 steps forward... then we had a fight.. and now he ignores me so I don't know if he's gonna end up shutting me out again or what.. I mean yes I do feel that there's improvement.. but it's really reaaaaaally slow... and the fights are draining... Basically I just wanted to see what people would say about the whole compatibility thing... seems that none of the couples around me fight as much as we do (well except for my parents... but they're just weirdos) Link to post Share on other sites
Author princessa Posted December 6, 2006 Author Share Posted December 6, 2006 you havent even looked into the idea before shooting it down. Yeah, according to my mother, I tend to do that an awful lot! you dont want to put any effort into fixing the relationship. What do you expect to happen? All you are doing right now is whining. Yes, so LET ME WHINEEEEEEEEE.. Besides, I AM putting all the effort I can into this relationship. I have, for a long time. The fact that I don't want to run into a shrink's office right after work doesn't mean that I'm knocking it off. I said, MAYBE I'll consider it, as a last resort. And I'll have you know, that makeup isn't shallow, it's a full-fledged hobby for me. It's a means of artistic expression and a confidence booster, all in one! Link to post Share on other sites
Author princessa Posted December 6, 2006 Author Share Posted December 6, 2006 It's about you taking control over your reactions and over his actions. It's about you not caring when he has a tantrum, seeing the humor in his little boy ways, and about you not feeling hurt and hysterical. Basically, I'm saying that you already know that what you're doing isn't working - you get upset and keeps doing what he's doing. In order to change the cycle, you have to do something different. Also, this was the first time that I was able to keep myself from flooding his voice mail with mean messages when he ignores me.. I'm so proud of myself Link to post Share on other sites
Author princessa Posted December 7, 2006 Author Share Posted December 7, 2006 Oh wow.. we're going on the 5th day and I still haven't heard from him... I guess this means he wants to break up..... Oh well, I guess I'm not gonna chase him.. Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted December 7, 2006 Share Posted December 7, 2006 Anyone who thinks that an on-again/off-again relationship can work out, is in deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep denial. Deep. Deep. Deep. On that note, I am fighting off the notion of sending my X-fiance (OA-OA since 2002) a Christmas card. :rolleyes: I live deep in the valley of Denial land. Link to post Share on other sites
Author princessa Posted December 7, 2006 Author Share Posted December 7, 2006 Anyone who thinks that an on-again/off-again relationship can work out, is in deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep denial. Deep. Deep. Deep. On that note, I am fighting off the notion of sending my X-fiance (OA-OA since 2002) a Christmas card. :rolleyes: I live deep in the valley of Denial land. Shrug, an Xmas card never hurt anybody..... I guess......... I guess unless you're in denial haha Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted December 7, 2006 Share Posted December 7, 2006 Shrug, an Xmas card never hurt anybody..... I guess......... I guess unless you're in denial haha :laugh: Well, princessa, I wish I could give you some great advice, but I am in no position to do that. So, I hope it all works out for you and yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Author princessa Posted December 8, 2006 Author Share Posted December 8, 2006 I hope the same for you my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
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