I hate porn :(

[Woggle]

Porn won't leave you, take the kids and then take all your money just because it wants to find itself.

 

Porn doesn't yell and scream at you over nothing and expect you to take the abuse.

 

Porn does not treat you like a child and look down on you.

 

The reason many women hate porn is because they can't measure up to it. I will take porn any day over some sceaming feminist and most men agree with me. A secure woman knows she has a lot to offer a man so therefore is not threatened by porn while women who have nothing to offer but heartbreak and drama hate it because they can't compete. My fiance does not care if I look at porn and go to stripclubs and the funny thing is I don't want to that much. The fact that she trusts me and goves me this freedom makes me want to make her the number 1 priotity because she makes it worthwhile.

[Alexandra]

There are some great points being made in this very old thread. Probably none brilliantly ground breaking but many concise and well put so it may be worth checking up.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=36621

 

drydania I understand your point all along was about the breach in the agreement and the lieing not the porn in itself but it seems to me that you are now back on the porn topic hence reading the above may give you some perspective.

 

I tend to disagree with your therapist on the porn addiction -before anyone jumps ten feet high I said "TEND" because I don't know the details and am aware I can't produce a diagnosis because of that, however I can express doubt about one all I please, thanks-. But regardless if it's an addiction or not, it is and shall remain something that bothers you intensly and he needs to see that and be willing to negotiate to a compromise.

 

Good luck.

[LightningRod]

Also-after telling my "shrink" sbout our situation and relaying all that my SO has told me about what he was doing, my LPC has diagnosed my husband as an addict and says that our relationship is following the textbook cycle of addiction. My husband has agreed to see the councelor but still thinks that he is addiction free because he has been able to stop for 6 weeks. My theropist told me that I was being an enabler and that I have a part too which I want to work on. I know that some of the people that have posted on this topic have gone through this before and I would like some advice on how to help him through this. I love him dearly and want to be there to support him. HELP please.

 

Well I wish you all the best. We can give you all the advice in the world, but our experiences and life situations are different so a I certainly hope you find what is right for you.

[LightningRod]

I appreciate the advice...however, I am a very adventurous person sexually and all of the suggestions you have made I have done. We roll play, experiment with different sexual acts etc. He has told me about the type of stuff he looks at and it is all stuff we do. I might be a little more understanding if I were the type that kept sex very limited but anything he has ever thrown out as an idea we have tried and continue to do. I love trying new things with my husband. He has never had a problem telling me what he wanted and the controlling part can be a turn on. I can't say that I always want to be told what to do but occasionally I like him to take full control and do as he pleases with me. We have both always been very open with our fantisies and I feel like it is a good thing that we grow sexually with each other. I just don't like that he lyed to me and betrayed our original agreement.

 

He sounds like a lucky guy!

[LightningRod]

Men need sex for love, pleasure, and power. Porn appeals to men because it's is men dominating and controlling women. QUOTE]

 

ANd THAT is why we have rampant abuse of women AND children by men.

 

Lightning Rod, thanks for admitting that men are destructive and mutations...I say build more prisons to stick the sick f***ks in.

 

No woman needs this s*** in her life.

 

It is true men do terrible things. I am not perfect either, I admit it. But most of the time I bust my ass to provide for my wife and family and I server them most of the time. It is my responsibility to make sure their needs are met.

[LightningRod]

LighteningRod.... LMAO! You are the perfect example of why so many women are against porn. You have looked at it so much that you are desensitized to a normal, loving, intimate relationship with a woman unless you are able to control and degrader her. Hmmm... wonder where you learned THAT from. There are plenty of men on here who will tell you they would much rather 'make love' with their wife then get off on the nonsense in porn. You are not enlightening anyone about men, only proving the point many women on this board have made about porn. Thank you.

 

 

You didn't read very well. Sex is a power trip for men plain and simple. Without it we can't make love to anyone. You could argue that laying naked on your back with your legs spread so he can insert himself inside you and shoot you full of his seed is degrading, but it is not. Sex is only degrading when you make it into something degrading.

 

Look at childbirth. I can think of nothing that could be more degrading for a woman because quite frankly it is absolutely disgusting and totally humiliating. Yet it is a wonderful moment for a couple to share.

 

Also you know plenty of men who are liars and if you offer them sexual favors I am sure they won't say no.

[lilbo]

I find porn digusting and the same as prostitution IMO. Why do I look at it the same as prostitution? Cuase they are selling there body's STILL even only if in images to make a profit. I am lutheran and find porn disgusting demoralizing, and it is cheating. When someone looks at porn and is imaginging themself having sex with them and not there SO, how is that not cheating?

 

 

I am 21 years old and some people may tell me I am to old fashioned, but when did it become old fashioned to truely love and respect your SO by only having and wanting them in ALL senses.

 

 

To all the men AND women out there that look at porn, have a SO, their SO has asked to to stop, but you simply : dont see the big deal in porn. If it hurts their feeling why do it?!

[LightningRod]

I think this is a perfect example of what most men say when women express issues with porn. So instead of listening to a woman, you try telling her what her feelings and thoughts *should* be on this issue because those are your own feelings and thoughts...instead of really trying to understand from a woman's persepective why they think and feel about porn the way some women do.

 

Most women have no need for porn or sex for that matter. It is pretty easy for you to sit there are argue against something you don't need.

 

Women have the same needs almost, the need to be cared for (sometimes the need to be submissive), the need for peasure and the need to be loved. And porn doesn't make some women feel cared for or loved.

 

Sometimes men what to make love some times they just want sex. Making love is when you want spend all night satisfing her. Sex is a fantastic way to relieve stress and frustration.

 

Then just look at porn. Don't have a real relationship with a real human being who has real needs that you have to try to meet and doesn't act like a puppet. If that is what men want and why they like porn so much, then just look at porn and don't have any real relationship.

 

Porn is what watch a chick flick or reading a romance novel is for women. It is not real either, but gets your gears going. I am sure you have no problems watching a guy sweep a woman off here feet because that is what you need.

 

Okay, so not only is porn men's fantasy with picture perfect girls, now we are also suppose to be the tool that masturbates him while he gets off on looking at other women??? You don't have any clue how women work do you.

 

Would you feel better if they were ugly compared to you? I am saying that no matter what turns him on show him that you are the one there to satisfy him. You may also learn something new or something fun.

 

Funny how you said you don't think women are blamess for the way *men* are and totally forgot to hold men accountable for their own actions and choices themselves above anyone else. Nice way to derail any accountablity in yourself.

 

You are right here. Men must also be accountable and hold responsibility for their actions and choices. I agree.

[LightningRod]

Two things: 1) Are you married? In a life commitment people's selves and deeper behaviors emerge over time, and not all of what emerges is acceptable to the OP. Before you get married, there is no way to know everything that a person will show you long term, so I'm afraid that yes, pragmatically, asking someone to make changes for the relationship (within reason! of course) is acceptable. If they aren't willing to make changes and grow toward the relationship in some cases (I think the preferred term for this is compromise), the relationship may stall or end. 2) More to the point, you're forgetting that drydania and her H agreed not to have porn in their relationship, but he used and lied to her for a long time, and that's wrong. At this time she has every right in the world to stand by her original wish..

 

Yes, I am married. I dated for five years and have been married for 14 years. We went for marriage counselling before the wedding and the fellow said write down all the flaws of your partner. Then he said "You can't change these no matter how hard you try. Are you prepared to live with these flaws? If not don't get married." Everytime one of those flaws rears its head 14 years later I grin and think what a wise man he was. Now my wife has dealt with most of her flaws, but that was her doing not mine.

 

It is not my place to say what she thinks about the progress on mine.

 

Another wise person once said "A man whose mind is changed against his will is of the same opinion still". That also has proved true.

 

The secret, I have found is that marriage is not give and take it is give and give. When you both do that it is very successful.

[Pink Amulet]

 

Look at childbirth. I can think of nothing that could be more degrading for a woman because quite frankly it is absolutely disgusting and totally humiliating.

 

 

 

Did you honestly just say that?

[LightningRod]

Did you honestly just say that?

 

Please don't misread what I am saying. My point was that you could look at it that way when it is actually one of the greatest moments of your life.

 

Blood, fluid, and afterbirth are not exactly a pretty sight, but a new baby sure is.

[Pink_Tulip]

You didn't read very well. Sex is a power trip for men plain and simple. Without it we can't make love to anyone. You could argue that laying naked on your back with your legs spread so he can insert himself inside you and shoot you full of his seed is degrading, but it is not. Sex is only degrading when you make it into something degrading.

 

Look at childbirth. I can think of nothing that could be more degrading for a woman because quite frankly it is absolutely disgusting and totally humiliating. Yet it is a wonderful moment for a couple to share.

 

Also you know plenty of men who are liars and if you offer them sexual favors I am sure they won't say no.

 

Sex may be a power trip for YOU, but certainly not for every man. And any man who would accept a sexual favor outside of marriage is not a man. There are plenty of moral men in the world, don't muddy their good names.

 

And b/c YOU don't see using a woman simply for sex as degrading, doesn't mean the woman shouldn't. And I have two kids, and childbirth was not disgusting or humiliating. I have never, ever heard anyone describe it that way, so again you are assuming everyone sees things as you do.

 

And as far as women not needing sex? LOL! If I don't get it at LEAST 5 times a week, I am pretty darn grouchy. Need it? No. WANT it?? Heck ya.

 

If you have issues with your marriage you would like to discuss here, please do. There are many people who probably have similar experiences, etc. But please don't try and tell everyone that all men view sex like you, and all women can do without sex. I haven't been around here that long, but long enough to know there are some pretty horny women on these boards, and plenty of faithful, loving husbands.

 

And as for your earlier question about your wife reading romance novels... I have neve read one. I even hate romance movies. I prefer action and sci fi. It is hard for me to comment since I don't know what is in these books, but I'll assume they are pretty 'detailed.' If you are hurt by your wife reading them, and you respect her wishes about you wathing porn, etc, then yes, I would say she should give them up. Marriage is about compromise and working together to make eachother stronger, happier, healthier, etc, not sitting back and having resentments and hurt feelings.

[Pink Amulet]

Degrading? Humiliating? These were the words I am offended by. I doubt anyone with any social decency would use those words to describe childbirth...

[Tim'sAngel]

Degrading? Humiliating? These were the words I am offended by. I doubt anyone with any social decency would use those words to describe childbirth...

 

I'm with you there PA!!

[LightningRod]

Degrading? Humiliating? These were the words I am offended by. I doubt anyone with any social decency would use those words to describe childbirth...

 

Silly me. I should have known that there would be people who are comfortable with the robe with the slit down the back, who like to have a room full people poking and prodding between their legs. There is nothing disgusting about blood or the placenta. What was I thinking? I am sure that people who faint in the delivery room (not me) do it because they are just overwhelmed with happiness.

 

I guess I just don't have any social decency. Thanks for pointing that out for me.

[LightningRod]

Sex may be a power trip for YOU, but certainly not for every man.

 

That is why some men need Viagra. It is called impotence.

 

And any man who would accept a sexual favor outside of marriage is not a man.

 

Agreed.

 

There are plenty of moral men in the world, don't muddy their good names.

 

As long as they are your morals.

 

And b/c YOU don't see using a woman simply for sex as degrading, doesn't mean the woman shouldn't.

 

And down below you say you use your husband for sex 5 times a week or your crabby.

 

And I have two kids, and childbirth was not disgusting or humiliating. I have never, ever heard anyone describe it that way, so again you are assuming everyone sees things as you do.

 

Ask you husband to squeeze a watermellon out of his ass and tell me it honestly the most beautify thing you have ever seen.

 

And as far as women not needing sex? LOL! If I don't get it at LEAST 5 times a week, I am pretty darn grouchy. Need it? No. WANT it?? Heck ya.

 

Using your husband for sex how degrading.

 

But please don't try and tell everyone that all men view sex like you, and all women can do without sex.

 

I didn't claim that all men view sex like me. Some are gay. I also didn't claims all women can do without sex. I said most women.

 

I haven't been around here that long, but long enough to know there are some pretty horny women on these boards, and plenty of faithful, loving husbands.

 

I am just saying that you can be a faithful loving husband and look at porn. I didn't claim that I looked at porn now did I. I have seen it, but it is a waste of time. I'd rather do the real thing.

 

And as for your earlier question about your wife reading romance novels... I have neve read one. I even hate romance movies. I prefer action and sci fi.

 

Me too.

 

It is hard for me to comment since I don't know what is in these books, but I'll assume they are pretty 'detailed.' If you are hurt by your wife reading them, and you respect her wishes about you wathing porn, etc, then yes, I would say she should give them up. Marriage is about compromise and working together to make eachother stronger, happier, healthier, etc, not sitting back and having resentments and hurt feelings.

 

True enough. But your not talking compromise your talking about drawing a line in the sand. I am saying that watching the sex scene on Titanic is no different then watching the sex seen on Bimbos #9. There is no middle ground in cheating either you did it or you didn't. So according to you if your flipping through the channels and see two people having sex and you get turned on it is too late and you are a cheater. Better get a divorce.

[LightningRod]

I'm with you there PA!!

 

Tough crowd. It must be beat up men day.

 

[Pink Amulet]

No. This is a 'you' specific obsession.

[portableversion]

Andrea Dworkin, the most hard core radical feminist everyone slightly right of center LOVED to hate.

 

SHe said the exact same thing you said "Sex is a power trip for men plain and simple. Without it we can't make love to anyone "

 

Lightning Rod, a RADICAL FEMINIST?? Who would have thought??

[Woggle]

I am a liberal and I hated her. Radical feminists are not liberal. They are the opposite side of the religious fundie coin. Liberalism is about tolerance and freedom which feminists certainly do not believe in. Porn can be a great release for men who don't want to put up with women's crap.

[Babylonia Beaune]

I always find this topic amusing. Even the Deputy Director of the C.I.A., if you'll recall, had porn on his computer. Jeff Gannon, male prostitute, visited the White House about 100 times and stayed over night: who was he there porning with? Karl Rove? Scooter? The media didn't bat an eye over it. I wonder why your husband is so worked up over porn. Likewise, why are you? Why are you so threatened by his little pictures? In my experience, husbands whose wives are "doing it" don't need pictures because they're getting the real thing. Husbands whose wives are doing it don't have anything left over for pictures. Don't you understand this simple thing? Your browbeating him and using key logger show that you're intent on making him sacrifice his pleasure to satisfy what? Your bad conscience or prudery or prissiness? You're going to persecute him till he does. Hmmph. That's not nice! Instead of being his parent or his jailer, why don't you be his friend, and show him a good time in the bedroom and stop being so stingy with your body. My husband never looked at porn but he cheated on me, and it wasn't because he didn't get more than he ever wanted at home. There's a big difference between his looking at porn and his cheating on you. If he does cheat on you and you find out, you'll see what a difference there is. His looking at porn tells you: "Make his sex life more exciting." He's your husband. He has a right to it and you should desire to make him happy.

[drydania]

I always find this topic amusing. Even the Deputy Director of the C.I.A., if you'll recall, had porn on his computer. Jeff Gannon, male prostitute, visited the White House about 100 times and stayed over night: who was he there porning with? Karl Rove? Scooter? The media didn't bat an eye over it. I wonder why your husband is so worked up over porn. Likewise, why are you? Why are you so threatened by his little pictures? In my experience, husbands whose wives are "doing it" don't need pictures because they're getting the real thing. Husbands whose wives are doing it don't have anything left over for pictures. Don't you understand this simple thing? Your browbeating him and using key logger show that you're intent on making him sacrifice his pleasure to satisfy what? Your bad conscience or prudery or prissiness? You're going to persecute him till he does. Hmmph. That's not nice! Instead of being his parent or his jailer, why don't you be his friend, and show him a good time in the bedroom and stop being so stingy with your body. My husband never looked at porn but he cheated on me, and it wasn't because he didn't get more than he ever wanted at home. There's a big difference between his looking at porn and his cheating on you. If he does cheat on you and you find out, you'll see what a difference there is. His looking at porn tells you: "Make his sex life more exciting." He's your husband. He has a right to it and you should desire to make him happy.

 

If you had read all of my postings you would see that I am not stingy with my body...in fact I consider our sex life to be great and not at all boring or plain. My body is "his playground" and I am open to any ideas he might have. I don't like the lying and betrayal. I realize there is a huge difference between veiwing porn and physically cheating and I know that being cheated on is a very painful thing (been there before) but I think that a husband and wife should have enough respect for each other not to do things that will hurt the other person (lying etc)

[Lennox]

I always find this topic amusing. Even the Deputy Director of the C.I.A., if you'll recall, had porn on his computer. Jeff Gannon, male prostitute, visited the White House about 100 times and stayed over night: who was he there porning with? Karl Rove? Scooter? The media didn't bat an eye over it. I wonder why your husband is so worked up over porn. Likewise, why are you? Why are you so threatened by his little pictures? In my experience, husbands whose wives are "doing it" don't need pictures because they're getting the real thing. Husbands whose wives are doing it don't have anything left over for pictures. Don't you understand this simple thing? Your browbeating him and using key logger show that you're intent on making him sacrifice his pleasure to satisfy what? Your bad conscience or prudery or prissiness? You're going to persecute him till he does. Hmmph. That's not nice! Instead of being his parent or his jailer, why don't you be his friend, and show him a good time in the bedroom and stop being so stingy with your body. My husband never looked at porn but he cheated on me, and it wasn't because he didn't get more than he ever wanted at home. There's a big difference between his looking at porn and his cheating on you. If he does cheat on you and you find out, you'll see what a difference there is. His looking at porn tells you: "Make his sex life more exciting." He's your husband. He has a right to it and you should desire to make him happy.

If you find this topic "amusing", then you're definitely from the land of the easily amused. The OP was very clear with the fact that the main problem was his lying about it. Once a person feels they must lie about it, there's a definite problem brewing. She has every right to be concerned and call him on his lies. He lost his "right" to have porn once he lied about it.

 

She's not being a "meanie", she's doing what she can to protect her marriage. So while you sit there with your head cocked to one side like the RCA dog, think about what marriage really is and what steps need to be taken to preserve it. Had you had that forethought prior to your husband cheating on you, you MAY have caught signs early on that your marriage was in trouble. Now if your husband is a serial cheater, there may have been nothing you could have known or done about it, but at least you can determine what your future will be from the point you discovered it on.

[sunseed]

Drydania, I'm with you on this last comment. BB, I don't wish to be rude, but drydania has clearly stated her willingness to have bedroom adventures with her guy.

 

Also, Drydania, I'll mention this book to you again: _Out of the Shadows_ by Patrick Carnes, PhD. It's a quick study of sex addiction and a must read for addicts and anyone who loves one. My husband has been diagnosed an addict as well, and we're in counseling together and separately to hopefully get out from under it and into a better relationship.

 

I think what many posters are getting into on this thread is a debate about whether or not porn is a good thing. I think I've gotten into that discussion as well, because you know what, I think it's one men and women need to keep having until some REAL understanding takes place. But for you, I think it's worth bearing in mind that what we're talking about here is addiction, and you need support for that in particular.

 

So, I will say here that you have my support in getting professional help for this. I hope you and your husband are committed to breaking the cycle. In my own way I've been an enabler, or "co-addict," and sorting that part out has involved looking at the abuse in my past and the ways the pain from it is contributing to the problem of addiction in my marriage. Is it possible that there was some abuse in your past too? Food for thought.

 

Hang in there...

[Tim'sAngel]

Silly me. I should have known that there would be people who are comfortable with the robe with the slit down the back, who like to have a room full people poking and prodding between their legs. There is nothing disgusting about blood or the placenta. What was I thinking? I am sure that people who faint in the delivery room (not me) do it because they are just overwhelmed with happiness.

 

I guess I just don't have any social decency. Thanks for pointing that out for me.

 

I haven't been following this thread for awhile, but just for the record, I see nothing wrong with porn and I watch it myself and with my SO.

 

To say childbirth is degrading is absurd. Maybe you just chose the wrong word. Childbirth is actually what makes women very unique and special, just as carrying sperm that determines our baby's sex is special. Yes blood and fluid are not very pretty and not for the weak to observe, but definately not degrading. In fact, it is the complete opposite. What does childbirth even have to do with this thread anyways??? Did I just miss something?

 

As for porn goes, its very simple. If you're SO is uncomfortable with it, then it is disrespectful to go behind her back. I want to have a sexual experience with a women, yet if my SO for any reason had a problem with it, I would simply not do it. It's all abour respect. Plain and simple. There, I didn't want this post to be completely OT.