WTF? What makes me sick about all these stupid porn discussions

It drives me absolutely up a wall that so many people are stressing themselves to death because their spouses want to look at other women. Why?

BECAUSE IT'S ONLY ABOUT APPEARANCE!!!!!

But you just don't and can't understand it, moi.

They should want ME instead of watching porn! I'm naked and waiting in the bed for them, they shouldn't have to watch porn! Am I not good enough? Not sexy enough? It's not fair!

No, wait....

this whole country is about appearance and looking a certain way. it makes sense to me. yet it is sad, but its how we are taught.

Not really.

At what point in history class were you told, "You all have to be thin and pretty when you grow up."?

"At what point in history class were you told, "You all have to be thin and pretty when you grow up."?"

Magazines, newspapers, TV, TV commercials, movies, etc. All of those put pretty, thin people on a pedestal. Yes, some commercials use ordinary looking people. But the big, successful, high paid stars are beautiful, handsome, well built, etc. That sends a message loud and clear. There are no fat, ugly supermodels, superstars, or super anything for that matter. It was nice to see that the overweight Studdard emerged from American Idol a big winner but if he didn't have a great voice he'd be dead meat. If you're fat and ugly, you better have something else really great going for you to carry you over the finish line.

Originally posted by UCFKevin

Not really.

 

At what point in history class were you told, "You all have to be thin and pretty when you grow up."?

Must we argue about this, Kevin? Women are slammed with this message way more than men are...and it is not a common thing that is verbally said. I will give you examples:

1) any lingerie catalogue

2) any commercial on tv

3) any tv show has thin women- we laugh at the fat ones and we dont drool over them do we.

4) how many diet ads target women and not men?

5) women in playboy that men love, they are thin, no? with big tits? why dont they have meat on them? cause its "not supposed" to be that way.

6) my mother, other mothers, daughters, sisters, etc talk about how "Fat they are" because its the common talk among tables with women at them.

No these are not direct messages but they are explicit in saying "photos of these types of women are everywhere and you, my dear, are an outcast if you do not resemble them. you must be part of the mold"...

which leads me to the onset of many eating disorders (including mine).

shall I go on.........?

We were SHOWN to be beautiful. Not taught.

I can see your point, seeing as how parents use the TV as a babysitter, but I don't like to think of it as a learning device in that instance.

Ah screw it. Who am I kidding. I'm wrong.

Originally posted by UCFKevin

Ah screw it. Who am I kidding. I'm wrong.

Word bro.

Sometimes it feels good to just step back and admit you were off base huh?

I do it every day.

I've posted this before....but I really think the problem comes in due to women assuming men attach as much emotional thoughts to their sexual viewing as a woman does.

To a man...porn and strip clubs are 'entertainment'.....nothing more. He may end up fantasizing to the 'way' a woman responded to sex in a porn film......but isn't contemplating having a relationship with her. Chances are....he doesn't really remember what her face even looked like.

Women are much more relationship oriented. Therefore, they perceive these women in porn as being a 'threat'.....rather than just a sex object.

However, if two people are in a relationship...she has a right to voice her opinion to him and work out a compromise. If she perceives it as a threat or a type of being unfaithful....the end result to her self esteem is the same. If a man loves a woman and wants the relationship to succeed....he would have to respond to her feelings.

I THINK the solution is for a man to find a woman who sees this issue the same way he does. If going with the guys to a strip joint once in awhile and watching some porn is part of his entertainment.....then he needs to find a woman who isn't offended by it.

Moi,

Your spouse or significant other looking at porn can make you feel VERY, VERY inadequate. It's an unsettling feeling knowing that your S/O looks at other women to get turned on.

It's one thing (and personally OK for me) to watch porn together (to enhance the mood and/or use it as the "batteries") but it's another thing when he does it behind your back, and with you not included in it all. Then, it makes a woman feel very cheated.

Also, I can fantasize and masturbate just fine, but men seem to rely on the visuals more, which I KNOW men are very visual. Guess us women just have more of an imagination

I've posted this before....but I really think the problem comes in due to women assuming men attach as much emotional thoughts to their sexual viewing as a woman does.

wise words

Well, I must be nuts then because I thought folks were supposed to marry each other because they liked each others' personalities. Apparently, people think that their character matters little to their spouses and that their spouses will prefer strippers and porn to them because the spouses must only care abour appearance.

So have I got this straight: men only care about appearance and women should not be worried about developing character because it doesn't matter anyway? Oh, and that lust equals love so if a guy gets turned on by seeing a woman, that means he no longer loves his wife. Is that how it goes?

But the big, successful, high paid stars are beautiful, handsome, well built, etc

Interestingly, a lot of British stars - at least TV stars that I've seen - are perfectly ordinary-looking people. Crazy concept, what?

Guess us women just have more of an imagination

Not all of us.

well i was not nessesarily taught thin and beautiful= good. But as a fat child being 80-100lbs overweight, i was made fun of in school, not just verbally, but had things thrown at me, my personal things were destroyed, i was told to my face i was an ugly cow. It was great when i could just be ignored.

Then at home my fat mother would say mean things to my sister and i, every summer we went to stay with my grandparents and my grandmother would put us on a diet. So basically BEing fat was not acceptable and it was drilled into my head every fat day.

Originally posted by UCFKevin

Not really.

 

At what point in history class were you told, "You all have to be thin and pretty when you grow up."?

1959 - Introduction of Barbie

Interestingly enough, if the shoe were on the other foot, and all of us women were looking at other naked men and had virtual sex videos to watch with men in them, all the men would be harping on here.

Unfortunately for us, that kind of stuff doesn't even exist for us women. If it does, I sure as hell don't know about it.

Originally posted by Fedup&givingup

Interestingly enough, if the shoe were on the other foot, and all of us women were looking at other naked men and had virtual sex videos to watch with men in them, all the men would be harping on here.

 

Unfortunately for us, that kind of stuff doesn't even exist for us women. If it does, I sure as hell don't know about it.

Guess you just do not know about it!

"...if the shoe were on the other foot, and all of us women were looking at other naked men and had virtual sex videos to watch with men in them, all the men would be harping on here."

Women are perfectly free to pursue whatever they wish, same as men. Male strippers are quite popular for some women. I think a lot of women stay in the closet on this issue because it's perhaps not seen as so ladylike. Also, as you say, women are not as visual as men. I think now that the Internet has become such a plentiful supplier of free pictures of naked women, men will one day become immune to them, cease to become aroused by female nudity at all, and the human race will cease to procreate for lack of interest.

It exists in every crappy Brad Pitt/Tom Cruise/Mel Gibson romantic comedy, where the guy says and does all the right things. Or every crappy boy-band who talks about how much he wants to "get with you, gurl". Or the cheap romance novel where the milllionare jetsetter playboy puts aside his Playboy lifestyle to give his heart to the the girl next door" We just roll our eyes, let you watch it, and pray that you don't subject us to it.

In general, I just don't get the impression that men as nearly as insecure about certian things. You can hear it in the vitriol and maliciousness when women discuss the pretty girl who flirts with all the guys. Meanwhile, the handsome male who gets with all the ladies is almost revered among fellow males. He's offered high fives and congratulations.

Originally posted by tattoomytoe

well i was not nessesarily taught thin and beautiful= good. But as a fat child being 80-100lbs overweight, i was made fun of in school, not just verbally, but had things thrown at me, my personal things were destroyed, i was told to my face i was an ugly cow. It was great when i could just be ignored.

Then at home my fat mother would say mean things to my sister and i, every summer we went to stay with my grandparents and my grandmother would put us on a diet. So basically BEing fat was not acceptable and it was drilled into my head every fat day.

ditto, Ditto, DITTO!

I was beat up and made fun of and excluded because of my size. My mother was always putting us on a diet. But she would then tell me that I had to eat. She still does that! She will ask if I've had breakfast and I say no. She then tells me that I HAVE to eat something. I ask if she is going to eat and she says OH NO! but I can't go out without something on my stomach. Her idea of a good breakfast (& what I ate every day for 16 years) A large cup of tea with four tablespoons of sugar. Four pieces of white toast with butter and strawberry preserves. Orange juice. A bowl of cornflakes with four tablespoons of sugar and a sliced bananna. I had to eat every bite "clean your plate" because of starving kids somewhere. On the weekend, add four eggs and half a pound of bacon and very salty corned beef hash to that mixture for breakfast. Mom had coffee. She did that to all of us. When we were dieting she would take away the cereal from the breakfast (had to have something hot). When I got old enough to diet myself we fought like the devil because I wouldn't eat! I did manage to diet and exercise (did a lot of weight lifting) and lose weight and when she saw how much happier I was --because I was being treated better, she stopped bugging me.

Its not just advertising - its the way we are treated--appearance does have a big impact. Look at animals in nature and how they use visual display/beauty to attract the opposit sex. Advertisers use what works and that is visual impact and stimulation.

Interestingly enough, if the shoe were on the other foot, and all of us women were looking at other naked men and had virtual sex videos to watch with men in them, all the men would be harping on here.

No, because they would understand that, as Arabess said, they understand that looking is not loving.

Unfortunately for us, that kind of stuff doesn't even exist for us women. If it does, I sure as hell don't know about it.

That you don't know it exists does not mean that it does not exist. Women, of course, are still not 'supposed' to be sexual so they aren't 'supposed' to want to see naked fellows.

Its not just advertising - its the way we are treated--appearance does have a big impact. Look at animals in nature and how they use visual display/beauty to attract the opposit sex.

But the people complaining about porn HAVE 'attracted the opposite sex'!!!!! They have spouses who, presumably, love them. So why on earth do they fear other women who look hot? Are these spouses so shallow that only appearances count to them??? Is love based on appearance alone? If not, then why worry so much about your spouse looking? Do people not think they are loved for themselves?

Originally posted by moimeme

Its not just advertising - its the way we are treated--appearance does have a big impact. Look at animals in nature and how they use visual display/beauty to attract the opposit sex.

 

But the people complaining about porn HAVE 'attracted the opposite sex'!!!!! They have spouses who, presumably, love them. So why on earth do they fear other women who look hot? Are these spouses so shallow that only appearances count to them??? Is love based on appearance alone? If not, then why worry so much about your spouse looking? Do people not think they are loved for themselves?

Sorry Moi---we went off on a tangent about an unrelated, but kinda related issue!

I think it's very sad for my daughter, who is a larger girl, to feel she has to compete with Britney Spears and all the other little over sexed bean poles on television. However, there is nothing I can do to change that.

When she gets to the point of feeling 'less than'....ESPECIALLY after clothes shopping which are limited after size 9.....I take her to the family park on base where the families hang out. I point out the families with the chunkier wife, the 3 kids and a totally happy man eating his chicken...smiling at his family.

Sure, he may go to the nudie bar or view porn.....but that represents the 'fun' in his life.....not what brings him his greatest 'joy'.

I really think men are less shallow in the way they view women than the way they view each other.

Originally posted by tattoomytoe

well i was not nessesarily taught thin and beautiful= good. But as a fat child being 80-100lbs overweight, i was made fun of in school, not just verbally, but had things thrown at me, my personal things were destroyed, i was told to my face i was an ugly cow. It was great when i could just be ignored.

Then at home my fat mother would say mean things to my sister and i, every summer we went to stay with my grandparents and my grandmother would put us on a diet. So basically BEing fat was not acceptable and it was drilled into my head every fat day.

That is HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kids can be SOOO mean, and they can really ostricize others.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<HUG>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Originally posted by Tony

"...if the shoe were on the other foot, and all of us women were looking at other naked men and had virtual sex videos to watch with men in them, all the men would be harping on here."

 

Women are perfectly free to pursue whatever they wish, same as men. Male strippers are quite popular for some women. I think a lot of women stay in the closet on this issue because it's perhaps not seen as so ladylike. Also, as you say, women are not as visual as men. I think now that the Internet has become such a plentiful supplier of free pictures of naked women, men will one day become immune to them, cease to become aroused by female nudity at all, and the human race will cease to procreate for lack of interest.

But the internet is not running rampant with pictures and videos of naked men. That's my point.