Resentment Issues

[Mz. Pixie]

bkz, another quick word of advice: Go for full custody! Don't worry about being a dick because your children's lives depend on it.

 

The reason I say this is because my brother went through a similar situation. He married young because of a pregnancy and his wife was a real piece of work. She was nasty and vindictive and cheated on him with guys who were involved in drugs.

 

They got a divorce, but he didn't want to be mean even though she had physically assaulted him on more than one occasion. This is funny because he is a police officer! Anyway, she has been arrested several times since then for drug trafficing and now lives with a guy who has spent most of his adult life in prison for drug offences and yet continues to deal.

 

It took a while, but now my brother has full custody of their son and she only has supervised visits. Your wife seems to be on a similar path. The guy she's hanging with is a piece of s*** and you definitely don't want your kids around him. If she's having physical problems, mental problems, drug problems, whatever, and she's also leaving them unsupervised for hours, THEY ARE AT RISK!

 

I hope you do consider this and go for every bit of custody you can. You can always be nice later on and let her see them more. You can even try to reconcile while this whole thing is going on or even after, but definitely don't play nice with the legal stuff, especially custody. If she's really on this path, things will most likely get worse for her. You won't be helping yourself, your children or your wife by being a nice guy here.

 

(Standard disclaimer about offending you: sorry!)

 

This is exactly what I was trying to say but DD said it better than I could.

 

D- as a side note- B has at least one special needs child- and either one or more are adopted.

 

B- like I said, it's war. Your children's lives and emotional stability are on the line. My mother was mentally ill, abusive, and abused drugs and I've wished 10 million times my dad would have taken full custody. But he said he didn't want to take me away from my mother. Do not make the mistake of thinking if your nice things will go easier- it will, but for HER. My concern is you and those kids- the kids primarily.

[flowerpower]

She leaves me a message today and says shes sorry for being so angry but she just cant understand why id move the kids into town and have them in after school care when they're in a great school and should be with there mother instead of after school care. She say's thats why the state pays us the money from the addoption is so she could stay home with the kids and not work full time. Yeah well the state also didnt give us the kids thinking we may get a divorce!!!!!!!

 

quote]

 

You mention that you have children that you two adopted and that the state pays you money. Were these foster children? Did you and your wife not have to go through counseling/interviews etc. to have these children placed with you. How were her "mental Illness", drug use, and numerous physical problems not noticed by state professionals or yourself before the two of you went through with such a commitment?