Resentment Issues

[Ladyjane14]

Thanks Mz. P, I bought the book Surviving an Affair by Dr Harley today. I know alot of people would say im nuts but im just not willing to totally give up yet, no matter what the results of the test are on Friday. I know I need to disconnect but........

 

I think you made a good move on buying the book, BKZ.

The marriagebuilders program is perfect for you. You are determined in your desire to repair the marriage, and that's an important criteria for the MB plan. Additionally, there are provisions built into the program for helping you to emotionally separate from the relationship if it indeed becomes irretrievable.

 

I think I would advise that you read through the book before you make a determination on calling the OM. You need to have a specific goal in mind if/when you decide to make that particular contact.

[blind_otter]

I'm still, and have been, reading, bkz.

 

I have a different perspective than the other ladies posting here. I've seen firsthand what happens to people's minds when they let themselves get that far in to a drug. To the point where they destroy their own bodies.

 

But I am reading and hoping that you find some resolution that is helpful or satisfying in some way. I can't really offer any advice, though. That's on you, now. You have to protect yourself and your children.

[Mz. Pixie]

I think you made a good move on buying the book, BKZ.

The marriagebuilders program is perfect for you. You are determined in your desire to repair the marriage, and that's an important criteria for the MB plan. Additionally, there are provisions built into the program for helping you to emotionally separate from the relationship if it indeed becomes irretrievable.

 

I think I would advise that you read through the book before you make a determination on calling the OM. You need to have a specific goal in mind if/when you decide to make that particular contact.

 

 

That's what I keep saying, plan A and Plan B!

[bkz]

Ladyjane, thanks for the advice. I started reading the book a little yesterday, it is helping me understand more about affairs and the differant stages and such.

 

Im going to wait on calling OM for now, but it may be something I need to do eventually im just not sure this is the right time.

 

Otter, what your saying about a drug destroying your body is something that just makes so much sense to me when I look at her. Its something that everyone is noticing with my wife not just me. Plus we all notice shes just not the same person anymore. Combined with the money that was missing, all the meds shes on for nazal, throat and sinus problems, her loosing her voice over night for 3 days and she allways seems stuffed up to me. I'll have a better idea of whats going on tomarrow.

 

Sometimes I feel like it is just me and shes having these problems because ive caused her to be so unhappy. That shes having these problems because I continue to fight for us and she just wants it to be over with, yet she continues at times to pull me back and to also talk about IF things work out with us we could do this or that. She continues to want to spend time with me and when I refuse or resist she gets upset. I dont know I guess im just really doughting myself at this point and dont know whats going on with her.

 

One other thing. I took off work tuesday half day to get some things done since I didnt have the kids and I had school at 7pm. I did some things around the house then decided to go see a freind at 5 before school to see how he was doing, hes in the middle of a break up with his gf. I was running early so I went to a bar by his house to have some wings and a beer but they didnt have wings anymore but I allready ordered the beer so I drank that and left. I ended up going down the way to Outback instead. Before I went into the bar I spoke with a freind whos wife works with mine and told him were I was but not that I was going to Outback, no one knew I was there. Now there was only 4 dudes in the bar I was in also. I talked to my wife yesterday afternoon about the kids this weekend and she aske if I was ok and if I had been drinking? I said no you know I dont really drink. She said, well were you at the (insert bar name her) and then did you go to Outback after that? I said yeah I was I wanted a beer and some wings before I met up with (insert friend here) at 5 since I had an hour to burn. I asked did (insert husband of wifes freind from work I talked to here) tell you I was at the bar? She said no one of my sons teachers saw me at both places. I talked to freind that new I was there and he said he never mentioned it to his wife. There was no one in the bar but a few dudes and you cant even see the bar from Outback so how did sons teacher see me at both places? My wife said shes just concerned about me and I told her not to be im just fine, she said dont get so defensive I said im not but im fine and dont need you to worrie about me and i'll pick the kids up friday and said goodbye.

 

Now I havent called her since monday and havent taken her calle either really. She called me a few times yesterday on my cell and left messages and she called my home and didnt leave a message Tuesday afternoon. I did call her back about the kids yesterday afternoon though. I wonder why all of a sudden she says shes worried about me? She has showed NO feelings of remorse or any sympathy for anything she doing lately but has been acting strange, checking my cell phone on Easter and shes been making some strange accusations. I almost feel like im being set up a bit? Or mabye because im not talking to her or calling her as much and just doing my own thing shes starting to wonder whats going on? Or mabye its just guilt? Or drugs? I mean I just have no idea what shes doing or thinking at this point or why.

[Tommy67]

You know, I have read thru this post and I am very saddened by what I see. I see a woman doing exactly what she wants and she has a gaggle of people catering to her for it. What's MORE important here is the KIDS. They are seeing this, learning this, are being SCARED from this..what do you think they are seeing and feeling over their mother turning herself into a skeleton? If this woman is on drugs, and she's allowed herself to be turned into this zombie, then the kids should NOT be in her presence. If it takes calling children's services to get the point across, then they need to be told.

 

The only reason she is checking cell phones, checking up on your wherabouts, acting 'concerned'....she is GUILTY. She is having an affair..what better way to shed the light off of yourself then to dump it on your spouse? What better way to take the eyes off of your drug use than to blame your spouse, that way your using dope stays on the back burner?

 

If she is happy this way, and you have stated that SHE has to be happy and that's her main concern...LET her be happy..only do it WITHOUT you and the kids. Let her clean up her own urine, puke or whatever else she is doing. She will not change unless a hard knock to the head shows her she can no longer have the luxury of a family, alongside an affair and the use of drugs on the side.

 

And did I read it right that she says she's afraid of living where she is - 'because of you'?? And you are taking that?? Who knows where she goes..point is..a married woman DOES NOT act this way. Don't be ready with an open set of arms when she calls or comes running...shut the door and allow her to see that you no longer will tolerate her BS.

 

This marriage - even is saved - will never be the same. She has seen to that. She has stepped over the line WAY too many times for everything to go back to normal. My biggest fear for you is the way she blames you..and how you willingly take it. You state that you wonder if she's unhappy because you are pushing her..that you have helped make her this way....not hardly. SHE has done this. And, so what if she gets upset or angry if you don't cater to her request to do something or go somewhere? Should you just be a doormat, smile along with her and the kids as you go out to eat, then let her drive over later to the OM's house only to tell him how awful her life is...just so she can use him as well?

 

I am wondering what it is that you do to de-stress from this..what are you doing to secure your mental, physical, emotional....ALL of that..your feelings? How do you take care that your kids are not scarred from this in the same way? Do NOT spend anymore time chasing after her....unless that man is gone, she's in therapy and makes 100% effort on reconciliation, gets off the drugs...cleans herself up, takes baths...all of it....do NOT cater to her anymore. I know your family is important to you...but it's a 2 way street. I wouldn't buy into her newfound 'concern' for you or worry...she is being nosy to be able to blame you..as in telling her stepsisters she was afraid of you...Bull! The light comes off herself this way..if she catches you doing something wrong..BOOM...she's off the hook.

 

The only reason I say all of this, is I went thru the same thing with my ex wife. I chased after her continually..I took the blame...I watched my kids fall apart over my desent into madness...it is NOT worth it. One thing you have to remember..all the times she acts concerned, gives out vibes she's worried, 'says' she wants to get back together...if you were able to put a tape recorder in the room where she talks to her 'friend'.....and could hear the stuff spewing from her...I don't think you'd want to get back together, because I can guarantee you that their conversations are NOT about her marriage working out. And, the one that is yelling the loudest? My bet..HER.

 

If she's not willing to care for or about herself, how do you think she's caring about ANYBODY at this time?

 

Good luck..you sure need it. Sorry to be so blunt, but this just brings back WAY too many memories to see this. I hope you can see what I'm talking about. I really wish you well.

[bkz]

I woke up this morning and somthing about all this is really starting to bother me. My wife saying shes affraid id do somthing to her and thats why she doesnt stay at home when she doesnt have the kids. I know she could be just trying to deflect the attention or use that as an excuse for not being there but she has allways said shes intimidated by me and doesnt know how im gonna react to things. Well im not violent and havent been in a confrontation in 12 years we've been together but I am outspoken and do get upset at times just not in the last year since I started working on myself.

 

On Monday when I talked to her about and caught her lying about were she spent the night easter night she told me to get upset and show some anger or emotion. Well I just dont feel angry I told her and cant fake it. I was talking with my freind this morning and he said that maybe shes affraid im just gonna explode and do somthing? He also said my wife even mentioned to him a couple of months ago when they talked that she thought my changes werent real. He thinks by me not getting upset or showing any anger its conferming to her im just putting on an act cause its really not natural for me not to be angry at this point.

 

What do you all think? I really dont feel alot of anger and usually I do get upset and voice my anger/concernes if I have a problem with something.

My inlaws and freinds will allways joke and say they allways know where they and I stand on things, im VERY honest and open about my feelings/emotions usually and almost to a fault. Im being honest about them now as well and I just havent gotten to the point were I feel angry for very long even when I do feel a little anger.

[Mz. Pixie]

She still wants to talk to you and be around you because you're still meeting some of her en's. Also, all wayward spouses have the illusion of a friendly divorce and friendship after- because they want to keep that person in their live- more cake to eat!

 

If you guys don't get angry she thinks her chances of getting a better settlement is good- plus it keeps you around in case things don't work out with OM.

[bkz]

Actually Mz. P she was ASKING me to get mad or show some anger. I havent to this point shown her any time of anger for whats going on and I told her I can only show how I feel at this time and its not anger.

 

Anyways im just not sure if its normal for someone going through what I am to not be angry? I think she wants me to show anger more so she'll have some amo against me since so far ive been completley under control and mostly loving/supportive with her and just keep encouraging her to work things out with me no matter whats happend.

 

Of course the last couple of days I havent spoken to her and i'll admit im in a bad place most the time and its real hard. I just want to talk to her and here her voice, its pretty lame. I have a few hours were I feel just fine and want to move on then wham!!! im totally devistated, feeling hopeless and doughting myself again for a few hours. Is this normal? I have a councelling appointment today after work then I may go out with a freind for a little while tonight.

[bkz]

I went to councelling tonight and im at a much better place than ive been in a while. No matter what the test results are tomarrow im really just gonna do my best to figure out how to be happy with myself and not worrie about her anymore. I know it wont be easy but I just really need to get right with me and i cant do that worrying about her problems and what shes got going on in her life. I do want to know about the drugs if she is cause that would effect the kids and id have to do something to protect them, but otherwise she can do whatever she wants and im moving on with my life for me.

 

IF things were to work out in the long run it would only be beause we both got to a place were we would be healthy for each other and right now were not. On top of that shes not even at the place im at were she wants to work on the issues she has in order to be healthy period let alone in a healthy marriage.

 

I feel like the whool is being lifted from my eyes at this point. I talke to my mom tonight after councelling and realized a couple of other things about myself I hadnt thought of. First my father was abusive and when I got old enough to make desisions on my own I stopped talking to him. I realized I was better off without him, that was 18 years ago and until a few years ago when my sister got married I hadnt seen or talked with him. Ive also allways surrounded myself with good, moral, mostly responsible people and ive never been one to allow people into my life or my family's life easily. I guess what im saying is ive allways set HEALTHY boundries in my life and ive not taken s@#t from anyone for the most part INCLUDING my wife, until 8 months ago when she threatend divorce. So why am I letting her do this to me now? Its out of charicter for me and if I wouldnt let my own father f with me why the heck am I letting her do it?

 

Shes just not a good person, mother or wife at this point and theres no reason whatsoever to allow her to be in my life unless I want to continue to be dragged down by her. I know it wont be easy but im sure as I start to make good decisions and stay focused on whats best fot me at this point i'll start to feel better about things and better about myself again.

[hotgurl]

good for you B that is the right attitude just repreat the last paragraph to yourself whe you are feeling weak.

 

I think she wants you to get angry and be an ass so she can say to herself see I had to leave him he is an angry guy and I am scared of him instead of taking the responsibilty of breaking the marriage up. She rather pin it on you.

[Mz. Pixie]

good for you B that is the right attitude just repreat the last paragraph to yourself whe you are feeling weak.

 

I think she wants you to get angry and be an ass so she can say to herself see I had to leave him he is an angry guy and I am scared of him instead of taking the responsibilty of breaking the marriage up. She rather pin it on you.

 

 

Bingo- she can't spin it any other way so that she looks good. She figures that will take the focus off her screwing another guy.

 

B- I'm like you- I was abused growing up and in my life I've gotten to the point where I just cut people out of my life that were not good for me. My brother is a homeless drug addict who calls me every now and then and always wants help- but I never enable him.

 

I think when it's our SO's though, the one's we've promised to spend our lives with it's harder. Being abused growing up you question everything as being your fault- and you put up walls. When someone finally breaks through those walls, like our So's, we so badly want to believe they are who we put our faith in that we go to great lengths to try and make things work.

 

I'm glad that you've decided to focus on yourself and grow a set and stand up to her. Let us know about the results of the drug test though.

[bkz]

Tommy, so sorry dude I didnt even see your post till just now!!!!

 

Thank you so much for the honesty. I really am starting to see whats going on and look at my situation differantley. I am a stable, inelligant, hard working person for the most part but im messed up in the way that I have lost self worth and really allowed the burden and blame for alot if not all this to be put on my shoulder by her. It really sucks to be in that situation as im sure from what you say you know well.

 

I really havent been doing ANYTHING to take care of myself except going to the gym, but mentally/emotionally im spent and not healthy at all. I do see myself starting to turn the corner a bit but I know its a long road and I need to stay strong.

 

I dont plan on letting her back into my life with open arms IF that were to happen and I just dont see anything at this point PERIOD that would lead me to believe it will. It would take a miracle from God to save us now, being a christian I obviously believe that can happen but shes just so far from a place for God to even work with her I just cant emagine it will.

[bkz]

Ok all jsut got the test results and shes not on ANYTHING, shes clean!!!!! WOW I dont know what to think, what do you all think?

[hotgurl]

wow I wasn't expecting that. My first thought would be where you got the hair if it was really hers and how old it was.

 

Because is she just started doing drugs it would be in the root part if you have long hair the ends can be three years old or more.

 

My second thought would be if she really isn't on drugs then something is seriously wrong with her and I would take her to a mayo clinic or some clinic that checks you in for a couple days and tests everything including physc. esp getting her meds checked.

[bkz]

I talked with my mother inlaw. She saw my wife last night and said shes looking better. My mother inlaw was away for the last week or so and says she notices a differance in my wifes appearance and attitude.

 

Funny how me and her have been going back and forth on the drug thing for so long now and most everyone else around us thought we were in denial. I know my wifes taking prescription meds and isnt healty. But shes allways taken prescriptions and been not healthy, its just she seems so much worse than before. Im wondering if im overreacting to other things as well to just try and explain my wifes behaviors? Oh well I have the kids this weekend and were gonna have a great time!! Im still going to concentrate on taking care of myself and not concern myself with her at this time. I know I need to get myself to a place thats healthy and happy no matter what happens with us. Since we wont have the house sold for at least 4-6 months and a divorce wont probley happen till then im just gonna take this time for myself and let God take care of the rest.

 

I'll continue to update and mabye start a differant thread when/if things go in another direction.

[Mz. Pixie]

Wow. I'm speechless, almost, which is almost impossible for me.

 

I'm with Hotgurl on the hair thing. Long hair would be older and wouldn't have the drug in it, but the root would. A urine test is the best way to determine drug use. Could it be possible that it was your daughter's hair (i can't remember if you have one or not) or someone elses?

 

She has got to be seriously mentally ill to be reacting this way. I know though that when I was involved in the fling, everyone thought I'd lost my mind too.

 

I'm sorry B- I guess I was wrong.

 

You're doing the right thing by putting the kids and you first right now. Make her wonder about you and what you're up to when you don't have the kids. Don't answer her calls. When you call her back be evasive about where you've been- like "I was out with some friends" don't tell her who. If she asks say you guys are separated and it's none of her business.

 

Try and communicate with her only about the kids. When she calls say, "Is this about the kids?" If she says no, I need so and so you say, "I'm sorry but unless this is about the kids, we have nothing to talk about until you give up OM and come home"

[bkz]

Im gonna have to agree with you all about being surprised about the results. I'll go a step farther and say they werent accurate and im pretty sure she IS on drugs. The brush I took the hair from had hardly and hair on it and it could have been real old. I have hair (alot of it) from her brush I took a few weeks ago but I just dont think im gonna retest at this point, i just dont know.

 

On Friday I spoke with her and told her I didnt believe she was doing drugs and I know everyone is saying things about her and wondering. She said she was glad I felt that way cause she thought I knew her better than that. Well we had a nice conversation mostly about the kids. I guess my son isnt doing so good in school, hes actually started to regress a bit they say. Obviously this seperation is starting to take a big toll on him. On Friday when I picked up the kids he asked me right away if me and mom are getting back together and told me he really wants us to be together again.

 

Anyways after our conversation Friday she calls me on my cell at 3:30 and starts accusing me of taking her wedding rings and her earings!!! She accusses me of breaking into her place and stealing them. She also says she has to hide them cause shes affraid her friend (little 23 year old gf from work) might steal them but shes sure I took them. Funny cause I bought her the earings for Christmas (3/4 carot diomand earings) and I paid for the other two rings, both are worth a few grand each and took me some time to pay off. Well I tell her I cant belive she thinks I take them and she should really try looking again cause im sure they'll show up, so she hung up on me. Also durring our conversation I mentioned she should quit telling people that she doesnt stay at home when the kids arent with her because shes affraid of me. I told her no one believes id do anything to her and its not working trying to make them think I would. 10 minutes later she calls back and leaves me a message and says she found her rings/earings and she knows shes being pariniod but its because shes sick of everyone talking crap and gossiping behind her back. She also said she knows im gonna play the message for everyone and doesnt care cause shes not talking to ANYONE including her mom and step sisters anymore, shes just sick of it. I never played anyone the message of course and really could care less about what a mess shes become at this point.

 

So I went to pick up the kids at her stepsisters house a while later and she was there dropping them off still running late, SURPRISE shes running late!!! She tried to talk to me and say sorry but I told her I dont care, no big deal and just drive safe on her trip to the bay aria. Her stepsister said my wife told her what happend and that shes also sick of whats going on espessially with OM. She said she told her and her mom she swears they're just freinds and knows she shouldnt stay freinds with him anymore, whatever. Her stepsister said my wife is just really confused about what to do. I told her I dont care what my wife does at this time I need my space and dont really want anything to do with her anyways.

 

Im not saying things cant work out but I just dont think thats what I want anymore. Im definately not picturing that happening at this point and unless ALOT happens we're done so far as im concerned.

 

Shes the one who moved out and shes the one whos made this hole situation what it is by lying, being deseptive and basically just living a private little life of her own. I wont take any blame when it comes to the kids either. When they ask I tell them mommy moved out cause she doesnt want to be with daddy right now and we're not getting back together right now cause mommy doesnt want to. Im sick of her s@#t and her making me out to be a bad guy whos mad at her that shes affraid of (without reason of course!!!!) and im sure shes done that with the kids as well since my middle sons asked me a couple of times if im mad at mommy. Shes only trying to take attention away from her own stupid eresponsible actions and shes doing it at my expense when she can.

 

If shes not on drugs then shes even more messed up than I thought. To be that parinoid and not even really look for her rings/earing before she called to accuse me is redicullous, I mean she found them 10 minutes later!!!!!!!!!!!!

[blind_otter]

 

If shes not on drugs then shes even more messed up than I thought. To be that parinoid and not even really look for her rings/earing before she called to accuse me is redicullous, I mean she found them 10 minutes later!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I agree. This makes me stop to think -- does she have a history of mental illness in her family? It sounds like she's having paranoid delusions. I would normally say, that if she's on drugs, they could be caused by the drugs.

 

If she only recently started using, then the hair test could be wrong. A standard screen covers a period of approximately 90 days. The hair sample is cut as close to the scalp as possible and the most recent 1.5 inches are tested.

 

Also, drug tesing labs aren't overseen by the FDA contrary to popular belief.

[bkz]

Oh and just real quick. Me and the kids are doing great. I took them out on our knew boat yesterday for the first time this year with some freinds and there kids and it was awsome. I got my son on a soccer team with one of my freinds daughters and he had his first practice Saturday and just LOVED it!!! I also went out Sat. night with a freind his wife and one of her freinds. Nothing happend or anything just went dancing, hung out and had a good time, it was nice.

 

Im just really starting to feel better about myself and my life. Im starting to realize shes no good for me at this point and probley hasnt been for a while. Shes allways sick or has a headache, she never really wants to do anything and even going camping with her family and the kids shes usually not into it or doesnt even come at all. Im feeling like im probley gonna be better of without her. Because of the kids and I do still love her (I think) I would give us another chance IF things worked out that we could be healthy together but I just see NO sign of that or anything that would make me want to believe that'll happen. So as of now im moving on with my life and that means no more worring about her unless it has to do with the kids safety.

[bkz]

Oh also forgot to mention. I know for a fact shes used Coke in the last 90 days at least once cause she told me she did at work with her freinds, well that didnt show up on there so that tells me the test probley isnt accurate.

[Mz. Pixie]

Oh also forgot to mention. I know for a fact shes used Coke in the last 90 days at least once cause she told me she did at work with her freinds, well that didnt show up on there so that tells me the test probley isnt accurate.

\

 

Bingo!

 

How quickly has she lost the weight?? Did they say they checked for meth? It's made with so many different chemicals I would think it would be hard to pinpoint.

 

You sound like you're doing well, B. I'm happy for you.

[bkz]

I am doing MUCH better Mz. P. Thanks.

 

They did check for meth but nothing showed in that sample. She started loosing wieght a couple weeks before she moved out so I guess two months ago. Like I said though I know she did blow in the last 3 months and it didnt show up.

 

Shes really messed up more than even thought.

One of my sons (5 YO) found a pellet gun in my brother inlaws room on Sat., no amo in the house and none in the gun, they dont keep amo in the house for any guns and all the guns except the pellet gun are kept up. Well my wife said that my inlaws just arent responsible enough to have the kids and the kids arent allowed over there anymore. Needless to say they were/are very upset.

 

Also my mother inlaw isnt gonna make it much longer and shes starting to be open about what her doctors telling her to prepair everyone. She traveled to the mid west to see family for 10 days over easter and shes going to the east coast Thurs. to visit my wifes sister. She is starting to do things to prepare for whats gonna happen with her. She really wants to make things right with my wife so she thought it would be nice if my wife drove her to the airport (2.5 hours away) on Wed. and spent the night with her at the hotel and went out for dinner ect so they could talk and hang out. My wife said no and she has no interest in spending time with her mom, pretty sad.

 

My wife and I started talking yesterday about what were gonna do. She was at her dads this weekend and I guess hes cutting her off and isnt gonna pay for her place anymore. I wonder if hes starting to see whats going on with her? It just seems odd that he would stop helping her out? Anyways we started talking about the kids and I told her if things dont work out with us id like to move the kids to town to be closer to her family. Thats when she started getting real pissed and raising her voice to me. She said "why would it be best to move the kids to town to be closer to someone whos just gonna dies soon anyways". WOW I cant belive I heard that come out of her mouth!!! Its like she doesnt even care about whats happening with her mom!!! She kept telling me how angry she is and how shes just a possesion to me and she thinks im just gonna go back to being the way I used to be before my changes started 8 months ago. She accused me of being a jeckle and hide. I told her I still love her, shes not a possesion to me shes my wife and the mother of my children but if I wanted just a possesion I could find that at any bar in town without all the problems attached to it. Kinda harsh I guess but im sick of her questioning my feeling for her being real.

 

I told her I really need some space from her and im not sure what I want at this point. She said she knows that thats why she hasnt called me and knows I went out on a date Sat. night when I left the kids with the inlaws. I told her I didnt go out on a date (and I didnt) but if I wanted to I would. Later in our conversation she accused me of saying I didnt want to work things out with her. I told her I never said that I just said I wanted space and didnt know what I wanted right now. I told her if things worked out for the best, I just like everyone else would like for us to stay together and be happy but I just dont see how thats gonna happen right now. She mentioned moving back in till the house sells but im not sure what thats about as I just didnt respond to it. I kept telling her durring our conversation she can get angry all she wants at me and its ok but im not gonna argue or let her drag me into a verbal war with her defending myself to her accusations. I also told her im starting to be happy on my own and dont need her or anyone else to make me happy. If I move on and decide to be with somone else they'll benifit from the changes ive made and wont ? wether they're real or not like she does. I finally said I needed to go and we could get together and talk later just give me a call and we'll set something up.

 

She is VERY angry and hostle at least by my wifes standards. I mean shes not really yelling at me but normilly she never gets upset enough to even raise her voice like this and shes really venting about things witch is also unusuall, but probley good?

 

Im starting to feel sorta bad for her and last night I almost felt kinda bad for telling her I wanted space from her like it might have hurt her a bit? But I dont know mabey its what she was hoping for? My mother inlaw yesterday told me she doesnt see there being a sexual affair going on with OM. My wife tells her she has NO interest in sex even with me and would NEVER be attracted to OM but they're freinds. My mother inlaw agreed the relationship is totally inapropriate but still says theres just no way she sees my wife being sexuall with him. At this point im not sure I really care but whatever.

[bkz]

I agree. This makes me stop to think -- does she have a history of mental illness in her family? It sounds like she's having paranoid delusions. I would normally say, that if she's on drugs, they could be caused by the drugs.

 

If she only recently started using, then the hair test could be wrong. A standard screen covers a period of approximately 90 days. The hair sample is cut as close to the scalp as possible and the most recent 1.5 inches are tested.

 

Also, drug tesing labs aren't overseen by the FDA contrary to popular belief.

 

Hi Otter,

The only mental illness I know of is her grandmother on her dads side was a hypocondriact and did have some other issues. She actually lived out the final years of her life in a home because she wanted to be taken care of and the family just couldnt meet her needs anymore. Thing is she was in her late 80's and her health was still excellent, she just didnt think it was.

 

Im still thinking you all are right about the drug use. The way shes acting is just really out of charicter for my wife and even if theres a full on affair it doesn account for alot of this behavior.

[blind_otter]

Well don't feel bad. Don't play that game, dude. She's an adult. She can and should be able to take care of herself, in all ways.

[Mz. Pixie]

B-

 

Remember what I said about dating- don't do it right now.

 

Tell her point blank you're doing what you can to repair your life and the kids.

Let her know if she wants to be part of it she better get her rear in gear and go about fixing things.

 

Of course she wants to move back in until the house sells- didn't you just say her dad is cutting her off?? Interesting huh? Tell her if she wants to move back- there will be no contact with OM- and she will work on the marriage and get marriage and drug counseling.

 

Meth can do incredible damage in two months time. There were some people on Oprah and they showed their before meth and after a short period of meth usage some of them didn't even look like themselves and had aged 10 years. I mean it was like 2-4 months.