My family, my boyfriend and my sadness

[Art_Critic]

Originally Posted by blind_otter

She is like unable to view me as a separate person and sees my actions as some kind of direct insult to her.

 

um...as I stated 3 or 4 times already, the above is fairly common behaviour from mothers. ask anyone.

 

I don't think you can lump all mothers together..

 

My mom isn't like that.. She is great and a good friend on mine.. Albeight she is an RN and therefore has more of a caring side..

 

My mom has seen me as a seperate person since I moved out on my own at 18.

B_O.. your Mom has got some issues.. in fact you can bet that they can certify her.

Space might be the only thing that can help you..

[RecordProducer]

I've got a certifiably insane mother, psychotropic medication and all.

That's why she calls YOU crazy!

 

She is like unable to view me as a separate person and sees my actions as some kind of direct insult to her.

What else is new about mothers?

 

Maybe she is still resentful of the birthing process and secretly hates me for giving her stretchmarks. The world may never know.

[blind_otter]

 

I don't think you can lump all mothers together..

 

My mom isn't like that.. She is great and a good friend on mine.. Albeight she is an RN and therefore has more of a caring side..

 

My mom has seen me as a seperate person since I moved out on my own at 18.

B_O.. your Mom has got some issues.. in fact you can bet that they can certify her.

Space might be the only thing that can help you..

 

I agree. I'm sneaking over to say HI to my Dad tonight.

 

I thought the bold part was funny....my Mom is a geriatric nurse practitioner. I've been bitter for a while now, that she can be so loving and caring towards complete elderly strangers -- but not to her own flesh and blood.

[alphamale]

I've been bitter for a while now, that she can be so loving and caring towards complete elderly strangers -- but not to her own flesh and blood.

Maybe if you start giving her a paycheck every two weeks then she'll start being nice to you....

[kitten chick]

My mom's not like that either. She's got a s***load of anxiety and drama so she drives me up the wall a lot but she was a good mom. She always treated me as an individual and let me develop into my own person.

 

Otter, you just got dealt a bad hand. None of it is your fault and nobody would blame you for distancing yourself from a woman who treated you this way. I know you're an expert in this area but have you ever tried mirroring exercises to protect yourself from her when she's around?

[Art_Critic]

I thought the bold part was funny....my Mom is a geriatric nurse practitioner. I've been bitter for a while now, that she can be so loving and caring towards complete elderly strangers -- but not to her own flesh and blood.

 

She isn't right..

 

I know my Mom can be cold at times but normally when dealing with death and dying.. She works in a cancer ward ( or used as she is part time retired now ) So she gets to see a lot of death.

 

But she treats all of us 6 kids with a lot of love ( some of them are Step )

[blind_otter]

Maybe if you start giving her a paycheck every two weeks then she'll start being nice to you....

 

I think that money is the only thing she understands. Money = love. She used to give me money and stuff all the time. I got this house I live in, my car, random pieces of furniture. The house was the biggie.

 

I bet she would actually think I loved her more if I paid her.

[a4a]

I think that money is the only thing she understands. Money = love. She used to give me money and stuff all the time. I got this house I live in, my car, random pieces of furniture. The house was the biggie.

 

I bet she would actually think I loved her more if I paid her.

 

Damn Otter sounds like my mother...... strings attached to the smallest of gift or the largest. But I never took her gifts, refused them nicely.

 

Is this not part of her culture as well? Obey the parent regardless?

[blind_otter]

Damn Otter sounds like my mother...... strings attached to the smallest of gift or the largest. But I never took her gifts, refused them nicely.

 

Is this not part of her culture as well? Obey the parent regardless?

 

Yeah. she thinks that it's inappropriate for unescorted females to be outside after dark. She also thinks that people should not drive cars after dark. I'm sure this has something to do with the longstanding curfew that they had in Saigon, but hello, we're not in Vietnam last time I checked.

 

And caning, beating with a heavy, thick, wooden stick, is the traditional punishment. But her father beat my uncle so badly that the man has a speech impediment (stutter).

 

The thing is -- she was disowned by her own father for (a) marrying a guai-lo (dog-eye), (b) having half breed children, © disobeying her father and smashing him upside the head when she was 16 for beating her mother half to death.

 

She may not accept the fact that I am as rebellious (or moreso) than she is.

[a4a]

Yeah. she thinks that it's inappropriate for unescorted females to be outside after dark. She also thinks that people should not drive cars after dark. I'm sure this has something to do with the longstanding curfew that they had in Saigon, but hello, we're not in Vietnam last time I checked.

 

And caning, beating with a heavy, thick, wooden stick, is the traditional punishment. But her father beat my uncle so badly that the man has a speech impediment (stutter).

 

The thing is -- she was disowned by her own father for (a) marrying a guai-lo (dog-eye), (b) having half breed children, © disobeying her father and smashing him upside the head when she was 16 for beating her mother half to death.

 

She may not accept the fact that I am as rebellious (or moreso) than she is.

 

Sounds like a case of wash, rinse, and repeat.

 

Cycle of abuse passed on. I hope you have learned and plan to stop this cycle even when it comes to yourself.

 

You will never be free of her negative input until you either can truly ignore her, or you remove her from you daily life. See her maybe every 6 months if that.

 

You certainly should not feel any guilt over having to extract her. You must save yourself.

[a4a]

Interesting Otter.

 

I have to wonder if she says you have shamed the family as well?

 

She can continue to treat you like s*** to prove that it is not her doing but yours....... prove it over and over again. See my daughter is crazy, cannot obey, has no honor. It is not me. I tried everything!! It is not me, I gave her everything ($).

 

To this I say...... WHATEVER!

 

You need to do a motherectomy

[blind_otter]

Interesting Otter.

 

I have to wonder if she says you have shamed the family as well?

 

She can continue to treat you like s*** to prove that it is not her doing but yours....... prove it over and over again. See my daughter is crazy, cannot obey, has no honor. It is not me. I tried everything!! It is not me, I gave her everything ($).

 

To this I say...... WHATEVER!

 

You need to do a motherectomy

 

This is really interesting food for thought, A. I'm going to put this on the backburner and let my subconscious work on it tonight. Thanks!!

 

And word, I do need a motherectomy. Off to go sneak into my parents house to visit with my father. Who wheezes and listens to Fox News at full blast, but hey, he's dying. I humor him.

[basscatcher]

Oh WOW B_O

I didn't read your whole thread yet (sorry) but I just caught it and read the first few posts.

 

I really feel your pain in what I read. I had an outs episode with my mother as well. I had a friend that told me to take her aside calmly and sit her down and ask her why she is so rude ot me and why she can't be a mom to me who understands, can help me, show me love and support.

 

I did just that and my mom almost started to cry.

She said "I see so much of myself in you, you are walking down the same path I did. It hurts to see this and I don't want to see you live through what I did."

 

Maybe there is some truth in this also for you.. I don't know..

 

My grandmother use to condemn us for our actions, beliefs and lifestyles--come to find out she was worse then we were in her younger years. All the condemnation she took out on us was a projection of what she couldn't do to herself.

 

----------------------------

 

By the way--Thank you for taking the time to post on my threads today in the middle of all of your dispair. You truly are a person who can step outside of their own needs and see the needs of others in the middle of your own agnoy.. It is very much appreciated and respected...

Being I just noticed your thread shows I need to improve on this in myself.

 

HUGS TO YOU B_O

[checker]

It seems to me like I seek out f***ed up guys to date. What normal man would touch a woman like me with a ten foot pole?

 

Or maybe I should just give up on men entirely. All I seem to want is a replacement father figure anyways.

You seem to say these four sentences as "throw away lines." Half jokingly. Yet they really do hit the nail on the head. You're right, you are f***ed up. And no, no normal guy is going to take you seriously. The more unscrupulous ones might take short term advantage, but I don't see any being serious.

 

You are right, you really do need to be alone for a while, probably a long while, and sort you out. Ignore these people telling you go for 22 year olds, eat loads of great food, shop shop shop. That's all bulls*** and just a softcore replacement for the drugs and alcohol. A short term pick me up. Read other threads. The people telling you that are in not much better places themselves. What do they know? OK fair enough they are being nice, trying to cheer you up. That isn't really of much worth though even if their heart is in the right place.

 

Yes, BF is an a**h***, and a waste of your time. You can't possibly imagine you have a future with him, where he'll reliably go out to work and support a family unit. He doesn't even take his kid to school because he can't be bothered to get out of bed.

 

Yes your mother was not tactful. Doesn't mean what she said isn't true though. And be honest, it is true isn't it? She is your mother. Why would she say something so hurtful like that if it wasn't true? Sure she could just be a horrid mother like some have suggested, but I don't buy it. More likely she has just come to the end of her tether after all these years and is now just desperate. She loves you and she'll do or say anything now to make a difference.

 

What does it matter if she hurts you with words now? You hurt yourself all the time more than she ever could. Would you rather she be like those in this thread and say "Aww, there there. Go bang some guys in Italy, eat some great food, and blow all your money in the stores of Milan. That will make it better." She doesn't because that's not going to solve anything, it just ignores the problems. I suspect she probably cares more for you than anyone else you know. When it counts, the people who really care always say what you need to hear, not what you want to.

 

(By the way, she is going through the thing with your father too. She probably has a lot on her plate looking after him. She has to come to terms with a future alone. And she doesn't have your youth anymore either.)

 

If you really want your life to change you have to realize that nobody cares about what problems you've got or what you've been through. Not really. Nobody's going to help you. And why should they? Everyone has problems.

 

Yes you have been through a lot in life. More than many people. But less than many too. Sure, you should, and have every right, to recognize the things you have been through. Its part of your knowledge and life experience. But don't play on it. Nobody is interested. The only way things change is if you, and only you, make them change. And nobody ever changed their life by looking at it and feeling sorry for themselves.

 

Do you know what you want to do with your life? Really want, though? What do you want to achieve? Knowing that and starting to work towards it would really help. Working towards goals you are passionate about in life is where self esteem comes from. You don't even have to really achieve them if you are really going for them. The journey, and knowing you are really living your life, making the most of your time, not wasting it, is what makes you happy.

 

Being with someone, or finding a replacement BF, is the wrong focus. Being with someone doesn't make your life work. Making your life... you... work, allows being with someone to work.

[tinktronik]

You seem to say these four sentences as "throw away lines." Half jokingly. Yet they really do hit the nail on the head. You're right, you are f***ed up. And no, no normal guy is going to take you seriously. The more unscrupulous ones might take short term advantage, but I don't see any being serious.

 

You are right, you really do need to be alone for a while, probably a long while, and sort you out. Ignore these people telling you go for 22 year olds, eat loads of great food, shop shop shop. That's all bulls*** and just a softcore replacement for the drugs and alcohol. A short term pick me up. Read other threads. The people telling you that are in not much better places themselves. What do they know? OK fair enough they are being nice, trying to cheer you up. That isn't really of much worth though even if their heart is in the right place.

 

Yes, BF is an a**h***, and a waste of your time. You can't possibly imagine you have a future with him, where he'll reliably go out to work and support a family unit. He doesn't even take his kid to school because he can't be bothered to get out of bed.

 

Yes your mother was not tactful. Doesn't mean what she said isn't true though. And be honest, it is true isn't it? She is your mother. Why would she say something so hurtful like that if it wasn't true? Sure she could just be a horrid mother like some have suggested, but I don't buy it. More likely she has just come to the end of her tether after all these years and is now just desperate. She loves you and she'll do or say anything now to make a difference.

 

What does it matter if she hurts you with words now? You hurt yourself all the time more than she ever could. Would you rather she be like those in this thread and say "Aww, there there. Go bang some guys in Italy, eat some great food, and blow all your money in the stores of Milan. That will make it better." She doesn't because that's not going to solve anything, it just ignores the problems. I suspect she probably cares more for you than anyone else you know. When it counts, the people who really care always say what you need to hear, not what you want to.

 

(By the way, she is going through the thing with your father too. She probably has a lot on her plate looking after him. She has to come to terms with a future alone. And she doesn't have your youth anymore either.)

 

If you really want your life to change you have to realize that nobody cares about what problems you've got or what you've been through. Not really. Nobody's going to help you. And why should they? Everyone has problems.

 

Yes you have been through a lot in life. More than many people. But less than many too. Sure, you should, and have every right, to recognize the things you have been through. Its part of your knowledge and life experience. But don't play on it. Nobody is interested. The only way things change is if you, and only you, make them change. And nobody ever changed their life by looking at it and feeling sorry for themselves.

 

Do you know what you want to do with your life? Really want, though? What do you want to achieve? Knowing that and starting to work towards it would really help. Working towards goals you are passionate about in life is where self esteem comes from. You don't even have to really achieve them if you are really going for them. The journey, and knowing you are really living your life, making the most of your time, not wasting it, is what makes you happy.

 

Being with someone, or finding a replacement BF, is the wrong focus. Being with someone doesn't make your life work. Making your life... you... work, allows being with someone to work.

 

Checker, I agree with a lot of what you are saying,however you should really read more background posts about Blind Otter before you make broad statment remarks. YES, I agree she should probably try to spend some time out of a relationship due to her history with alcohol and drugs.YES , I do think it's possible that shes "replacing " or filling her time with a man , lots of women do that. YES, her b/f is a waste of time if he can't even get his kid to school. NO, going to Italy and blowing money won't fix anything for good

I

f you had taken the time to thouroughly read past posts by Blind you would know that many of the reasons she is F-ed up are due to her parenting, and to suggest that she just take it with a grain because "your mother loves you " F_CK THAT!!!! Do you know her mother??? Do you know what it's like to come from an abusive family?? Do you know the scars that leaves behind? How could you possibly know first hand what her mothers agenda is? Some parents are just hateful or cruel simply because they are ...period.

 

Blind, I've been there before ,trying to sort out of a life of drama and make things normal when you don't have any real experience of what normal is. It is confusing.One of the biggest things that helped me move forward was to stop having contact with my mother , we speak once every few months and I havent seen her in years. This helped me to seperate from the drama that she created .I too got that I was crazy ...blah blah blah , and she got family all worked up with "my drama" when there was no drama besides what she had started to pass around. I'm sorry you are going through this at all, and I'm sorry for your fathers illness. If you need to talk , I'm here . Take some time for yourself to figure out what Normal is for you , and decide in your relationship what you are and are not willing to put up with . Do this in all your relationships , family , friends , and especially b-f . You have lots of friends here who don't seem to want anything in return.Sending you hugs Ot....

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

Checker's post makes a lot of sense to me. B_O, I don't personally know you, but I do enjoy many of your posts. You really deserve a whole lot more than what you have. However, nothing comes *free* - even if it is deserved. I am sure you know what you have to do. You offer great advice to many people on this forum... but you are not listening to yourself. Start listening to yourself..?

 

I feel that I am not qualified to offer you advice/consolation because my problems seem miniscule compared to yours. But I really like what Checker wrote, and I hope you'd give his/her post a second thought.

[checker]

If you had taken the time to thouroughly read past posts by Blind you would know that many of the reasons she is F-ed up are due to her parenting, and to suggest that she just take it with a grain because "your mother loves you " F_CK THAT!!!! Do you know her mother??? Do you know what it's like to come from an abusive family?? Do you know the scars that leaves behind? How could you possibly know first hand what her mothers agenda is? Some parents are just hateful or cruel simply because they are ...period.

Fine, I may well have got it wrong about her mother. I hope not, but sounds like you know some history about her mother and so if you say so then I probably have got it wrong about her.

 

However, me saying she is wrong to be against her mother and that her mother cares for her was not the main point of my post.

 

The quote above though is much of what I'm talking about. OK, its because of her mother that she's FU. She's from an abusive family. No I don't know her mother's agenda. OK, she's is hateful and cruel. I've got it now. Now that's established. That's acknowledged. Obviously multiple times here from what you say. And highlighting that yet again has solved what? Its nice of you to support her and say its not her fault, but she mustn't just comfort herself with words like those in your post and simply reaffirm that its not her fault.

 

My point is that nothing gets magically changed just because someone says "but its not my fault I'm like this, I was raised badly, I was abused!" And nobody helps you change it or gives you a hand out either. Has anyone from this forum gone to her aid? In real life? Gone and dragged her from her BF? Gone apartment hunting with her? Kicked her in the ass and helped her find a better job (if she needs one) or given her one? Or gone and taken some fun class with her? No. And even if they did it wouldn't help. She's got to be the driving force behind it. Everyone is just here to be warm and fuzzy to her. Which is fine; its what I'm saying. They don't really care too much. Sure, they'll offer kind words. Be there to talk. They mean well. But that's it. After all, they have stuff going on too.

 

If you really want to change something, YOU have to DO something about it. There comes a time when you have to say "fine, I've had a s*** life up until now and its not fair. But that's life and I can't change it. Nobody else will either. Nobody will change my future either, but I'm damn well going to."

 

Sometimes I think that is a bit of a problem with this forum as a whole. Everyone is here telling each other "oh, its not your fault, you've done nothing, its all your ex's fault, he or she is PD!! He or she is N!! You were abused! Blah blah..." Yeah its them. All your misery is down to them. Everyone just seems to come here and feel sorry for themselves and each other and not accept any responsibility for anything. Not even their own lives and happiness! Its just a mutual ass kiss.

 

I find it hard to believe everyone here is perfect and was wonderful in their relationship. From what I've read there are more than one or two pretty needy and insecure people here, and they probably became a bit much to their ex's. Not much focus ever goes there though. Its all about how hard they've had it. How others are to blame for their misery. Well boo hoo. How's that talk working? Anyone fixed yet? How's everyone doing guys? Six months, eight months after break up or NC and you've got people coming here: "I wonder if s/he has someone else... I wonder if s/he thinks about me... I really hate him/her... I still don't know why s/he was so horrid... I really want to break NC..."

 

But let me guess, its not their fault they were needy and insecure right? They were neglected as a child! And its not their fault they are still so hung up on their ex. They were just so terribly in love. Hmmm.

[blind_otter]

Not much focus ever goes there though. Its all about how hard they've had it. How others are to blame for their misery. Well boo hoo. How's that talk working? Anyone fixed yet? How's everyone doing guys? Six months, eight months after break up or NC and you've got people coming here: "I wonder if s/he has someone else... I wonder if s/he thinks about me... I really hate him/her... I still don't know why s/he was so horrid... I really want to break NC..."

 

But let me guess, its not their fault they were needy and insecure right? They were neglected as a child! And its not their fault they are still so hung up on their ex. They were just so terribly in love. Hmmm.

 

First of all, if you have an agenda regarding broad statements about other posters, start your own thread.

 

Secondly, I find it effing hilarious that you posted this statement above. I have been through hell trying to fix myself. CHanging the fundamental aspects of your personality and coping skills takes a long time. I've heard it many times, it took 26 years to get here, it isn't going to take 6 months to get better.

 

I started my post saying - I know why I am having trouble breaking with him. I don't want to be alone. I am harshly critical of myself and the first to examine my own role in shaping how I got here. I have been lambasted in the abuse section on several occassions because I think it's important for women who are victims of abuse to acknowledge the role they took in victimizing themselves.

 

That's my problem. I can clearly see where I punish myself continually. I cannot seem to stop it. It's like a compulsive behavior. To hurt myself, physically and emotionally.

 

I started going to AA recently, I've been in therapy for years. I keep making mistakes - and I would say I'm sorry I am not recovering on the timeline that you think is appropriate, but I'm not.

 

That's all I have to say to you.

 

I am begging you to please take your broad statements about "problems on this forum" to your own thread. I am begging to you GIVE ME SOME ROOM TO HURT.

 

I have been in the circumstances several times where I was terrified, angry, bitter, and not in a place where I was safe enough to be able to feel my own feelings or express them. I stuffed them for the benefit of others.

 

I had hoped that on an anonymous forum I would be given the space to explore this. However, You seem to have taken it up on yourself to be parental.

 

Don't tell me my mother loves me. I know her much better than you do. I had a 2 hour conversation with my father about my mother's inability to express love. Obviously he knows her even better than I.

[blind_otter]

Anyways, back to reality.

 

I think I've finally broken up with my BF completely. He managed to finally say something that I cannot forgive.

 

He came by last night but I was too tired to talk. So when we woke up this morning, it was back to where we were initially. It's just ugly. Maybe I needed him to be like that so I could demonize him in my mind to make it easier to reconcile the fact that I loved him, but I chose to love people who love me back in the same way my mother does.

 

I told him that he hurt me, and that I've had a lot of men try to break me but I am not broken yet.

 

He replied, "Well it looks like you're broken to me."

 

Half of me felt like he was right. I allowed it to happen to myself. I allowed this to take control of me. I simply don't know how to fight it...I tried SO f***ING HARD. I wanted so badly to make it so they didn't win. And they have.

 

But half of me says, that's bulls***. If I was broken I would have killed myself already. I wouldn't be trying, still, even in the face of such gigantic failure on my part.

[blind_otter]

However, nothing comes *free* - even if it is deserved. I am sure you know what you have to do. You offer great advice to many people on this forum... but you are not listening to yourself. Start listening to yourself..?

 

Listen to myself? What am I listening to? I have no idea what to try any more. I feel like a bird in a cage that has beat its wings against the bars until it lays on the bottom of the cage, exhausted. I feel like I'm too tired to even see clearly any more.

 

And this forum, is me trying to cope. My trying to cope by escaping from reality. This isn't real, this place, these words. None of it is. But I find myself spending inordinate amounts of time online, typing, instead of living.

 

I have been afraid for so long that I don't remember what it's like to be unafraid. I put up a strong front. I can intimately understand other people in pain, even those who lash out in anger, because unbekowst to them, I am sitting there beside them in the oubliette. THey think they are alone, but it's so dark that they can't see everyone else is lost in the same place, fumbling around in the dark.

 

Sometimes it helps to know that there is a hand to hold, in that darkness. One that will reach out to you without malice, without pushing you in one direction or another.

 

In my mind, my BF was something to cling to. In a world where I feel very very alone and cold.

 

Years ago there were experiements with infant monkies. They took the infants from their mothers, and gave them wire mothers with bottles inside them as replacements. It was so sad, to me, to see those babies clinging desperately to the wire mothers that could not give affection back.

 

I am like those babies. Even if it's a s***ty, half-assed replacement for the love I want, I still try. I need something at least. I feel so alone.

[KittenMoon]

Otter-

 

You sounds so sad this morning. And true, this isn't reality, but it's a step towards it. Your therapy isn't really reality either- it's a controlled supportive environment, but it's another big step.

 

And you're not broken. If you were you'd know it and your bf was just being cruel.

 

I told my ex something the last time I talked to him, when I was having a very hard time dealing with what had happened between us. I told him I was dying, and I was finally realizing that I had to stop trying to save that girl and instead help her finish dying so that I could essentially be reborn, and that is why I asked him over to talk to me.

 

That's what we need to do sometimes- let ourselves die so we can be reborn. It's a phoenix story. Unless you really die completely, you can't be something entirely new. Just something to ponder. I'm still working on this death and it still hurts.

[a4a]

NO MORE WIRE MONKEY!

 

Otter you do seem to grab at the wire monkey without thinking "is this in my best interest?"

 

 

 

You have to make the decision not to continue to allow anything in your past to control you.

[blind_otter]

NO MORE WIRE MONKEY!

 

Otter you do seem to grab at the wire monkey without thinking "is this in my best interest?"

 

 

 

You have to make the decision not to continue to allow anything in your past to control you.

 

You both are right. I do need to let her die. And part of that invovles moving beyond the past. It no longer exists except inside my own head. I can think of a thousand reasons why I do that but none of it really matters.

 

Life isn't fair. no matter how hard I cry it never will be. No one will love me because I need love. No one will do anything just because I need it. The only person who can ever fulfill my needs is me.

[a4a]

You both are right. I do need to let her die. And part of that invovles moving beyond the past. It no longer exists except inside my own head. I can think of a thousand reasons why I do that but none of it really matters.

 

Life isn't fair. no matter how hard I cry it never will be. No one will love me because I need love. No one will do anything just because I need it. The only person who can ever fulfill my needs is me.

 

Bravo!

 

You are not losing by not getting your "needs" fulfilled by those that you wish would. Nice if it happens but not one person on this earth can make you feel whole but yourself.

 

Hell no life is not fair. If it was it would actually be very dull.

[Mz. Pixie]

. You're right, you are f***ed up. And no, no normal guy is going to take you seriously. The more unscrupulous ones might take short term advantage, but I don't see any being serious.

 

 

Yes your mother was not tactful. Doesn't mean what she said isn't true though. And be honest, it is true isn't it? She is your mother. Why would she say something so hurtful like that if it wasn't true?

 

First of all, a normal guy would definitely take Bot seriously. She's beautiful- inside and out, she's caring, and alot of other wonderful things. And she's smart! To say a normal guy wouldn't take her seriously is complete BS. How do I know?? Because I had childhood issues as well, and I have a wonderful, NORMAL husband who loves me dearly and would do anything for me. Bot just has to get in a spot to where she will ALLOW herself to be loved as she should be.

 

Your post is exactly what I meant about my earlier post when I said "No offense but you cannot possibly "get it" unless you've had a mother like this"

 

Why would she say something hurtful if it weren't true?? Because she's mentally ill!

 

This is not about Bot being whiny or feeling sorry for herself as your post seems to suggest in some ways. You have no clue what she has experienced or any of us who have been abused by our mothers- apparently or you wouldn't be so insensitive to this subject.

 

Not everyone has a good mother. And it is beyond offensive for those of us who haven't to be told otherwise. Just because someone pops a kid out of their hoo ha does not mean they know how to raise it or will treat it as the gift that God gave them.