riobikini Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Cali, You did answer his question, -and you answered it, in my opinion, correctly. It appears that, -to me- your own personal situation has given you more insight, and even more reason to continue what you are obviously good at: giving sensitive, caring, intelligent and , now, more *experientially honest* advice. Keep it up. You are still strong and at the heart of the matter. And growing. (Smile) -Rio 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted May 5, 2006 Author Share Posted May 5, 2006 Cali, You did answer his question, -and you answered it, in my opinion, correctly. It appears that, -to me- your own personal situation has given you more insight, and even more reason to continue what you are obviously good at: giving sensitive, caring, intelligent and , now, more *experientially honest* advice. Keep it up. You are still strong and at the heart of the matter. And growing. (Smile) -Rio Thanks. That's the main difference between me in December and me now. The growth, the knowledge, the ability to understand and handle things I couldn't before. I owe a lot to LS and people like you. Whatever happens from here on out, I know I'll handle it just fine Link to post Share on other sites
Numbheart Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Whatever happens from here on out, I know I'll handle it just fine Thats exactly what I thought when I hit 29 after some tough break ups. Now at 37, I'm here for the first time in my life, always thinking I could cope with anything (and I mainly did) but sometimes, life catches you out. Never say never. Link to post Share on other sites
MTK Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Thanks all, I'm going to take your advice and not contact her uncle in June. He's got my email, if he wants to check in, fine, but I'd keep any message brief. I definately don't want to seem like a sobbing wreck to anyone, chin up for me. He is a jerk, so I need to back off and do my own thing and let her do her own. If she gets hurt, well, I don't want to be the rude guy in the background either. Fortunately, I will be very busy this summer working out for this fall season. I have a campus job, plus some pretty hard classes and I'm trying to figure out how to rent an apartment to bring my dog down here. Girls love dogs don't they? I'll just have to concentrate and make myself more appealing to everyone. I never even thought about the possibility of girls in grad school, or this fall's new crop of freshmen. Yes, it's a horrible way to think about every new school year, but it'll get me some more experience in dating and for someone else who may have gone through the same boat just like me. I've also have been reading much more about NC, and I am now understanding that it is a process to rebuild yourself into something better than before, not get the other person back. It's MTK 2.0 now. I just kicked ass on a final today, and have already taken the steps to start on a class this fall. I'll keep on the boards for a while and will make an update this fall on how things go. I've set some good goals, and I now want to make myself so much better than I was before. I think I may have given up on myself when I met her and tried to do my best for her, not what was really best for me at times. Thank you for your input. It's her life not mine, I need to go enjoy myself now. I think I'll give her camera back before I leave with her roommate. I'm better than this, and I don't need her or anything of her's at all. I'm glad I boxed everything up at home before I came back to breakup #2. Time to go get the movie "Swingers" that I hear everyone talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted May 6, 2006 Author Share Posted May 6, 2006 Thats exactly what I thought when I hit 29 after some tough break ups. Now at 37, I'm here for the first time in my life, always thinking I could cope with anything (and I mainly did) but sometimes, life catches you out. Never say never. True. I'm just well equipped to deal with things now that I couldn't before. With growth comes wisdom and knowledge. And I am using it to my best abilities. Link to post Share on other sites
Bogun Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 Thanks. That's the main difference between me in December and me now. The growth, the knowledge, the ability to understand and handle things I couldn't before. I owe a lot to LS and people like you. Whatever happens from here on out, I know I'll handle it just fine Is there as big a difference as you think cali? You see this as an opportunity to possibly get back with your ex, whereas she probably just sees it as a chance to catch up with an old friend, (and possibly get some action). If you had really grown as much as you say, then you would probably be approaching this situation with the same thinking. True. I'm just well equipped to deal with things now that I couldn't before. Perhaps you should wait until after you've seen her to make this claim. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted May 6, 2006 Author Share Posted May 6, 2006 Is there as big a difference as you think cali? You see this as an opportunity to possibly get back with your ex, whereas she probably just sees it as a chance to catch up with an old friend, (and possibly get some action). If you had really grown as much as you say, then you would probably be approaching this situation with the same thinking. She won't be getting any action, that's for sure and I seriously doubt that's why she wants to see me. She more than likely just wants to catch up. That's how I am approaching this. Perhaps you should wait until after you've seen her to make this claim. Time will tell. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 re: CaliGuy: " Thanks. That's the main difference between me in December and me now. The growth, the knowledge, the ability to understand and handle things I couldn't before. I owe a lot to LS and people like you. Whatever happens from here on out, I know I'll handle it just fine." Cali, I think it goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway.... When you lean, if you lean....know that you can always lean hard. I (and others) will be prepared. Also, -it's true that I am in strong support of 'NC' under the right circumstances....but for the sake of remaining a friend in true friendship, I am ***always*** in stronger support of those I have chosen as ***friends***, despite the circumstances. It's a good, old-fashioned "Stand By Me" philosophy of friendship....something I grew up with and is ingrained in me. (Smile) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Numbheart Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 With growth comes wisdom and knowledge. And I am using it to my best abilities. Too true chap, we all do whatever we feel the need to do, regardless of advice.....we only listen to the advice we "want to hear" but we usually take in the other and store it. We all learn from our own mistakes, its kinda like parents, they know best, they tell us, we dont listen, we do whatever we do, and learn from it. All the best to you in the future whatever happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 Wow this post is still getting likes almost 8 years later! Hope all is doing well and I guess by replying, I am shamefully promoting my "feel good" thread! LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
ravssss Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 loved this thread ...for the positive energy it has written all over it .... I finally started cooking ... well not that am passionate abt it ... but it has saved me a lot of money ... and ya got back with school friends ... Link to post Share on other sites
redbaron005 Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 .... For the first month or two, you must never contact your ex under any circumstances. If you do, you will have to start the process over again. ... Very thorough guide. Does the above guidance suggest that if they do not contact you within 2 months you do not really have a second chance opportunity or that you should break no contact after this period? Maybe I am missing something. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 Very thorough guide. Does the above guidance suggest that if they do not contact you within 2 months you do not really have a second chance opportunity or that you should break no contact after this period? Maybe I am missing something. Thanks. imo, if they broke up with you, it is their job to fix it and make it clear they want to fix it...not breadcrumbs. NC is a time for evolution and evaluation. you should proceed as if you will never see them again. that way, either way, it does not matter. you will be stronger on the other side with or without them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted January 24, 2014 Author Share Posted January 24, 2014 Very thorough guide. Does the above guidance suggest that if they do not contact you within 2 months you do not really have a second chance opportunity or that you should break no contact after this period? Maybe I am missing something. Thanks. Yes and no. It means YOU should not be initiating contact under any circumstances. When the two month time period comes with no contact OR if they have contacted with you breadcrumbs (wishy/washy crap!) then just do not reply. Anything less than "I screwed up and want you back!" is UNACCEPTABLE! Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 Yeah, that is useful for obtaining strongest position of power. Couple of months down the line... It falls second to the personal growth. If personal growth was achieved, role you had in the breakup matters not any longer. It becomes just a food for dumpees ego. Either way even in the worst case scenario there will be almost no negative consequences for the dumpee. Firstly, he suffered much pain and is certainly threading lightly. Second, even if the dumpers intentions weren't sincere iit will come to light soon enough. Once inner happiness is achieved, it matters not whether around the corner is an ex or someonebetter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bubblesbursted Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 So second chances work better after we are healed? And Thanks for the guide ! It was helpful Link to post Share on other sites
redbaron005 Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Yes and no. It means YOU should not be initiating contact under any circumstances. When the two month time period comes with no contact OR if they have contacted with you breadcrumbs (wishy/washy crap!) then just do not reply. Anything less than "I screwed up and want you back!" is UNACCEPTABLE! Thanks CaliGuy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted February 2, 2014 Author Share Posted February 2, 2014 Thanks CaliGuy. Du Rien! I think that's French for "You're welcome" or something. I better check. Nah too lazy today. It's prolly right. Merci beaucoup, that's thank you very much so yes, Du Rien (you're welcum!) Yes, there was a pun in there! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted February 2, 2014 Author Share Posted February 2, 2014 So second chances work better after we are healed? And Thanks for the guide ! It was helpful No problem, missy. Many'a'men (and women) have gone through what I have. I am just the messenger, not the "fix it" guy Link to post Share on other sites
hermitinator Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 13. ACCEPT THAT SOME THINGS JUST AREN'T MEANT TO BE: Keep in mind that you may follow this guideline to a "T" and in the end and still the may never come back. Naturally they don't come back because you are giving them all the "go" signals that you are moving on from them. This is more of a guideline for getting over your ex-boyfriend than it is as a guideline of how to treat second chances if you gain one with your ex-significant other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted February 8, 2014 Author Share Posted February 8, 2014 Naturally they don't come back because you are giving them all the "go" signals that you are moving on from them. This is more of a guideline for getting over your ex-boyfriend than it is as a guideline of how to treat second chances if you gain one with your ex-significant other. That is essentially the point. Yes, the title is deceptive but that is because people "pining" for a second chance won't read a guide seriously if they are only focused on winning back someone who doesn't even want them. When it comes down to it, the guide is really about how to win YOURSELF back.... Link to post Share on other sites
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