B*tch W spends savings!!

[loony]

He NEVER would have done this low down dirty thing to her.

Nah, he is just cheating on her.

[whichwayisup]

The thing is, I've read afew posts where the MM squirrels away money from his wife so when he leaves him and the OW have a little nest egg together. Uhmm, so his exwife is protecting herself, making sure SHE and her child are taken care of as she lost her husband to someone else.

 

This thread, the title of it is why people are upset. The original poster HAS admitted to being too harsh by calling the wife b!tch. It is an all around emotional situation for them all, but it is hard to have sympathy for the OW because she infact has this woman's husband. Stooping low and name calling has upset some posters. AND one doesn't have to be a BS or a divorcee to see this. Common folk do react to stuff like that too.

[Art_Critic]

i don't think the money is of any concern to you foolinlove, and really is none of your business. it is not your money, or your future money. this is a matter between MM and W. It is their money, held jointly as community property in most states. until such time as a legal separation occurs, the W is within her rights to do whatever she wants with it, in most states.

 

i don't think it helps matters for you to speculate that she has done something underhanded with it. all your information is coming through a biased party, the MM.

 

i think you should stay out of it and let MM fight his own battles. He can find his own advice.

 

word........

[Ladyjane14]

This thread, the title of it is why people are upset.

 

Yeah....she tossed that in here like a hand-grenade.

 

I think it says something about where her emotions are though. And honestly, I think that's going to be where her future problems will arise. Normalizing her relationship is going to require a cool head. Right now, it doesn't look like the OP has her emotions under control.

 

When a MM leaves his marriage, it's because his relationship with his wife was problematic. Generally speaking, married people who cheat are poor problem solvers. So, what happens when the MM is presented with more problems in the form of an emotionally-charged girlfriend?

 

She may feel incensed on his behalf...but the reality is that her negative commentary will NOT be soothing. She runs the risk of sounding shrewish or even demanding.

 

It's unfortunate, but once the OW has "landed her MM"....she must always please him in order to keep him. She's always got to be better than his wife was....or run the risk of sharing the BW's fate.

 

Adding more vitriol to an already chaotic situation will doubtless not be "pleasing" to MM in the long run. If he could tolerate conflict...why wouldn't he have solved his marital problems one way or the other rather than enter an adulterous relationship?

 

Nope, I'm thinking she's going to have to turn the noise down on the conflict and present a more serene demeanor. You can't do that effectively when you're harboring ill will.

[whichwayisup]

There also could be an inner fear that he'll talk to his wife and see things in a new light and then he'll go back to his wife so the OW could be worried about that small possibility.

 

I still believe that the dynamtic between OW/MM in general is so different and when it actually becomes a REAL known relationship, out in the open, the dynamtic changes and that intensity isn't there like it was before...Then the problems set in because it's a real relationship now, not something hidden away in secret.

 

Trust issues I believe too will always be a problem of some sort, especially if he has friends of the opposite sex. And he'll probably feel the same way if she has male friends as well.

 

I agree with everything you said too LJ.

[magda]

eh, I think we're over-analyzing it at this point. In my opinion the OP is just wondering what else the Ex-wife is capable of. And my thoughts are: the sky is the limit. Whatever she can get her hands on is what she is capable of.

 

I'm not gonna cast blame, but I will say that if I was the Wife, I'd be right there too. It may not be the right thing to do but, as has been said over and over, he didn't do right, either. Get him where it hurts. OP, your best plan of action is to stay as far away as you can lest you get sucked in more so than you are.

[Ladyjane14]

There also could be an inner fear that he'll talk to his wife and see things in a new light and then he'll go back to his wife so the OW could be worried about that small possibility.

 

Agreed with all, but this part puts me in mind of some Second Wives, who all too often 'poison the waters' in their new marriage due to their own insecurities.

 

Best not to get caught 'submarining' your former rival because it says something about YOU that's less that sweet.

[Lonestar]

If my husband cheated on me and left me for another woman, I'd take all the money too. Why should I care what's fair and all that crap after the guy humiliated me and destroyed my world. Not only would I take all the money I could, but I'd get as much child support & alimony allowed, plus the house and all the other assets. I'd use my position as a mother to get the courts sympathy and everything that goes with it, and if I felt the courts were going to split things up 50/50, then I'd drag out the lawsuit for as long as I possibly could eating up all the savings and depleting them by the time we got to trial. I wouldn't stop until I knew he would have to file for bankruptcy at the end of the trial. Of course, I would still have the money I took and stashed before everything was under scrutiny by the courts. If he had any nasty little habits such as drug use, drinking too much, I'd hire a PI to get proof and then put the PI on the witness stand. This way I could threaten him with sole custody of the children if he didn't give me everything I wanted.

 

I wouldn't cheat on me.

[cygny]

 

I wouldn't cheat on me.

 

whoa girl, i wouldn't cheat on you either, lol

[Art_Critic]

I'd take all the money too. Why should I care what's fair and all that crap

 

Art notes to himself to never cheat on Lonestar

[a4a]

Art notes to himself to never cheat on Lonestar

 

 

She forgot to take the cat and dog along with his favorite coffee mug.

 

I am with lonestar on this and have said so much to my H. Again he has said it to me as well....... now that is love!!! :love:

 

a4a-

[InmannRoshi]

It really amazes me how many people are perfect & have never done anything wrong.. WOW.

 

It never really ceases to amaze me how people can post about their morally reprehensible deeds on a public messageboard, without a glimmer of alturism or compassion for the people they are harming, and then act surprised when they receive a negative reaction from the public audience.

 

Maybe I should make a post about how much hard work I put into scamming little old ladies from their pension funds and then turn around and say "Oh, what, like you've guys have never done anything wrong. Who are you to judge?" Because that would make it all okay.

[Sami_D]

Speaking of POPS, there is this

 

 

 

Which is in reply to this ...

 

 

 

All contained in the thread, which makes my reply perfectly relevant to the thread.

 

Well I disagree. POPS aren't relevant at all, whatever they're responding to. There are Forum Guidelines at the top of the board.

[Sami_D]

If my husband cheated on me and left me for another woman, I'd take all the money too. Why should I care what's fair and all that crap after the guy humiliated me and destroyed my world. Not only would I take all the money I could, but I'd get as much child support & alimony allowed, plus the house and all the other assets. I'd use my position as a mother to get the courts sympathy and everything that goes with it, and if I felt the courts were going to split things up 50/50, then I'd drag out the lawsuit for as long as I possibly could eating up all the savings and depleting them by the time we got to trial. I wouldn't stop until I knew he would have to file for bankruptcy at the end of the trial. Of course, I would still have the money I took and stashed before everything was under scrutiny by the courts. If he had any nasty little habits such as drug use, drinking too much, I'd hire a PI to get proof and then put the PI on the witness stand. This way I could threaten him with sole custody of the children if he didn't give me everything I wanted.

 

I wouldn't cheat on me.

 

pmsl.

[Sami_D]

It never really ceases to amaze me how people can post about their morally reprehensible deeds on a public messageboard, without a glimmer of alturism or compassion for the people they are harming, and then act surprised when they receive a negative reaction from the public audience.

 

 

IF the OP really had not a glimmer of compassion for the W... then I would agree with you. Trouble with posts on a message board is... you're only getting part of the story.

 

NOT ALL OW have the same attitude towards the W.

[foolinlove]

Okay, Okay people,

I said I was a little off base by saying B*tch W, and I agree, maybe in the same situation I would do the same thing. BUT, this woman just doesn't get it, she has held on to every string of hope, thinking that they would work out. And finally , he told her flat out....its OVER, not going to happen. And its not like she had DAYS to mull this over, its been 2 years and she still doesn't get it. Until NOW! And now her denial has turned into anger and hurt and she is looking to make it very painful for him. If a person is not in love with you no more, and wants to leave the relationship, let them go. You can't make someone love you, you can't make someone feel something they don't. We have had our D-days, he has moved out twice, he has chose me.

 

Will we work out? That will be the test of time. Our age difference does creates a obsticle for us to overcome. The fact of the matter is....if its with or without me, he is not IN LOVE WITH HER. Sure he loves her, he has been with her for over 20 years. I do feel bad for her, I really do. He said he would rather walk away poor than be with her.

 

I wasn't coming here to get sympathy for his situation, I was just trying to find out if it is illegal. Got my answer....NO. Am I afraid of him going back? yes, that is only natural. But he knows, if he choses W, he loses me. And I guess he has weighed his options and picks me over his money! Thanks for all the replies, I did read them, and agree with most of the statements.

[Sami_D]

And finally , he told her flat out....its OVER, not going to happen. And its not like she had DAYS to mull this over, its been 2 years and she still doesn't get it. Until NOW!

 

Slight threadjack (and not wishing to upset anyone) to say that when a man takes 2 years to finally 'tell her flat out', it's no wonder she was confused. And no wonder she's pi**ed now.

 

Sometimes (sometimes??) the MM just doesn't do ANYONE any favours with his faffing about

[whichwayisup]

I have a quick question for you, and don't be offended, k. I just would like to know how you would react...

 

Fast forward two years...You and your MM, well, now he is your boyfriend... Decides that he doesn't want to be with you anymore. He's kinda not into you and wants out. Do you just say goodbye right away, or fight for your life to hang on.

 

I think his wife was devastated, not thinking clearly and was reacting on raw emotion as her life was turned upside down by him. He left, then came back, then left again. That messes people up! Plus, children are involved, and I'm sure she fought harder because of them.

 

IT is too easy to put your own personal spin on this because you don't know what is in her head, and you also have your MM's interpretation of what HE thinks what went through her head.

 

Good luck, take things very SLOWLY. Even though he will be with you soon, he still should be on his own and deal with the loss of his marriage and relationship. And, give the dynamtic time to change between the two of you. You can't be in an affair, all that hiding, intensity etc., and then bounce it into a full normal relationship so quickly.

[foolinlove]

Slight threadjack (and not wishing to upset anyone) to say that when a man takes 2 years to finally 'tell her flat out', it's no wonder she was confused. And no wonder she's pi**ed now.

 

Sometimes (sometimes??) the MM just doesn't do ANYONE any favours with his faffing about

 

 

Yeah, I agree here with you Sami, and I've always told him, your words don't mean SH*T, its your actions that tell me and others what you really want and intend to do. Well, he said it was so much more painful to tell her than show her?? So when he moved out the first time for 10 months, he thought she would "get the hint" and move on with her life. Well in the mean time, he was still going over to visit daughter, eat supper etc. I told him this will NOT help her she will hang on...finally this time around...he don't do those things, he invites daughter to his place, doesn't join them for supper and only stops by to fix things to sell home. A year ago, I would have told you he is never going to leave....this time....I think he has learned from his mistakes and actually wants out for himself...not just to be with me. So we'll see. But i agree waffling and giving the W hope is NO WAY to get his point across.

[whichwayisup]

But i agree waffling and giving the W hope is NO WAY to get his point across.

 

Probably because he himself wasn't 100% sure of what he really wanted either. It's not so easy just to up and change life, turn your children's life upside down and kill your wife's heart. I bet he wasn't thinking clearly either. I mean, leaving then coming back, didn't do anybody any good now, did it? Just complicated things and gave her hope, pissed you off and confused him even more...Let alone those poor innocent kids.

[cygny]

It's very likely, foolinlove, that your MM was stringing her along with hope the entire time. I'm sure you realize that deep down.

[foolinlove]

Also, I would like to say to other women reading this threat...if you are still following.

 

It was only when i decided that being the "OW" wasn't what i wanted any longer and I took control of my life did my life change.

 

In other words, when i told him I love you, I want to be your woman and your ONLY woman in your life did things really change. I came to this site looking for support through the breakup because it IS TRUELY hard, we started an October NC front, to get rid of our MM and the addiction it involves. I took steps to make myself happy, took care of me, made me happy. That is when he realized and had time to truely think about what he wanted, he knew my life was going to go on with or without him, and if he didn't move fast, he would lose me forever.

 

I told him no, take the time you need to REALLY KNOW. I don't want to be back here with you in another month with you waffleing between what to do....how to do it. It took him a few more weeks and he did it! And he has changed everything this time around....and I am proud of him, because he is truely trying to make it right for everyone. Wife by finding someone who can love her truely, me by making sure I know I am the only woman in his life, and his daughter by keeping in close tabs with her, supporting her. He would not turn his back on his W or daughter, but like he said...he can't turn his back on his own life anymore either.

[whichwayisup]

Wife by finding someone who can love her truely, me by making sure I know I am the only woman in his life, and his daughter by keeping in close tabs with her, supporting her. He would not turn his back on his W or daughter, but like he said...he can't turn his back on his own life anymore either.

 

It will take his wife a LONG time to want to see another man, let alone trust another man after what he did.

 

Anyway, I wish you the best. Always be honest with eachother, no matter what.

[Sami_D]

Also, I would like to say to other women reading this threat...if you are still following.

 

It was only when i decided that being the "OW" wasn't what i wanted any longer and I took control of my life did my life change.

 

In other words, when i told him I love you, I want to be your woman and your ONLY woman in your life did things really change. I came to this site looking for support through the breakup because it IS TRUELY hard, we started an October NC front, to get rid of our MM and the addiction it involves...

 

I joined the site at the time some of you were doing that October NC thing. I ended up doing a NC of my own, but broke it a few weeks later when I realised that I didn't want to END it... I missed him too much and thought that NC at that point would ruin whatever chances we had of being together in the long run.

 

So we got back together for a while, and were closer than ever. I tried not to bring up the idea of his leaving... but actually, he seemed keener than before to talk about it. We got closer. Then came Christmas, and a change of work location which has meant we haven't seen each other for over 9 weeks. He calls me twice a day. Christmas was too much for me... I told him right afterwards that I could not, would not spend another Christmas like that one. So ... he had a choice.

 

And now? He's begun talking to his W about separation. So... we shall see what happens.

[silktricks]

Damn - and what a nice group hug THAT was.

 

foolinlove - I think there are a lot of all kinds of people on this forum. I, for example, am not an OW, but have visited this site a lot to attempt to understand (and I admit that sometimes I've posted probably not very nice comments when I've had some of my buttons pushed).

 

Anyway, about your issue. As someone said, if she is indeed squirreling away the assets, that is illegal and will almost inevitably come out in the divorce. It's harder to hide money than you'd think - and if she's putting it in someone else's account(s) she may get a surprise, too.

 

Depending upon her personality, though, it's also possible that in her anguish/pain/whatever she is truly spending/gambling away their assets. Kind of a "cut off my nose to spite my face" thing, as she will only get half of what's left, too.