B*tch W spends savings!!

[newbby]

i should think that she will calm down.

i think telling people is quite normal in these things. i even know some women who had affairs themselves and left who were b*tchy about the men they left. women are just bytchier at the end of relationships generally. its how they deal. she might not have even spent his money in revenge but just went crazy and didnt care. anyway, i am sure all will be fine in the end. take care.

[No Stress Lady]

I KNOW that this man is in love with me and will never cheat on me. He adores me and that is why he is doing what he is doing, hurting a woman he vowed to love. This truely does kill him to hurt her. I can see it in his face and he has aged years over this. Perhaps her anger woudln't be so great if I wasn't half his age, and will give him a child she never could give him. I suspect that I'll be next.

 

 

Well if you throw her inability to give him a child into the equation it explains even more why she's so upset - she must be feeling at her wits end over the whole saga. If she wanted children but couldn't have them then sees her husband taking off with someone half his age who presumably wants them it's hardly surprising that she's reacting this way.

 

For heavens sake, as one of the other posters (WWIU??) said - YOU HAVE HER HUSBAND - you are just going to have to behave with some magnanimity and grace through this whole divorce - you can hardly expect his wife to do the same.

[Touche]

Mopar is right on. In most states she did nothing illegal. Now when they go to court, that may be another story. She can (and most likely WILL) be held accountable for those assets.

 

By the way, your attitude will not help get you any compassion on here. Nah, nah, I'm half the bitch ex-wife's age and can give him a child which she couldn't. That's how that comes across. It's ugly. Not becoming and low class. But I believe in Karma too. This type of man will tire of you as well. I feel badly for you. Being a single mother, I hear, is a very difficult road.

 

Good luck. You're going to need it.

[foolinlove]

Mopar is right on. In most states she did nothing illegal. Now when they go to court, that may be another story. She can (and most likely WILL) be held accountable for those assets.

 

By the way, your attitude will not help get you any compassion on here. Nah, nah, I'm half the bitch ex-wife's age and can give him a child which she couldn't. That's how that comes across. It's ugly. Not becoming and low class. But I believe in Karma too. This type of man will tire of you as well. I feel badly for you. Being a single mother, I hear, is a very difficult road.

 

Good luck. You're going to need it.

 

 

My statement about not being able to have a child was not meant to be a haha, I got him, can have kids and you can't. I stated that fact because perhaps if I was an older woman and more "baggage" she wouldn't be reacting so harshly. Perhaps that is her personality and how she handles things, but I think it may have something to do with it. If you took any time to read my previous post you would know I don't mean her any harm in life. No need to feel bad for me, I'm young, pretty, and sucessful, not a cruel and ugly person you describe, my life will turn out just fine. Thanks for your words of luck tho!

[foolinlove]

I'm curious to know, what you, (foolinlove), would do in the wife's situation.

 

Really, think about it. How would you react towards your husband if he's leaving for the second time, knowing that he's leaving you for someone else?

 

 

I would like to think I would have more pride and dignity and accept that the man no longer loves me and take steps to move on with my life. But no one can say for sure what one would do, and I suppose people act out of rage and emotion in the situation and look back to wish they would have handled it differently. I don't think she is thinking straight, perhaps she has other influences (family, friends). I just know MM has no one else to turn to in this, and I have no one else to get solid advice from...that is why i came here....

[foolinlove]

or heavens sake, as one of the other posters (WWIU??) said - YOU HAVE HER HUSBAND - you are just going to have to behave with some magnanimity and grace through this whole divorce - you can hardly expect his wife to do the same.

 

This is perhaps the best advice I have got all night, thanks for taking the time to respond. I'll try to stay out of their divorce and only be there for an ear to listen to him....and remember that the W is a human with feelings, fears, and emotions just like me.

[foolinlove]

yeah, it must be hard to witness when you care about him. as no stess lady said though, it is their divorce. at least he has you who loves him. all you can do is be there, but theres no point in you getting angry with the situation aswell, because it just adds even more negative energy to an already difficult situation.

 

 

very insightful, thank you

[Touche]

I would like to think I would have more pride and dignity and accept that the man no longer loves me and take steps to move on with my life. But no one can say for sure what one would do, and I suppose people act out of rage and emotion in the situation and look back to wish they would have handled it differently. I don't think she is thinking straight, perhaps she has other influences (family, friends). I just know MM has no one else to turn to in this, and I have no one else to get solid advice from...that is why i came here....

 

Print this out. I sincerely hope you won't be needing it but odds are that you will. Do you think you can act in the way you describe after years with this man and a child together? I hope so.

 

I do wish you well. I don't wish anyone unhappiness. I really don't. This is just a bad way to start out a relationship. Doesn't mean it can't turn out well for all but it's going to take maturity and a lot of patience. You will still have to deal with the wife as I think someone pointed out, because of their child. That in itself is a challenge. Believe me, I know.

 

As for the MM, he's just going to have to show some strength and get through what's coming. This was his decision after all. He's going to have to live with the consequences. Angering his wife, is one of them.

[whichwayisup]

This is perhaps the best advice I have got all night, thanks for taking the time to respond. I'll try to stay out of their divorce and only be there for an ear to listen to him....and remember that the W is a human with feelings, fears, and emotions just like me.

 

That's the right attitude to have. Just remember, at one time she was his wife and all was fine at home...So, even though she may be having a hard time letting go or even making life difficult for him, it is out of pain. Something I hope your MM never does to you...Cuz saying goodbye and ending a relationship, let alone a marriage, isn't easy to walk away from when you're not the one who wants it to end...

 

Good luck!

[Lishy]

I really think that the MM isnt the lsoer here - He has just lost a few $$$, his wife has lost her life partner! The man who vowed to stay with her for richer for poorer has upped and gone off with another lady!

 

I honestly think that he deserves what she is doing - And even if she takes every red cent he has he will still have you (OP) Who will she have?

 

Remember this OP, she will she YOU as the winner and her as the loser and she will get bitter - I must say I applaude her for what she has done, and regardless of how upsetting and legally wrong it may be I DO think he desereved it. When you first wrote on here you sounded like a wounded woman who stole someones husband and is now complaining because he is broke and his bitch wife took it all - I see there is more to it and I am sorry to have been so blunt and bitchy to you!

 

But please do remember 2 things - Make sure you really want this guy as you will never trust him however much he loves you he loved his wife that much at one point -

Also remember Karma! We are all guilty of putting our own happiness in front of others but what goes around comes around!

 

I wish you luck and I hope you remain happy!

[scarletletter]

Yes, Foolinlove, clearly there are some people in this forum that just come here to bash the OW. Maybe they have nothing better to do...sad, huh? I'm sure at one time or another they have been cheated on and that is why they come here to take it out on others who are here for advice. Just do what I do, there are a few names that I have come to recognize now and I simply don't read their post. Not because they are saying things I don't want to hear but because their opinions are worthless to me and are just passing judgment. Hell, I could get judgement anywhere, don't need to log on here to get it.

About your situation, it really does suck that you care about your MM enough to be miserable with him. Obviously, the wife is very bitter as we all would be and it probably makes her feel a little better to do whatever she can to make him suffer. I don't know about in your state, but in mine, whatever was earned during the marriage is fair game..it belongs to both. He should get the divorce ASAP and then let the court deal with money from that point on.

[Sami_D]

It's not really much use an OW coming to a relationship forum to ask about financial matters... the MM SHOULD have got all this sorted out before he started separation. What legal advice is he getting? He sounds totally disorganised.

 

One really good reason for the MM NOT to tell the W about the OW until the ink is dry.

[Guest]

Yes, Foolinlove, clearly there are some people in this forum that just come here to bash the OW. Maybe they have nothing better to do...sad, huh? I'm sure at one time or another they have been cheated on and that is why they come here to take it out on others who are here for advice.

 

I have sympathy for some of the OW's, but for the ones who seem to be astonished and angered that there are actually repercussions with playing a major role in splitting up children's families I have little to no sympathy for. Yeah, people are going to be pissed off. Yeah, people are going to act out. Accept responsibility for your actions and deal with it. Did you think this was going to be a free ride?

[sylviaguardian]

And aside from anything else, it isn't HIS money - they are still married so it's THEIR money

[Sami_D]

And aside from anything else, it isn't HIS money - they are still married so it's THEIR money

 

Well exactly. Their money. Not hers to 'act out' with.

[Sami_D]

I have sympathy for some of the OW's, but for the ones who seem to be astonished and angered that there are actually repercussions with playing a major role in splitting up children's families I have little to no sympathy for. Yeah, people are going to be pissed off. Yeah, people are going to act out. Accept responsibility for your actions and deal with it. Did you think this was going to be a free ride?

 

There are always going to be repercussions. Mainly (hopefully) financial. No second wife is ever going to have the financial chances that the first wife had (and blew). I think most/all? OW appreciate that fact and decide to live with that, should everything go well in the divorce. We're not idiots.

 

Remember you're not adding to a thread here about women who believe Affairs are a great thing. These men are Divorcing. That means that the relationship with the wife is ENDING. She is not entitled to any more than what is legally her due. Unfortunate phrasing of thread or not.

[Guest]

Today MM found out W has been "gambleing" their savings away. I say "gambleing" because I don't buy it....I think she is stashing money so he can walk away with nothing in the D. He said he has NO MONEY, she spent/took thousands of dollars and he has no way to prove where it went. She quit paying some of their bills and continues to lie to him about where and what she did with it. He trusted her with the finances and bills and NEVER would have thought she would have resorted to this. He NEVER would have done this low down dirty thing to her. They make a modest living, and have worked hard for what they have, and he wouldn't take what didn't belong to him.

 

This reminds me of that song "Hit 'Em Up Style" (by Blu).

 

(Heeyyyy ladies / if your man gonna get butt wild / just go back and hit 'em up style / put your hands on his cash and spend it to the last dime for all the hard times) Etc.

 

I'm not saying it's mature or right or anything...it isn't. And I don't know about the legality but I wouldn't be surprised if it isn't.

 

But, you know, when you say he NEVER would have done that low down dirty thing...well, girl, please.

 

It could be seen as: she wanted to get him where he hurts, just as he got her where she hurts. What I'm saying is, perhaps she would see cheating as a low down dirty thing she'd NEVER do?

 

Maybe she's not a total bitch any more than he's a total bastard??

[InmannRoshi]

There are always going to be repercussions. Mainly (hopefully) financial. No second wife is ever going to have the financial chances that the first wife had (and blew). I think most/all? OW appreciate that fact and decide to live with that, should everything go well in the divorce. We're not idiots.

 

Remember you're not adding to a thread here about women who believe Affairs are a great thing. These men are Divorcing. That means that the relationship with the wife is ENDING. She is not entitled to any more than what is legally her due. Unfortunate phrasing of thread or not.

 

 

I'm not incapable of compassion for some of the OW's. Especially the OW's who have been lied to from the outset by seemingly serial liars and habitual manipulators . The OW's that I have the least amount of sympathy for are the ones with seemingly no regard for the children involved. Adults are adults and capable of behaving and coping how they please. It appalls me how little the children in these situations are talked about on this messegeboard other than "Are they going to hate me?", which is hardly an alturistic concern. The effect of divorce and adultry on children and their future relationships as they grow older is well documented. They have their worlds completely shattered and they'll live with the consequences for years in future relationships because the grown ups can't act like grown ups. I find the sentiment of "If I was the married woman in this situation, I would have the dignity to just come to terms that he doesn't love me and deal with it" from the original poster appalling when there are children involved. As if the wife is supposed to say "Go have fun with your long walks on the beach and your romantic weekends, I'll do the laundry, drop the kids off, cook, clean, work, and take care of the damaged 15 year old's a-hole 21 year old loser boyfriend on my own." It goes so far beyond financial, and there is no monetary settlement that could ever appease that. Who wouldn't go bat-crap crazy in such a situation. Is it irresponsible? Perhaps, but that's hardly a unique personality trait for the typical characters in this over-played story.

 

While the adulterers may perhaps be in rocky marriages, I don't believe for a second that every single cheating man was trapped in a doomed marriage. Maybe some, but certainly not all. I wouldn't even go so far as to say most. I think that's a myth of convenience and self justification. Marriage is hard work and requires dedication and commitment. Its hard to commit yourself to working towards a happy marriage when you're already splitting your energy and affection in multiple directions and multiple women. The affair turns the most benign cyst into a terminal tumor. There's always temptation, and when you strip away all the over-romanticised notions of why sometimes these men are turning away from their wives and families, most of time it really just boils down to a matter of a lack of character, integrity and personal responsibility.

[Sami_D]

I'm not incapable of compassion for some of the OW's. Especially the OW's who have been lied to from the outset by seemingly serial liars and habitual manipulators . The OW's that I have the least amount of sympathy for are the ones with seemingly no regard for the children involved. Adults are adults and capable of behaving and coping how they please. It appalls me how little the children in these situations are talked about on this messegeboard other than "Are they going to hate me?", which is hardly an alturistic concern. The effect of divorce and adultry on children and their future relationships as they grow older is well documented. They have their worlds completely shattered and they'll live with the consequences for years in future relationships because the grown ups can't act like grown ups. I find the sentiment of "If I was the married woman in this situation, I would have the dignity to just come to terms that he doesn't love me and deal with it" from the original poster appalling when there are children involved. As if the wife is supposed to say "Go have fun with your long walks on the beach and your romantic weekends, I'll do the laundry, drop the kids off, cook, clean, work, and take care of the damaged 15 year old's a-hole 21 year old loser boyfriend on my own." It goes so far beyond financial, and there is no monetary settlement that could ever appease that. Who wouldn't go bat-crap crazy in such a situation. Is it irresponsible? Perhaps, but that's hardly a unique personality trait for the typical characters in this over-played story.

 

While the adulterers may perhaps be in rocky marriages, I don't believe for a second that every single cheating man was trapped in a doomed marriage. Maybe some, but certainly not all. I wouldn't even go so far as to say most. I think that's a myth of convenience and self justification. Marriage is hard work and requires dedication and commitment. Its hard to commit yourself to working towards a happy marriage when you're already splitting your energy and affection in multiple directions and multiple women. The affair turns the most benign cyst into a terminal tumor. There's always temptation, and when you strip away all the over-romanticised notions of why sometimes these men are turning away from their wives and families, most of time it really just boils down to a matter of a lack of character, integrity and personal responsibility.

 

But... this is a thread about (one woman's) experience with a particular financial aspect of her MM's divorce.

 

Your post has nothing whatever to do with the subject. If you want to talk about how children are affected by divorce, you should probably start another thread. And that thread should probably be in another forum than this one, unless You yourself are dealing with issues relating to a current Affair situation that involves children.

 

Otherwise, it just looks like you're taking a POP.

[Guest]

But... this is a thread about (one woman's) experience with a particular financial aspect of her MM's divorce.

 

Your post has nothing whatever to do with the subject. If you want to talk about how children are affected by divorce, you should probably start another thread. And that thread should probably be in another forum than this one, unless You yourself are dealing with issues relating to a current Affair situation that involves children.

 

Otherwise, it just looks like you're taking a POP.

 

I think it fits in nicely as a reply to this post, which is contained in this thread.

 

Yes, Foolinlove, clearly there are some people in this forum that just come here to bash the OW. Maybe they have nothing better to do...sad, huh? I'm sure at one time or another they have been cheated on and that is why they come here to take it out on others who are here for advice.

 

Talk about your POPS.

[InmannRoshi]

But... this is a thread about (one woman's) experience with a particular financial aspect of her MM's divorce.

 

Your post has nothing whatever to do with the subject. If you want to talk about how children are affected by divorce, you should probably start another thread. And that thread should probably be in another forum than this one, unless You yourself are dealing with issues relating to a current Affair situation that involves children.

 

Otherwise, it just looks like you're taking a POP.

 

Speaking of POPS, there is this

 

Yes, Foolinlove, clearly there are some people in this forum that just come here to bash the OW. Maybe they have nothing better to do...sad, huh? I'm sure at one time or another they have been cheated on and that is why they come here to take it out on others who are here for advice.

 

Which is in reply to this ...

 

Never seems to fail that a bunch of haters come into the "OW/OM" website....setup up for THEIR support and pass their judgement. My question to you.....why are you lurking on here?....so willing to bash the OW, could it be your husband left you home AGAIN to go **** HIS OW? Go to your infidelity site and pass your criticism there.....so sad, and so you.

 

All contained in the thread, which makes my reply perfectly relevant to the thread.

[cygny]

i don't think the money is of any concern to you foolinlove, and really is none of your business. it is not your money, or your future money. this is a matter between MM and W. It is their money, held jointly as community property in most states. until such time as a legal separation occurs, the W is within her rights to do whatever she wants with it, in most states.

 

i don't think it helps matters for you to speculate that she has done something underhanded with it. all your information is coming through a biased party, the MM.

 

i think you should stay out of it and let MM fight his own battles. He can find his own advice.

[erika2610]

I'm not incapable of compassion for some of the OW's. Especially the OW's who have been lied to from the outset by seemingly serial liars and habitual manipulators . The OW's that I have the least amount of sympathy for are the ones with seemingly no regard for the children involved. Adults are adults and capable of behaving and coping how they please. It appalls me how little the children in these situations are talked about on this messegeboard other than "Are they going to hate me?", which is hardly an alturistic concern. The effect of divorce and adultry on children and their future relationships as they grow older is well documented. They have their worlds completely shattered and they'll live with the consequences for years in future relationships because the grown ups can't act like grown ups. I find the sentiment of "If I was the married woman in this situation, I would have the dignity to just come to terms that he doesn't love me and deal with it" from the original poster appalling when there are children involved. As if the wife is supposed to say "Go have fun with your long walks on the beach and your romantic weekends, I'll do the laundry, drop the kids off, cook, clean, work, and take care of the damaged 15 year old's a-hole 21 year old loser boyfriend on my own." It goes so far beyond financial, and there is no monetary settlement that could ever appease that. Who wouldn't go bat-crap crazy in such a situation. Is it irresponsible? Perhaps, but that's hardly a unique personality trait for the typical characters in this over-played story.

 

While the adulterers may perhaps be in rocky marriages, I don't believe for a second that every single cheating man was trapped in a doomed marriage. Maybe some, but certainly not all. I wouldn't even go so far as to say most. I think that's a myth of convenience and self justification. Marriage is hard work and requires dedication and commitment. Its hard to commit yourself to working towards a happy marriage when you're already splitting your energy and affection in multiple directions and multiple women. The affair turns the most benign cyst into a terminal tumor. There's always temptation, and when you strip away all the over-romanticised notions of why sometimes these men are turning away from their wives and families, most of time it really just boils down to a matter of a lack of character, integrity and personal responsibility.

 

It really amazes me how many people are perfect & have never done anything wrong.. WOW. And why do people have to hijack other people's threads? If you have a gripe, start your own thread.

[mopar crazy]

I haven't read much of the replies but could it be that the W is taking the $ b/c of her child? I have heard from so many women either going through a D, or thinking about one, that they saved money in order to be financially stable to start a single life. Maybe she isn't taking the money for herself, but for their child, who knows.

[Ladyjane14]

It goes so far beyond financial, and there is no monetary settlement that could ever appease that. Who wouldn't go bat-crap crazy in such a situation. Is it irresponsible? Perhaps, but that's hardly a unique personality trait for the typical characters in this over-played story.

 

I dunno, Erika. Inmann's post certainly meanders a bit, I'll give you that....but I wouldn't call it a hijack. It's applicable to (the "B*tch Wife's" ) possible state of mind.

 

It doesn't answer the original question...but if memory serves, the OP was in agreement with No Stress Lady's advice of "let the MM deal with it - it's his problem and his divorce".

 

I think it's probably easier to follow through with that particular advice if you can wrap your mind around BOTH sides of the issue. If Foolinlove can develop a bit of empathy for (the "B*tch Wife":rolleyes: )....she'll have an easier time letting go of her own emotional response. Unless she can do that, her own negativity will eventually end up causing more problems than anything the BW ever did.

 

The MM is destroying his family dynamic. The repercussions are far-reaching. The BW has been harried at an extremely fundemental level. Her family is under attack from within....and from without as well if she only knew it.

 

Who wouldn't go "bat-crap crazy"?

 

There are other boards, certainly, where the OW can get a singular opinion. But hearing one side of the story seldom leads to any kind of true understanding. More often than not, the OW is only getting one side of the story from the MM as it is.

 

I don't think the OP can be terribly surprised that she's offended some people. It only stands to reason that when you open your thread with such a derogatory statement as "B*tch W spends savings!!" you're going to start some controversy.

 

It's no secret that LS's members are diversified. That works pretty well most of the time because you get a greater variety of thought. IMHO, there seems to be a certain amount of deliberation in Foolinlove's opening salvo. She's going to draw a certain amount of negative comment with it, but it would appear that's what she aimed to do. If so, it will behoove her to gain some emotional clarity and control. She'll only intensify the problems surrounding her if she doesn't.