Im back to dating again and having issues already, what should I do?

[Lamron300]

On 7/29/2026 at 4:06 AM, basil67 said:

I'm afraid I have nothing else to offer.   I think you're experiencing a lot of bitterness and cynicism in dating.  Either one of these will make you a bad candidate for dating, but having both means that you're not at all set up for success.

Yes, I definitely am and if people had similar experiences to me, they would feel the same way about dating/relationships. 

[ExpatInItaly]

That's your cue to take time off dating. 

It won't go well until you're in a better place mentally. 

[flitzanu]

3 hours ago, Lamron300 said:

Yes, I definitely am and if people had similar experiences to me, they would feel the same way about dating/relationships. 

all of us have similar experiences to you in dating.

that's why we're here.

 

[Lamron300]

3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

That's your cue to take time off dating. 

It won't go well until you're in a better place mentally. 

That’s how it always is till it goes right. Time on, time off. I don’t need time off, I need to filter my criteria better. Even from a first date, why did I ask that person on a date? Did I feel good vibes, reciprocal flirting? Etc.

In my time, I’ve noted the worst dates are with people who either want to leave the city or are new to the city ‘looking to meet new people in town’. Without interviewing someone, I need to get to the bottom of what they’re looking for.

My previous relationship spiraled out of control very gradually, then at rapid pace. We wanted one thing the same, but different ways of getting there, which would never work. I was also naive about the age difference. You learn stuff but I would have preferred to learn without becoming jaded. Maybe it’s just dating apps I’m tired of. 

 

[Lamron300]

56 minutes ago, flitzanu said:

all of us have similar experiences to you in dating.

Onlinedating course

 

that's why we're here.

 

Really? Have you been ghosted out of nowhere in a 6 month relationship? Blamed for a miscarriage? Used multiple times and lied to. 

[ExpatInItaly]

57 minutes ago, Lamron300 said:

My previous relationship spiraled out of control very gradually, then at rapid pace

To be fair, there were multiple red flags waving for a while. You stuck around in that chaos far too long 

[basil67]

8 hours ago, Lamron300 said:

Yes, I definitely am and if people had similar experiences to me, they would feel the same way about dating/relationships. 

A person who feels this way about dating and relationships has no business dating.   

 

[basil67]

12 hours ago, Lamron300 said:

Yes, I definitely am and if people had similar experiences to me, they would feel the same way about dating/relationships. 

@ExpatInItaly is correct.   Yes that was a bad relationship, and you knew is was bad, but you chose to stay anyway.  Have you unpacked any of this in therapy

[flitzanu]

22 hours ago, Lamron300 said:

Really? Have you been ghosted out of nowhere in a 6 month relationship? Blamed for a miscarriage? Used multiple times and lied to. 

yes.

again, i don't want to be the bearer of bad news, what we're trying to explain is that all of these things suck, and ALL of us have gone through bad things, and that you're not the only person having to suffer through them.  that's why we are here, because we all share these bad experiences and are trying to help others understand that they're not alone in going through them.

one day i felt like i was the only person that understood, and that i was the only person going through bad things, and then realized when reading this forum....that my experiences are not unique and other people are going through the same thing every single day.

[ExpatInItaly]

On 8/4/2026 at 8:11 PM, Lamron300 said:

Have you been ghosted out of nowhere in a 6 month relationship? Blamed for a miscarriage? Used multiple times and lied to. 

Many of us have been through much worse. 

What is your point? 

[Sanch62]

On 7/25/2026 at 4:59 PM, Lamron300 said:

… So people can do it to me? But I can’t do it to others. …

Sure you can. You’ll just come off as badly as anyone else who’s trigger-happy with the assumptions and accusations.

If you want to find a partner, you’ll need the resilience to sift through bad matches and kiss your share of toads. Most people are not our match. That’s true for everyone; it’s natural odds, natural selection.

Allow bad matches to pass early. Free your time and your mind for the long range. If you want to make this harder on yourself than it needs to be, you can do that. Assume away and keep making yourself miserable and less likely to find a healthy person who isn’t interested victimhood. Or, you can make things easier by failing to personalize every encounter with a bad match. You can roll on past those without compounding needless damage.

None of us are owed anything. From anyone. If you want to carry a chip, that’s not against the law, it just gets heavy. You can make the choice to liberate yourself from that thing at any time. All relationships are voluntary.

Head high.

[Lamron300]

On 8/5/2026 at 7:31 PM, ExpatInItaly said:

Many of us have been through much worse. 

What is your point? 

People process things different. The last relationship is still impacting me. The manipulation etc. it was weird as it was what I felt I wanted (someone who lives within 15 minutes, into similar things etc) but turned out to be a disaster. I was basically pressured into either letting her move in with me or having kids with her, yet I stayed till I was the bad guy. 
 

So now, that’s why I’m ruling people out quicker. The lady who said to me ‘we’re speaking too much and we haven’t even met yet, I’m taking a break’ yet still expected me to turn up to the date, is an example of me avoiding red flags and drama. 

[Lamron300]

On 8/5/2026 at 8:43 PM, Sanch62 said:

Sure you can. You’ll just come off as badly as anyone else who’s trigger-happy with the assumptions and accusations.

If you want to find a partner, you’ll need the resilience to sift through bad matches and kiss your share of toads. Most people are not our match. That’s true for everyone; it’s natural odds, natural selection.

Allow bad matches to pass early. Free your time and your mind for the long range. If you want to make this harder on yourself than it needs to be, you can do that. Assume away and keep making yourself miserable and less likely to find a healthy person who isn’t interested victimhood. Or, you can make things easier by failing to personalize every encounter with a bad match. You can roll on past those without compounding needless damage.

None of us are owed anything. From anyone. If you want to carry a chip, that’s not against the law, it just gets heavy. You can make the choice to liberate yourself from that thing at any time. All relationships are voluntary.

Language Resources

 

Head high.

The bad matches are draining and take something away from me mentally. For example, the woman who agreed to a second date and then ghosted (didn’t respond for four days so I called time on it and wished her luck and blocked)

not my previous ex but I was dating a woman for 6 months! At Valentine’s Day (didn’t know what the expectation was as I don’t believe in it) she got me some brownies and a card. My gift was a heavy frame so I couldn’t send it in post. She got upset and felt I didn’t make effort but didn’t actually tell me! Just started speaking less. Anyway, I eventually asked how what was wrong and she then finally came out and said she felt let down (she didn’t know i had made effort but not going to send an expensive frame in post). Anyway we made up and then continued dating went theatre, comedy and cinema. Then I went to her house for dinner, cuddled watched tv. Then that was the last time I ever heard from her. Boof, out of the blue. We were dating for 6 months and she stopped responding and I realized she’s an avoidant and wouldn’t ever say what’s wrong. She had two kids and was 13 years older than me, so I assumed it was my naivety. 
 

Anyway, what brought that up is I found the old valentines card under my bed yesterday. It literally said ‘lucky to have you’ then a month and a bit later she ghosts. Then their is my most recent ex who just wanted to pressure me into things and the woman from the other day who lied about wanting a second date and then tried to ghost. 
 

The point I’m trying to make is the rules of engagement seem completely different in dating. Bad behaviour is accepted. Then as the good guy you’re just supposed to accept it and ‘move on’. 

[Sony12]

@Lamron300This thread has been going on for awhile now about two relatively insignificant experiences where you just chatted online to a couple girls over the course of a few days and things quickly fell through with them. I think it might be time you move on from these women and quit putting so much energy into the memory of them. I guarantee you both have likely almost completely forgotten about you by now.

Stop thinking about these women you didn't even ever know and focus on getting in touch with new women.

If you need to close this thread to do it then so be it. But continuing to discuss these women for weeks on end is not healthy for you. Be different if they were a significant part of your life at one time. But they weren't. They were just a couple ladies you sent a handful of messages to over the course of a few days.

[Sanch62]

7 hours ago, Lamron300 said:

The point I’m trying to make is the rules of engagement seem completely different in dating. Bad behaviour is accepted. Then as the good guy you’re just supposed to accept it and ‘move on’. 

You get to decide how much and for how long another’s behavior ‘must’ impact you. If you want to stay stagnant in a focus on your stories and what you tell yourself those ‘must’ mean, you can do that. It’s a choice to stay standing in your own way, and nobody else has the power to liberate you from that choice.

You own your own perceptions, and you own the power to use them as you see fit. If you want to use them to drill yourself into a deeper hole to climb out of, you are well within your rights to do that. If you’re asking for the opinions of others, those of us who have made the same choices and have found them ineffective to reach a more long range goal are likely to point out why we view that path as a barrier to getting what you want.

Another use of such experiences can build confidence in the lessons we choose to take from them. For example, remaining too long in a relationship that is confusing rather than inspiring can be something we opt out of doing as we move forward to seek a better match.

If you want to use your experiences as a barrier to moving forward towards finding a better match, you can do that. It just makes no sense to be surprised when a better match is not found.