Im back to dating again and having issues already, what should I do?

[introverted1]

1 hour ago, Lamron300 said:

in terms of the first woman, what more can I say apart from would love to see you again sometime! To first gauge her thoughts and then to lay up a meeting. I don’t think you really believe she thought because my best message wasn’t ok great, when are you free? That she thought I was time wasting. Or I wouldn’t have even asked to meet again. Why are you condoning ghosting and gaslighting me?

Where did you say that you actually asked Woman #1 when she was free?

Quote

As soon as she got home she thanked me for a lovely evening. I was playing it cool and saying in my head I won’t message till she messaged so was surprised she messsged so quickly. I responded and said I had a lovely evening too, would like to see you again sometime, she said sounds good, me too. Wasn’t a ringing endorsement, but I thought maybe just her communication style. Exchanged a few more messages and she asked me how my exam was? I responded and then haven’t heard back since Wednesday. 

All you said was that you continued to message her AFTER she 1) initiated contact after the date to tell you what a nice time she had; and 2) agreed that she'd like to see you again. And so I stand by my assertion that if that's all you did, I am not surprised she stopped responding.

Edited July 25 by introverted1

[introverted1]

3 hours ago, Lamron300 said:

"I enjoyed meeting you and took you at your word when you said you'd like to meet again. Given that I haven't heard from you for several days, I'm assuming that's no longer the case. That's absolutely fine, but I would have appreciated you being straightforward rather than leaving things hanging. All the best."

What is the point of this?  She's no longer going to want to do anything with you after receiving this.  Is your goal just to let her know that you are feeling pissy about things?  If so, send away.  

[Lamron300]

56 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

What is the point of this?  She's no longer going to want to do anything with you after receiving this.  Is your goal just to let her know that you are feeling pissy about things?  If so, send away.  

I’m tired of people having poor communication and double standards. A woman called me out a few weeks ago for not finding ‘5 minutes’ to have a pre date phone call, even though I had a migraine. When I did actually meet in person, she looked nothing like her photos. 
 

I had another woman as I mentioned before accuse me of ghosting as I said I was going to soccer practice, then woke up to a message at 7.16am asking if it was something she said I why didn’t I just say I didn’t want to talk to her.

So people can do it to me? But I can’t do it to others. I’m now setting rules. I am only going to go on short coffee dates, I am not going to be someone’s mental crutch and I’m not getting invested in people. 
 

I have worked out the first woman is a fraud. I thought it was strange a 36 year old woman said she doesn’t use WhatsApp (In the UK everyone does). She has two phones, so what she did was add me on her business phone, which she clearly doesn’t use often. I have sent her the message and now blocked her, so I’m done with her.

[Lamron300]

1 hour ago, introverted1 said:

Where did you say that you actually asked Woman #1 when she was free?

All you said was that you continued to message her AFTER she 1) initiated contact after the date to tell you what a nice time she had; and 2) agreed that she'd like to see you again. And so I stand by my assertion that if that's all you did, I am not surprised she stopped responding.

She didn’t say ‘ I would like to see you again’ she said sounds good, me too. Which isn’t really a ringing endorsement. I thought hmm, she may have an avoidant personality, let me raise the specifics another day. 

[Sony12]

3 minutes ago, Lamron300 said:

I’m tired of people having poor communication and double standards. A woman called me out a few weeks ago for not finding ‘5 minutes’ to have a pre date phone call, even though I had a migraine. When I did actually meet in person, she looked nothing like her photos. 
 

I had another woman as I mentioned before accuse me of ghosting as I said I was going to soccer practice, then woke up to a message at 7.16am asking if it was something she said I why didn’t I just say I didn’t want to talk to her.

So people can do it to me? But I can’t do it to others. I’m now setting rules. I am only going to go on short coffee dates, I am not going to be someone’s mental crutch and I’m not getting invested in people. 
 

I have worked out the first woman is a fraud. I thought it was strange a 36 year old woman said she doesn’t use WhatsApp (In the UK everyone does). She has two phones, so what she did was add me on her business phone, which she clearly doesn’t use often. I have sent her the message and now blocked her, so I’m done with her.

You need to work on yourself.

[Lamron300]

4 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

You need to work on yourself.

I have 

[Sony12]

9 minutes ago, Lamron300 said:

I have 

You need more.

[Lamron300]

59 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

You need more.

No 

[Gebidozo]

5 hours ago, Lamron300 said:

People steal and lie all the time, doesn’t make it right? I had a very busy week with exams everyday, I arranged a dinner (she asked me to find a place, whole premise was to teach me chopsticks). I paid for the dinner and spent 3 hours of my time with her the day before an exam. I’m not entitled to another date or forcing another date, I just wanted to know either way. 

Comparing perceived dating inconsistencies with crimes and immoral behavior is part of your problem here.

You take these things too seriously and have a kind of humorless strictness and rigidity in your approach to them.

Also, your descriptions of your dating life always sound like some kind of a strange quid pro quo. It’s always “you did something, now it’s the woman’s turn”. It doesn’t work that way. If you like a woman you shouldn’t calculate so much. Try to be more active and spontaneously romantic while having less expectations.

[Gebidozo]

6 hours ago, Lamron300 said:

I will message her tonight saying 

"I enjoyed meeting you and took you at your word when you said you'd like to meet again. Given that I haven't heard from you for several days, I'm assuming that's no longer the case. That's absolutely fine, but I would have appreciated you being straightforward rather than leaving things hanging. All the best."

I don’t get it.

I thought you wanted to see this woman again?

Then why would you send something that will certainly kill off any chance of that happening?

 

[basil67]

It's you.

Thing is, OLD is frustrating for everyone.  If you're going to do this, you need to manage your expectations but also start working on your resilience.  And if you've got a busy period with exams, put dating on hold.   Don't put yourself in a situation where you carve out valuable space and then resent having wasted that time. 

With regards to you being bothered about people dating while they are in a bad headspace, your doctor has told you that you likely have clinical depression, and you mentioned that dating gives you a much needed dopamine hit.   And quite frankly, your writing style sounds like you're mad at the world.  YOU are dating while in a bad headspace.   Now is not the right time for you to be dating.

Kindly, take some time out while you explore antidepressant medication (I can tell you first hand that it's life changing, but sometimes it takes a while to get the meds which work for you) and look at developing resilience before you get back out and start dating again.

 

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Lamron300 said:

She didn’t say ‘ I would like to see you again’ she said sounds good, me too. Which isn’t really a ringing endorsement. I thought hmm, she may have an avoidant personality, let me raise the specifics another day. 

You're being pedantic.  "Sounds good, me too" is most definitely an affirmative answer for a person who's understated.  Both my husband and I use this expression all the time if we think a plan is good.   

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, Lamron300 said:

I’m tired of people having poor communication and double standards.

And people are tired of you judging them for what you perceive as poor communication and double standards.

 

1 hour ago, Lamron300 said:

So people can do it to me? But I can’t do it to others.

They don’t “do it to you”, they just behave the way they behave, which happens all the time in the dating world, but for some reason you’re making a fuss about it. You aren’t an appointed judge or moral authority, it’s not your place to fix things and have absolute justice that you’d enforce with an iron fist.

Just let it go. The more frustrated and indignant you get, the less chances you have in dating.

[Gebidozo]

30 minutes ago, Lamron300 said:

No 

Apparently yes.

Absolutely nothing has changed in your attitude since your old threads.

[ExpatInItaly]

You're absolutely not ready to date again. 

You're too angry at the world and dragging around too much emotional baggage. So yes, it's you. You can't handle dating, clearly. Not at this time. 

Edited July 26 by ExpatInItaly

[introverted1]

13 hours ago, Lamron300 said:

She didn’t say ‘ I would like to see you again’ she said sounds good, me too. Which isn’t really a ringing endorsement. I thought hmm, she may have an avoidant personality, let me raise the specifics another day. 

This is ridiculous, especially given that she is the one who reached after your first date to say she'd had a lovely time.  You shot yourself in the foot here and then blamed her for the fact that your foot hurts.

You sound bitter and jaded.  You are in no headspace to be dating and it is unlikely you are going to find success with your current attitude. 

[Lamron300]

15 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

I don’t get it.

I thought you wanted to see this woman again?

Then why would you send something that will certainly kill off any chance of that happening?

 

I wanted to till I realized she is another avoidant, who I’m done dealing with. There is no explanation to not get back to someone for four days after a first date, especially when the last thing I said was a response to her questions. 

[Lamron300]

15 hours ago, basil67 said:

It's you.

Thing is, OLD is frustrating for everyone.  If you're going to do this, you need to manage your expectations but also start working on your resilience.  And if you've got a busy period with exams, put dating on hold.   Don't put yourself in a situation where you carve out valuable space and then resent having wasted that time. 

With regards to you being bothered about people dating while they are in a bad headspace, your doctor has told you that you likely have clinical depression, and you mentioned that dating gives you a much needed dopamine hit.   And quite frankly, your writing style sounds like you're mad at the world.  YOU are dating while in a bad headspace.   Now is not the right time for you to be dating.

Kindly, take some time out while you explore antidepressant medication (I can tell you first hand that it's life changing, but sometimes it takes a while to get the meds which work for you) and look at developing resilience before you get back out and start dating again.

TranslationTools & Resources

 

 

Thank you. Your advice is sound and well thought out. But I’ve already had a break from dating, I don’t want a break. I just want to filter people out better. I’ve understood we aren’t friends, a date is make or break. I don’t mind people deciding or us mutually deciding we aren’t a good fit, I just want to filter people out quicker so I can get to my better match faster. 
 

I don’t think you’re disputing I should have gone out on a date with that woman ? We don’t have the same communication style and I don’t want to get entangled in something complex or overbearing when I have the option not to. I would be supportive of a partner if they had issues, but I don’t need to take on a strangers issues. Part of my attraction to her was she had an interesting job (therapist), so I was kind of surprised with what she came out with. We all have bad days/weeks, I would have just not said anything or said something like ‘I’m a bit tied up this week, so may not be that responsive, looking forward to meeting on Friday though’. I would have perceived it a lot better. But saying ‘I’m enjoying chatting, but we are messaging multiple times a day and we haven’t even met yet, I’m taking a break’. Is dramatic and not something I want to be involved in.

[Lamron300]

3 hours ago, introverted1 said:

This is ridiculous, especially given that she is the one who reached after your first date to say she'd had a lovely time.  You shot yourself in the foot here and then blamed her for the fact that your foot hurts.

You sound bitter and jaded.  You are in no headspace to be dating and it is unlikely you are going to find success with your current attitude. 

Actions speak louder than words. She said she had a lovely time (I’m sure she did, only took her 24 minutes to get to the restaurant, which I paid for). There isn’t really an excuse to not contact someone for four days, even a 5 second message to say you aren’t interested anymore. This isn’t me being annoyed at a match I never met stopped responding, that happens all the time. I took time out of my day (which she acknowledged on the date) as I had an exam at 8.30am the next day, to see her. This isn’t about a second date, it’s about communication. 

[Sony12]

Lamron you are really starting to sound a little crazy. Are you on any meds currently?

[Acacia98]

On 7/25/2026 at 8:18 PM, Lamron300 said:

People steal and lie all the time, doesn’t make it right? I had a very busy week with exams everyday, I arranged a dinner (she asked me to find a place, whole premise was to teach me chopsticks). I paid for the dinner and spent 3 hours of my time with her the day before an exam. I’m not entitled to another date or forcing another date, I just wanted to know either way. 

@Lamron300, you really don't get it, do you?

The whole point of dating is to learn enough about the other person to determine whether something is possible between you. In these cases, it's obvious that the ladies in question are not for you. Whether they're rude, flaky, or just uninterested, the outcome is the same. You have nothing to gain from continuing to engage them. And so you should move on. Focus your energy on other ladies who seem interesting and might actually be interested in you and share your values. 

The only reason for you to sit here, wasting your time thinking about correcting these ladies is if you're getting paid to do it, e.g. if you're a dating coach.

[basil67]

8 hours ago, Lamron300 said:

I don’t think you’re disputing I should have gone out on a date with that woman ? We don’t have the same communication style and I don’t want to get entangled in something complex or overbearing when I have the option not to. I would be supportive of a partner if they had issues, but I don’t need to take on a strangers issues. Part of my attraction to her was she had an interesting job (therapist), so I was kind of surprised with what she came out with. We all have bad days/weeks, I would have just not said anything or said something like ‘I’m a bit tied up this week, so may not be that responsive, looking forward to meeting on Friday though’. I would have perceived it a lot better. But saying ‘I’m enjoying chatting, but we are messaging multiple times a day and we haven’t even met yet, I’m taking a break’. Is dramatic and not something I want to be involved in.

Saying she's tied up wouldn't have been true.  She gave you the truth that she doesn't want to spend a lot of time texting before meeting....this wasn't wasn't the slightest bit dramatic.  She just wanted to get to know you better face to face instead of texting.   Between this and you saying that a response of "Sounds good" is avoidant, I think you've got some personal work to do.  You're highly reactive at present, looking for the worst and unable to see things from a perspective other than your own.  

 

[Lamron300]

On 7/26/2026 at 7:41 PM, Acacia98 said:

@Lamron300, you really don't get it, do you?

The whole point of dating is to learn enough about the other person to determine whether something is possible between you. In these cases, it's obvious that the ladies in question are not for you. Whether they're rude, flaky, or just uninterested, the outcome is the same. You have nothing to gain from continuing to engage them. And so you should move on. Focus your energy on other ladies who seem interesting and might actually be interested in you and share your values. 

The only reason for you to sit here, wasting your time thinking about correcting these ladies is if you're getting paid to do it, e.g. if you're a dating coach.

@Acacia98 What you are saying is tough love, but it’s true. I’m not sure why I’m overthinking incompatibilities or things I don’t like about people or what they’ve said etc. However, I am trying to learn so I can filter out these situations. I don’t enjoy dating and I don’t think it’s something to enjoy in that sense. It is literally a stranger allowing you to eat or drink next to them for a few hours and you have no idea of their background or if they’re already dating someone and you are wasting your time. I see millions of posts online about ‘date went well then ghosted’ or similar topics. When it is obvious what happened. People have lots of options online and basic manners go out of the way.

The first woman, I felt a lot better after sending her the text message telling her she could have just said she didn’t want to meet again, instead of leaving things hanging. I think there is a misconception I’m upset that she didn’t want to go on a second date. It’s the fact that she said she did, then ghosted for four days. Not even 10 seconds to say I’m busy or whatever the reason is. I do have the self awareness to realize that’s not someone for me. Good reason or not, if I enjoyed a date as I said I did, I wouldn’t then go silent for four days .

unfortunately, like many online dating users, I am jaded. Success would be the optimum but now I’m just simply to rule women out quicker, to reduce time wasted. The second woman, thankfully exposed herself before I wasted time. 
 

I would agree with you 100% but it is deflating and it’s not even easy to get dates anymore. People are flaky, busy or I’ve had a few people say they’re overwhelmed by the app. Dates aren’t a learning curve, I haven’t learnt anything I didn’t already know.

[Lamron300]

On 7/26/2026 at 11:57 PM, basil67 said:

Saying she's tied up wouldn't have been true.  She gave you the truth that she doesn't want to spend a lot of time texting before meeting....this wasn't wasn't the slightest bit dramatic.  She just wanted to get to know you better face to face instead of texting.   Between this and you saying that a response of "Sounds good" is avoidant, I think you've got some personal work to do.  You're highly reactive at present, looking for the worst and unable to see things from a perspective other than your own.  

 

It wasn’t the texting and ‘too much’ is subjective. Either way it still wasn’t acceptable to me. If someone is tactical and not natural and thinks even messaging is too much may impact the fate, they aren’t for me as they’re treating it like a game. She said I’m enjoying the texting, but we are texting too much, multiple times a day and we haven’t even met yet. It defeats the whole point, I asked her out on the date (after she started the convo online) as I felt we had a good rapport over text. We exchanged maybe 20 messages in 3 days, which for me isn’t a lot. She then came back two days later saying it’s probably just the headspace she is in, which is why she said that. I’m not interested in being a crutch or going out with someone in a bad headspace. If I said that to a woman, they wouldn’t have dated me either. I want to have fun on a date, and she killed the vibe. 

[basil67]

16 hours ago, Lamron300 said:

It wasn’t the texting and ‘too much’ is subjective. Either way it still wasn’t acceptable to me. If someone is tactical and not natural and thinks even messaging is too much may impact the fate, they aren’t for me as they’re treating it like a game. She said I’m enjoying the texting, but we are texting too much, multiple times a day and we haven’t even met yet. It defeats the whole point, I asked her out on the date (after she started the convo online) as I felt we had a good rapport over text. We exchanged maybe 20 messages in 3 days, which for me isn’t a lot. She then came back two days later saying it’s probably just the headspace she is in, which is why she said that. I’m not interested in being a crutch or going out with someone in a bad headspace. If I said that to a woman, they wouldn’t have dated me either. I want to have fun on a date, and she killed the vibe. 

I'm afraid I have nothing else to offer.   I think you're experiencing a lot of bitterness and cynicism in dating.  Either one of these will make you a bad candidate for dating, but having both means that you're not at all set up for success.