What did I do wrong?

[Mresponse]

22 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

And what strategies has she recommended to deal with this?

As it should have. I wouldn't be able to continue a relationship with someone who hadn't learned his lesson from the first DUI. Choosing to put his own and others' lives at risk yet again is deal-breaking behaviour for me. 

Writing down if then statements. Basically writing down the negative thought and then redirecting it into a positive or neutral. She also recommended medication(that made things so much worse. It made me feel dead on the inside/ ambivalent. It also gave me horrible nightmares and made me sweat?), dbt group therapy and several books.

happy to hear im not alone in the concern. My thing is- the first one was when he was 18 (so basically an underage charge I could dismiss that one mentally) the second was at 25/26 when the first charge was just months away from being expunged from his record. He never blew into the breathalyzer for confirmation but according to the booking he was speeding and driving erratically. His dad died from alcoholism. I felt selfish for finding it hard to look at his mugshot/ being grossed out by me needing to drive us everywhere for 8months. It felt like I too was facing the consequences of his stupid choice. But he had what I see as rare qualities in men. Thoughtful, remembered everything about me, gave me a safe space and fully loved me/ did not give me the fear that he would cheat. All of those things I think should have canceled out his mistake- only with time have I realized how rare his great qualities are

Edited 1 hour ago by Mresponse