Author CaliGuy Posted January 18, 2006 Author Share Posted January 18, 2006 Too far! (boo hoo) Anyway I'm a lousy skier, guess I have to hang here in the Big Apple I snowboard. Yep, Big Apple too far for me. ...Probably by this weekend that thought will have crossed your mind at least a hundred times! I was just thinking a little while ago what a serial dater/cheater she is. That she's only attracted to men who make her chase them. Funny, but she had it all with me and I'm not trying to be arrogant. She had someone that loved her deeply, treated her with respect, cared about her feelings, wants and needs and physically she had never been with someone like me before (not getting into details). She even said I was "too good to be true." Maybe that's it. She just felt like there's no way a guy can be all that, something must be wrong. Oh well, her loss is someone else's gain Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 Uh excuse me CaliGuy, but is that your photo..because if it is:cool: ...and you write anymore about this woman, I'm seriously going to have to figure a way to reach through your monitor and slap you to your senses! Look at yourself dude...you can not possibly be having a shortage of women in your life..LET THAT SCAB GO! whoa baby i agree! we've got a serious hottie on our hands...and a great guy too! gheez! what is wrong with that woman! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted January 18, 2006 Author Share Posted January 18, 2006 whoa baby i agree! we've got a serious hottie on our hands...and a great guy too! Aww thanks. Shucks. :o gheez! what is wrong with that woman! "She's not right in the head" as my step-father would say Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 Aww thanks. Shucks. :o "She's not right in the head" as my step-father would say eh... forget her...you could have anybody you wanted. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 Ditto! -on all the above. (Smile) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted January 18, 2006 Author Share Posted January 18, 2006 eh... forget her...you could have anybody you wanted. Thanks but what I am finding is the chemistry. I've been on a few dating sites and so far no one has really piqued my interest. I've been on several dates yet no one I have met generates even the slightest spark in me. I receive emails all the time from women, but they're just not what I am looking for. I don't have a problem attracting women, just the ones that share my values. I'm not asking for Ms. Perfect, just Ms. Close Enough Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 Thanks but what I am finding is the chemistry. I've been on a few dating sites and so far no one has really piqued my interest. I've been on several dates yet no one I have met generates even the slightest spark in me. I receive emails all the time from women, but they're just not what I am looking for. I don't have a problem attracting women, just the ones that share my values. I'm not asking for Ms. Perfect, just Ms. Close Enough yeah i'm in the same boat as you. can't find a good replacement with all the sparks. i have difficulty meeting guys on my wavelength, who share enough of my interests and values, i need more 'options' i guess...i'm thinking of trying the online sites again, but something about it depresses me--i think because there are so many players on there, at least that's what i noticed when i tried it a few years ago... Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 I was just thinking a little while ago what a serial dater/cheater she is. That she's only attracted to men who make her chase them. Funny, but she had it all with me and I'm not trying to be arrogant. She had someone that loved her deeply, treated her with respect, cared about her feelings, wants and needs and physically she had never been with someone like me before (not getting into details). She even said I was "too good to be true." Maybe that's it. She just felt like there's no way a guy can be all that, something must be wrong. Oh well, her loss is someone else's gain You know I was reading something which pointed out that reasons that relationship often fail is this constant comparison that partners do with one another. Some people EVEN when something great is in their hands, always think there is something better out there. So probably she was sort of a serial dater/cheater, because she A) can't accept that something someone loves her and treats her well and B) Because she can't accept her own fortune, she consciously F**KS it up. Sadly the ones who feel the damage that is done by these types pay the price...but imagine had you married her and she left you, you would feel worse. In a way your NC has started all over again. Although you saw each other and there was closure, you are now immesred in thinking about her and it did stir up certain emotions. You have a long road to full recovery please don't do anything to break NC under any circumstances. As much as we all know you'll get through this I sense through your poststhat you are still vulnerable and deeply hurt. You will find someone who appreciates you do need time to recover from this breakup. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted January 18, 2006 Author Share Posted January 18, 2006 You know I was reading something which pointed out that reasons that relationship often fail is this constant comparison that partners do with one another. Some people EVEN when something great is in their hands, always think there is something better out there. So probably she was sort of a serial dater/cheater, because she A) can't accept that something someone loves her and treats her well and B) Because she can't accept her own fortune, she consciously F**KS it up. Sadly the ones who feel the damage that is done by these types pay the price...but imagine had you married her and she left you, you would feel worse. I agree completely. She's also a commitment phobe as well. I will say that she chased another guy that she said "has all the qualities I am looking for." but treated her like crap. He was a jerk and used her. She couldn't see that THAT was a bad quality? What part about using her and ignoring her was so great? haha. She did say she was scared of marriage because she felt trapped, like she couldn't do what she wanted to and that she was worried she would cheat. So you are completely right. In a way your NC has started all over again. Although you saw each other and there was closure, you are now immesred in thinking about her and it did stir up certain emotions. You have a long road to full recovery please don't do anything to break NC under any circumstances. As much as we all know you'll get through this I sense through your poststhat you are still vulnerable and deeply hurt. You will find someone who appreciates you do need time to recover from this breakup. Oh I know. I have no plans to break NC. Life goes on. Link to post Share on other sites
francis Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 scrummy Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 CaliGuy, I just realized you'd changed your avatar to your actual photo. Cali, YOU ARE G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S!!! -and you are keeping all that for just that ONE silly girl?????? Give the women of Los Angeles something to live for, -let her go!!! (Smile) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted January 19, 2006 Author Share Posted January 19, 2006 CaliGuy, I just realized you'd changed your avatar to your actual photo. Cali, YOU ARE G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S!!! -and you are keeping all that for just that ONE silly girl?????? Give the women of Los Angeles something to live for, -let her go!!! (Smile) -Rio Thank you, Rio I let her go when I booted her, but you know how it is in the game of love. You can't just stop loving and caring about someone. Every day I'll care a little less. My friends keep telling me "The best way to get over one woman is to get under another." I'm starting to wonder if there is any truth to that. I'm starting to miss the intimacy! haha. Link to post Share on other sites
wendel1 Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 I've been broken up for four months and I think the intimacy is the only thing I miss from her now...The first few months I was weepy and all that.and didnt want to be with another girl..I'd think of the good times with her etc...but I think my basic human needs are now taking over! .once I find someone to fill that 'intimacy gap' I'm sure it will help the healing process. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Cali- Refresh my memory- how long were you two together originally? Then, you guys took a break?? Then got back together. I would love to see a picture of the two of you together at the wedding. I gotta see what this chickie looked like. I've never seen a guy go this gaga. When I left my exhusband- and we'd been married 13 years, he didn't obsess like this and I've got it going on fairly well if I must say so myself! Link to post Share on other sites
bendit Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Caliguy figure out why you were SO attracted to such an unavailable woman. You may discover your own fears of intimacy. The "attraction" for her and what you aren't finding in "normal" women is the IDEALIZATION she gave you probably immediately after meeting her. She was essentially putting on a performance and using "the" script that they use to draw you in. I suspect what you then got was the push pull back and forth keeping you off balance. And you were left waiting for when the good stuff was going to return. That, called intermittent reinforcement, is addictive. But my real advice is that unless you get to the heart of why you were so drawn to such an unavailable person, you may likely find the same kind of woman next time. I understand you found Glover's book. That's a great start. regards Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted January 19, 2006 Author Share Posted January 19, 2006 Cali- Refresh my memory- how long were you two together originally? Then, you guys took a break?? Then got back together. I would love to see a picture of the two of you together at the wedding. I gotta see what this chickie looked like. I've never seen a guy go this gaga. When I left my exhusband- and we'd been married 13 years, he didn't obsess like this and I've got it going on fairly well if I must say so myself! Send me your email address and I'll forward you a picture. I'm not gaga over her anymore. I've let go. I think what's hit me more than anything else is the gap she left in my life. That's what I'm struggling with now. Coming home to an empty house and empty bed sux0rs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted January 19, 2006 Author Share Posted January 19, 2006 Caliguy figure out why you were SO attracted to such an unavailable woman. You may discover your own fears of intimacy. The "attraction" for her and what you aren't finding in "normal" women is the IDEALIZATION she gave you probably immediately after meeting her. She was essentially putting on a performance and using "the" script that they use to draw you in. I suspect what you then got was the push pull back and forth keeping you off balance. And you were left waiting for when the good stuff was going to return. That, called intermittent reinforcement, is addictive. But my real advice is that unless you get to the heart of why you were so drawn to such an unavailable person, you may likely find the same kind of woman next time. I understand you found Glover's book. That's a great start. regards I can see why you feel that way but understand I fell in love. HARD. Never felt the same way about anyone else in my life. I mean, butterflies and all. However, I spend more and more time each day looking at her for what she truly was. Love is blind, we know that, and I certainly ignored a lot of her faults. But I loved her, warts and all. Unfortunately being blinded by love causes you to ignore those the warning signs and cling to a sinking ship a lot longer than you should have. Pixie we were together two years, took a brief break and then started up again. I should have walked away the first time with my pride in tact. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 RE: CaliGuy: " My friends keep telling me "The best way to get over one woman is to get under another." I'm starting to wonder if there is any truth to that. I'm starting to miss the intimacy! haha." CaliGuy, Listen to your friends! I know it's going to sound strange for a woman to be telling you that, but, then, -I'm not your ordinary woman. (Smile) Enough time has gone by for that to happen. It may even be better than the gym. (Smile) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted January 19, 2006 Author Share Posted January 19, 2006 RE: CaliGuy, Listen to your friends! I know it's going to sound strange for a woman to be telling you that, but, then, -I'm not your ordinary woman. (Smile) Enough time has gone by for that to happen. It may even be better than the gym. (Smile) -Rio Are you volunteering, Rio?? hahaha. Seriously, I do miss it and think it might not be a bad idea to have a FWB at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 RE: Caliguy: " Are you volunteering, Rio?? hahaha. Seriously, I do miss it and think it might not be a bad idea to have a FWB at this point. " Caliguy, Jeezus! -don't tempt me! I've been checking out more booty than a gynecologist, latley! (Smile) But the thing I came to post to you about, is a thread of mine that talks about the FWB thing...read it well before you do anything. The post is called 'Mr. Serial Dater', -which doesn't have anything to do with YOU, -but go to #11 in the thread for the info I want you to read. Here's the link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=683422#post683422 Yours, Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted January 19, 2006 Author Share Posted January 19, 2006 I saw that post. Definitely not a serial dater. I'm a very monogamous guy. I want to be with one person and one person only. I guess I'm at that point where I want to be in a serious, committed relationship that leads to marriage and that's what scared the Ex off drastically. She wasn't ready for that and still wants to lead the 'high-life.' Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Cali, about that thread, -it was post number 11, speaking about how to keep from FWB backfiring on you, that I wanted you to read. There is a way to reduce the risks with it and increase the 'benefits' of FWB, if you take care to know them and put them into practice. It's mostly about keeping it short, sweet, and clarifying the expectations. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted January 19, 2006 Author Share Posted January 19, 2006 I will definitely read it, thanks. Now I just need to find someone that might interest me Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Now you're talkin'. (Smile) -Rio 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted January 19, 2006 Author Share Posted January 19, 2006 Now you're talkin'. (Smile) -Rio *Checks black book* Oh crap, no numbers. I have to start from scratch Link to post Share on other sites
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