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Trouble figuring out what this women wants from me?


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3 hours ago, Wiseone72 said:

The way I look at it is, I'm happy to be her friend. If that changes, I would need to see some indication she's interested in a relationship. I'm not going to count on it, at least this way I don't set myself up for disappointment. 

 

I think the best thing I can do right now is be her friend, because that's what she says she wants. If I do anything else, I lose a friend.

Are you really a friend, or are you a gym buddy?  Have you ever socialised outside of the gym? 

Given your age difference, I think it's blindingly obvious that she would see you as something between a gym buddy and father figure. 

I'm a woman, a little older than you. If I met a nice young man at the gym...a new immigrant...I'd automatically assume that my role would be that of a mother figure.  Not a friend, but more of a source of knowledge while he settles in. Someone safe who wasn't going to give him romantic complications.  And someone who would slowly disappear from their life as they built it with appropriate aged people.  It wouldn't even occur to me that he saw me as anything else.  Besides, don't you think that if she had a romance, it would be with a man who's a similar age?  Chances are she wants to have a family one day

Edited by basil67
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Wiseone72
15 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Are you really a friend, or are you a gym buddy?  Have you ever socialised outside of the gym? 

We're socializing at the gym and on the phone/social media. She contacts me almost daily, sending me pictures of her cat and other things of interest. We have never socialized in person outside of the gym. 

 

15 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Besides, don't you think that if she had a romance, it would be with a man who's a similar age? 

She told me her current Russian boyfriend is 59 years old after telling her my age. He's not rich either, drives a Camaro.

Times are changing, young men are more like boys these days, even at 25. 

We're having a failure to launch generation.

 

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16 minutes ago, Wiseone72 said:

She told me her current Russian boyfriend is 59 years old after telling her my age. He's not rich either, drives a Camaro.

 

OK, forget my other questions - they are now irrelevant

You know he's not a "boyfriend" right?  Sounds like she's trying to make you into another sugar daddy.   She's playing you like a fiddle and you're falling for it.  Do you even know if her story is real?

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Rider on the Storm
6 minutes ago, Wiseone72 said:

We're socializing at the gym and on the phone/social media. She contacts me almost daily, sending me pictures of her cat and other things of interest. We have never socialized in person outside of the gym. 

 

She told me her current Russian boyfriend is 59 years old after telling her my age. He's not rich either, drives a Camaro.

So, because you socialize at the gym and she sends you pics of her cat on social media you believe that somehow equates to her sizing you up for marriage? Seriously?

In all sincerity, when was the last you were in a relationship? When was the last time you dated someone half your age? Have you expressed to her that you are "not rich", or have you lead her to believe that she would be taken care of by you? Twenty year old women don't pursue 50 to 60 year old guys without some sort of agenda. 

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35 minutes ago, Wiseone72 said:

She is training me., We both are members at the same gym, no she isn't a personal trainer at the gym. 

So she is meeting you at the gym and acts as your personal trainer? So basically you're her client? 

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Alpacalia

So sad that there always has to be some ulterior motive. If this was a women befriending another woman there would be no issue. Carry on.

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Rider on the Storm
28 minutes ago, Wiseone72 said:

My life definitely is not boring and nor am I broke.

I see. So, despite her not being motivated by money and a desire for a "boring" life, it just so happens that she came across a guy with an exciting life who has money? Well, you don't say. And here I was almost convinced that this pretty, agenda-free, 25 year old Russian woman has this thing for boring, old, poor guys. 

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7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

So she is meeting you at the gym and acts as your personal trainer? So basically you're her client? 

I'm also confused at the nature of this relationship. Because in the OP, she's described as a woman who, (1) followed him around the gym repeatedly for months, and then (2) became a "workout buddy" and they would work out together frequently and then (3) asked him to work out one day and he said no (even though they were "workout buddies" at this point which kind of implies synchronized scheduled meetings on a regular basis) and then (4) intentionally scheduled her workout so she would leave right as he showed up as some sort of revenge or acting out.

I'm very confused as to what the relationship actually is. I feel certain it's not based on romantic interest on her part.

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Wiseone72
33 minutes ago, IrinaM said:

I'm very confused as to what the relationship actually is.

The way she asked me that day to workout with her, her tone strongly implied she had a strong desire to workout with me. It was in her voice. I had no choice, I had to decline because of a prior engagement and I didn't give her a satisfactory reason. I wish I had. If she was just a friend, she wouldn't have come early on that day, and missed an opportunity to work out with me when a day earlier she was practically begging by the tone of voice to workout with me, unless it was retribution for saying no.

This is not my imagination playing tricks on me. I even asked my female co-workers who all tell me it wasn't a coincidence she showed up early and missed our pre-agreed workout schedule.

 

43 minutes ago, IrinaM said:

I feel certain it's not based on romantic interest on her part.

It's as if she can't decide, flipping a coin one day and landing on the other side the next day. 

42 minutes ago, IrinaM said:

I'm very confused as to what the relationship actually is.

So am I, that's why I'm here asking the community.

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Wiseone72
1 hour ago, Rider on the Storm said:

So, because you socialize at the gym and she sends you pics of her cat on social media you believe that somehow equates to her sizing you up for marriage? Seriously?

I never said that, only she doesn't date to date, she dates to marry. She date to marry, so if she doesn't know me and you can't know someone in three weeks. My thought process is she wants to befriend someone to find out if she would date that person. Start out spending time at the gym, then if she the person grows on her take it a step further, then go from a friendship into dating. 

Lot's of women are doing that these days.

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

So she is meeting you at the gym and acts as your personal trainer? So basically you're her client? 

I'm not paying her anything. No she acts like my friend, we talk about stuff, laughing and having a good time. She trains me to work out of the kindness of her heart.

We talk/text daily, because according to her she's lonely and I'm her only friend. 

 

1 hour ago, Rider on the Storm said:

And here I was almost convinced that this pretty, agenda-free, 25 year old Russian woman has this thing for boring, old, poor guys. 

She's not Russian, shown spanish.  And why do you assume I'm poor and boring? Lol.

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4 minutes ago, Wiseone72 said:

I'm not paying her anything. No she acts like my friend, we talk about stuff, laughing and having a good time. 

Ok, then she's just a gym friend and workout buddy and that's fine. It's fine to be friends with a workout buddy and share some things, but her BF and personal life have nothing to do with you. 

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Wiseone72
1 hour ago, IrinaM said:

Because in the OP, she's described as a woman who, (1) followed him around the gym repeatedly for months

Every time I turned around, there she was, working out next to me, looking over at me repeatedly. I would move to the opposite side of the gym, within minutes she's on the machine right next to me facing my direction. and smiling. I performed a little test, I went to grab my water as if I was leaving, she immediately looked over to see what I was doing, the gig was up at that point, I saw her hand. 

Things like this happened for 5 months!

There was one day where she tapped me on the shoulder, as if a last ditch effort and asked if she could use a weight, then walked away with the weight and put it back on the rack at the other side of the gym, so I wouldn't see, she didn't even used it.

She just wanted to get my attention, as if hay I'm right here.

There was a point where she stopped putting herself in my spaces, as if giving up. That's when I said alright, it's now or never. I went up to her and tapped her on the shoulder the same as she did to me. She turned around and looked shocked to see it was me but at the same time overjoyed.

I introduced myself and talked for awhile. I asked her if she wanted to work out together and the rest is history.

This is NOT my imagination!

 

 

 

Edited by Wiseone72
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Alpacalia

You're looking into it way too much. You're in a room? She's walking around the room and happens to stop at the machine next to you? Wow very unusual... she waited at a crowded machine before... how unusual. Just because another person is in a room at the same time as you, does NOT mean that there is something between you two. When we have crushes on people it's very easy to read into situations like this. I've done it myself.

But to be honest, it's extremely common for people to "follow" others around in the gym and end up on a machine next to them. It doesn't necessarily mean anything.

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Wiseone72
7 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

But to be honest, it's extremely common for people to "follow" others around in the gym and end up on a machine next to them. It doesn't necessarily mean anything.

Every monday though, for 5 months. the only time I see her there, she follows me around like a lost puppy. She even face me during her workout, smiling at me. It's so obvious. Come on. I'm not stupid. 

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NuevoYorko

If she only dates men who she sees as marriage material, and she has a boyfriend ... there you have it.  She is with someone she may be planning to marry.  Not you.  Sorry.

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Wiseone72
11 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

She is with someone she may be planning to marry.  Not you.  Sorry.

Maybe this girl has a bizarre way of making friends, but targeting a specific guy she doesn't even know just to be a friend, weird, weird.

I also happen to be her type, from a physical standpoint, tall, handsome, beautiful lips. Clearly my physical traits is why she chose me. I can see that clear as day!

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NuevoYorko
2 minutes ago, Wiseone72 said:

Maybe this girl has a bizarre way of making friends, but targeting a specific guy she doesn't even know just to be a friend, weird, weird.

She's a hot young lady at your gym that you seem to be infatuated with.  You seem to be liberally "filling in the blanks" from your imagination.  

She has a boyfriend, she's not available.

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Rider on the Storm
16 minutes ago, Wiseone72 said:

I never said that, only she doesn't date to date, she dates to marry. She date to marry, so if she doesn't know me and you can't know someone in three weeks. My thought process is she wants to befriend someone to find out if she would date that person. Start out spending time at the gym, then if she the person grows on her take it a step further, then go from a friendship into dating. 

Lot's of women are doing that these days.

I'm not paying her anything. No she acts like my friend, we talk about stuff, laughing and having a good time. She trains me to work out of the kindness of her heart.

We talk/text daily, because according to her she's lonely and I'm her only friend. 

 

She's not Russian, shown spanish.  And why do you assume I'm poor and boring? Lol.

Because you said this, "She is only attracted to older mature men, she's 25 and I'm 52. She doesn't like fancy cars or men with a lot of money, and wants a simple life". I assumed this implied that you fit that bill since you are of the belief that she is sizing you up for marriage.

Look, I'm only a little more than a handful of years younger than you. I get it. There are some gorgeous, younger ladies out there. There's no question. That doesn't change the fact that you are letting your imagination get the best of you. I don't believe this woman has any romantic interest in you at all. Just because she talks to you at the gym and she sends you pics of her cat doesn't mean she is sizing up if you are marriage material. Does that not sound crazy to you?

It just seems odd to me that you're trying to sell us on the idea that you are ok with friendship if that is all it can be. That is clearly not the case. This woman has told you that she has a boyfriend. She has never met you outside the gym. Yet, here you are acting as if this is a friendship that you couldn't live without. So, you're willing to take THAT over nothing? Really? Again, I just find that odd. Are your social circles pretty limited? Wouldn't it be better to dedicate your time to an opportunity where there is actually some potential? 

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1 hour ago, Wiseone72 said:

 my physical traits is why she chose me. I can see that clear as day!

You seem to want to hear that she's in love with you and crazy about you and you're the man of her dreams. 

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1 hour ago, Wiseone72 said:

Maybe this girl has a bizarre way of making friends, but targeting a specific guy she doesn't even know just to be a friend, weird, weird.

I also happen to be her type, from a physical standpoint, tall, handsome, beautiful lips. Clearly my physical traits is why she chose me. I can see that clear as day!

You describe her as "getting into your space", following you around "like a puppy" and this seems to confirm in your mind that this Adonis description of yourself that you've mentioned over and over and over in this thread means she specifically sought you out because she has a crush on you and this BF thing she mentioned is just peripheral to her being totally awestruck with you.

Any other theories, like that she's friendly or has a BF are vehemently shot down in favor of your perception that she's madly in love with you. 

 

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Rider on the Storm
9 hours ago, Wiseone72 said:

Maybe this girl has a bizarre way of making friends, but targeting a specific guy she doesn't even know just to be a friend, weird, weird.

I also happen to be her type, from a physical standpoint, tall, handsome, beautiful lips. Clearly my physical traits is why she chose me. I can see that clear as day!

What has she chosen exactly? To say hi to you at the gym? To tell you that she has a boyfriend. To send you pics of her cat on social media? To elect to not see you outside the gym?

You should keep in perspective that while you engage in these make believe fantasies of her wanting to marry you, she is likely at home planning a future with her boyfriend.

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Alpacalia
11 hours ago, Wiseone72 said:

Every monday though, for 5 months. the only time I see her there, she follows me around like a lost puppy. She even face me during her workout, smiling at me. It's so obvious. Come on. I'm not stupid. 

OK. I don't want to further discount what you've experienced but the fact remains, she has a boyfriend. Simple truth. And I don't mean to discount your view of her possibly testing you but perhaps she really just doesn't have friends, like she's said.

Put yourself in that position. You're new to a country since 2021, you barely know anyone, you see someone every week at the gym, you sort of 'know' him since you see him every week, he seems nice enough.

You don't want to be pushy or overly friendly on someone you hardly know - hence, you gauge your nosiness based mostly on your interactions in the gym. You work out with her a lot, talk to her a lot, perhaps like her a lot, albeit you don't give any clear indication. Let's assume you did tell her your feelings and she would reject your proposal, you WOULDN'T want to go on and continue with your friendship as if nothing ever happened.

But in the end, she has a boyfriend. I wouldn't assume anything besides that. It's way too easy to overthink and overcomplicate everything, especially when you don't have enough information.

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Wiseone72
13 hours ago, Rider on the Storm said:

Are your social circles pretty limited?

I have been serious ill for decades, got a diagnosis and began treating the disease. So yes my inner circle is limited. I'm very particular about the type of people I choose to befriend. I'm not the type to go out drinking with the buddies. I'm into my health, gym 7 days a week, no fast/junk food. 

I got another girl in the gym doing the same thing this girls was doing, she obviously wants my attention, only I'm not interested.  I caught this girl staring at me in the mirror multiple times for months on end. If I make eye contact with her she starts walking right towards me, like a charging bull, making eye contact the entire time as she walks by. She has done this many, many times. I smile, but not interested.

When I started working out with this girl, the other girl was staring at us for a long time and smiled. 

I got girls at work doing the same kinds of things to get my attention. Everywhere I go this happens. 

I'm not the desperate type, I take a long time and calculate before I make my move.

 

Edited by Wiseone72
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2 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

It's way too easy to overthink and overcomplicate everything, especially when you don't have enough information.

I agree. I need to take a step back and let it in the we're just gym/Instagram buddies. I think that's the best move for me.

Edited by Wiseone72
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BreakOnThrough

When she mentioned the boyfriend, I would have kept complete distance, not going to end well in any frame from that point forward if you didn't.

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