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Trouble figuring out what this women wants from me?


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Wiseone72

I met this girl in the gym, she was putting herself in my spaces repeatedly for 5 month once a week. She would follow me around the gym, working out right next to me over and over. I introduced myself and we hit it off, I asked her if she would like a workout partner on the second time we saw each other, and have been working out together for the last three weeks at least 2-3 times a week.

 

She's been here in the US since 2021 and says to has no friends which I can easily believe, which I can understand now because she's very shy.  After three weeks she asked me in the sweetest voice, the kind you can't say no to, if I would workout with her tomorrow.

I told her I couldn't that day, because I had something else I had to do that day, so I said how about the day after. She agreed to meet me at the specified time, when I got there she had already finished working out as she came in a hour early, knowing I would arrive at the tail end of her workout. So I asked her what do you want to workout today, to which she said I already finished my workout. She seemed to be waiting around for me to show up before leaving. 

 

I said oh, ok, in a calm voice, you could have texted me to let me know you were coming in early and I would have met up with you. She shook my hand as if to let me know everything was alright, then left. I feel this was retribution for telling her no when she asked me to workout with her on that day.

 

She made clear from the start that she has a boyfriend and I told her I understand, and I want to respect that, put out my hand and said how about we be just friends and she smiled big and shook my hand and we've been working out together ever since. She basically my personal trainer and enjoys working out with me. She does seem to be going out of her way to convince me she has a boyfriend which I don't understand, sending me stories on Instagram, pictures of a guy feeding her cat milk, or at the beach but the pictures are of only him by himself.

 

I'm not flirty with her in any way, I treat her like a friend. Her Instagram pictures are numerous, no one else in her pictures, just her by herself.  I can't figure this girl out. She sent me a video of her walking home in the rain from work at 10 pm, to which I replied, be safe out there!

 

That seemed to produce a positive  response. These little short videos  seems like a test. She's the type that will not date someone who she wouldn't consider marrying, her own words, date to marry!

 

My thought process is this guy is a relative, roommate or sugar daddy, based off multiple videos she's made on Instagram. She wants a simple life, nothing too fancy, average car, doesn't ask too much, just wants to travel sometimes. She wants man with couple of friends, no drama, a middle-aged simple man, tall, handsome, beautiful lips which describes me to a T!   

 

So my thoughts are no way in hell is a women going to repeated put herself into my spaces, for months, stare at me, just to make a friend, not when I fit her type so perfectly! She briefly interacts with other people in the gym, who she seems to know well, but doesn't work out with any of them. 

 

Remember, she will not date, unless she would consider marrying.

 

Is this girl testing me to see if I'm marriage material?

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4 minutes ago, Wiseone72 said:

She made clear from the start that she has a boyfriend and  and we've been working out together ever since. She basically my personal trainer and enjoys working out with me. 

If you enjoy working out together that's great. It's good you cleared up the misunderstanding about coming in at different times.  Do you stay in touch outside of the gym? She has a BF so there's not that much more to decipher. 

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Alpacalia

Seems pretty straightforward. She doesn't have many friends and you seem to be someone she enjoys spending time with, so she wants to be friends with you. Her mentioning her boyfriend frequently is likely just to make it clear that she is not interested in anything beyond friendship with you. Is that something you're comfortable with? Are you just looking to be friends with her and enjoy working out together, or are you hoping for something more?

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Wiseone72
13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you stay in touch outside of the gym?

Yes, through Instagram only. We text a few times per week.

 

13 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Her mentioning her boyfriend frequently is likely just to make it clear that she is not interested in anything beyond friendship with you. Is that something you're comfortable with?

She's my type, but I would be comfortable being just friends. 

 

13 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Are you just looking to be friends with her and enjoy working out together, or are you hoping for something more?

I can always hope, but I would never do anything to hurt her!! I want her to be happy. The last thing I want is to ruin her happiness with another man!

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ShyViolet
31 minutes ago, Wiseone72 said:

Is this girl testing me to see if I'm marriage material?

THIS is your takeaway from all this?  Some random girl from the gym has been a little flirtatious with you, and you're thinking about marriage?  You do not even know this girl.

The minute she told you she has a bf is the minute you should have stopped wasting your time with this.  She is playing games with you and probably enjoys the attention, but she isn't availble.

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Yeah she likely just wants a workout partner. Generally speaking when a lady tells a guy she has a bf then she isn't currently interested in getting involved with him. If she begins liking you she will likely be tempted to end things with her bf.

 

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Rider on the Storm
36 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

THIS is your takeaway from all this?  Some random girl from the gym has been a little flirtatious with you, and you're thinking about marriage?  You do not even know this girl.

The minute she told you she has a bf is the minute you should have stopped wasting your time with this.  She is playing games with you and probably enjoys the attention, but she isn't availble.

These ^ are my sentiments exactly.

OP, it's obvious that you like this woman more than you are letting on. Healthy, well-balanced women don't tell guys that they have a boyfriend to "test" them. I'm sure that she does have a boyfriend. She also enjoys the attention that she is receiving from you. Not because she wants to marry you, but because she likes the attention. Stop with the misguided fantasy and move on to someone who is available and not just looking for attention.

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Wiseone72
1 hour ago, ShyViolet said:

Some random girl from the gym has been a little flirtatious with you, and you're thinking about marriage?

No, all I'm saying is she doesn't date just to date, only dating with the intention to marry. So she has to get to know someone in order to want to date them. So she will make friends first, get to know you and either push for a relationship or she will move on and keep the friend she made.  I'm not thinking about marrying her because I don't know her well enough to make that decision. I'm just trying explaining her mindset.

 

Maybe I lead myself on, when what she really wanted was a friend, because she has none and conveyed to me that's what she wanted from the start. It's the way she went about it that lead me to believe something else. She was unusually persistent in attempting to get my attention, over the top!

 

She's a leo.

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Wiseone72
1 hour ago, Sony12 said:

If she begins liking you she will likely be tempted to end things with her bf.

I sense no love in her relationship. She doesn't have a partner to workout with. She walks home in the pouring rain at 10 pm and makes video of it and sends it to me. Clearly she wants to gauge my reaction. 

Maybe it is for attention, but she should be getting this type of attention from her boyfriend. You tend to look for things elsewhere if you're not getting it at home.

 

 

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20 minutes ago, Wiseone72 said:

I sense no love in her relationship. She doesn't have a partner to workout with. She walks home in the pouring rain at 10 pm and makes video of it and sends it to me. Clearly she wants to gauge my reaction. 

Maybe it is for attention, but she should be getting this type of attention from her boyfriend. You tend to look for things elsewhere if you're not getting it at home.

 

 

 

It's entirely possible that her relationship with her boyfriend isn't the best and that's part of the reason she enjoys getting attention from other men. However that still doesn't mean she wants to get involved with you at this time. Don't make any moves on her until she breaks it off with her bf and willingly tells you that the relationship is over.

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1 hour ago, Wiseone72 said:

 she doesn't date just to date, only dating with the intention to marry. She's a leo.

Are you from a culture where arranged marriages are common? Perhaps instead of pursuing unavailable women, you could date others?  Unrequited crushes are frustrating so perhaps you would be better off letting this go and either staying workout pals or moving on.

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SlimShadysWife

Nah this girl is suspicious.

If a man was following a girl all around the gym all hell would break loose and he would be a creeper. 

What does her following look like on social media? Full of random men? A mixture? Family? 

 

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Wiseone72
42 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you from a culture where arranged marriages are common?

She is from Nicaragua and is awaiting her greed card which is in ready status. She is only attracted to older mature men, she's 25 and I'm 52. She doesn't like fancy cars or men with a lot of money, and wants a simple life. She's humble and down to earth. She's funny, easy going and pleasant to be around. 

 

33 minutes ago, SlimShadysWife said:

If a man was following a girl all around the gym all hell would break loose and he would be a creeper. 

That's a funny double standard is it?

 

33 minutes ago, SlimShadysWife said:

What does her following look like on social media? Full of random men? A mixture? Family? 

No family pictures, no boyfriend with his arm around here, just her on Instagram. Even her travel to places, she's the only one in the picture. She made a video. she's a content creator, ammature, she made a video titled, "when you marry a sugar daddy, you die on the inside". A man replied, that's what you get girl. Some are like posting burning hot emojis. She doesn't reply to them though. 

I get it though, she's looking for validation, Instagram is an outlet for her. She's very creative. She hasn't posted any biki videos in 2 years. Now she posts mostly hair styling and nice outfits.

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Wiseone72 said:

No, all I'm saying is she doesn't date just to date, only dating with the intention to marry. So she has to get to know someone in order to want to date them. So she will make friends first, get to know you and either push for a relationship or she will move on and keep the friend she made.

Did she tell you this?  

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Wiseone72
12 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Did she tell you this?  

She made a video almost 2 years ago titled-> I like simple men, detailing she wants a tall, handsome, man with beautiful lips, I don't ask for much, take me to travel and buy me gifts from time to time, being romantic but always staying a simple man. Live life bare minimum, no fancy house or cars, flashy things don't impress her. She doesn't like men that try to show off to impress her, that's a turn off for her.

In other words, she doesn't want a high status man with lots of money.  She did tell me some of the above in person that was also in the video.

From spending time with her, I can see most of this to be true. 

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SlimShadysWife
17 minutes ago, Wiseone72 said:

She is from Nicaragua and is awaiting her greed card which is in ready status. She is only attracted to older mature men, she's 25 and I'm 52. She doesn't like fancy cars men with money, and wants a simple life. She's humble and down to earth. She's funny, easy going and pleasant to be around. 

 

That's a funny double standard is it?

 

No family pictures, no boyfriend with his arm around here, just her on Instagram. Even her travel to places, she's the only one in the picture. She made a video. she's a content creator, ammature, she made a video titled, "when you marry a sugar daddy, you die on the inside". A man replied, that's what you get girl. Some are like posting burning hot emojis. She doesn't reply to them though. 

I get it though, she's looking for validation, Instagram is an outlet for her. She's very creative. She hasn't posted any biki videos in 2 years. Now she posts mostly hair styling and nice outfits.

 

 

 

Ok but did you see who she's following on Instagram, you know the list where the number is up top? If it's mainly men then she's probably targeting men for some reason. 

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12 minutes ago, Wiseone72 said:

She is from Nicaragua and is awaiting her greed card which is in ready status. She is 25 and I'm 52. 

Her taste in men material goods etc is irrelevant. If she has a BF she's not available even if you believe you're her type. 

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Wiseone72
10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Her taste in men material goods etc is irrelevant. If she has a BF she's not available even if you believe you're her type. 

The way I look at it is, I'm happy to be her friend. If that changes, I would need to see some indication she's interested in a relationship. I'm not going to count on it, at least this way I don't set myself up for disappointment. 

 

I think the best thing I can do right now is be her friend, because that's what she says she wants. If I do anything else, I lose a friend.

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9 minutes ago, Wiseone72 said:

, I'm happy to be her friend. If that changes, I would need to see some indication she's interested in a relationship. 

Has she actually shared much with you about herself? You seem to be going through her social media a lot looking for answers. 

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Rider on the Storm
2 hours ago, Wiseone72 said:

She is from Nicaragua and is awaiting her greed card which is in ready status. She is only attracted to older mature men, she's 25 and I'm 52. She doesn't like fancy cars or men with a lot of money, and wants a simple life. She's humble and down to earth. She's funny, easy going and pleasant to be around. 

 

 

 

Sure. Because there are plenty of 25 year old women who want 52 year old men where money isn't involved. Being as though you are 52, I would think you would know better.

She likes the attention that you are giving her, but she has no interest in dating you. You're more than twice her age. Because you are sexually attracted to her, you are creating these imaginary scenarios in your head where every action from her must mean "something". For example, "she enjoys working out with me so that must mean that she isn't satisfied with her boyfriend". Actually, it doesn't mean that at all. No offense, but I'm sure she probably sees you as an old guy.  If you don't have lots of money, I would say your chances with this woman are nearly non-existent, regardless of how much you may try to convince yourself otherwise. If you truly believe she is interested in an old guy who can provide her with a simple, boring life,  I have a bridge that I would like to sell you.

Again, you should know better. Wake up.

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Rider on the Storm
2 hours ago, Wiseone72 said:

The way I look at it is, I'm happy to be her friend. 

 

I think the best thing I can do right now is be her friend, because that's what she says she wants. If I do anything else, I lose a friend.

But if you're being honest, your true interest isn't being her friend. You're 52; she's 25. You two are at very different points in your life. That isn't even factoring in any cultural differences. This is a young woman that you see at the gym,  but you've convinced yourself that this is your BFF. She's not. You're simply posing as her friend while you attempt to pursue more with her sexually.  She's simply using you for the attention and an ego boost.

For the record, I'm really not trying to beat you over the head with any of this, but I think you are being dishonest and disingenuous about your intentions.

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6 hours ago, Wiseone72 said:

Is this girl testing me to see if I'm marriage material?

No she is not testing you. You seem to have this imaginary idea that her BF is a sugar daddy, that she has a thing for you and that you're her ideal man, but mostly from scouring to her social media almost obsessively.  Are you both clients at the gym or does she work there as a personal trainer? You claimed she's your personal trainer? 

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Wiseone72
2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Has she actually shared much with you about herself? You seem to be going through her social media a lot looking for answers. 

I just watched a couple of her videos, that it. She has share much of what I talked about with me in person, including her awaiting her green card. 

 

22 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

mostly from scouring to her social media almost obsessively. 

Definitely not, I'm not the type.

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Wiseone72
24 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you both clients at the gym or does she work there as a personal trainer? You claimed she's your personal trainer? 

She is training me, she has been training since age 16, and is 25 years old.

 

24 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you both clients at the gym or does she work there as a personal trainer?

We both are members at the same gym, no she isn't a personal trainer at the gym. She was trained by a personal trainer at 16 years ago and is passing on her knowledge to me.

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Wiseone72
1 hour ago, Rider on the Storm said:

If you don't have lots of money, I would say your chances with this woman are nearly non-existent, regardless of how much you may try to convince yourself otherwise. If you truly believe she is interested in an old guy who can provide her with a simple, boring life,  I have a bridge that I would like to sell you.

My life definitely is not boring and nor am I broke.

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