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First date with Hanny


Keeves1

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The second date is coming up with Hanny really soon just in a few days. 

Meanwhile I do feel a lot better. I got sick leave from work and was home in 1 week and just trying work on myself. I also got help from my friends as well. 

I was out with her last week and last night she was out again with a friend of hers. It seems like she has every friend for every occasion lol... she might even have a friend who has friends with benefits with her...  I knew that because she was sending me snaps about her partying 

Like... I cannot get into a relationship with her if all she is going to do is partying and have fun every weekend.... I would sit home and overthink like crazy if she is f***ing people or not... 

Also should  I ask her if she is dating other guys? I mean she is entitled too since she is not in a relationship but I think it may make me look bad if I ask her this question

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9 minutes ago, Keeves1 said:

  I ask her if she is dating other guys?

No. You're still hung up on your ex as well as dating others so don't bring that up yet .Just go have as much pizza as you can eat and enjoy yourself!

Edited by Wiseman2
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Just now, Wiseman2 said:

No. You're still hung up on your ex as well as dating others so don't bring that up yet .Just go have as much pizza as you can eat and enjoy yourself!

I will thanks! 

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"We were there until 03:00 and then we ordered pizza but it took 2 hours so we walked all the way home to me" She wrote that after I asked her how the night was. Hahaha I'm 100% sure she had sex last night with her friends...  like what else are they doing from 03 to 06 hahaha 

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4 minutes ago, Keeves1 said:

 I'm 100% sure she had sex last night with her friends...  like what else are they doing from 03 to 06 hahaha 

It's none of your business. Either go out and have a good time or reconsider if you're ready to date.

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15 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's none of your business. Either go out and have a good time or reconsider if you're ready to date.

I know... and I know she is entitled to do that cause she is not in a relationship. I'll think I'm going to go on a date and have fun. I have met her 2 times only and we are not even past the 2 date. I'm just curius to see where this takes me/us

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princessaurora

Just because she's out at 3 am or has people at her apt at that time doesn't mean they're having wild orgies. They could be drinking more, getting high, playing video games, or just sobering up for the drive home. I used to party till 4am every weekend and sometimes end up sleeping over at their houses. It was all platonic because I knew better than to cross those boundaries with my friend groups.

You seem to have alot of preconceived notions about this girl and that is not good. Just go eat your pizza and enjoy getting to know her better.  You just came out of a pretty long relationship and have barely dipped your feet in the dating pool since. You shouldn't even be thinking too much into the future. Just live in the moment and try to relax. ☺️

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24 minutes ago, princessaurora said:

You seem to have alot of preconceived notions about this girl and that is not good. 

Yeah.. I should thinke more positively! I also have just met her twice so we both don't even know each other that well yet hahaha. @princessaurora Thanks and yes I will enjoy the pizza and my time with her 🙌 

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5 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

I was out with her last week and last night she was out again with a friend of hers. It seems like she has every friend for every occasion lol... she might even have a friend who has friends with benefits with her...  I knew that because she was sending me snaps about her partying 

Like... I cannot get into a relationship with her if all she is going to do is partying and have fun every weekend.... I would sit home and overthink like crazy if she is f***ing people or not...

That's none of your business and quite frankly, it's really disrespectful to make assumptions about what she's doing with her friends.

Everyone is entitled to have fun and hang out with friends. She gets to decide how she spends her time. If her decision to hang out with friends on weekends doesn't align with your preferences and insecurities, it's your call whether to continue pursuing this relationship or not.

But that aside, where is this insecurity and jealousy coming from? Do you think your past relationships have caused you to feel this way? Try to address your personal feelings about the situation, so that it doesn't taint your current or future relationships.

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2 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

But that aside, where is this insecurity and jealousy coming from? Do you think your past relationships have caused you to feel this way? Try to address your personal feelings about the situation, so that it doesn't taint your current or future relationships.

Yes I actually did felt jealousy when I was with Maria. Every weekend we are visiting my parents and I have a little brother who always get along with Maria and they could talk for ages. That made me a little bit jealous and after I told Maria that I felt this kind of feeling she said that in no way are she looking at my brother in that light. She was just saying that she is my GF and no one else's.

When it comes to insecurities about Hanny going out in the weekends and have fun is more likely me thinking "What would happend if me and Hanny were a couple? Would she still go out?" Like I'm not a party every weekend type of person. I much prefer to stay home or to plan something like going to the movies, shopping etc... 

Hanny also said this when I was out with her last week: "If you are the right guy then I will stop partying and commit. I just want to see where this thing we have going on goes"

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3 minutes ago, Keeves1 said:

Hanny also said this when I was out with her last week: "If you are the right guy then I will stop partying and commit. I just want to see where this thing we have going on goes"

This seems about right for a couple of dates. Take her lead. She seems to like you enough to get to know you and spend time with you, but after a couple of dates you're bringing up kind of heavy topics maybe left over from your breakup. Just enjoy yourself and getting to know her.

You'll find out soon enough if you're incompatible. Keep in mind, you're not exclusive so nothing is stopping you from talking to and meeting others who are less into partying.

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20 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

This seems about right for a couple of dates. Take her lead. She seems to like you enough to get to know you and spend time with you, but after a couple of dates you're bringing up kind of heavy topics maybe left over from your breakup. Just enjoy yourself and getting to know her.

You'll find out soon enough if you're incompatible. Keep in mind, you're not exclusive so nothing is stopping you from talking to and meeting others who are less into partying.

Hehe I will try not to bring up any topics or say anything that has to do with my breakup.. 

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2 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

Yes I actually did felt jealousy when I was with Maria. Every weekend we are visiting my parents and I have a little brother who always get along with Maria and they could talk for ages. That made me a little bit jealous and after I told Maria that I felt this kind of feeling she said that in no way are she looking at my brother in that light. She was just saying that she is my GF and no one else's.

When it comes to insecurities about Hanny going out in the weekends and have fun is more likely me thinking "What would happend if me and Hanny were a couple? Would she still go out?" Like I'm not a party every weekend type of person. I much prefer to stay home or to plan something like going to the movies, shopping etc... 

Hanny also said this when I was out with her last week: "If you are the right guy then I will stop partying and commit. I just want to see where this thing we have going on goes"

 

Okay well you need to reel it in. I mean you're on here posting about hanny, fanny, manny...😂 maria and (forgot the other's name). She's just hanging out with her friends. There's nothing wrong with it. That's what friends do.

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4 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

 "If you are the right guy then I will stop partying and commit. 

This would be a poor decision for her to make.  While it's reasonable to slow down a bit to accommodate everyone's needs, she shouldn't completely change her social life to fit you.  

If she did actually stop doing the things she enjoys, she will end up resenting you

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Why do you want to be in a relationship with the first wonan you come across. You are a few weeks out of a long term relationship, have fun for now. If you don't you will regret and you'll poison any relationship you'll get into.

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Update: Alot has happened lately and in the last two week (i think?) I’ve gotten sick leave from work and spoke with my GP about a psychologist. Generally is it difficult to get a psychologist in Norway as they will assess whether you need treatment. I’m still waiting for answer. I could seek private but that cost 300USD for 90 min… I’m still writing down my feelings and thoughts in my journal.

I still think about Maria every night but found myself thinking even more when it is the weekend. Why? Well I know her schedule and I know that the weekends are when she has free from work. 

I have also noticed that Maria has not been active on social media either and maybe she is also starting to feel the life as a single as me?
Not on Instagram, Tiktok or Spotify. We both follow the same accounts on IG and whenever they post something Maria usually like their picture and the last video on tiktok was about a week ago. I can see what she is listening too on Spotify and most of the songs are about relationships, but now I can’t. Maybe she just has not been listening to music lately. 

I have made new friends and rekindle a old friend who just dissapeared when I was with Maria but he’s back now. I have been with those two friend alot lately as well and my bestfriend who has helped me with those 6 things that I need to change in order for me to become a better person. 

I’ve aquired new hobbies such as playing anime card games and reading. I still play games on my Playstation 5 but have found my self doing other things lately. 
 

Not to say I’m happy, but I feel more present when I’m out and I feel more of how it was to be single…

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@Alpacalia yeah there is indeed alot of fictionsl names hahha. I’ll try to forgot Maria but still hard though! She asked me to go out this weekend and I’m thinking I will :)

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@basil67 I don’t know if she meant it. She is 25 though so maybe she will get tired of partying like me but yes I prefer her to not go out because I could imagine that it would be alot of problems If I were in a relationship with her. I almost has to go out partying with her then hahah

 

@GaetaI honestly don’t know but I’m willing to see where this takes me. Yes I’ve had alot of fun lately and she asked me to party this weekend

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51 minutes ago, Keeves1 said:

@Alpacalia yeah there is indeed alot of fictionsl names hahha. I’ll try to forgot Maria but still hard though! She asked me to go out this weekend and I’m thinking I will :)

That's your call. Just don't get on her about what she is doing when she is with her friends. You don't want to make her feel like she needs permission to be social. You're still reeling from your breakup. Remain neutral or keep your distance and let her make her own choices without your input or judgement.

Be mindful not to use her actions as a way to divert your own emotions from the breakup.

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32 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

That's your call. Just don't get on her about what she is doing when she is with her friends. You don't want to make her feel like she needs permission to be social. You're still reeling from your breakup. Remain neutral or keep your distance and let her make her own choices without your input or judgement.

Be mindful not to use her actions as a way to divert your own emotions from the breakup.

I was reading the text and my bad for not being clear. Maria did not ask me to go out this weekend, it was Hanny. I will go and meet her with the intentions to have fun and get to know her :D 

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10 minutes ago, Keeves1 said:

I was reading the text and my bad for not being clear. Maria did not ask me to go out this weekend, it was Hanny. I will go and meet her with the intentions to have fun and get to know her :D 

I know you meant Hanny. That is what I was referring to. 

Edited by Alpacalia
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7 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

 I don’t know if she meant it. She is 25 though so maybe she will get tired of partying like me but yes I prefer her to not go out because I could imagine that it would be alot of problems If I were in a relationship with her.

So why pick her for a relationship is she's a partyer and you're past that phase?

This is not something trivial like enjoying different music, this is a life style incompatibility that will bring on a variety of disagreements & doubts.

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Damn, she likes emo music and she will be attenting Emo party… I don’t like emo music though so I won’t be with her partying. Last time I heard it my brain almost exploded hahaha she likes alot of music tho but it so happends to be emo party on saturday

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