First date with Hanny

[Keeves1]

Hey! 

I just came home from the date and I'd say that this was an different one 😅

We did meet up for a coffee and it was tiny bit awkward as there was no small talk and I was leading the conversation but it got to the point where I felt I interviewed her so I stopped. From there the date was actually okay as she was doing the talking. She did not buy a coffee and told me that she just lives a few blocks away so she took coffee from home

It's rather different date because she were brutally honest. We did not have small talk at all and she got straight to the point like asking me "why I invited her to coffee" and telling me her upbringing etc... Those deep conversation should come at a later stage but I got to know a little today. She said that most guys that she has went on a first date with are usually in a bar and that it was unusual for her to have a coffee for first date.

From what I gathered:

- She has borderline personality disorder and she is visiting a psychologist.
- She moved out of her parents apartment at a age of 15 because her parents did not tolerate her
- She has alot of friends and are used to have sex on first date etc.
- She told me that she is not very clever with having conversation and that she talks alot if she is partying

She told me that she got invited by another guy to a museum so she had to go. She also told me that she would make him some japanese food as the guy who invited her is from Japan. The guy will come home with her and then she will make him food. I don't know if she told me that to indicate that she has another date to attend to but she just said "I got invited" I don't know how I feel about her making a japanese food to him. It sound like there's more to it if you know what I mean? Like that she has been dating this other guy too. Am I overthinking?

At the end of the date I said "I had a great time with you and I would like to meet you again sometimes"

She asked: "When?" and I replied:" I'm thinking next week."
She asked: "What are you thinking we should do?" Me: "We could go out for a drink or we could go out and have picnic if the weather is nice"


 

Edited August 31, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Gaeta]

24 minutes ago, Keeves1 said:

At the end of the date I said "I had a great time with you and I would like to meet you again sometimes"

Why do you want to go on another date?? She sounds like she'll be a waste of your time. 

[Keeves1]

6 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Why do you want to go on another date?? She sounds like she'll be a waste of your time. 

I think I should give her a chance and see where that takes us. We still have some things in common such gaming and anime. It is very rare to find a girl who likes gaming though

Edited August 30, 2023 by Keeves1

[SlimShadysWife]

She seems enthusiastic to see you again :):) 

I think you're so smooth with it and confident... 👍

You mention that she might be dating others,  but so are you.

[Keeves1]

1 minute ago, SlimShadysWife said:

You mention that she might be dating others,  but so are you.

Yes, she seems to be dating others too.. I kinda feel the pressure though but I'll hope she will choose me

[Versacehottie]

OP about your date with Hanny.  IMO, talking about an upcoming date with someone else, means her interest in you isn't that high. It means she is willing to risk losing you or offending you to the point that you wouldn't continue dating her. Therefore taking that risk means she doesn't care that much what happens. If it's the alternative that she is telling you to make you jealous, that's another set of problems that also are not a good sign. 

Edited August 31, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[JTSW]

2 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

She has borderline personality disorder and she is visiting a psychologist.
- She moved out of her parents apartment at a age of 15 because her parents did not tolerate her

Do you really want to go there?

She was warning you that dating her wouldn't be easy.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

She has borderline personality disorder and she is visiting a psychologist.
- She moved out of her parents apartment at a age of 15 because her parents did not tolerate her
- She has alot of friends and are used to have sex on first date.

You are ok with her telling you all this because she and her friends have sex on first dates?

[Keeves1]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You are ok with her telling you all this because she and her friends have sex on first dates?

Yes. I appreciate honestly. I have to admit though that she telling me all this was kinda suprising as this was the first date 😅 I'm actually thinking about asking her out fir 2 date this friday

[Keeves1]

34 minutes ago, JTSW said:

Do you really want to go there?

She was warning you that dating her wouldn't be easy.

Yes atleast it's worth a try. If it does not work out I could go for an FWB 😄

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, Keeves1 said:

. If it does not work out I could go for an FWB 😄

Try not to use people. That's not fair to those you're pretending to be interested in. Unfortunately a lot of people newly back in the dating world are vulnerable but taking advantage of that is not cute or funny. Hope the other date with dog-girl works out. 

Edited August 30, 2023 by Wiseman2

[glows]

If you have time and energy why not. Personally I would not proceed. Even with time and energy. And I have neither.

Youre just dating and enjoying seeing what’s out there. If I’m not mistaken your ex gf just moved out of your shared apartment and you’re still in contact with the ex?

Whatever you’re doing be respectful and kind to whoever you’re meeting. If it doesn’t work out end it and move on. Take breaks if needed. It’s common to burn out multidating different people like this. You’re just starting to get into it after a break up so your energy levels are high.

[Versacehottie]

 

I wonder if you just feel free to tell all this because of the nature of it being an anonymous forum or if it is a reflection of how you are managing your real life? I think (i need to read your initial post if there are descriptions about yourself that would shed light onto why you are having sort of basic dating questions like this & combo with not knowing you should be a bit more discreet). Idk, maybe you are completely new to dating or sheltered in some way where it wouldn't occur to you? Idk, I'm saying this bc knowing what your background with dating is might help us advise you about these dates. Idk it seems a little naive or something. I'm not saying that as a diss but so we can help you as you go about dating this handful of girls. I mean, what is your goal with dating?

Edited August 31, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Lisa]

The thread has had a clean up.  Posts which are disrespectful to people living with mental illness will be removed.

[smackie9]

Sounds to me she likes things "her way". So be prepared to be "told" how things are/will be.

[Ami1uwant]

9 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

Hey! 

I just came home from the date and I'd say that this was an different one 😅

We did meet up for a coffee and it was tiny bit awkward as there was no small talk and I was leading the conversation but it got to the point where I felt I interviewed her so I stopped. From there the date was actually okay as she was doing the talking. She did not buy a coffee and told me that she just lives a few blocks away so she took coffee from home

It's rather different date because she were brutally honest. We did not have small talk at all and she got straight to the point like asking me "why I invited her to coffee" and telling me her upbringing etc... Those deep conversation should come at a later stage but I got to know a little today. She said that most guys that she has went on a first date with are usually in a bar and that it was unusual for her to have a coffee for first date.

From what I gathered:

- She has borderline personality disorder and she is visiting a psychologist.
- She moved out of her parents apartment at a age of 15 because her parents did not tolerate her
- She has alot of friends and are used to have sex on first date etc.
- She told me that she is not very clever with having conversation and that she talks alot if she is partying

She told me that she got invited by another guy to a museum so she had to go. She also told me that she would make him some japanese food as the guy who invited her is from Japan. The guy will come home with her and then she will make him food. I don't know if she told me that to indicate that she has another date to attend to but she just said "I got invited" I don't know how I feel about her making a japanese food to him. It sound like there's more to it if you know what I mean? Like that she has been dating this other guy too. Am I overthinking?

At the end of the date I said "I had a great time with you and I would like to meet you again sometimes"

She asked: "When?" and I replied:" I'm thinking next week."
She asked: "What are you thinking we should do?" Me: "We could go out for a drink or we could go out and have picnic if the weather is nice"


 

I read your other posts….

 

this one is…..unique.  Saying I have to go because I have another date and saying I usually have sex on a first date make this unusual.

She might be someone who lacks a filter on her comments.

how long did this date last?  

 

 

[Alpacalia]

21 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

I have not given that a thought but that is smart! Hannah and Aurora was the first name that game to my mind so I went for that  I will keep the idea till next time, Alpacalia!

I was having difficulty telling the two names apart. That's why I made the comment I did - they sound so similar. 

This first date sounds a bit unusual. It definitely wasn't your typical first date since you didn't really engage in small talk and you kind of gave her the opportunity to direct the conversation.

She seems a bit blunt. It almost appears as if she has some other plans in mind. She told you that she had an invitation from another guy to a museum, so it sounds like she might be seeing him too. Whether she is or not, it's really hard to tell. Whether they're just friends or not, that seems a bit forward on her part and I can understand if you were put off by it.

At the end of the date, it was nice that you invited her out again. It'll be interesting to see if she'll take you up on your offer. She certainly isn't showing any clear signs that she's interested in you more than anyone else.

I would not suggest to keep her as a 'friends with benefits'. That's not something to enter into lightly. It's crass and disrespectful. If what she's looking for is only physical then that's fine, but make sure she's honest about it. I get that you're newly single and a bit like a kid in a candy store but be mindful about making sure you're on the same page and not unintentionally leading anyone on (including yourself). I hope everything brings you the experience you're looking for.

[Els]

22 hours ago, Keeves1 said:

Yes it is my bad. I'll hope that they never see this thread ahahah. Is there anyway I could change that?

Flag the threads you want to change, and request it in the notes (with your reasons).

[Keeves1]

5 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

I was having difficulty telling the two names apart. That's why I made the comment I did - they sound so similar. 

This first date sounds a bit unusual. It definitely wasn't your typical first date since you didn't really engage in small talk and you kind of gave her the opportunity to direct the conversation.

She seems a bit blunt. It almost appears as if she has some other plans in mind. She told you that she had an invitation from another guy to a museum, so it sounds like she might be seeing him too. Whether she is or not, it's really hard to tell. Whether they're just friends or not, that seems a bit forward on her part and I can understand if you were put off by it.

At the end of the date, it was nice that you invited her out again. It'll be interesting to see if she'll take you up on your offer. She certainly isn't showing any clear signs that she's interested in you more than anyone else.

I would not suggest to keep her as a 'friends with benefits'. That's not something to enter into lightly. It's crass and disrespectful. If what she's looking for is only physical then that's fine, but make sure she's honest about it. I get that you're newly single and a bit like a kid in a candy store but be mindful about making sure you're on the same page and not unintentionally leading anyone on (including yourself). I hope everything brings you the experience you're looking for.

Thanks you so much! 

[Keeves1]

Small Update:  

I tried to set up 2n date next week and asked if she is free but she told me that she is busy the next 2 weeks. But then she asked if I wanted to eat pizza and there was this restaurant that had "Eat as much pizza you want for 23$" and I said: "Yes I would love to eat Pizza! I'm going to reserve a table for us". 

Unfortunately she was much faster than me so she reserved a table for two on the 21 september. The 2nd date seems to be put on hold until then

I initially planned the 2nd date to be karaoke but I do appreciate that she takes initiative 😀

Edited September 1, 2023 by Keeves1

[Wiseman2]

21 minutes ago, Keeves1 said:

 initially planned the 2nd date to be karaoke but I do appreciate that she takes initiative 😀

That's great. Enjoy the pizza. Maybe you could ask them what they like because they seem to have good date ideas. 

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, Keeves1 said:

Unfortunately she was much faster than me so she reserved a table for two on the 21 september

Did she explain why she is not available for another 3 weeks?

[Keeves1]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's great. Enjoy the pizza. Maybe you could ask them what they like because they seem to have good date ideas. 

Will do, Wiseman 👌

[Keeves1]

22 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Did she explain why she is not available for another 3 weeks?

No she did not but I think I do have a generel idea of why. I think it could be mix of going out on couple more dates, Hanging with her friends and work (she was sick before meeting me) so she’s just probably back working 

Edited September 1, 2023 by Keeves1

[Keeves1]

I actually also waited 2 weeks for our 1st date. I forgot to mention it but she likes anime and there was an event where she and other anime enthusiast gathered on a boat on the way to Denmark. She was there for 1 week and when this was done she got sick and I had to wait 1 week for her to be feeling well. 

She cosplayed and were partying on the boat and also when she was in Denmark. But she also told me that she treated a guy on the boat for a drink because he was nice to her. 

I'm friends with Hanny on facebook and when you click on events that you are interested in, it will show up. It says "Hanny is interested in attending this event". The event is in 2 days and it so happend to be the same day I asked her out on a 2nd date but she told me she's busy lately. I did not know that, I were just casually scrolling on facebook and stopped until I saw that. I know it just says that she is interested but when I asked her it seems like she was 100% confident to go and do whatever she had planned to do.

It did for sure not leave a good taste in my mouth because it seems like she is prioritizing this. I'm not saying that I'm important and that she should be with me instead of partying but her intentions with dating are to be in a relationship in the long run. 

I don't know if I could be with a girl who likes to party every week. I would just be home or at work overthinking like "What if she buys this guy a drink because he's handsome or he's this or that and then they have a good time." Like what if she has sex with them?!

It just does not make sense if she's looking for relationship in the long run and then tell me on the first date that she has slept with many and that she is done?



 

Edited September 1, 2023 by Keeves1