Is it normal when your girlfriends is sleeping in hotel with anther woman (her friend)

[ShyViolet]

It's very weird that you would think she may be "cheating" unless she has given you reason in the past to believe she is bisexual or into women.  It sounds more like you are being insecure and paranoid.

[Mattew]

2 hours ago, SlimShadysWife said:

Have you asked her why she lied about the prices of the beds?

Not yet, I will after she arrives home.

[MsJayne]

If she sends you a photo' of the two of them dressed in lingerie romping around on the marriage bed you might have reason to be concerned, but otherwise I think you're jumping to an odd conclusion. There's a very high probability that the hotel had no rooms available with the separate bed configuration for the duration of their stay. if she's not answering your texts or calls maybe it's because she's annoyed that you're questioning her integrity, her honesty, her loyalty, and her character. If it was me I'd be furious at you for spoiling my holiday with the knowledge that I'd probably be coming home to a paranoid interrogation over something that's not even worth thinking about, let alone bringing in the hotel bed police. 

[Mattew]

34 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

If she sends you a photo' of the two of them dressed in lingerie romping around on the marriage bed you might have reason to be concerned, but otherwise I think you're jumping to an odd conclusion. There's a very high probability that the hotel had no rooms available with the separate bed configuration for the duration of their stay. if she's not answering your texts or calls maybe it's because she's annoyed that you're questioning her integrity, her honesty, her loyalty, and her character. If it was me I'd be furious at you for spoiling my holiday with the knowledge that I'd probably be coming home to a paranoid interrogation over something that's not even worth thinking about, let alone bringing in the hotel bed police. 

Well, then I just choose another hotel, there is plenty of them. Rather then sleep with my friend in the same bed, it is humiliating at least. Well I am questioning her choice, becuase like I wrote in previous post here it never happened before. And it still is not an answer to my question why she told me it is because of lower price, when it is not true. Because hotel rooms does not have different prices because of different beds like I saw.

[Alpacalia]

5 hours ago, Mattew said:

I was wondering I could not be sleeping with my male friend in same bed, it would be so humiliating and I would be ashamed. Maybe we have just different feelings about this, I do not know. But how would be she able to tell her kid why she was sleeping in same bed with another woman and not with his father?

I think this has less to do with trust than it does that your perception of what is acceptable and what is not has been challenged. From your perspective, the fact that she booked a room with a single bed has challenged what is normal and appropriate in a relationship. You don't think it's right for her to sleep in the same bed with her female friend because you think it sends the wrong message or looks inappropriate.

Sorry man, but your wife is not being unfaithful to you, this is not a sign of cheating, it is just of a difference of opinion of what is appropriate and what is not.

[Mattew]

10 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

I think this has less to do with trust than it does that your perception of what is acceptable and what is not has been challenged. From your perspective, the fact that she booked a room with a single bed has challenged what is normal and appropriate in a relationship. You don't think it's right for her to sleep in the same bed with her female friend because you think it sends the wrong message or looks inappropriate.

Sorry man, but your wife is not being unfaithful to you, this is not a sign of cheating, it is just of a difference of opinion of what is appropriate and what is not.

It seems like it. Yeah, you are right. Thank you very much for your advice. I am so grateful for it.

[MsJayne]

3 minutes ago, Mattew said:

Well, then I just choose another hotel, there is plenty of them. Rather then sleep with my friend in the same bed, it is humiliating at least. Well I am questioning her choice, becuase like I wrote in previous post here it never happened before. And it still is not an answer to my question why she told me it is because of lower price, when it is not true. Because hotel rooms does not have different prices because of different beds like I saw.

Why would it be humiliating? My partner goes on fishing trips with his buddies and they rent a house where there are two queen beds and two singles, so at least four men have to share a bed with another man, and I can assure you there's no bisexuality going on, they're a bunch of burly blokes, drinking beer, fishing, farting, and snoring. Where's your proof that your girl lied about the price?  Booking.com and other accommodation sites regularly change their room prices, a last-one room might get another couple of hundred off a weekly rate just to fill the room. Do you have a copy of the receipt? Did you happen to look up the booking site on the day they booked the room so know exactly how much each type of room cost on the day they booked it? What's going on in your relationship that you're so distrustful of her?  

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, MsJayne said:

If she's not answering your texts or calls maybe it's because she's annoyed that you're questioning her integrity, her honesty, her loyalty, and her character. If it was me I'd be furious at you for spoiling my holiday with the knowledge that I'd probably be coming home to a paranoid interrogation

This would also be my feeling as well. I travelled alone this summer and my husband said - have a good time visiting your friends. As I said, I travelled this spring and stayed in a room with a woman I had never met before - he didn’t ask if we shared a bed, or had a king bed, or had two beds. I don’t even know that it occurred to him to ask. I have the right to chose who I travel with and which hotel I stay - if it has two beds, or one bed, it matters not to either of us because we trust each other. 

She has definitely challenged your beliefs of what is appropriate behavior for a married woman and how this will appear to others. I’m trying to be empathetic given that I do believe there are cultural differences here. But honestly, if you are working yourself into a knot because you are paranoid and you have this preconceived notion that your wife should not stay with her friend on a holidays… well, if I was your wife I would be very unhappy about this. Where is the TRUST??

Edited August 20, 2023 by BaileyB

[SlimShadysWife]

4 hours ago, Mattew said:

Not yet, I will after she arrives home.

I think it's bizzare that grown and married people want to sleep in the same bed with eachother that are not their wife/husband. 

Probably set boundaries too when she comes home if it bothers you.

Edited August 20, 2023 by SlimShadysWife

[basil67]

13 minutes ago, SlimShadysWife said:

I think it's bizzare that grown and married people want to sleep in the same bed with eachother that are not their wife/husband. 

Probably set boundaries too when she comes home if it bothers you.

I wouldn't say 'want to'.  Rather, it's 'OK to do it'.   Wanting to do something is far stronger than being OK do something.  

Edited August 20, 2023 by basil67

[Mattew]

20 minutes ago, SlimShadysWife said:

I think it's bizzare that grown and married people want to sleep in the same bed with eachother that are not their wife/husband. 

Probably set boundaries too when she comes home if it bothers you.

If I knew she is going to this for money I give her my money to have a separated bed, which is also important for better quality of sleep.

[SlimShadysWife]

3 minutes ago, Mattew said:

If I knew she is going to this for money I give her my money to have a separated bed, which is also important for better quality of sleep.

 

Exactly. Sharing a bed is so personal. But not all people think that way.

Must get her point of view when she gets home.

[basil67]

13 minutes ago, Mattew said:

If I knew she is going to this for money I give her my money to have a separated bed, which is also important for better quality of sleep.

Why is this so important to you?   Do you think your girlfriend was having sex with her friend?

[BaileyB]

15 minutes ago, Mattew said:

If I knew she is going to this for money I give her my money to have a separated bed, which is also important for better quality of sleep.

Does your wife have difficulty sleeping? 

It’s only a few nights. She is on a holiday with her friend, she is not worried about losing sleep. 

No offence intended, but this is a pretty lame argument - you don’t want her to sleep in the same bed as her friend because YOU are concerned about her sleep? 

If she isn’t concerned, you shouldn’t be concerned about her sleep. She is a big girl, she can take care of herself. 

 

[Mattew]

8 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Does your wife have difficulty sleeping? 

It’s only a few nights. She is on a holiday with her friend, she is not worried about losing sleep. 

No offence intended, but this is a pretty lame argument - you don’t want her to sleep in the same bed as her friend because YOU are concerned about her sleep? 

If she isn’t concerned, you shouldn’t be concerned about her sleep. She is a big girl, she can take care of herself. 

 

Well it is more about money and better taste, but also about quality of sleep. Yeah well she were also using chinese medicine for her sleeping problems, it was only medicine working for her. And yeah it is also too personal to sleeping in a same bed with her friend. Like I wrote before it is called marriage bed in my country for a reason. And also there is always more hotels to choose from with separated beds, so there is always a better choice and trust me, it is not so expensive.

[basil67]

11 minutes ago, Mattew said:

Well it is more about money and better taste, but also about quality of sleep. Yeah well she were also using chinese medicine for her sleeping problems, it was only medicine working for her. And yeah it is also too personal to sleeping in a same bed with her friend. Like I wrote before it is called marriage bed in my country for a reason. And also there is always more hotels to choose from with separated beds, so there is always a better choice and trust me, it is not so expensive.

This is all your opinion.  While you are entitled to your opinion, the two women (and most of the women on this thread, myself included) think this is in the realms of normal.  Is this really worth causing a disagreement over?  Have you considered that you may be perceived as controlling?

Edited August 21, 2023 by basil67

[Mattew]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

This is all your opinion.  While you are entitled to your opinion, the two women (and most of the women on this thread, myself included) think this is in the realms of normal.  Is this really worth causing a disagreement over?  Have you considered that you may be perceived as controlling?

Well obviously not only mine.

No, it is really cultural difference, you know I am from city, she is from village. But she could told me about hotel room and I would be able to give her an advice and money. But instead she told me nothing, maybe it was lack of trust on her side. Well couples need to check on each other and I care about her and her comfort becuase I love her.

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, Mattew said:

 I have girlfriend for almost 8 years. We love each other. she never did something like this before.

Have you contacted her? Travel websites can change moment to moment and are inaccurate at times.

It's unfortunate you're assuming she's cheating because of the room bed. 

Has there been issues with jealous and suspicion before? Are you annoyed she has more vacation time than you? 

[Mattew]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you contacted her? Travel websites can change moment to moment and are inaccurate at times.

It's unfortunate you're assuming she's cheating because of the room bed. 

Has there been issues with jealous and suspicion before? Are you annoyed she has more vacation time than you? 

We already moved on from cheating here. So no, it is not about cheating.

Well, you know I am from city where I used to sleep in my friends homes, and guess what, they, always have a bed only for me and it was not even a 4*  hotel. And when they come to my home, I always had a bed for them. So for me it is like basic need, standard, my private sleeping space.

[basil67]

20 minutes ago, Mattew said:

No, it is really cultural difference, you know I am from city, she is from village. But she could told me about hotel room and I would be able to give her an advice and money. But instead she told me nothing, maybe it was lack of trust on her side. Well couples need to check on each other and I care about her and her comfort becuase I love her.

I'm from the city too.

If she had wanted your advice, she would have asked for it.  But she's an adult woman who is quite capable of making her own plans.  Or working with changed plans if indeed the discovered that they'd been given a double bed in error.

Yes, you care about her comfort, but she clearly wasn't uncomfortable.   I've shared beds with other women when travelling, or away with a big group of women.  It's really quite normal.

Edited August 21, 2023 by basil67

[SlimShadysWife]

I was born in the west, people are alot looser when it comes to things like this. but i have family raised in different countries. Sleeping with someone other than husband/wife is frowned upon. It's viewed more as a sacred thing. 

There's no right or wrong opinion. You don't have to feel bad for how you view things, stay 10 toes down. As long as you and your wife come to an understanding.:)

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, Mattew said:

 for me it is like basic need, standard, my private sleeping space.

Then it's just your preferences are different than your GF's.  However making her feel bad about it with accusations of cheating isn't good for your relationship. Are you upset she went on vacation and left you home alone? 

Edited August 21, 2023 by Wiseman2

[Mattew]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Then it's just your preferences are different than your GF's.  However making her feel bad about it with accusations of cheating isn't good for your relationship. Are you upset she went on vacation and left you home alone? 

I did not accuse her of cheating, I am not dumb. No not upset, it is just she went with her to the place where we was making plans going together.. So not upset, just little sad.

[SlimShadysWife]

13 minutes ago, Mattew said:

I did not accuse her of cheating, I am not dumb. No not upset, it is just she went with her to the place where we was making plans going together.. So not upset, just little sad.

 

Having a spouse make plans to go on a vacation with you and they end up taking someone else, not very nice.Yeah that sucks.

How long is she on vacation?

Edited August 21, 2023 by SlimShadysWife

[Wiseman2]

18 minutes ago, Mattew said:

 she went with her to the place where we was making plans going together.. So not upset, just little sad.

It's understandable you're disappointed she went without you especially somewhere you hoped to go together. Why not plan something wonderful for both of you when you both have off? It's not worth ruining an otherwise good 8 year relationship with your GF if it's just this one vacation she decided to take without you.