erika2610 Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 Thank you for saying that. No offence taken, I should instead apologize for overreacting. Unfortunately, people in situation similar to mandy's, and to mine, will often end up deluding themselves that to "have" the previlege (haha) to be "a piece of ass on the side" for the MM they are infatuated with is better than nothing if it is all they can get. Sad. Scary. but not so infrequent. I'd rather she spared herself to end up in a situation similar to the one I got myself in not even a week ago, but she's heading happily towards it. We've all tried to spare her. But 725 posts later, nothing's changed. There's nothing anybody can do or say now. She doesn't wanna hear it.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 It's hard to watch someone throw themselves willingly in front of a speeding train. Do you think it's denial or the thrill of doing something forbidden and naughty that keeps her moving towards this destructive path?
erika2610 Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 It's hard to watch someone throw themselves willingly in front of a speeding train. Do you think it's denial or the thrill of doing something forbidden and naughty that keeps her moving towards this destructive path? She's young. She's craving the attention he's giving her. I was with my MM when I was round about her age.. I was very insecure, and loved the attention. You don't really think about the consequences. You're not all the time thinkin about his wife & family. They make you feel special. MM are very manipulative. You really believe him when he says he's very unhappy with the W. Most OW don't set out to be with a MM. It's just a bad situation they find themselves in one day. And it's a lesson she's going to have to learn for herself I guess. She's said it time and time again. 'I don't want to have any regrets.. what if he's the one for me?'. Maybe she really believes that he's very unhappy and he'll leave his W for her one day. Alot of us did at one point.
Owl Posted January 3, 2006 Posted January 3, 2006 Well, I don't feel that THIS MM is really manipulating AM nearly as much as most...she's doing all of the work herself. He's really not done anything but try to ignore her for two weeks...then finally broke down himself and answer her calls. Perhaps most MM are manipulative...but in this case, AM is the one in hot pursuit, refusing to break off no matter WHAT happens. Additionally, AM has readily acknowledged that she has given thought to what the possible/probably outcomes will be of this for EVERYONE, and freely admitted that she just does NOT CARE who she hurts in the process, and will continue to pursue this to it's bitter end. Personally, I've not posted at all to this thread because there's been no need for advice...AM has no desire to hear it. She's got her own agenda, and will use any means needed to justify doing what feels good to her, regardless of anyone else. AM...please look up the definition of narcissism...you really should check in with a counselor, because I think you have it in spades. I don't know that there's much available to treat it, but you never know. Sadly, this isn't an attack. It's a simple observation...there is nothing that anyone can do to help A-M at this point...or to help the wife and family. Yes, MM is making the choice to pursue this...and I fully believe he's every bit as much to blame...but A-M takes just as much of the blame...she's been given every indication by everyone...TO INCLUDE MM...that there's only one outcome here, and that it's just going to end up bad for everyone. Heck...HE ignored her attempts at contact for two weeks...either he couldn't contact her during this time due to fear the wife would find out, OR he finally decided to give in...again, his mistake too, not defending him here. At this point, I'm just going to sit back and watch A-M come back here within the next 6-8 weeks completely heartbroken and shattered when the W puts and end to things...and even then, I won't have any 'words of wisdom'...because at that point the damage will have been done. 1
anonymous sarah Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 Hello, I can give you first hand experience advice. I very briefly went out with my dentist and I learned that he was a sadistic pervert freak. Sure, it all started the same way...I liked him, I was vulnerable and in need of a root canal...innocent enough. Then I started "falling" for him. I thought about him and wore my cutest outfits to his office whenever I had an appointment. I was lame! Although this guy was not married, he is 35 and I am 24. I am not the type that gives good hints of flirtation (I was also advised against doing so by others because it might not going over well being the liability that is involved if a physician even remoted responds to flirtation in his office...) So, I left things as they were. So a couple of months later I saw him at a party and we ended up knowing some of the same people. To make a very long and weird story short, I ended up going out with him. Yeah! My dream come true, right? Wrong! He ended up being a sadistic freak who had a psychotic girlfriend. This guy was a major wierdo. I made the mistake of kissing him the second time I went out with him and he started biting me! Moral of the story: GO WITH YOUR INSTINCT!! If you know something is wrong deep down inside, go with that. Go with what your friends and family tell you, because they have good perspective because they are not emotionally involved. An seriously, in your case the guy's married! And you KNOW he is!! If you allow him to pursue you or you pursue anything further with him it will only end up bad. Every encounter either myself or my friends have had with men who were dentists have been weird. I swear! It's like they have to take an extra semester in dental school to study how to be as sleazy as possible!!! No joke! Stay away from them!!!!!! :-)
seachange Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 Every encounter either myself or my friends have had with men who were dentists have been weird. I swear! It's like they have to take an extra semester in dental school to study how to be as sleazy as possible!!! No joke! Stay away from them!!!!!! :-) How very odd. thinks back, queasily, to her own age 60-plus dentist.....but nah. He was always a perfect gentleman, thank the lord.
whichwayisup Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 OK Mandy. Where's the coffee update? What did or didn't he do during your meeting up with him. Either way for your sake, I hope some good came of it. Maybe you saw through his BS and now can move on.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 Or maybe she's at the doctor getting some medication for those bumps that appeared after her "coffee date".
Author goingforgold Posted January 6, 2006 Author Posted January 6, 2006 sarah - lol @ all dentists being nerds. Maybe its because they spend so much time studying? and then most of their life drilling? Who knows. My MM seems ok though, havent noticed anything strange about him yet. And now to update everyone on the coffee, we all went out and chose a cafe by the sea, it was a warm night and it was crowded, people everywhere. My friend and i got there first, then he came 20mins late, said he got held up at work. He acted really weird, as if nothing had happened, he was very polite and friendly. Spent loads of time talking to my friend, not always including me in the conversation, he would ask her direct questions, where do u work? how long have u known Mandy? how did u meet Mandy? etc My friend kept relating questions back to him and his family which he seemed ok answering. How many kids do u have? how long u been a dentist? etc We stayed there for about 1.5 hours and his phone rang 3 times and he got a few text messages, i am guessing one or two of the calls may have been from his W and the others i am not sure, to one of them he said he was out with some friends enjoying coffee and to another person he said he was with Tom. When his phone would ring he looked all nervous and would look at me and then at the phone and then take a while to answer, once he even said excuse me and got up to answer the phone a little way away from where we were sitting. He had a plain coffee whilst i had a latte and after i had drunk half of mine he wanted to swap mine for his and i asked why and he said he felt like a latte, i said "well order one" and he goes "no, i want one that u had a drink from" weird!! He made eye contact with me a few times for several mins and then would look away, there was something deep and intense the way he was looking at me...... My heart was melting, i just wanted to kiss him and hold him so bad...... He asked if we wanted to go for a walk and we did on the beach with my friend....nothing happened just walking and talking. When it was time to go, we walked him to his car and he hugged me good night. I havent heard from him since apart from a text the following days saying "lovely night last night, should do it more often, maybe just the two of us next time?"
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 Mandy, This guys IS a creep!! Please don't contact him again.
newbby Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 that shows the extent of your self delusions, she said SADISTIC PERVS, not nerds.
erika2610 Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 sarah - lol @ all dentists being nerds. Maybe its because they spend so much time studying? and then most of their life drilling? Who knows. My MM seems ok though, havent noticed anything strange about him yet. And now to update everyone on the coffee, we all went out and chose a cafe by the sea, it was a warm night and it was crowded, people everywhere. My friend and i got there first, then he came 20mins late, said he got held up at work. He acted really weird, as if nothing had happened, he was very polite and friendly. Spent loads of time talking to my friend, not always including me in the conversation, he would ask her direct questions, where do u work? how long have u known Mandy? how did u meet Mandy? etc My friend kept relating questions back to him and his family which he seemed ok answering. How many kids do u have? how long u been a dentist? etc We stayed there for about 1.5 hours and his phone rang 3 times and he got a few text messages, i am guessing one or two of the calls may have been from his W and the others i am not sure, to one of them he said he was out with some friends enjoying coffee and to another person he said he was with Tom. When his phone would ring he looked all nervous and would look at me and then at the phone and then take a while to answer, once he even said excuse me and got up to answer the phone a little way away from where we were sitting. He had a plain coffee whilst i had a latte and after i had drunk half of mine he wanted to swap mine for his and i asked why and he said he felt like a latte, i said "well order one" and he goes "no, i want one that u had a drink from" weird!! He made eye contact with me a few times for several mins and then would look away, there was something deep and intense the way he was looking at me...... My heart was melting, i just wanted to kiss him and hold him so bad...... He asked if we wanted to go for a walk and we did on the beach with my friend....nothing happened just walking and talking. When it was time to go, we walked him to his car and he hugged me good night. I havent heard from him since apart from a text the following days saying "lovely night last night, should do it more often, maybe just the two of us next time?" Don't hold your breath on hearin from em anytime soon.. 'My heart was melting'? Was it melting when he didn't call you or acknowledge your gift?
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 They'll get together. I have a feeling Mandy will continue to pursue him relentlessly until it happens. Play it careful Mandy. I post more from a MW-ish point of view rather than an OW point of view and I can tell you that the stuff you say is the type of stuff that scares people off. I don't mean to sound ugly, but you sound just a tad stalkerish and perhaps a tiny bit desperate to make this into 'true love'. Remember this: Its just an affair. Casual, convenient sex and companionship. It will be good only to the extent that you pose no risk to him. It might be true love for you, but its just a side item for him regardless of his emotional investment into it. If you try to make him see things your way, or try to make this into something its not for him you'll lose him. No one who has affairs sticks around long with people who pose emotional risks for marriages they never intend to leave.
crazy_grl Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 sarah - lol @ all dentists being nerds. Maybe its because they spend so much time studying? and then most of their life drilling? Who knows. My MM seems ok though, havent noticed anything strange about him yet. As newbby pointed out, nowhere did sarah say "nerds". I don't think we should stereotype all dentists as sadistic pervs, but yours is already showing signs of being a bit creepy in that regard. You're just not willing to see it. First there was the creepy comments about it giving him a thrill working on your teeth and now there's this one He had a plain coffee whilst i had a latte and after i had drunk half of mine he wanted to swap mine for his and i asked why and he said he felt like a latte, i said "well order one" and he goes "no, i want one that u had a drink from" weird!! Weird indeed. We stayed there for about 1.5 hours and his phone rang 3 times and he got a few text messages, i am guessing one or two of the calls may have been from his W and the others i am not sure, to one of them he said he was out with some friends enjoying coffee and to another person he said he was with Tom. How did you feel about that? I'm guessing that it gave you a thrill to know that he was lying about being with you, because it meant he had reason to lie. I'm hoping that it actually disgusted you and turned you off to see blantant proof that he is a liar. One is a healthy viewpoint to have and will serve you well in finding the right guy. The other will just help you find a guy, whether he's worthy of you or not. He made eye contact with me a few times for several mins and then would look away, there was something deep and intense the way he was looking at me...... The word for that something is lust. Don't make the mistake of assuming it's anything more until his actions prove otherwise or you'll end up really hurt. And his actions have shown anything but love up to this point. I havent heard from him since apart from a text the following days saying "lovely night last night, should do it more often, maybe just the two of us next time?" Mandy, PLEASE get some self respect and be done with this guy. Everything you've been saying lately makes me so sad for you and how hurt you're going to get. There's a book called Are You the One For Me that I think you should read.
Brianschick Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 Listen, if you are simply turned on by the guy..go for it. But remember, you'll NEVER be able to have him completely. He is married honey so don't expect more than a wham bam.
whichwayisup Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 Something isn't sitting right with me about your story...Not you, but HIM. He's playing some sort of angle and it's not good. I really hope you atleast consider ending it with him. No real good will come of this...I think you know it but right now aren't willing to really see that yet. I also don't think seeing him alone is a smart idea.
Author goingforgold Posted January 7, 2006 Author Posted January 7, 2006 f*** I hate how every one reads every single word and reads into every little detail... My friend and i went out to the pub last for a few drinks and she kept saying "call him - go on call him, i know u want to" and i did want to but i was holding back, in the end i gave him because i did want to see him, so i called and said "hey, just calling to see what ur up to, i am out with my friend and just thought u might like to catch up for drinks?" he paused and said "mmmmmm, depends where you are and i told him and he said give me an hour" Within the hour he was there, all dressed up, he looked gorgeous, he was a LOT more affectionate this time, when he came in he gave me a kiss on the cheek, there was a band playing, so we danced to some music for a while and got a bit silly then my friend was trying to pull us to physically closer together and he said to her "naughty girl" We had a great night, got home about 3am - then he called and we spoke on the phone for another 1/2 hour, he said he likes spending time with me, i am really cool and so hot. Not a lot happened in the physical side, we kissed goodnight, a long, tongue kiss goodnight and it was perfect.
Outcast Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 Your friend is sick. She's getting turned on by this and making you do it for her own titillation.
Adunaphel Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 Your friend is sick. She's getting turned on by this and making you do it for her own titillation. I agree. I got the distinct impression that she would love you to get hurt. With friends such as this one, you don't need enemies.
newbby Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 i agree. your friend does not have your best interests at heart. it probably would make her feel better about herself if you are the one all hung up on a mm, having an affair with a mm, etc. i have known people like this. get rid of her and get rid of the dentist. f*** I hate how every one reads every single word and reads into every little detail... sorry mandy, but its true. you are only half reading, and scared of really hearing. you are being so self destructive its unbelievable.
Adunaphel Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 sorry mandy, but its true. you are only half reading, and scared of really hearing. you are being so self destructive its unbelievable. Aussie-mandy, I just read your post in the "had a baby by om not with my h", and I was *amazed* and a bit shocked at the harshness you directed to the original poster. You said things such as You knew what u were doing when you opened ur legs for him now deal with the consequences..., well, if one wanted to play psycologist, he/she could think that you are actually disgusted by your married dentist and feeling guilty about pursuing him, but you are taking out the anger on someone else because it's so much easier, and because it helps you NOT to see things the way they are. I'm stepping out of this thread for good, now.
whichwayisup Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 I don't understand why you're posting here now Mandy. I don't get your friend pushing you into this situation and you allowing her to have so much say about YOUR LIFE. She isn't your friend in the sense of wanting the best for you, to see you in a happy and healthy relationship. You need to question her motives here... The dentist is going to take what he can, he isn't offering anything but if it comes his way he ain't gonna say no... What are your intentions with him now? What are YOU getting out of this? Why are you still wanting him after the way he treated you. Has he even mentioned that 5 paged letter and acknowledged anything that you said in it? Or is that a dead issue now cuz he's paying attention to you? It makes NO sense to me anymore. At first you came for help. After 19 pages on your thread it seems not much has sunk in for you nor has much been accomplished.
newbby Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 Aussie-mandy, I just read your post in the "had a baby by om not with my h", and I was *amazed* and a bit shocked at the harshness you directed to the original poster. . actually mandys comments on that post were perfectly reasonable. that post is a perfect example of how the ow/om is always the scapegoat of the affair and the one who gets treated like scum at the end of it. people on that post are condoning the married woman keeping the om from seeing his child, because he was the om, and therefore is not a real person and doesnt count.
crazy_grl Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 f*** I hate how every one reads every single word and reads into every little detail... Mandy, these "little details" are in fact a large chunk of the big picture that you're refusing to see. The difference between what you see as major details and what you see as minor details is what makes me think you're going to get really hurt. You're focusing on the little things like when he actually does give you attention or a kiss you shared when you should be focusing on the major things that are pointing to disaster and how big of a slime bag this guy is. Other people are focusing on them, because you don't seem to see them as any big deal. If you sounded cautiously optimistic in your posts, I wouldn't be nearly as worried about you. But you seem giddy as a naive school girl when he throws you a bone and devasted when he shows you really don't matter much to him.
Sami_D Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 What you are is addicted to the drama. And your friend is, too. And half of LoveShack is too, by the looks of things. Dammit, I want to see what happens next... so why wouldn't mandy feel the same..?
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