Author burt Posted October 25, 2005 Author Share Posted October 25, 2005 I just need her to quit thinking that I am never going to have normal career life. It really irratates me knowing that she thinks of me that way. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 No alpha he should do all he can to work on his marriage with his wife, first. THEN, after a period of time has gone by, if things aren't working out and they both have tried everything, then maybe a seperation should be in order. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 And I'm all but positive that a counsellor will show her that she's being very unkind and unfair to you. Too many women seem to feel entitled to get everything they want the way they want it. It sounds as though she's acting like an immature spoiled brat; if she is, the counsellor will tell her so. You need an umpire here. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Alpha, you don't work out problems by running away. sometimes "running away" is the only feasible option OUTCAST....and I think this is one of those cases. If BURT sticks around his wife will make his life a living nightmare and beat his self-esteem down until he can't even take out the garbage... Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Well CRAIG...if his wife is his "team-mate" then he definitely does not need any enemies... I suggest that BURT and wifey have a six month trial seperation where he moves to another city with better job opportunites for him. If he feels better after 6 months of seperation then he should file for divorce.And if he doesn't feel better but feels worse or is more depressed what should he do then seek to reconcile with his wife? Right now Burt is depressed, is living with his wife and she wants to go to marriage counselling with him and I believe that the marriage counselling can be of great benefit to him, his wife and their marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Look, Alpha, you're anti-marriage as well as anti-female. You're not helping here. Burt, Alpha's just looking to get more members for his 'bitter women-haters' club. Link to post Share on other sites
Author burt Posted October 25, 2005 Author Share Posted October 25, 2005 now your talkin, I will be the first one to say that I am not perfect but I truly do think of her when I make decisions, big or small. She does not. She will definetely not listen to me when I say that she is being unfair, I guess it is hard to take someone seriously when you don't respect them. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 sometimes "running away" is the only feasible option OUTCAST....and I think this is one of those cases. If BURT sticks around his wife will make his life a living nightmare and beat his self-esteem down until he can't even take out the garbage... I have a feeling alpha that thats how you handled you marriage. I understand you were miserable and wanted out, and you got out. Which is fine for you, but just because you did it that way doesn't mean others should as well. I don't know if you tried everything in your marriage or not alpha before getting out, but the way you make things sound, the solution, is to just get the hell out when the going gets tough. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Look, Alpha, you're anti-marriage as well as anti-female. I am not anti-marriage. I think marriage is great if a couple wants to raise a family. I am anti-marriage for myself. And I am definately not anti-female but I am pro-male. I love women but I think that men need to stand up for themselves I don't know if you tried everything in your marriage or not alpha before getting out, but the way you make things sound, the solution, is to just get the hell out when the going gets tough. The orig poster is in a tough situation....and chances are, JADESTAR, that it will continue and get worse regardless of counseling or whatever. This is the sad reality here and the OP needs to hear all sides. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 You cannot possibly say whether counselling will succeed or not. You know neither of these people. It's a quitter's way out to ditch the game without even giving it a try. It's the car analogy again; rather than repair your vehicle, you'd go to the hassle and expense of getting a whole new one when the old one just needed a little adjustment. Not everyone is that cavalier with their lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Author burt Posted October 25, 2005 Author Share Posted October 25, 2005 I really appreciate everyone's point of view, I cant really talk about this with anyone in this sort of detail so it's nice to be able to vent. I am questioning if she will ever think differently about me, that hurts me as a man inside. I really do not think I should have to go through this, I am a pretty good guy, I am loyal to my wife and would do anything for her. On the other hand I am not a hidious creature, and there are plenty of fish in the sea so how much more time should I spend/waste trying to get this thing right? Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 I am not anti-marriage. I think marriage is great if a couple wants to raise a family. I am anti-marriage for myself. And I am definately not anti-female but I am pro-male. I love women but I think that men need to stand up for themselves The orig poster is in a tough situation....and chances are, JADESTAR, that it will continue and get worse regardless of counseling or whatever. This is the sad reality here and the OP needs to hear all sides. We have all been in tough situations at one point or another in our lives alpha. For you to say that chances are it will get worse reguardless of counseling or whatever, is a pretty negative attitude. However we all differ in how we perceive how things should work. Your view point is to bail, mine is to work on things. Hopefully burt will make the right choice for himself, be it to leave, or to stay and work on things. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Your view point is to bail, mine is to work on things. Well, as I stated earlier JADESTAR.... BURT can do a compromise and have a trial seperation for 6 months and see how things go. This way he can bail AND work on things....who know's maybe if at the end of six months of seperation she will appreciate him more??? Now, if BURT is totally financially dependent on his wife then he may be in big trouble.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author burt Posted October 25, 2005 Author Share Posted October 25, 2005 I am not totally finacially dependent on her, I have plenty of people who would be happy to take me in, it may include me moving 9 hrs away from her though. How would the finances work? Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 "Bail and work on things." Wow! it would be kind of hard to work on the marriage if hes not there. Working on a marriage from afar eh? Hmmmm? I still say work at it first, then after everything has been tried then seperate if its not working out. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 I just need her to quit thinking that I am never going to have normal career life. It really irratates me knowing that she thinks of me that way. AH....so I AM right. Look Burt, forget about what your wife thinks. Go on with your plans, but stay there, and stay with her. I've lived through this. You have to trust me when I say you're waisting precious energy over this. I know it's hard knowing what she thinks, but what's more important is what you actually are. Even expressing your disappointment on her thoughts is a sure sign of weakness in her eyes. I don't know if that makes sense to you, but it's true. Ignore her thoughts about you, and point that energy into surpassing her career wise. Your region shouldn't be an excuse for you either. There's a niche no matter where you go. You just have to work diligently to find it. There's more honor in sticking it out and failing than there is to leave and succeed. A real man honors his comittments, thick or thin. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Hell Burt I just came in from feeding the horses and poured a cup of coffee read your latest post and I feel different about you already! Your decision to seek help is getting respect from me! It takes a real man to admit that they may have an issue and even a bigger man to want to face them and deal with the prospect that some of it may be because of him. Good for you.......and I do mean for you......not for your wife......for you. Keep your mind open..... look at all options, look at your future then decide your next move. With a some hard work and determination you can just about make anything turn out to your advantage......don't sabotage yourself over fear of failure. If you love your wife, which you do or you would not be posting here, work on this. I am sure your wife has wonderful qualities just like you do. Think about those. Talk to her...... tell her what you want ........ go to that MC even if it makes you uncomfortable at first.... good chance you will learn so much instead of keeping your head in the sand like so many people do. Don't take the wuss way..... lashing out with anger and not really knowing why you are so angry and hurt and who/what you are angry and hurt over. hats off to you Burt ..... a4a Link to post Share on other sites
Author burt Posted October 25, 2005 Author Share Posted October 25, 2005 It is in my nature to believe this, but I just do not want to be one of those guys who wastes many years of their lives on 1 person just to find out that it did not work. I am still young right now with no kids, I feel that their are two roads in front of me, stay or go.... it's a tough one Link to post Share on other sites
Author burt Posted October 25, 2005 Author Share Posted October 25, 2005 I'll probably be going here soon, do not want the wife to see me chatting she'll get mad. I'll definetly be a regular visitor on this site so I guess I thank you all and will be chatting with ya soon... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 I am still young right now with no kids, I feel that their are two roads in front of me, stay or go.... young + no kids = go Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 It is in my nature to believe this, but I just do not want to be one of those guys who wastes many years of their lives on 1 person just to find out that it did not work. I am still young right now with no kids, I feel that their are two roads in front of me, stay or go.... it's a tough one I understand what you're saying. But if you were me, outside looking in....there's nothing tough about it. You Married her, you love her, you promised her till death do you part. I don't see that you have much of a choice. There are no guarentees in life....she could lose her job later this afternoon for all we know...... Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Show her you can be something !!Why not take up a hobby or do something you like ... No need in you staying at home while she does what she wants there are no kids involved .. Live for yourself show her you don't need her and come and go like she does .. She how she reacts to this.. I know how you feel as far as doing everything around the house and getting no respect ...I do the same around here take care of everything and h runs and does his band thing!! My h says he won't go back to counseling cause the counselor stepped on his toes and had him showing his feelings and he thought that was a sign of weakness!!: That's why he doesn't want to go back to the counselor .. He is a bully type of person and when counselor brought up his dad and all he wanted to avoid this topic.. I know because h didn't have his dad in his life he doesn't know how to love and show it .. He never had it !! I think thats where alot of our problems stem from not having what i want emotionally from him and in turn i don't want sex that often either .. I say try to work on things and if it don't work then move on and get a divorce atleast you try ..She is wanting to go thats the first step but it can't work if you aren't willing !!! Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 And I am definately not anti-female but I am pro-male. Have you ever heard, "Your either with me, or against me"....? Must be hard balancing on that thin line....... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 You Married her, you love her, you promised her till death do you part. and what about her promises to him MOOSE? where exactly in the marriage "agreement" does it state that the wife emotionally castrate the husband? Link to post Share on other sites
Author burt Posted October 25, 2005 Author Share Posted October 25, 2005 man this is true.. Link to post Share on other sites
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