Sugarkane Posted May 25, 2021 Share Posted May 25, 2021 (edited) He [My father] makes promises and always goes back on his word. Never get an apology from him. My mother enables him and my sister takes his side, even though my sister wasn’t here when all this happened- she was over seas. He lies a lot- that he doesn’t do well financially- even though he has one of the most strongest unions in existence. And is a emergency services worker so has a job for life- something that doesn’t exist for the rest of us. He promised that he’d have meetings with my in laws when we moved out (from my in laws) and sell his vintage car if we needed help. Then called us a liar and gaslighted us. I’m glad my husband was there so that someone else could witness it. Edited November 27, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator merged threads Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 25, 2021 Author Share Posted May 25, 2021 Basically he promised to help us but got inheritance from both sides. My parents went over seas and our extended family went. All my cousins and everyone. But he didn’t invite us. He is so obsessed with being on holiday, he’ll screw anyone over to get one/ take over other peoples holiday. My husband has Aspergers (I didn’t know at the time). And my in laws are controlling and filed for custody. Where unfortunately my daughter has lived with for years. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted May 26, 2021 Share Posted May 26, 2021 The way to deal with it is understanding that you cannot control him, the only thing that you have control over is your own actions. The way to deal with it is that you stop complaining about it, distance yourself from him, and stop expecting anything from him. Do not ask or expect him to "help" you (I am assuming you mean financial help). You can't say that a person is toxic and then turn around and expect them to help you financially or otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 26, 2021 Share Posted May 26, 2021 Since you know that your father lies & gaslights you, stop believing him. If you know he's unreliable, you have to stop relying on him. It's the old saying: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. So at this point you know better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted May 27, 2021 Share Posted May 27, 2021 The situation is too vague but it sounds like you are expecting financial help from your abusive father. Carry on with your own life. You don't need him and his help. He's entitled to his holidays and whatever his job pays. He's working hard and earning that for himself. Continue bettering your life and your future without him in it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 27, 2021 Author Share Posted May 27, 2021 1 hour ago, glows said: The situation is too vague but it sounds like you are expecting financial help from your abusive father. Carry on with your own life. You don't need him and his help. He's entitled to his holidays and whatever his job pays. He's working hard and earning that for himself. Continue bettering your life and your future without him in it. He’s really delusional though. He always thinks he’s hard done by. Most people envy the job security he’s had. It rarely exists anymore, except emergency services.He wears the pants in my parents relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 27, 2021 Author Share Posted May 27, 2021 It’s not that simple as well because I had another baby and CPS are involved (somebody made numerous lies and called them). CPS want me at my parents. I shouldn’t have gone through with this pregnancy at all. I’ve stuffed my life up and I don’t know what to do. I wish I could just end it at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 27, 2021 Author Share Posted May 27, 2021 12 hours ago, d0nnivain said: Since you know that your father lies & gaslights you, stop believing him. If you know he's unreliable, you have to stop relying on him. It's the old saying: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. So at this point you know better. Well if it was the other way around, my dad would be an inch away from my face, demanding an apology. I can guarantee you that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 27, 2021 Author Share Posted May 27, 2021 He’s also been able to turn my sister against me, who wasn’t even in the country when things fell apart and he made these promises. It annoys me because the arrogance of her calling me a liar, when she wasn’t even here, no words. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted May 27, 2021 Share Posted May 27, 2021 37 minutes ago, Sugarkane said: It’s not that simple as well because I had another baby and CPS are involved (somebody made numerous lies and called them). CPS want me at my parents. I shouldn’t have gone through with this pregnancy at all. I’ve stuffed my life up and I don’t know what to do. I wish I could just end it at this point. Follow what's needed for the best outcome for your children going forward. Don't let this be about your father. If you have to bite your tongue and get through the pregnancy and a safe delivery for your child, try getting through this first. There should be a local crisis line and also a suicide hotline. Ask for that help or call to talk with someone right now. Make an appointment with your doctor soon and talk about how this is affecting you. Reach out for help. You don't have to do it alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 27, 2021 Author Share Posted May 27, 2021 And what do I do about him turning my sister, against me? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 27, 2021 Share Posted May 27, 2021 You have a lot going on. Your priority has to be your kids. Do whatever CPS asks so that you can maintain a relationship with your children. However, if CPS wats you to live with your parents but your father is a problem, point out the difficulties to CPS & ask your case worker to get you the resources you need to live independently & still have a relationship with your kids. If your sisters are against you, there isn't much you can do. Focus on your kids. When you get your act together enough to be reunited safely with your children most people around you should develop a healthier respect for you. Keep your eye on the ball your kids. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 30, 2021 Author Share Posted May 30, 2021 Really hard to deal with no apology/ no remorse. He would be an inch away from my face, threatening me with a an apology, if it was me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 30, 2021 Author Share Posted May 30, 2021 On 5/27/2021 at 8:49 PM, d0nnivain said: You have a lot going on. Your priority has to be your kids. Do whatever CPS asks so that you can maintain a relationship with your children. However, if CPS wats you to live with your parents but your father is a problem, point out the difficulties to CPS & ask your case worker to get you the resources you need to live independently & still have a relationship with your kids. If your sisters are against you, there isn't much you can do. Focus on your kids. When you get your act together enough to be reunited safely with your children most people around you should develop a healthier respect for you. Keep your eye on the ball your kids. You talk about respect, but his word means nothing. And puts holidays before family. So I don’t have respect for him, when he endlessly does everything just because it happened to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted May 30, 2021 Share Posted May 30, 2021 On 5/26/2021 at 9:39 AM, d0nnivain said: Since you know that your father lies & gaslights you, stop believing him. If you know he's unreliable, you have to stop relying on him. It's the old saying: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. So at this point you know better. I agree with this. OK... you are obviously an adult, and married. Time to separate yourself from your family. If your father is HONESTLY the person you are describing... then you need to just not rely on him. NOW... with that said... I know someone who has been blaming his father for his fanatical issues for the last few years, and honestly feels his father is a problem in his life. But the reality is... his father has been helping him his entire life. I know for a fact that his father has given him 10's of thousands of dollars over the years, and he wouldn't be in his house without his father's help. But yet... he doesn't see the big picture. I'm not saying this is the case... but when you are mad that your dad won't sell one if his toys to help you... and you are upset that he didn't invite you on vacation.... AND you are an adult... I am a little suspicious about the validity of this story, and I'm thinking you need to grow up, and not rely on your folks. Sorry... just the way I see it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted May 30, 2021 Share Posted May 30, 2021 On 5/27/2021 at 12:17 AM, Sugarkane said: And what do I do about him turning my sister, against me? He may not have "Turned your sister against you"... you may have done that yourself. Just reading over your posts... I'm getting the feeling that you are the demanding one. I'm sorry if I'm reading this wrong... but your posts are vague on facts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 30, 2021 Author Share Posted May 30, 2021 12 hours ago, Blind-Sided said: I agree with this. OK... you are obviously an adult, and married. Time to separate yourself from your family. If your father is HONESTLY the person you are describing... then you need to just not rely on him. NOW... with that said... I know someone who has been blaming his father for his fanatical issues for the last few years, and honestly feels his father is a problem in his life. But the reality is... his father has been helping him his entire life. I know for a fact that his father has given him 10's of thousands of dollars over the years, and he wouldn't be in his house without his father's help. But yet... he doesn't see the big picture. I'm not saying this is the case... but when you are mad that your dad won't sell one if his toys to help you... and you are upset that he didn't invite you on vacation.... AND you are an adult... I am a little suspicious about the validity of this story, and I'm thinking you need to grow up, and not rely on your folks. Sorry... just the way I see it. Look I made bad choices that I deeply regret. I didn’t have my act together when I got pregnant the first time- my parents knew that. I don’t want endless money from my parents. All I wanted was to find the right resources to help me get work. And because I couldn’t find those resources, combined with a clueless husband, we lost custody. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted May 30, 2021 Author Share Posted May 30, 2021 12 hours ago, Blind-Sided said: He may not have "Turned your sister against you"... you may have done that yourself. Just reading over your posts... I'm getting the feeling that you are the demanding one. I'm sorry if I'm reading this wrong... but your posts are vague on facts. Well if it was the other way around, I’d at least give my sister the benefit of doubt, knowing how much my dad lies., 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted June 17, 2021 Author Share Posted June 17, 2021 How to deal with being constantly bossed around? This isn’t ideal Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 17, 2021 Share Posted June 17, 2021 I assume you're talking about your father. What is he telling you to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 17, 2021 Share Posted June 17, 2021 Can you get a better budget together so you don't have to keep relying on your in-laws or your parents for money? You're old enough to distance yourself from any family dysfunction. Your parents finances are their business. If you and your partner get better jobs, work more spend less ,etc., you wouldn't be so bitter about what your father's finances are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted June 17, 2021 Share Posted June 17, 2021 When push comes to shove, there is only one person in life you can rely on 100% and that is YOU. The best way for you to put you family members in their places is to become self-reliant and successful. You should want to do it for yourself and for your children (and it'll get CPS off your back!) You'll be amazed at how much your relationships improve when you don't "need" them anymore. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted June 20, 2021 Author Share Posted June 20, 2021 He’s that much of a psychopath he brings up his car as much as possible and brags about it Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted June 20, 2021 Author Share Posted June 20, 2021 On 5/30/2021 at 8:53 PM, Blind-Sided said: I agree with this. OK... you are obviously an adult, and married. Time to separate yourself from your family. If your father is HONESTLY the person you are describing... then you need to just not rely on him. NOW... with that said... I know someone who has been blaming his father for his fanatical issues for the last few years, and honestly feels his father is a problem in his life. But the reality is... his father has been helping him his entire life. I know for a fact that his father has given him 10's of thousands of dollars over the years, and he wouldn't be in his house without his father's help. But yet... he doesn't see the big picture. I'm not saying this is the case... but when you are mad that your dad won't sell one if his toys to help you... and you are upset that he didn't invite you on vacation.... AND you are an adult... I am a little suspicious about the validity of this story, and I'm thinking you need to grow up, and not rely on your folks. Sorry... just the way I see it. For starters my father would never do those things. Defiantly wouldn’t help me buy a house! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 10 minutes ago, Sugarkane said: He’s that much of a psychopath he brings up his car as much as possible and brags about it That's not psychopathy - it's just annoying boastfulness 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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