How to stop feeling insecure/worried when friends aren't in contact

[Hokuto]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok so is it the woman you have a crush on or the pal from college?

uni friend

[S2B]

9 hours ago, Hokuto said:

Why do you say that? Do insta comments mean anything

Those comments really don’t mean anything.

don’t put too much emphasis on social media. Live your life WITH people… not on social media.

Edited November 4, 2021 by S2B

[ExpatInItaly]

11 hours ago, Hokuto said:

it's just that they never comment on my insta

It’s not just that, though. 

It’s also that by your own admission, you seem to be the only one initiating contact and making much effort to keep the friendship going. If you didn’t reach out; it sounds like this would fizzle out altogether.

[Wiseman2]

Make sure you have interesting relevant new and non-controversial content on your social media.

Like, follow and make positive comments on others social media.

No one owes you comments. 

 

 

 

[Foxhall]

Yes you need to find a little project or two to develop yourself, work on building something, or developing other interests

you could even join in some other topics on instagram-join some courses that have nothing to do with your current friends- seek putting your mind in different directions- expand

Your coming from a base of clearly being highly sensitive- something I can relate to at times over the years,

better to say to yourself- I must let go of all that- what others think of me,

concentrate on joining new things, broadening horizons, meeting a wider circle of people and not caring really what anyone thinks of you or whether they like you,

I know its nice to have the bit of support and a few close friends, but that will come right in its own time.

[Hokuto]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

It’s not just that, though. 

It’s also that by your own admission, you seem to be the only one initiating contact and making much effort to keep the friendship going. If you didn’t reach out; it sounds like this would fizzle out altogether.

First, do insta comments mean anything

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Hokuto said:

First, do insta comments mean anything

No. Particularly if your content is maudlin, self-absorbed, depressing or stale. people would rather not comment.  If this is a friend of yours, communicate one-on-one through messaging. Why does a distant friend upset you this much?  

[stillafool]

18 hours ago, Hokuto said:

Thing is, they are engaging with other long distance friends social media like commenting on their posts,

 

18 hours ago, Hokuto said:

they are kinda trying to keep in touch with the bare minimum, but they don't do it for me,

 

18 hours ago, Hokuto said:

Plus, I'm the one always texting them first,

 

16 hours ago, Hokuto said:

How? Because they don't comment on my instagram posts. Even when we were not long distance, they never did

Because of your sentences listed above.  They have lost interest and the friendship has run it's course.  Find friends who live near you that you can see in person.

[Hokuto]

28 minutes ago, stillafool said:

 

 

 

Because of your sentences listed above.  They have lost interest and the friendship has run it's course.  Find friends who live near you that you can see in person.

I mean, I am unsure. Like if I text, they are engaged and reply and make time if I ask to talk.

Exhibit A, like I ask how they're doing I get this response asking how are you

"you are so sweet for checking in with me!! i’m doing well because I have the right mindset to overcome challenges. after we talked it inspired me to meditate more and that’s definitely helping. hope you are well too :)))))))) are you?"

or like recently, when I sent a text, they replied with the phrase "my friend" referring to me

I mean, I know they didn't take to another friend too for a while

I hear its fine to text first if they are engaged

Also, are insta comments really a  way to keep up though? i said I feel that way but I could be wrong

Edited November 4, 2021 by Hokuto

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, Hokuto said:

"you are so sweet for checking in with me!! i’m doing well because I have the right mindset to overcome challenges. after we talked it inspired me to meditate more and that’s definitely helping. hope you are well too :)))))))) are you?"

Ok, that sounds good. Keep communication one-on-one then.

[smackie9]

What do you want us to say? or want to hear? Sure they do mean something, but what we wouldn't know. Are they just being nice because you messaged? ya probably. Are they not really interested in your IG...ya maybe they find other people post more interesting things. What do you do? Go find something else to do with your life, maybe chat with other people.

Edited November 4, 2021 by smackie9

[ShyViolet]

I've seen your many, many posts about this person.  These multiple posts all have a common theme... the person is not putting in as much effort as you, and you feel that they are not as interested as you.    When that happens, all you can do is accept that the friendship has run its course and stop pursuing them.  People have given you a lot of good advice, but you don't seem to want to accept it.  Is posting variations of the same question over and over actually helpful to you?

[stillafool]

41 minutes ago, Hokuto said:

I mean, I am unsure. Like if I text, they are engaged and reply and make time if I ask to talk.

Exhibit A, like I ask how they're doing I get this response asking how are you

"you are so sweet for checking in with me!! i’m doing well because I have the right mindset to overcome challenges. after we talked it inspired me to meditate more and that’s definitely helping. hope you are well too :)))))))) are you?"

or like recently, when I sent a text, they replied with the phrase "my friend" referring to me

I mean, I know they didn't take to another friend too for a while

I hear its fine to text first if they are engaged

Also, are insta comments really a  way to keep up though? i said I feel that way but I could be wrong

Example: I have a friend who lives in CA, I'm 3,000 miles away, she calls me but I never call her, mainly because she wants too much of my time.  I like her but with the distance we don't have much in common anymore.  I have a lot of friends and family near me who I spend time with and are obligated to.  With the time difference it's hard for our schedules to line up to talk, plus it's gotten boring.  Our friendship has run it's course, I won't call her first because I don't want to talk anymore but she won't get the message.  I do have long distance friends who have been in my life since childhood and we only speak maybe 3 times a year.  It's a joy to hear from them.  

I think this friend of yours feels the same about you as I do about the friend in CA.

[Hokuto]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

What do you want us to say? or want to hear? Sure they do mean something, but what we wouldn't know. Are they just being nice because you messaged? ya probably. Are they not really interested in your IG...ya maybe they find other people post more interesting things. What do you do? Go find something else to do with your life, maybe chat with other people.

You mean they are insinscere about their messages and don't mean it when they call me a good friend

Why do you say probably?

 

38 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

I've seen your many, many posts about this person.  These multiple posts all have a common theme... the person is not putting in as much effort as you, and you feel that they are not as interested as you.    When that happens, all you can do is accept that the friendship has run its course and stop pursuing them.  People have given you a lot of good advice, but you don't seem to want to accept it.  Is posting variations of the same question over and over actually helpful to you?

I mean, thing is, i'm not sure if that's happening based on how they reply. Friends don't have to talk everyday. Its normal with long distance friends to have silence and they told me keeping up with long distance friends is hard and mentioned another friend they didn't talk to much

I mean, initiating first isn't bad if they are engaged

 

26 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Example: I have a friend who lives in CA, I'm 3,000 miles away, she calls me but I never call her, mainly because she wants too much of my time.  I like her but with the distance we don't have much in common anymore.  I have a lot of friends and family near me who I spend time with and are obligated to.  With the time difference it's hard for our schedules to line up to talk, plus it's gotten boring.  Our friendship has run it's course, I won't call her first because I don't want to talk anymore but she won't get the message.  I do have long distance friends who have been in my life since childhood and we only speak maybe 3 times a year.  It's a joy to hear from them.  

I think this friend of yours feels the same about you as I do about the friend in CA.

Why do you call her your friend then?

I don't think so as my friend has told me they like talking to me and enjoy the convos and they don't leave me dry when I respond.

Like if they did, why would they engage with my replies

I think they feel about me like your second example.

I mean, i only message my friend every few weeks and we talk/call a few months

Edited November 4, 2021 by Hokuto

[Hokuto]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, that sounds good. Keep communication one-on-one then.

Posts like this are why I'm unsure if friendship has run its course

[Foxhall]

19 minutes ago, stillafool said:

plus it's gotten boring.  Our friendship has run it's course, I won't call her first because I don't want to talk anymore

just hijacking the thread briefly,

Yes I suppose its normal enough to feel this way then, I would feel similar about some "friends" but dont wish to be too impolite either.

have been on the receiving end of it too, 

when looking to get friendly with someone was told " I have 100 friends already dont want 101"

lol live and learn 

[LynneVicious]

Usually if you have to ask if someone is interested in you or if you have to ask about their lack of contact, it’s because they’re not interested in you at that level. 

[Hokuto]

Regarding advice, y'all said they were ghosting me in summer when they were just busy

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Hokuto said:

I think they feel about me like your second example.

I mean, i only message my friend every few weeks and we talk/call a few months

SECOND EXAMPLE:

2 hours ago, stillafool said:

I do have long distance friends who have been in my life since childhood and we only speak maybe 3 times a year.  It's a joy to hear from them.  

If you really do believe that they feel like my second example why do you keep making all of these threads asking the same thing about this friend?  You should expect to talk to him 2-3 times a year and in the meantime forget about it and go about your business.  It's clear you want more attention from him than he's willing to give but are jealous of the attention he's shown to others.  That is not what's happening with my long distance friend.  I want her to meet and enjoy other people and live her best life whether we communicate or not.

[Hokuto]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

SECOND EXAMPLE:

If you really do believe that they feel like my second example why do you keep making all of these threads asking the same thing about this friend?  You should expect to talk to him 2-3 times a year and in the meantime forget about it and go about your business.  It's clear you want more attention from him than he's willing to give but are jealous of the attention he's shown to others.  That is not what's happening with my long distance friend.  I want her to meet and enjoy other people and live her best life whether we communicate or not.

I mean do insta comments show attention

[Hokuto]

4 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

I've seen your many, many posts about this person.  These multiple posts all have a common theme... the person is not putting in as much effort as you, and you feel that they are not as interested as you.    When that happens, all you can do is accept that the friendship has run its course and stop pursuing them.  People have given you a lot of good advice, but you don't seem to want to accept it.  Is posting variations of the same question over and over actually helpful to you?

I mean, what do you make of their replies I posted

[Hokuto]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, that sounds good. Keep communication one-on-one then.

Good in what way?

[stillafool]

40 minutes ago, Hokuto said:

I mean do insta comments show attention

No, just something to do while commenting to others.  Doesn't mean a thing.  Leave him alone because it's over.

[Hokuto]

7 minutes ago, stillafool said:

No, just something to do while commenting to others.  Doesn't mean a thing.  Leave him alone because it's over.

what of their replies to me

[ExpatInItaly]

13 minutes ago, Hokuto said:

what of their replies to me

This person is kind but not overly interested in you.