ASG Posted November 4, 2021 Share Posted November 4, 2021 12 minutes ago, Hokuto said: what of their replies to me Stop overanalysing it! Insta comments don't mean a thing. And they reply to you because they are nice and polite! And clearly do think fondly of you. But that doesn't mean that you're in their mind at all times! They probably only remember you when you text. And that's ok! You just need to stop obsessing about it and go about your life. If you want to speak to them, call or text. Otherwise just move on with your life without trying to make sense of every little thing they do or do not do. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 4, 2021 Share Posted November 4, 2021 57 minutes ago, Hokuto said: what of their replies to me They are just being polite. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted November 5, 2021 Share Posted November 5, 2021 (edited) They don't care about you Period. Unmute them on Instagram. Edited November 5, 2021 by Noproblem 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted November 5, 2021 Author Share Posted November 5, 2021 (edited) 19 hours ago, stillafool said: They are just being polite. So they are not interested in being friends 20 hours ago, ASG said: Stop overanalysing it! Insta comments don't mean a thing. And they reply to you because they are nice and polite! And clearly do think fondly of you. But that doesn't mean that you're in their mind at all times! They probably only remember you when you text. And that's ok! You just need to stop obsessing about it and go about your life. If you want to speak to them, call or text. Otherwise just move on with your life without trying to make sense of every little thing they do or do not do. So their replies mean they don't consider me a friend? or they don't consider me a good friend Edited November 5, 2021 by Hokuto Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted November 5, 2021 Author Share Posted November 5, 2021 (edited) 20 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: This person is kind but not overly interested in you. not interested how? Like not interested in being friends? Why do you say that? They have called me a good friend though They have said keeping up with long distance friends is hard and don't message them a lot, like with one friend Edited November 5, 2021 by Hokuto Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted November 5, 2021 Author Share Posted November 5, 2021 I think I should elaborate Look, I talked to my friend, they told me keeping up with long distance friends is hard as they have a lot to do and don't have much free time. They said they didn't speak to another friend for a while too. So that is normal if they don't text as they are busy. As long they are engaged when I reply, it's fine. Long distance friendships can be hard to navigate and you can't talk all the time, its normal. Doesn't mean they are not interested But what kinda bothers me is them commenting on close friends insta but not mine. I FEEL(could be wrong, that they do this to try and keep up a little with long distance friends but since they don't do it for, I worry it means they are not interested at all or want to make little for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 5, 2021 Share Posted November 5, 2021 (edited) 46 minutes ago, Hokuto said: I talked to my friend, they told me keeping up with long distance friends is hard as they have a lot to do and don't have much free time Ok so you have your answer. He's busy and doesn't want to chitchat or stay in touch as much as you do. That's ok, make new local friends to hang out with and place others in the "acquaintance" pile. Alternatively, get on some quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men/women and you for a low key coffee, since your level of intensity toward this friend seem like there is an unspoken romantic attachment. If you are looking for same sex dating, get involved in some LGBT groups and be confident about who you are. Don't use the friend route to find dates. Edited November 5, 2021 by Wiseman2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 5, 2021 Share Posted November 5, 2021 48 minutes ago, Hokuto said: But what kinda bothers me is them commenting on close friends insta but not mine. I FEEL(could be wrong, that they do this to try and keep up a little with long distance friends but since they don't do it for, I worry it means they are not interested at all or want to make little for me. You've got it finally, this is exactly it. He is not interested. Now to stop this merry-go-round get off of insta and make new friends that you can see in person. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LynneVicious Posted November 5, 2021 Share Posted November 5, 2021 ^^ what stillafool said. Listen, you keep asking for advice. And you’re getting it but then refuting said advice because you don’t want to believe it. Bottom line: they are not interested in you or not as interested as their other ‘friends’. You could save yourself hours and days by letting this go. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted November 5, 2021 Author Share Posted November 5, 2021 2 hours ago, stillafool said: You've got it finally, this is exactly it. He is not interested. Now to stop this merry-go-round get off of insta and make new friends that you can see in person. Ok, but why are they not interested? is it cuz of insta comments or not texting first? Like they didn't text another friend for a while but i know they still like them 1 hour ago, LynneVicious said: ^^ what stillafool said. Listen, you keep asking for advice. And you’re getting it but then refuting said advice because you don’t want to believe it. Bottom line: they are not interested in you or not as interested as their other ‘friends’. You could save yourself hours and days by letting this go. Are they not interested cuz of the insta comments? 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Ok so you have your answer. He's busy and doesn't want to chitchat or stay in touch as much as you do. That's ok, make new local friends to hang out with and place others in the "acquaintance" pile. Alternatively, get on some quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men/women and you for a low key coffee, since your level of intensity toward this friend seem like there is an unspoken romantic attachment. If you are looking for same sex dating, get involved in some LGBT groups and be confident about who you are. Don't use the friend route to find dates. I mean, they reply faster when I text now. That was in summer when I asked they didn't reply quicker. We only talk a few times a week and i am making new friends but wanna keep the old too Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted November 5, 2021 Author Share Posted November 5, 2021 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Ok so you have your answer. He's busy and doesn't want to chitchat or stay in touch as much as you do. That's ok, make new local friends to hang out with and place others in the "acquaintance" pile. Alternatively, get on some quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men/women and you for a low key coffee, since your level of intensity toward this friend seem like there is an unspoken romantic attachment. If you are looking for same sex dating, get involved in some LGBT groups and be confident about who you are. Don't use the friend route to find dates. I mean, we only talk like a few weeks and facetime video chat every few months. And I asked why they reply late and they told me they had a lot to do and it is hard to keep up with long distance friends was hard as they don't wanna spread themselves thin and don't have a lot of alone time. It doesn't mean they don't wanna be friends. They are busy. They said they like talking to me and appreciate me reaching out. I agree, I should dial back but is it wrong for me to still consider us good friends Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 5, 2021 Share Posted November 5, 2021 37 minutes ago, Hokuto said: Ok, but why are they not interested? is it cuz of insta comments or not texting first? Like they didn't text another friend for a while but i know they still like them Maybe he is as attracted to the other friend as you are to him. He has a romantic interest in the other friend but not one with you. So stop looking and for goodness sake stop asking the same question over and over. He's just not that into you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LynneVicious Posted November 6, 2021 Share Posted November 6, 2021 it has absolutely nothing to do with Instagram comments. By everything you’ve explained, he is just not into you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted November 6, 2021 Author Share Posted November 6, 2021 17 hours ago, stillafool said: Maybe he is as attracted to the other friend as you are to him. He has a romantic interest in the other friend but not one with you. So stop looking and for goodness sake stop asking the same question over and over. He's just not that into you. Ok, but why do you say that? 13 hours ago, LynneVicious said: it has absolutely nothing to do with Instagram comments. By everything you’ve explained, he is just not into you. Cuz they don't text first? Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 23 hours ago, Hokuto said: Ok, but why do you say that? Cuz they don't text first? We're just going round and round in circles here. The reason everyone is telling you "they are just not that into you" is because that's what their actions, as per your retelling, as telling us. There's no one reason, and we don't even know this other person, so it's just speculation. But what it looks like is, you are way more invested than this person. That doesn't mean they don't want to be friends with you, but it means you are not a priority friend. You're on the backburner. And that's ok. It doesn't mean you need to cut this person off. Or stop texting. But it means you need to STOP obsessing about it. Stop analysing what they do or don't do, how they reply or don't, how they comment or don't. Just stop. You do you, but let them do them without having to scrutinise every little thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted November 7, 2021 Author Share Posted November 7, 2021 3 hours ago, ASG said: We're just going round and round in circles here. The reason everyone is telling you "they are just not that into you" is because that's what their actions, as per your retelling, as telling us. There's no one reason, and we don't even know this other person, so it's just speculation. But what it looks like is, you are way more invested than this person. That doesn't mean they don't want to be friends with you, but it means you are not a priority friend. You're on the backburner. And that's ok. It doesn't mean you need to cut this person off. Or stop texting. But it means you need to STOP obsessing about it. Stop analysing what they do or don't do, how they reply or don't, how they comment or don't. Just stop. You do you, but let them do them without having to scrutinise every little thing. I mean what actions? is it the lack of comments or just not texting? i already said they are busy, which is fine what is a backburner friend Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 Just now, Hokuto said: I mean what actions? is it the lack of comments or just not texting? i already said they are busy, which is fine what is a backburner friend Both. And being busy is code for "you're not a priority". A backburner friend is someone you're friends with, but who is not someone you reach out to often. And that tends to happen with long distance friends. Life gets in the way, and "out of sight, out of mind" is definitely a thing. I have several long distance friends, and I don't doubt the relationship, but we don't speak often at all. Maybe a couple of times a year. And that's ok. Life happens. What isn't healthy is you obsessing about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted November 20, 2021 Author Share Posted November 20, 2021 I have a long distance friend who I text/message like a few times/once a month/once every few weeks and all, and lately I wonder if I text them too much. So would I be wrong for asking if they feel like I text them too much? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 20, 2021 Share Posted November 20, 2021 5 minutes ago, Hokuto said: I have a long distance friend who I text/message like a few times/once a month/once every few weeks and all, and lately I wonder if I text them too much. So would I be wrong for asking if they feel like I text them too much? It's not wrong or right, but why would you ask? It seems a like a rhetorical passive-aggressive question because you want more communication than they are offering. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted November 20, 2021 Author Share Posted November 20, 2021 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: It's not wrong or right, but why would you ask? It seems a like a rhetorical passive-aggressive question because you want more communication than they are offering. how is it passive aggressive? I want to know if it too much so I can back off? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 20, 2021 Share Posted November 20, 2021 51 minutes ago, Hokuto said: I have a long distance friend who I text/message like a few times/once a month/once every few weeks and all, and lately I wonder if I text them too much. So would I be wrong for asking if they feel like I text them too much? No, because he's the only one who can give you he answer to this question. Go ahead and ask. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted November 21, 2021 Author Share Posted November 21, 2021 4 hours ago, stillafool said: No, because he's the only one who can give you he answer to this question. Go ahead and ask. If I ask them this question, am I putting pressure on them and telling them there is a problem. They might think I am saying that they are not being a good friend because I am the one who does most of the contacting. Then contacting me becomes a chore, making them feel guilty if they don't do it Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 21, 2021 Share Posted November 21, 2021 Back off and see if they step up. Then you can determine if it's just an acquaintance or a close friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hokuto Posted December 10, 2021 Author Share Posted December 10, 2021 I have two other friends 1. I asked one of them to zoom and they said they were visiting their folks, which is understandable. I then asked again and waited for a time and no reply and they told me they get tired after work going into their new job. I asked on one platform and they did not see it and I asked them a few days later on another. They said we should do it on a time and I agreed but we talked 4 days as they asked me to reschedule and we did finally. 2. Another friend, when I asked, they visited their folks too first time and had bad wifi , second time they had a friend in town and last time they told me they had a lot going on with jobs applying and all but said they are not avoiding it but were tired and was not avoiding it and we talked like 2 weeks ago. are they flakey or wishy washy? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 10, 2021 Share Posted December 10, 2021 10 hours ago, Hokuto said: 1. I asked one of them to zoom and they said they were visiting their folks, 2. Another friend, when I asked, they visited their folks too . You need to stay busy with your own local real life. Friends drift apart after college. Make sure you are busy working, going to school, get a side hustle, join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness. Make local friends. Don't pester people because you're bored. If they're busy find something else to do. Link to post Share on other sites
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