Ended it with a MM will he reach out? Heartbroken

[Scotgirl84]

I can’t believe I’ve been such a fool though honestly why can he get away with this? I will be civil to him for work reasons but I’m going to tell him soon I’m seeing someone else just to see how he feels even if it’s a lie 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Scotgirl84 said:

Only had sex 3 times in a year in his car!!! No even pushing for a room weird eh?  

Not "weird" at all. Rooms cost money and could be traced. It's hard to imagine you were happy with that.

No one "conned" you. You knew from the start that he is married.

Sadly you built up a fantasy based on what you wanted to believe.

[Scotgirl84]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Not "weird" at all. Rooms cost money and could be traced. It's hard to imagine you were happy with that.

No one "conned" you. You knew from the start that he is married.

Sadly you built up a fantasy based on what you wanted to believe.

He groomed me into thinking he wasn’t happy 

[Scotgirl84]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Not "weird" at all. Rooms cost money and could be traced. It's hard to imagine you were happy with that.

No one "conned" you. You knew from the start that he is married.

Sadly you built up a fantasy based on what you wanted to believe.

Honestly thought he was unhappy and was in love with me such a fool 

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said:

He groomed me into thinking he wasn’t happy 

"Groomed"? That's a severe word implying he's a predator, you're a victim.

Take responsibility for your own role. It's the only way to move forward.

You knew you were having sex in a car with a married man. You're not a child.

[Scotgirl84]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

"Groomed"? That's a severe word implying he's a predator, you're a victim.

Take responsibility for your own role. It's the only way to move forward.

You knew you were having sex in a car with a married man. You're not a child.

I was vulnerable and he made me think he loved me I asked if he wanted casual he said no we are more than casual I’ve fallen in love with you 

[Scotgirl84]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

"Groomed"? That's a severe word implying he's a predator, you're a victim.

Take responsibility for your own role. It's the only way to move forward.

You knew you were having sex in a car with a married man. You're not a child.

He played the victim to me to get sympathy vote and it worked 

[elaine567]

I get the anger at basically being rejected by him but with respect you knew what you were getting into when you were  "dating" a married man.
Thinking he would leave his wife for you showed your ego.
Your ego thought he was bound to choose you, younger, fitter, sexier, more interesting, "better" in all ways than his boring lazy, sick wife.
The fact he hasn't and will not is a huge blow to your ego, so you feel the need to get even.
But you need to put  this into perspective. 
Men like this rarely leave, you are not alone in your frustration.
You just bet on the wrong horse.
Please walk away with your dignity intact.
Revenge will keep you stuck in the mire, and the unintended consequences of making an enemy out of this man and maybe his wife and family too, may be dire.
Accept you made a mistake, and try not to repeat it.

[Scotgirl84]

Just now, elaine567 said:

I get the anger at basically being rejected by him but with respect you knew what you were getting into when you were  "dating" a married man.
Thinking he would leave his wife for you showed your ego.
Your ego thought he was bound to choose you, younger, fitter, sexier, more interesting, "better" in all ways than his boring lazy, sick wife.
The fact he hasn't and will not is a huge blow to your ego, so you feel the need to get even.
But you need to put  this into perspective. 
Men like this rarely leave, you are not alone in your frustration.
You just bet on the wrong horse.
Please walk away with your dignity intact.
Revenge will keep you stuck in the mire, and the unintended consequences of making an enemy out of this man and maybe his wife and family too, may be dire.
Accept you made a mistake, and try not to repeat it.

I know you are so right I just can’t understand though why he tells me he loves me and hangs on. He isn’t getting much out of me apart from feeding his ego. He said he will never ever find someone like me again so why stay unhappy????

[Scotgirl84]

2 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

I get the anger at basically being rejected by him but with respect you knew what you were getting into when you were  "dating" a married man.
Thinking he would leave his wife for you showed your ego.
Your ego thought he was bound to choose you, younger, fitter, sexier, more interesting, "better" in all ways than his boring lazy, sick wife.
The fact he hasn't and will not is a huge blow to your ego, so you feel the need to get even.
But you need to put  this into perspective. 
Men like this rarely leave, you are not alone in your frustration.
You just bet on the wrong horse.
Please walk away with your dignity intact.
Revenge will keep you stuck in the mire, and the unintended consequences of making an enemy out of this man and maybe his wife and family too, may be dire.
Accept you made a mistake, and try not to repeat it.

And honestly he told me from day 1 he was in a miserable marriage stuck if he had told me he was happily married I woulda been off 

[elaine567]

1 minute ago, Scotgirl84 said:

I know you are so right I just can’t understand though why he tells me he loves me and hangs on. He isn’t getting much out of me apart from feeding his ego. He said he will never ever find someone like me again so why stay unhappy????

Because he has done a cost benefit analysis and he has concluded, he is better off staying with his wife with you being a secret on the side

[Scotgirl84]

1 minute ago, elaine567 said:

Because he has done a cost benefit analysis and he has concluded, he is better off staying with his wife with you being a secret on the side

So he may be telling me the truth? He does love me? But can’t risk losing everything? 

[elaine567]

1 minute ago, Scotgirl84 said:

And honestly he told me from day 1 he was in a miserable marriage stuck if he had told me he was happily married I woulda been off 

Hence why he told you what you wanted to hear so that you would stick around.
Maybe he did get carried away with the romance, the affection and the fun, but his head still said NO, when push came to shove..

[Wiseman2]

On 4/29/2021 at 3:59 AM, Scotgirl84 said:

 I’m 37 

You're a grown middle aged women and responsible for your own actions.

Whatever your vulnerability is, is something for you to resolve

Affairs don't resolve things. You're smart enough to know that.

You most likely regret things, but live and learn.

Keep in mind, unavailable people choose other unavailable people.

So in that regard you could have been FWB with anyone. Or seek out available honest single men.

Shake it off, admit your mistake and move forward.

 

 

[Scotgirl84]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You're a grown middle aged women and responsible for your own actions.

Whatever your vulnerability is, is something for you to resolve

Affairs don't resolve things. You're smart enough to know that.

You most likely regret things, but live and learn.

Keep in mind, unavailable people choose other unavailable people.

So in that regard you could have been FWB with anyone. Or seek out available honest single men.

Shake it off, admit your mistake and move forward.

 

 

I know it just hurts too bad and I’m actually embarrassed 

[Scotgirl84]

Just now, Scotgirl84 said:

I know it just hurts too bad and I’m actually embarrassed 

And that is turning to anger 

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said:

And that is turning to anger 

All cheaters are liars and their lies are never limited to the spouse.

Stop beating yourself up. He's a jerk . It's over and your free of this Bozo 🤡

[Scotgirl84]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

All cheaters are liars and their lies are never limited to the spouse.

Stop beating yourself up. He's a jerk . It's over and your free of this Bozo 🤡

Thanks I just wonder what best thing to do is. Options are:

1) block him 

2) be civil and phase it out no meet him again 

3) reel him in get a night of sex with him then dump him show him what he’s missed out on 

Remember I need to work with him 

 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said:

 Options are:

1) block him 

You already know that there are no "options" so deleting and blocking him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps is the best course of action.

Only communicate when necessary for work.

Save your revenge fantasies for discussion with your therapist.

[Scotgirl84]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

You already know that there are no "options" so deleting and blocking him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps is the best course of action.

Only communicate when necessary for work.

Save your revenge fantasies for discussion with your therapist.

Do you think that will have best effect to hurt him? 

[ExpatInItaly]

On 4/29/2021 at 9:59 AM, Scotgirl84 said:

He’s basically her carer runs after her ass and does everything

 

On 4/29/2021 at 11:51 AM, Scotgirl84 said:

He spent all his free time with me

Sorry, but I am calling complete and utter BS on his "carer" story. 

He's not her carer who does everything if he also spends all his free time with you. That's a lie he invented for you to keep you coming around, and you fell for it - hook, line and sinker. Is he unhappy and unfulfilled? Probably. Is he her carer? No, it's quite obvious that he is not. 

You need to wake up and realize you've been lied to, over and over. He's not caring for her the way he wants you to believe. He's not running after her. And you know that, based on the fact the somehow found lots of time to spend with you amidst all his "caring" duties. Thus, you also need to stop believing the story about them never having sex, as that's likely not the full truth, either. 

He's a typical cheater, OP. He just came up with an excuse that he could sell you. You were not groomed, either. You're an adult with perfectly functional judgment that you chose to set aside because you felt desired. Time to own your part in this. Feeling desired is not sufficient reason to proceed with a married man. I think you let your loneliness and desire to feel special overtake your common sense, but you have to realize this man is a dumpster fire. 

As for why he keeps messaging you if he thinks you're done? It's because he knows that you don't want to end it, and he's banking on the fact that you will cave and go back into this mess. He knows what he's doing, and he always did. He's not leaving his wife and never intended to. If you choose to engage, you are choosing to get hurt again. He will not hurt the way you do because he didn't start this affair with the same goals that you did. Your desire to hurt him is a futile mission. 

Edited May 1, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[Scotgirl84]

13 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

 

Sorry, but I am calling complete and utter BS on his "carer" story. 

He's not her carer who does everything if he also spends all his free time with you. That's a lie he invented for you to keep you coming around, and you fell for it - hook, line and sinker. Is he unhappy and unfulfilled? Probably. Is he her carer? No, it's quite obvious that he is not. 

You need to wake up and realize you've been lied to, over and over. He's not caring for her the way he wants you to believe. He's not running after her. And you know that, based on the fact the somehow found lots of time to spend with you amidst all his "caring" duties. Thus, you also need to stop believing the story about them never having sex, as that's likely not the full truth, either. 

He's a typical cheater, OP. He just came up with an excuse that he could sell you. You were not groomed, either. You're an adult with perfectly functional judgment that you chose to set aside because you felt desired. Time to own your part in this. Feeling desired is not sufficient reason to proceed with a married man. I think you let your loneliness and desire to feel special overtake your common sense, but you have to realize this man is a dumpster fire. 

As for why he keeps messaging you if he thinks you're done? It's because he knows that you don't want to end it, and he's banking on the fact that you will cave and go back into this mess. He knows what he's doing, and he always did. He's not leaving his wife and never intended to. If you choose to engage, you are choosing to get hurt again. He will not hurt the way you do because he didn't start this affair with the same goals that you did. Your desire to hurt him is a futile mission. 

I know it’s very true. He says she just spends her days in bed which is true cos he’s never with her but that prob suits him. But he’s spent past year telling me he wants more wants more from life that that. I think she is the way she is cos he’s a lying cheating husband who has been caught before and now she can’t be sake with him. It’s all lies I know. I feel I should send him a goodbye message and say I’ve been true to myself and he’s not he can lie in bed with his wife every night whilst he’s out loving someone else and no intention to leave her shows what a person he truly is. Say I’m done cos I fell in love with a fake reality of who he actually was then block him??? 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said:

I feel I should send him a goodbye message and say I’ve been true to myself and he’s not he can lie in bed with his wife every night whilst he’s out loving someone else and no intention to leave her shows what a person he truly is. Say I’m done cos I fell in love with a fake reality

You could, but there's not much point. 

And it will further keep the dialogue going and he will probably find a way to keep you hooked. He knows you're not really ready to let go. 

For that reason, I would not waste time messaging him with anything. 

[elaine567]

8 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said:

I think she is the way she is cos he’s a lying cheating husband who has been caught before

So he has cheated on her before you showed up?

[Scotgirl84]

Just now, elaine567 said:

So he has cheated on her before you showed up?

Yes he was caught