This guy is really nice but is he just slow?

[Emilyinroses]

2 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

He's not single.

Does he take down his profile picture sometimes?

 

No he doesn’t do that. His profiles pics are several and always visible.

I also found him on FB and he even mentioned to me the place where he works. 

But yes he might be attached or married.

[Gaeta]

how old are you all?

[Gaeta]

I would tell him: Look I am not into chatting forever, are you interested in meeting this week? if not I will resume with my search and wish you the best of luck. This shows the guy you have standards, you have no time to waste, AND you're ready to walk away. 

 

[Emilyinroses]

46 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I would tell him: Look I am not into chatting forever, are you interested in meeting this week? if not I will resume with my search and wish you the best of luck. This shows the guy you have standards, you have no time to waste, AND you're ready to walk away. 

 

We cannot meet right now because we are on lockdown and although we do not live far, is still out of our zone range.

Anyway, I got fed up today and asked him if he wants to exchange phone numbers and talk outside the App, to see what he would say.

He said yes of course, that he thought asking me the same but wasn’t sure if I would like it.

So we exchanged numbers. Let’s see how it goes now.

Edited February 20, 2021 by Emilyinroses

[Interstellar]

Probably really shy and afraid of rejection.

You have a mouth right? Ask him when he’s gonna take you out on a date.

Edit: There yah go, Good luck!

Edited February 21, 2021 by Interstellar

[Buckeyestrong45]

9 hours ago, Emilyinroses said:

I’ve met this guy only over a week ago and since we started chatting it has been non stop.

We have a lot in common and texting just flows.

My only concern is that he hasn’t made any move. He hasn’t asked for my number to get out of the dating App, didn’t mention for us to meet (we are on lockdown now but will soon be over), didn’t ask to talk on the phone, nothing.

I find that really weird. Usually guys are pretty fast in asking for the phone number and talk and move to Whatsapp. Not this one.

He seems like a nice guy though. No sex talks, just normal conversations and banter. He also said in the beginning he is single and looking for a relationship.

I thought about doing that myself, asking to move to Whatsapp and if he wants to meet when lockdown is over, but I don’t want to be myself doing that because not only I find it weird but I won’t know how he is. 

So what to do? I don’t want just a penpal! And I find it weird he not asking for my number, if something happens to the App we won’t be able to contact each other!? 

What is your advice? Thank you.

I hate to say this, but he’s not interested in you.

You need to find someone that likes you romantically and quit fixating on this guy on whether or not he’s going to give you his number or not.

What you should do is take your friends and go to a singles bar and try to meet someone there, just a suggestion.

If he hasn’t discussed sex with you than he’s not interested, it’s as simple as that.

[Buckeyestrong45]

6 hours ago, Emilyinroses said:

I like guys who take charge and show interest and initiative. Guys with a masculine energy that ask for my number, for a date, etc.

If I do that myself I feel like I am being the man and sets the tone for the rest. I don’t feel comfortable doing that.

You’re picky, aren’t you?

Everyone is different. With an attitude like that, a lot of guys won’t appreciate that. You have to clearly lucid. 
 

He probably has a girlfriend and him not giving you his number is probably for these 3 reasons:

1) He has a girlfriend.

2) You’re being obsessive.

3) He doesn’t want to have sex with you.

Please understand this. Move on.

[Alpacalia]

Oh, my goodness  It's just been a week.

[dramafreezone]

 

9 hours ago, Emilyinroses said:

I think I am used to guys who are very forward and ask my number and to meet quickly. But yes most of them just want one thing only.

I can ask him those things, but I like a man who takes charge, and also if I do that myself I won’t know how he is and how he handles things.

Well go get one of those guys then.  What's the problem? 

The confident guys that go for what they want?  Well, they know they're good at it so they want to keep doing it over and over. That's how you get confidence, from having done it a lot and having success at it.

You want the guy that's really nice and different from the players, but you want him to still have that same confidence that the players have.  Yes, every woman in the world wants that guy.  It's the unicorn.  Sure there are a few of them out there but they're either married or in a serious relationship.  Why would they be single?  They go for what they want and they're too loyal to date other women.

If you really like guy, why not help him out a bit?  Tell him that you like a guy to take charge.  The "nice guys" don't just magically know this stuff.  Furthermore, a man's confidence can be grown, fostered, but it does take some effort on your part to bring it out of him.  None of those players are ever going to be "nice guys."

Edited February 21, 2021 by dramafreezone

[poppyfields]

Oh for goodness sake, all the OP and most women want is a man who knows how to ask (or isn't scared to ask) for her phone number or private email so they can chat off the app.

Lord, if a man can't even manage something as simple as that, I wish you luck.😳

 

Edited February 21, 2021 by poppyfields

[basil67]

If a man can't manage something as simple as that, they are either

1. not that interested

2. think the woman is not interested

3. they have a partner already

There is always a reason why something doesn't happen.  This is why moving on is a thing.

[Emilyinroses]

Well I asked him yesterday about exchanging numbers and talking out of the App and he said he was thinking the same and so we did and we are now talking on Whatsapp.

He messages me a lot during the day, so I don’t think he is married or attached, because he also told me where he works and lives, his last name, etc.

Maybe he is just slow!? I don’t know. I will continue chatting with him but talking to other guys too.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Emilyinroses said:

 now talking on Whatsapp.

He messages me a lot during the day.

Stop the chitchat. Unfortunately if going from the dating app to a messaging app only resulted in more chitchat, it's not a great sign.

Keep in mind texting is cheap, lazy and he can do it from the toilet or car or his GFs house.

If he doesn't suggest meeting in a few days, move forward.

[Buckeyestrong45]

4 hours ago, basil67 said:

If a man can't manage something as simple as that, they are either

1. not that interested

2. think the woman is not interested

3. they have a partner already

There is always a reason why something doesn't happen.  This is why moving on is a thing.

I explained to the OP that the guy is not interested and already has a girlfriend, which is why he won’t talk about having sex with her.

It is honestly not that hard to comprehend.

[Wiseman2]

Have you read the book 📚 "He's Just Not That Into You" ?

It could help you identify timewasters like this sooner.

Keep in mind you are both still talking to and meeting others so unfortunately the best case scenario is that you are on the back burner.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/He's_Just_Not_That_Into_You

 

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, Buckeyestrong45 said:

which is why he won’t talk about having sex with her.

Talking about sex on a dating app before meeting is the best way for a man to shoot himself in the foot. Not one serious woman will participate to that and grown men, real men, gentlemen don't do this.

[mortensorchid]

It depends.  There are some guys (and girls) who treat dating apps like video games and are just looking for a chat / texting buddy.  There are some people who go on for weeks, sometimes months doing nothing but texting.  And he doesn't offer to meet let alone another means of contacting you outside the dating app.  If this is the case then this is where it ends.  He won't offer to meet let alone have another means to contact you because he is not really interested in you other than just a chat / texting relationship.  Once years ago I had an internet date with this guy who said almost immediately when we met face to face that he doesn't have much luck with OLDs most of them are just texting buddies.  I knew then this was not going anywhere and sure enough I never heard a word from him again after that encounter.  It's what it is. 

[poppyfields]

4 hours ago, Emilyinroses said:

Well I asked him yesterday about exchanging numbers and talking out of the App and he said he was thinking the same and so we did......

May I ask a question?  

You claim you prefer a man be the "take charge" type with masculine energy, but yet it was you who assumed that role by taking charge suggesting you exchange numbers. 😳

This is how women find themselves in relationships with passive men who are more than happy to sit back and let women do all the heavy lifting.  And how they become passive and lazy.

I have absolutely nothing against women taking charge, taking the lead, asking for his number or being the first to suggest meeting or what you did, IF that is her true genuine nature and she enjoys taking the lead. 

But you said you didn't, that it is not your true genuine nature, or is it? 

Gaeta spoke about a man shooting himself in the foot by discussing sex before meeting; jmo but you shot yourself in the foot by choosing a man too passive or scared (or not interested enough) to do something as simple as ask for your number so you can chat off the App.

I dont envision this going well, sorry.

You might enjoy chatting, and asking to exchange numbers may seem somewhat insignificant but you just taught him he doesnt have to do much or take any risks. 

Wait long enough and you'll do that for him....

I don't get it, but good luck, and I hope I'm wrong. 

 

Edited February 21, 2021 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

7 hours ago, basil67 said:

There is always a reason why something doesn't happen.  This is why moving on is a thing.

Agree.  It's also why "choosing wisely" is a thing.  Wisely for each of us, someone who complements our natures, whether our nature is feminine or more masculine.

At least in these very early stages when deciding if someone is the right fit for us. 

 

Edited February 21, 2021 by poppyfields

[dramafreezone]

10 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Agree.  It's also why "choosing wisely" is a thing.  Wisely for each of us, someone who complements our natures, whether our nature is feminine or more masculine.

At least in these very early stages when deciding if someone is the right fit for us. 

 

Unless you find the unicorn, it's always going to be something.  They'll come on here and say "I like him, but..."

She likes the take charge guy, but the take charge guy is frequently (not always)  a player, because guys that know how to woo women usually like to do it as much as possible, and frequently don't develop the "nice guy" part of themselves.

The "nice guy" frequently doesn't develop the take charge part of himself, but I think that can be developed.  I don't know why women think it's such an imposition to tell the guy what they want.  You want the guy to take charge, tell him to take charge.  A ton of guys grew up without father figures and were raised by single mothers that told them to be "nice guys." so they're not just going to know this stuff.

[princessaurora]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Talking about sex on a dating app before meeting is the best way for a man to shoot himself in the foot. Not one serious woman will participate to that and grown men, real men, gentlemen don't do this.

Exactly!

My friend has been OLD for over 20 years and even though she  usually has sex on the first or second date, she won't entertain any man who brings it up beforehand.  She may be a bit loose,  but she still has standards!  😆

Edited February 21, 2021 by princessaurora
add word

[poppyfields]

38 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Unless you find the unicorn, it's always going to be something.  They'll come on here and say "I like him, but..."

She likes the take charge guy, but the take charge guy is frequently (not always)  a player, because guys that know how to woo women usually like to do it as much as possible, and frequently don't develop the "nice guy" part of themselves.

The "nice guy" frequently doesn't develop the take charge part of himself, but I think that can be developed.  I don't know why women think it's such an imposition to tell the guy what they want.  You want the guy to take charge, tell him to take charge.  

No I'm not going to tell a man to take charge, because doing so is, in essence, me taking charge. It also defeats the purpose.

It's not my nature to tell a man to do anything especially in these very early stages when determining if he's the right fit for me and vice versa.

I accept who he is, as is, or I wish him well and walk away.  

It's sad that you believe a man asking for a woman's number and asking her to meet or on a date categorizes him as a "player." 

Lord, is this what dating has turned into?  A man has the confidence to take the lead and pursue is now a player? 

Women beware!!!  Guy asked for your number, guy asked you out, player alert!   Lol

Yes I realize many men were raised without fathers and as such grew up to be passive, but that does not mean a women shouid have to cater to that, or coddle him (like his mom did), by taking the lead.  Or telling him to take the lead.  

That only encourages more passivity and well, laziness imo. 

And fear. 

 

 

Edited February 21, 2021 by poppyfields

[dramafreezone]

I don't think guy's asking for a number is being a player.  I ask for numbers.

I also think we're in a femisist age where a lot of guys don't even know if it's ok to be forward.  We're apparently equal in all other ways, yet there's this weird dynamic where men are still expected to be the leader romantically.  Do you see the issue and where some men may be a bit confused?  It's not born of laziness or fear or any otther negative attribute you want to assign to them.  It's simply social conditioning.   I know that the woman's viewpoint regardless is that "the guy should just know what to do."  Not exactly fair but I know that's the reality.

In any event, finding a take charge type of guy is not hard.  They're everywhere.  But I'm thinking she hasn't had a lot of luck with what she calls a "take charge" type or else she'd be with him.

Edited February 21, 2021 by dramafreezone

[poppyfields]

26 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

I don't think guy's asking for a number is being a player.  I ask for numbers.

I also think we're in a femisist age where a lot of guys don't even know if it's ok to be forward.  We're apparently equal in all other ways, yet there's this weird dynamic where men are still expected to be the leader romantically.  Do you see the issue and where some men may be a bit confused?   I know that the woman's viewpoint regardless is that "the guy should just know what to do."  Not exactly fair but I know that's the reality.

In any event, finding a take charge type of guy is not hard.  They're everywhere.

Yes, I do understand why men are confused.  Women are confused too, everyone is confused, because no one knows what their role is anymore, or what's expected or what to do.

We have women chasing men, women expecting men to chase, men expecting women to chase, or attempting to game them into chasing.

Men with no fathers or father figures expecting women to behave like mom and cater to them and their needs.

Entitled women who expect men to cater to her needs. 

Women believing they need to pick up a man's slack otherwise nothing will happen, and men now being conditioned to expect that.

And now here you are placing men in arbitrary boxes - nice guy or player as if to suggest a man can't be both?

Confident, bold, successful with women but lacking niceness?  

It's all completely f**ked.  Not sure what the answer is, or if there even is one.

You mention unicorn, maybe you're not far off about that. 

I mentioned in another thread, I want an alpha man who knows how to be beta also, on occasion.

My nature, my essence is feminine but I can also be "masculine" on occasion too, initiating, planning, once our respective natures are understood, and a relationship has been established.

Does that make me a unicorn?  Perhaps it does, perhaps we are all unicorns, seeking the one right person for us. 

Our very own unicorn. 

 

 

 

Edited February 21, 2021 by poppyfields

[dramafreezone]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Yes, I do understand why men are confused.  Women are confused too, everyone is confused, because no one knows what their role is anymore, or what's expected or what to do.

We have women chasing men, women expecting men to chase, men expecting women to chase, or attempting to game them into chasing.

Men with no fathers or father figures expecting women to behave like mom and cater to them and their needs.

Entitled women who expect men to cater to her needs. 

Women believing they need to pick up a man's slack otherwise nothing will happen, and men now being conditioned to expect that.

And now here you are placing men in arbitrary boxes - nice guy or player as if to suggest a man can't be both?

Confident, bold, successful with women but lacking niceness.  

It's all completely f**ked.  Not sure what the answer is, or if there even is one.

You mention unicorn, maybe you're not far off about that. 

I mentioned in another thread, I want an alpha man who knows how to be beta also, on occasion.

My nature, my essence is feminine but I can also be "masculine" on occasion too, initiating, planning, once our respective natures are understood, and a relationship has been established.

Does that make me a unicorn?  Perhaps it does, perhaps we are all unicorns, seeking the one right person for us. 

Our very own unicorn. 

 

 

 

Of course there are guys with all of those qualities that you mention.  Most of them are in serious relationships or married.  They get nabbed up very quickly, in high school and college.  Do single women just think these guys with these well balanced qualities are just wandering out there and no one else sees what they are?  They're take charge guys that go for what they want, they are caring, compassionate, considerate and loyal.   

We're talking about the vast majority of single men that are single for extended periods of time.  I do think most of them are single for a reason, either because they have the attraction skills and qualities but are averse to relationships (I don't think that makes a person a player) or they don't have a lot of options because they lack confidence, social skills, relationship experience, etc.

All this to say, most available guys are going to have some noticable flaw.  There's not enough unicorns for everyone, and women need to be honest about how they measure up to other women too.