poppyfields Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 4 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: Basically I need to feel safe with myself when dating, knowing I will never lose myself again for any man. Don't be too hard on yourself if you slip up on that. I said the same thing at the end of my last long term RL that ended in late 2015, but then went right back to it during the relationship I just ended. When you're with a very dominant man (which is the type of man I attract and am drawn to) it's easy to do! Which is why, now I am taking some time to reassess my needs and desires which brought me to the realization I no longer want such a dominant "masculine" man, I seek more of a balance, like I said that blend of alpha and beta. It's all a journey Emily, I am still trying to figure it all out! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emilyinroses Posted March 11, 2021 Author Share Posted March 11, 2021 7 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Don't be too hard on yourself if you slip up on that. I said the same thing at the end of my last long term RL that ended in late 2015, but then went right back to it during the relationship I just ended. When you're with a very dominant man (which is the type of man I attract and am drawn to) it's easy to do! Which is why, now I am taking some time to reassess my needs and desires which brought me to the realization I no longer want such a dominant "masculine" man, I seek more of a balance, like I said that blend of alpha and beta. It's all a journey Emily, I am still trying to figure it all out! Yes! I want a balance too. And yes it is a journey, these wrong guys just point out to things I need to address with myself and grateful for that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emilyinroses Posted March 11, 2021 Author Share Posted March 11, 2021 One thing weird about this guy I think I didn’t mention here is that when we started talking and I asked him about meeting, he asked me if I was meeting other guys too. At that time I wasn’t so I told him that. He said he wasn’t meeting any other woman either. He said he wanted to know if I was just focusing on him and feeling something special between us like he was. I felt that a bit weird and also a bit controlling. It’s none of their business if I am meeting other men. I guess because I told him I wasn’t meeting other men, he could just relax and take his time. Anyway he is gone now, but I am just finding him very weird now, my perception of him changed drastically. Thank you guys for all your help, I’ll be trying to have fun in dating, remembering how I used to be! Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 (edited) Wow yea that IS a very weird question. I probably wouldn’t have answered and stop talking to someone who asked me that so early on and before we even met . Weirdo Edited March 11, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 11, 2021 Share Posted March 11, 2021 28 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: He said he wanted to know if I was just focusing on him and feeling something special between us like he was. You identified this as weird, many women would have identified this as creepy and discontinue the contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emilyinroses Posted March 11, 2021 Author Share Posted March 11, 2021 46 minutes ago, Gaeta said: You identified this as weird, many women would have identified this as creepy and discontinue the contact. I didn’t pay much attention to that at the time, but somehow just remembered that now that my perception of him changed. Yes he was weird. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted March 12, 2021 Share Posted March 12, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, Gaeta said: Emilyinroses: There is a thing called the art of *letting go*. I suggest the book The Buddhist in the mirror. You meet a man, you like him, let go of the outcome, you cannot control it anyway, like we say throw it in the Universe and let it unfold as it's meant to unfold. I haven't read that one! I'll have to pick it up. I agree with the premise -- detach from the outcome and simply enjoy the journey. Allow the Universe to lead the way, allow it all to unfold organically and naturally. No "strategizing," no forcing, no pushing. Become comfortable just doing you, whoever she is. You will be much more relaxed about things and have a lot more fun, I promise you! 😂 Edited March 12, 2021 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emilyinroses Posted March 12, 2021 Author Share Posted March 12, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I haven't read that one! I'll have to pick it up. I agree with the premise -- detach from the outcome and simply enjoy the journey. Allow the Universe to lead the way, allow it all to unfold organically and naturally. No forcing, no pushing. You will be much more relaxed about things and have a lot more fun, I promise you! 😂 I went back on the dating App today and a guy I matched with months ago and we never talked, said Hi to me. He actually said hi months ago but somehow I didn’t see it, only today. We talked for a while and then he asked if I wanted to meet up in person 😊 I said yes and we are going to meet at the beach this weekend. He said he feels attracted to me for what he sees in my photos and makes him feel he wants to kiss me. lol Before I would just run away because I would think oh this guy just wants sex and some casual fun and would feel offended, but now I’m thinking no, maybe the guy is just being open about how he feels, just go and meet the guy and let the Universe surprise you and have fun. 😊 Edited March 12, 2021 by Emilyinroses 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 12, 2021 Share Posted March 12, 2021 9 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: I said yes and we are going to meet at the beach this weekend. He said he feels attracted to me for what he sees in my photos and makes him feel he wants to kiss me. lol Before I would just run away because I would think oh this guy just wants sex and some casual fun and would feel offended, but now I’m thinking no, maybe the guy is just being open about how he feels, just go and meet the guy and let the Universe surprise you and have fun. 😊 omg there's hope for you !! (lol) Enjoy yourself! have fun and laugh! I noticed you have a thread about using sex for validation, I think you should stay away from that ok? Don't shoot yourself in the foot by being intimate then Monday morning wondering why he's not calling and we go through an additional 16 pages. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted March 12, 2021 Share Posted March 12, 2021 (edited) 15 minutes ago, Gaeta said: omg there's hope for you !! (lol) Enjoy yourself! have fun and laugh! I noticed you have a thread about using sex for validation, I think you should stay away from that ok? Don't shoot yourself in the foot by being intimate then Monday morning wondering why he's not calling and we go through an additional 16 pages. I agree! Have fun with it, try to not analyze each and every single thing he says or does. Focus on the following: (1) Do I like this man, (2) do I sense he likes me, (3) does it feel good talking/interacting with him and (4) are we having fun! Flirting, being playful but capable of having more substantive convos as well. Nevermind "where it's going." Detach from the outcome, relax and allow it to play out! Don't be afraid to take a risk. Edited March 12, 2021 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emilyinroses Posted March 12, 2021 Author Share Posted March 12, 2021 7 hours ago, Gaeta said: omg there's hope for you !! (lol) Enjoy yourself! have fun and laugh! I noticed you have a thread about using sex for validation, I think you should stay away from that ok? Don't shoot yourself in the foot by being intimate then Monday morning wondering why he's not calling and we go through an additional 16 pages. That’s not gonna happen, that pattern is gone. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 12, 2021 Share Posted March 12, 2021 8 hours ago, Emilyinroses said: I went back on the dating App today and a guy I matched with months ago and we never talked, said Hi to me. He actually said hi months ago but somehow I didn’t see it, only today. We talked for a while and then he asked if I wanted to meet up in person 😊 I said yes and we are going to meet at the beach this weekend. He said he feels attracted to me for what he sees in my photos and makes him feel he wants to kiss me. lol Before I would just run away because I would think oh this guy just wants sex and some casual fun and would feel offended, but now I’m thinking no, maybe the guy is just being open about how he feels, just go and meet the guy and let the Universe surprise you and have fun. 😊 Have fun. Maybe he's just a corny flirter. It's a little cheesy but not that huge on the creepometer scale. He's probably been around the block too, and at least doesn't think texting is dating like a teen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emilyinroses Posted March 12, 2021 Author Share Posted March 12, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Have fun. Maybe he's just a corny flirter. It's a little cheesy but not that huge on the creepometer scale. He's probably been around the block too, and at least doesn't think texting is dating like a teen. Yes but to me now is all about meeting in person. No more creating ideas of a person through texting and phone calls. Texting and phone calls are great to stay in touch in BETWEEN dates, not as a substitute for real dates, like this other guy wanted to do. So now if I find a guy attractive and interesting, and he asks me out, I'm up for it, and see how he is for real. Edited March 12, 2021 by Emilyinroses Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 14, 2021 Share Posted March 14, 2021 How was the beach date?? Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted March 15, 2021 Share Posted March 15, 2021 2 minutes ago, Debsterism said: He's not your man. You haven't even talked to him on the phone. You haven't been on a date with him either. You should be talking to and interacting with other men so you don't have the time to focus so much on what he is not doing. You will be too busy enjoying your interactions with other dudes. I'm guessing that you haven't made it all the way through the thread but they did eventually go out. Totally agree with the bolded and the same sentiment should apply at the beginning pretty much across the board. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted March 16, 2021 Share Posted March 16, 2021 (edited) On 3/14/2021 at 8:45 AM, Gaeta said: How was the beach date?? Hey Emily, can you give us an update? No judgment from me if you're still talking to the first guy. I got the sense you really liked him despite his elusiveness and passivity, which is okay. I mean, sometimes you just gotta play these things out; it can awhile to implement real change re the type of men we're drawn to, a work in progress. But if you dumped him, even better! Let us know.😅 Edited March 16, 2021 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted March 16, 2021 Share Posted March 16, 2021 I thought she was dumping him a couple of weeks ago. Guy didn't have enough confidence I guees? Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted March 16, 2021 Share Posted March 16, 2021 1 hour ago, dramafreezone said: I thought she was dumping him a couple of weeks ago. Guy didn't have enough confidence I guees? She said she was, but who knows, I sensed she really liked him. So what she said she would do and what she actually does (or did) might be two different things. No judgment, I've done same. Like I said, sometimes you just gotta play things out till the bitter end. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emilyinroses Posted March 21, 2021 Author Share Posted March 21, 2021 (edited) On 3/16/2021 at 12:12 AM, poppyfields said: Hey Emily, can you give us an update? No judgment from me if you're still talking to the first guy. I got the sense you really liked him despite his elusiveness and passivity, which is okay. I mean, sometimes you just gotta play these things out; it can awhile to implement real change re the type of men we're drawn to, a work in progress. But if you dumped him, even better! Let us know.😅 Hi! Yes I dumped him, deleted his number. I did like him, he had many things I would like to have in a partner, but he was not open/ready to anything in real life. I learned the lesson that men are very easy to understand. If they are interested they ask you out. If they don’t want to see you they don’t. Simple. No need to wonder. Men don’t have to behave the way I want or expect, but when I feel something is off that is a big sign. In regards to the beach date, I liked the guy we did get along well, but then he shared something I am not sure about it . lol He said he likes his partner to have sex with other men! That gets him very excited when she tells him she feels attracted to another guy, and he would love to watch her having sex with other men. I never met a man like that before, usually men do not like their woman to get involved with another men at all! I am not saying how he is is right or wrong but is something weird to me. I am a monogamous person, if I am with someone I only have sex with them, so this is way out of my comfort zone! lol So not sure I’ll see him again. Edited March 21, 2021 by Emilyinroses 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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