Emilyinroses Posted February 20, 2021 Posted February 20, 2021 I’ve met this guy only over a week ago and since we started chatting it has been non stop. We have a lot in common and texting just flows. My only concern is that he hasn’t made any move. He hasn’t asked for my number to get out of the dating App, didn’t mention for us to meet (we are on lockdown now but will soon be over), didn’t ask to talk on the phone, nothing. I find that really weird. Usually guys are pretty fast in asking for the phone number and talk and move to Whatsapp. Not this one. He seems like a nice guy though. No sex talks, just normal conversations and banter. He also said in the beginning he is single and looking for a relationship. I thought about doing that myself, asking to move to Whatsapp and if he wants to meet when lockdown is over, but I don’t want to be myself doing that because not only I find it weird but I won’t know how he is. So what to do? I don’t want just a penpal! And I find it weird he not asking for my number, if something happens to the App we won’t be able to contact each other!? What is your advice? Thank you.
Gaeta Posted February 20, 2021 Posted February 20, 2021 This has happened to me a few times while online dating. Could be a series of reasons, not ready to date but like the attention, not really single but like the attention, is waiting to see how his contact with another woman will unfold, etc. If I were you I would definitely NOT offer him my number. The problem is you are too available, you've been chatting him none stop for a week. You don't want to be a penpal so don't be one. Stop chit chatting with him. If he sends a message good morning answer politely then wish him a good day and go about your day. Keep searching for the right guy. He's a grown man, he knows what to do. He doesn't need instructions. 3
World Peace Guy Posted February 20, 2021 Posted February 20, 2021 Relax. People have different speeds. Guys often have problems with women rejecting them. Especially nice guys. Guys who want a relationship are usually slower. Those who want sex, are fast. If you don't make yourself available to those slower ones, you may end up with only the ones who want sex. 8
ShyViolet Posted February 20, 2021 Posted February 20, 2021 1 hour ago, Emilyinroses said: I thought about doing that myself, asking to move to Whatsapp and if he wants to meet when lockdown is over, but I don’t want to be myself doing that because not only I find it weird but I won’t know how he is. You don't want to ask him because it's "weird"? I don't know what that means. Why don't you just ask him these things. See how he reacts. I think you're overthinking this. 1
SumGuy Posted February 20, 2021 Posted February 20, 2021 2 hours ago, World Peace Guy said: Relax. People have different speeds. Guys often have problems with women rejecting them. Especially nice guys. Guys who want a relationship are usually slower. Those who want sex, are fast. If you don't make yourself available to those slower ones, you may end up with only the ones who want sex. Exactly! @EmilyinrosesCommunication is a two way street, why not make a move yourself? Ask for his number, etc. 1
Author Emilyinroses Posted February 20, 2021 Author Posted February 20, 2021 2 hours ago, World Peace Guy said: Relax. People have different speeds. Guys often have problems with women rejecting them. Especially nice guys. Guys who want a relationship are usually slower. Those who want sex, are fast. If you don't make yourself available to those slower ones, you may end up with only the ones who want sex. I get that. But there’s a difference between being slow and standing still. This guy does nothing, says nothing. It’s nice talking to him but it all feels very friend zone and penpal.
Author Emilyinroses Posted February 20, 2021 Author Posted February 20, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, ShyViolet said: You don't want to ask him because it's "weird"? I don't know what that means. Why don't you just ask him these things. See how he reacts. I think you're overthinking this. I think I am used to guys who are very forward and ask my number and to meet quickly. But yes most of them just want one thing only. I can ask him those things, but I like a man who takes charge, and also if I do that myself I won’t know how he is and how he handles things. Edited February 20, 2021 by Emilyinroses
Author Emilyinroses Posted February 20, 2021 Author Posted February 20, 2021 3 hours ago, Gaeta said: This has happened to me a few times while online dating. Could be a series of reasons, not ready to date but like the attention, not really single but like the attention, is waiting to see how his contact with another woman will unfold, etc. If I were you I would definitely NOT offer him my number. The problem is you are too available, you've been chatting him none stop for a week. You don't want to be a penpal so don't be one. Stop chit chatting with him. If he sends a message good morning answer politely then wish him a good day and go about your day. Keep searching for the right guy. He's a grown man, he knows what to do. He doesn't need instructions. The thing is I do like talking to him. I would just like things to progress, that’s it.
winny Posted February 20, 2021 Posted February 20, 2021 Next time when he texts you... say.. “hey penpal whats up?” 1
SumGuy Posted February 20, 2021 Posted February 20, 2021 8 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: I think I am used to guys who are very forward and ask my number and to meet quickly. But yes most of them just want one thing only. I can ask him those things, but I like a man who takes charge, and also if I do that myself I won’t know how he is and how he handles things. Well if that is working for you then keep doing it. I find it odd you can't get an idea of how a guy is or handles things if you ask him out, or just for his number. Also not sure what reliable information you can really get from him asking you.
Author Emilyinroses Posted February 20, 2021 Author Posted February 20, 2021 2 minutes ago, SumGuy said: Well if that is working for you then keep doing it. I find it odd you can't get an idea of how a guy is or handles things if you ask him out, or just for his number. Also not sure what reliable information you can really get from him asking you. I like guys who take charge and show interest and initiative. Guys with a masculine energy that ask for my number, for a date, etc. If I do that myself I feel like I am being the man and sets the tone for the rest. I don’t feel comfortable doing that.
Alpacalia Posted February 20, 2021 Posted February 20, 2021 2 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: I like guys who take charge and show interest and initiative. Guys with a masculine energy that ask for my number, for a date, etc. If I do that myself I feel like I am being the man and sets the tone for the rest. I don’t feel comfortable doing that. It doesn't seem to be his style so that's something to consider if you plan to date him down the road.
Author Emilyinroses Posted February 20, 2021 Author Posted February 20, 2021 11 minutes ago, Alpaca said: It doesn't seem to be his style so that's something to consider if you plan to date him down the road. Yes that’s right. My only question is that he seems to be a really nice guy and different from the usual guys on OLD. So I am thinking should I give this guy a chance or am I just wasting my time and this is not gonna go anywhere.
Fletch Lives Posted February 20, 2021 Posted February 20, 2021 He's either not interested (already has a wife), or does not know what to do. So just talk to another guy. 1
ShyViolet Posted February 20, 2021 Posted February 20, 2021 1 hour ago, Emilyinroses said: I like guys who take charge and show interest and initiative. Guys with a masculine energy that ask for my number, for a date, etc. If I do that myself I feel like I am being the man and sets the tone for the rest. I don’t feel comfortable doing that. Ok well, if the man being the one to ask for the first date is SO important to you that you're willing to count someone out because of it, then this guy probably isn't the guy for you. 1
Gaeta Posted February 20, 2021 Posted February 20, 2021 1 hour ago, Emilyinroses said: The thing is I do like talking to him. I would just like things to progress, that’s it. Here is my theory. He likes you and he has access to you as he wishes. If you withdraw your availability just enough that he starts craving your attention he'll have to do something about it, like asking for your number and escalate this. Yes he may be shy but even shy men know what to do 'dating' wise. How old are you and him? 1
Wiseman2 Posted February 20, 2021 Posted February 20, 2021 1 hour ago, Emilyinroses said: I get that. But there’s a difference between being slow and standing still. This guy does nothing, says nothing. It’s nice talking to him but it all feels very friend zone and penpal. Ok, before you jettison him, try giving him your number, see what he does with that . If he's till dead in the water, leave him in the wake and move forward. 2
poppyfields Posted February 20, 2021 Posted February 20, 2021 (edited) Here's my theory. Guys have become lazy because women continue to pick up their slack and chase. Asking to meet, the first date and continuing forward. This fosters laziness, and when a guy gets lazy, it's pretty much a lost cause. From what you've posted, this guy has done zero to indicate interest, you said yourself you feel like a freakin pen pal! Intetested, confident men escalate, they want to move things forward. I disagree you should be the first to ask him out. Let him escalate, it will increase his attraction, assuming you respond positively and show enthusiasm indicating your interest. Yin/yang, masculine/feminine, a natural polarity. Later on, assuming you click and begin dating, you can reciprocate and take initiative. But for now, let him escalate and pursue you. If he won't or can't, then stop talking to him. That simple. EDIT: Agree with Gaeta, even shy guys know what to do and when interested, will do it. Edited February 20, 2021 by poppyfields 3
Author Emilyinroses Posted February 20, 2021 Author Posted February 20, 2021 26 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Here's my theory. Guys have become lazy because women continue to pick up their slack and chase. Asking to meet, the first date and continuing forward. This fosters laziness, and when a guy gets lazy, it's pretty much a lost cause. From what you've posted, this guy has done zero to indicate interest, you said yourself you feel like a freakin pen pal! Intetested, confident men escalate, they want to move things forward. I disagree you should be the first to ask him out. Let him escalate, it will increase his attraction, assuming you respond positively and show enthusiasm indicating your interest. Yin/yang, masculine/feminine, a natural polarity. Later on, assuming you click and begin dating, you can reciprocate and take initiative. But for now, let him escalate and pursue you. If he won't or can't, then stop talking to him. That simple. EDIT: Agree with Gaeta, even shy guys know what to do and when interested, will do it. Yes that’s what I mean, I like that polarity and like that guys take charge and pursue, especially at an early stage. I was chatting with him today and he was talking about his dog. I asked him ‘do you have a photo’? I did it on purpose because the dating app we are talking does not allow to share photos on the chat feature. So instead of asking me for my number to send the photo, he just uploaded the photo into his dating profile photos for me to see, and then deleted it after I see it... Let’s just say that was a big turn off for me and I’ll be talking to other guys instead. 5
poppyfields Posted February 20, 2021 Posted February 20, 2021 (edited) Yeah, guy sounds like a huge YAWN. Talking about his dog? You have my permission to next him. lol Edited February 20, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Alpacalia Posted February 20, 2021 Posted February 20, 2021 1 hour ago, Emilyinroses said: Yes that’s right. My only question is that he seems to be a really nice guy and different from the usual guys on OLD. So I am thinking should I give this guy a chance or am I just wasting my time and this is not gonna go anywhere. All right, then give it a little more time. You might consider sending him your phone number and, if you prefer, stop penpal correspondence if it doesn't align with your dating style. 1
Author Emilyinroses Posted February 20, 2021 Author Posted February 20, 2021 10 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Yeah, guy sounds like a huge YAWN. Talking about his dog? You have my permission to next him. lol Well we were talking about out pets, I love dogs so that’s ok to me. What’s not ok is uploading the photo into his profile instead of asking me my number to send me...
sushiandtacos Posted February 20, 2021 Posted February 20, 2021 24 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: So instead of asking me for my number to send the photo, he just uploaded the photo into his dating profile photos for me to see, and then deleted it after I see it... That to me should be a yellow/red flag, why can't he just ask for your number to show the picture? Sounds like some fishy business. 1
Author Emilyinroses Posted February 20, 2021 Author Posted February 20, 2021 2 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said: That to me should be a yellow/red flag, why can't he just ask for your number to show the picture? Sounds like some fishy business. Yes it does sound very weird to me to say the least.
Gaeta Posted February 20, 2021 Posted February 20, 2021 31 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: So instead of asking me for my number to send the photo, he just uploaded the photo into his dating profile photos for me to see, and then deleted it after I see it... He's not single. Does he take down his profile picture sometimes?
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