Ex came back after no contact but giving me mixed signals

[Runninggirl]

Guess who reached out.

I wasn't going to break no contact, I was having a horrible days feeling anxious, but had some plans and was on my way out the door when his name popped up on my screen. My ex. For a second I was terrified, I thought "wait, maybe he found this forum, recognized it and will confront me. I waited an hour to open because I wasn't sure if I even wanted to. It was just a random snapchat of basically nothing, nothing he would have to send to me. There was no reason he would do this, he hasn't initiated any contact since december, and he has been talking to another girl for many weeks. 

I replied with a low investment answer, just a picture out in the air and "haha", and put my phone away for the rest of the night until I went to bed. It came up on my facebook that he had a new friend - the tinder girl. If things are going so great with her, why not just leave me alone. Why contact me. First I was sort of happy he contacted me, I felt better knowing that maybe he missed me too. But the befriending her got me way back to square one. What a rollercoaster day haha. 

Today I woke up and had a new snapchat from today, a picture of him out jogging with nothing but a geotag. I replied with an identical one and got another viewpoint snap. I left it on read because what's the point with this, what does he want. Why string me along if he is so happy with this new chick. 

After I ignored his last one I didn't receive any more. I have not sent any either. I know some think you should ignore your ex during no contact, but Im also curious what's going on. 

I should feel so happy he reached out, I really thought he was too stubborn to do that, but I just feel empty.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Runninggirl said:

his name popped up on my screen. . If things are going so great with her, why not just leave me alone. Why contact me.

Sorry this happened. Delete and block him from all your devices, social media and messaging apps. Why ruin your peace for this nonsense?

[Runninggirl]

17 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Delete and block him from all your devices, social media and messaging apps. Why ruin your peace for this nonsense?

Thank you. I won't delete and block him, but I will not fall into this trap and contact him. Continuing on. Part of me feel more peaceful and less anxious actually. Although it was just a moment of weakness, its easier to let i be if I have reason to believe its not all heaven for him either, that single life, that new girl etc isn't THAT rewarding. Feels good that he was the last one to make contact, not me anymore. 

Continuing no contact, making steps to monitor him less

[Runninggirl]

And again last night he sent me a cute cat video, but when I politely responded he basically backed off and ignored me. Like why?

Today again I received a pointless snapchat which I just ignored completely. I dont get why he started reaching out, he clearly doesn't want to talk to me, so I dont get what he wants. 

Somehow him initiating contact has made it easier to foresee a future where I "move on". Ive come to a place where I dont think I could go back even if he came around and begged me to. Too much has happened, he has done to much s*** and treated me too badly, and I want someone who will be loyal to me, talk to me, and treat me with respect. 

At the same time Im just sad that I feel like the relationship is "unfinished". I have to major regrets; one is not having more fun experiences with him, the things we should and could have done together. The second is I barely have any photos or videos. I have nothing to archive. If I move on I feel like these years are just blank space, not an actual past. 

I wish I could go back and change those two things, so I would feel I had more to make "closure" with. 

[Runninggirl]

A little update from me:

He kept texting me cute videos, snapchats etc of things I really like, things that very clearly intended for me. He even made a dish I always used to make and sent me a snapchat of it.. Slowly I gave in and texted him back a little. I had a injury this weekend and texted him about it, and he actually was pretty kind about it. On sunday he even followed up with another nice text and told me again that he hope I would feel better soon. (I had a concussion and some fractured ribs).

I didnt initiate much, but both monday and tuesday he kept texting me a few times, and several times on tuesday. We even had a pretty long conversation, nothing big but he seemed into talking. 

Yesterday and today he hasn't initiated at all. I texted him a few times and got pretty nice responses, but just have a feeling he is pulling away again. He is not mean or anything, just sudden disinterest. 

So annoying that HE breaks no contact, reaches out, seem to be trying to connect with me. But if I try to connect back he goes cold, or like now sudden disinterest. I noticed he followed a new girl on instagram on wednesday, but I could be reading to much into it. 

So right now its back to me reaching out, and him just replying. At least he's replying nicely, but Im not sure what to do now. 

Part of me wants to go back into no contact because I feel hurt and used. Another part of me sort of wants to try to build more connection before I go into no contact, so he feels some sort of loss as well, so I feel less used. 

I really wish covid would end soon. All I want is to see him, make him remember how he feels about me, and then confront him, make him realize what he gave up. I feel like he is just slowing getting over me/forgetting me because time heals all wounds etc. 

[SpecialJ]

Hi runninggirl. I'm sorry you're going through this, and it totally sucks. I know because I've been there. 

I disagree with the poster who said don't assign attachment styles. You're actually completely right in this instance if you're trying to use that lens to understand his behavior, and I agree with you that he's fearful avoidant. However, the power in identifying that is understanding exactly what it means... which is still confusing to you because if it wasn't you'd want to let this guy go immediately. 

What's happening is confusing but simple in a way, too. Basically, this isn't about you, at all. It's not about covid, either. It's about ingrained issues in him that developed long before he met you, so you didn't cause them and you can't fix them. Guys with a fearful avoidant attachment style fear intimacy but also fear being alone. That becomes come close, too close, go away, wait now I miss you. And endless repeat, and endless inconsistency with words, actions, feelings, nothing is aligned for very long (inconsistency is a giant red flag btw if you're looking for relationship material). His insecurity with himself and shifting feelings from his weak identity and weak connection to himself causes a fear of abandonment. But he also has a fear engulfment, probably from getting enmeshed with some older family members who didn't meet his needs or respect his boundaries when he was younger. So he can't receive intimacy, because it's scary and uncomfortable, but his lack makes him feel shame and guilt since he doesn't want to hurt you, but he also cares about you and gets scared and bored of being alone. That's why he doesn't commit, or when he does commit his nervous system gets scared of getting hurt and he disconnects from his feelings to protect himself and he leaves, and why he's comfortable playing open-ended games as long as you'll let him. It's not that he doesn't care about you, it's that his identity, boundaries, communication abilities, and healthy attachment and relating are completely messed up. None of this is conscious for him, either.

There's no going back to the beginning. The beginning was only okay because the attraction between you was new and therefore strong enough for him to temporarily override all this crap. Once a fearful avoidant flips, it's them showing you how things actually are and will continue to be. Sometimes, with a lot of distance (like a couple months of no contact), it triggers their fear of abandonment more than their fear of intimacy so their nervous system goes haywire with anxiety for connection and then they miss you and seem present... temporarily. It never lasts because it's inherently unstable since the problem is inside. He can't show up for himself, so he certainly can't show up for you. 

So unfortunately, you're wasting your time. Again, not because he doesn't care, but because the depth of fearful avoidant attachment issues are so debilitating, he can't have a healthy relationship with you or with anyone until he decides (IF he decides) to confront his trauma and heal. And I speak from experience, this takes years of self-motivated work and often therapy, and partners before this work is started end up being collateral damage. 

I don't think he's a bad guy or that you should not wish him well. But you should go no contact, mourn, get over it, move on because there's no indication he's ready to deal with any of this pain. It's easier to avoid it and blame other people for your relationship problems and stay at a distance. 

On the flip side, women who stay in the dance with avoidant men usually have an anxious preoccupied attachment style themselves to work out. If that's you, focus on yourself, dig into that although it's painful, and working towards a more secure attachment style yourself will do wonders in helping you find a committed and emotionally stable man who can give you a real relationship without games. So you'll do far better turning inward with your energy instead of spending time analyzing his breadcrumbs. 

I dated someone fearful avoidant on and off over a 3 year period and it never got better, no matter what I did and no matter how secure I was or wasn't. It simply didn't matter how i acted or responded, he would always repeat his patterns. Since walking away and figuring out what healthy relationships really look like, I met a wonderful, consistent, caring man a couple years later who plays no games, puts up no walls, and is making plans for us to move in together. Taking responsibility for who you choose as your partner is half the battle to being happy. Choosing someone with an avoidant (or anxious) attachment style that they don't understand within themselves means they are emotionally unavailable, and if you're looking for long-term intimacy it's not going to be fun for you. 

I really wish I let my ex go sooner and saved myself some time, but the good news is because of that I sorted through my own reasons for choosing fearful avoidant men (over and over, my ex wasn't my first!!!) and then I recognized it and it was no longer an attractive dynamic to me. 

You deserve better. It'll hurt in the short-run to disconnect from him, but you're doing yourself a disservice in the long-run if you don't. Put yourself and your own relationship needs first.

[ExpatInItaly]

You have got to block this guy.

He's using you as filler between other girls, and you don't have the strength to not reply to his attention-seeking tactics. 

You're your own worst enemy because you're in such deep denial. 

[Runninggirl]

@ExpatInItaly He has completely stopped texting me now. So he got what he wanted it seemed, and I am back to square one. Curious if Ill ever hear from him, or if this was the last time he ever reach out.. He went from trying to connect to disconnecting really fast. This time I didn't even do anything o push him away, I didn't try to meet up, I didn't try to connect or anything. I was just polite. 

@SpecialJ I hear you, and Im very grateful you would take the time to write me such a lengthy response. Very very grateful. I agree with you so much, he definitely seem like a fearful avoidant, but what's bothering me is how he seem to approach other girls, he even seem a bit desperate. I think he really wants a girlfriend, and Im afraid that I somehow got the worst out of him, and that he will be different with somebody else. Im just afraid that its all my fault. Maybe he's really a secure type, and that Im the problem. That he would make a relationship work very well with somebody else. Maybe my anxious behavior made him back and forth. 

I feel like I was more fearful avoidant myself before him actually, but that this relationship really pushed me over to the anxious side, and that Ive become more anxious preoccupied. I don't really understand what my core wounds are, or how I can work on them. I try to self reflect a lot, but I have a hard time letting things go. 

I asked to called him yesterday, I thought maybe it would be better to talk on the phone, maybe I could get him to open up and tell me what he wants with this contact, because with text a lot get "lost in translation". But he said it wasn't a good time, but it was obvious that he just didn't want to. He seem scared to talk to me.

But there is not more I can do, nothing will revive as long as we dont speak in real life or meet. And he isn't willing to do anything, so its better to leave before he starts resenting me. I hope at least he remembers me as all the positive things if I leave in time. Fading affect bias etc. Also I dont want to remember him like this. I want to remember him by all the good memories, not as this stranger he acts like now. 

Ive decided that I can be nice and send him a few last texts, just because it got so awkward yesterday that I would like to "break the ice", before I leave. So there's no hard feelings. But after that Im going no contact.

Im going home to my parents city tomorrow and plan to stay for a little while just so I can focus on other things, and also focus on working out and working on myself. Its easier to do more self reflection there, better options for solitude walks. 

I need to put my energy into something that will benefit me, which is myself. I feel sad, but also dont want to stay in this alone if he is out. 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Runninggirl said:

@ExpatInItaly He has completely stopped texting me now. So he got what he wanted it seemed, and I am back to square one.

Yes, exactly.

Why do you keep letting him do this? 

He's not going to become your boyfriend again, RG. You've got to start accepting that. 

 

[Runninggirl]

24 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Yes, exactly.

Why do you keep letting him do this? 

He's not going to become your boyfriend again, RG. You've got to start accepting that. 

 

Because I have a hard time accepting the original break up, because I think he regretted it and really believed it was a mistake, and that he is just too stubborn to come back again. Because Im so full of regret over the things I could have done differently, so the situation could have been so different that Im afraid to do something again that I will look back at and regret. 

[ExpatInItaly]

4 minutes ago, Runninggirl said:

Im afraid to do something again that I will look back at and regret. 

So, are you planning to just sit around and wait until he gets a girlfriend before you give yourself permission to let go? 

[Runninggirl]

23 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

So, are you planning to just sit around and wait until he gets a girlfriend before you give yourself permission to let go? 

No, but I just don't understand how I let go. I can go no contact, and I think if I do now he won't contact me. I can accept that he doesn't want to talk to me, and that we won't speak, but I dont understand how I let go. In my head I can't let go of the idea of us, of how different things would have been if I would have done this or that differently. 

Im afraid if I cut contact again he will just like me even less. Every time I cut him out completely he likes me less. First time he missed me like crazy, second time he was much more cold, and now he was so distant even though he was the one to reach out. 

But I also feel like its my only "chance". The only way he will every respect me is if I leave the table, the only way to miss me is if Im not there. 

Just terrified of regret, because I have so much of it. And I miss him so much every day. How things were six months ago

[SpecialJ]

@Runninggirl, I tried to send you a PM but you are not accepting messages. I'm not sure if you have your settings turned off or if there's still a 50 post minimum to receive PMs. I think I have some helpful info about letting go for your situation that I'll send once you can accept messages hang in there!

[ExpatInItaly]

11 hours ago, Runninggirl said:

But I also feel like its my only "chance". The only way he will every respect me is if I leave the table, the only way to miss me is if Im not there. 

That's how you know the guy isn't that into you, though. 

When you have to "leave the table" to get someone to miss and respect you, you're barking up the wrong tree. Relationships cannot function like that, which is how you know you need to let go. He doesn't have those feelings for you anymore. 

[Runninggirl]

16 hours ago, SpecialJ said:

@Runninggirl, I tried to send you a PM but you are not accepting messages. I'm not sure if you have your settings turned off or if there's still a 50 post minimum to receive PMs. I think I have some helpful info about letting go for your situation that I'll send once you can accept messages hang in there!

I can't find where I can accept messages, I also tried to visit your profile to see if I could message you first. Think maybe there's a post minimum or time minimum? I would love to get your input though! 

11 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

That's how you know the guy isn't that into you, though. 

When you have to "leave the table" to get someone to miss and respect you, you're barking up the wrong tree. Relationships cannot function like that, which is how you know you need to let go. He doesn't have those feelings for you anymore. 

I get your point, but don't fully agree. Ideally it would be that the person you should be with should love you 100% all the time, but I think all relationships will have its ups and downs, and sometimes it clouds our judgement. Not saying he will get those feelings back, but I would like to have the best chance, and most importantly have him leave with the best impression of me and respect possible. 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Runninggirl said:

I get your point, but don't fully agree. Ideally it would be that the person you should be with should love you 100% all the time, but I think all relationships will have its ups and downs, and sometimes it clouds our judgement.

I wasn't suggesting that should be the case, actually. 

What I'm saying is that when someone only pays attention or respects when you go silent, you have no basis for a successful relationship. If they're not showing much interest consistently, they're not that into you. It's as simple as that. 

[SpecialJ]

@Runninggirl, since you still need to make another bunch of loveshack posts to get PMs, and you can't afford therapy yet, while you're with your parents and focusing on yourself I suggest checking out Thais Gibson's free videos online. Not to learn more about your ex, but to learn more about yourself. I suspect you're correct that you also have a fearful avoidant attachment style -- and when someone with one meets and connects with someone more avoidant than they are, it's very common they'll get triggered very anxious preoccupied like you did. I think that's what's happening to you and why it feels like an addiction, and it hasn't really happened in other relationships because your other exes weren't more avoidant than you, or pushing you away with intermittent reinforcement and other BS. All the stuff you said about your parents being inconsistent, your obsessive past patterns with your eating disorder (read: a way to feel in control), and feeling a need to be connected to this guy who wasn't fully committed or treating you right -- it's all connected even if it doesn't seem like it at first. 

 

I think learning more about this angle will be good for you. Not to make excuses or explain away someone's bad behavior, but to give you more words and understanding to put to *your* experience which may help you make better sense of it within yourself. Which then helps you figure out the areas in which you'll need to learn new tools to get to a better place with yourself. The videos are in English, which you said isn't your first language, but hopefully they still make enough sense. 

 

I hope you're back in no contact with your ex and sticking to it! It'll definitely help you to detox from that situation. Years ago, when I had to go no contact from my ex who was like this and he kept reaching out, I explained to him if he wanted to feel like a good friend then the best thing for him to do was give me space. Once he understood that breadcrumbing me was hurtful and he felt like he was doing me a favor to back off for a while, then he agreed to it and wasn't angry or hurt about it. It was annoying to have to make HIM feel good about me blocking him, but it worked and I got my space. I wouldn't go about it that way NOW that I'm not insecure anymore (I'd have probably told him off once then just ignored / blocked him from there), but when I was in your shoes it was the only thing that worked for me to successfully go no contact without worrying about him resenting me for it while keeping a neutral peace between us and all our mutual friends. 

[JRabbit]

On 2/20/2021 at 4:38 PM, Runninggirl said:

Because I have a hard time accepting the original break up, because I think he regretted it and really believed it was a mistake, and that he is just too stubborn to come back again.

You think, but you are wrong. Sorry hun, block this guy already.

[Runninggirl]

@SpecialJ Thank you! I have actually watched a few of her videos  

[Runninggirl]

A little two and a half update from me, just because I need a place to share. 

I started no contact again, and it was surprisingly easy. After he stopped answering I quickly decided it was better to stop trying. And I was doing good! I had some nice things coming up, and for the first time since our initial break up I felt like I sometimes "forgot" about him, while watching a movie or doing activities with my family. I started working out A LOT! After exactly two weeks I woke up on monday feeling weird, because I dreamt about him, and missed him a lot after two weeks of feeling pretty decent. 

A few hours later he suddenly snapchattet me out of the blue. I was something completely random, and he probably sent it to everyone because he saw something funny. So it was not a special reach out for me. I still find it odd that he would send it to me as well, does he not feel awkward at all for disappearing, and then contacting me after two weeks where we were obviously not speaking?? 

It threw me off my vibe, and for the whole week I struggled to not wonder about why he would reach out, when he didn't seem to really want anything. Always people say exes reach out of attention or sex, but he doesn't look for either, because he doesn't continue. I don't get it. But I try not to think about it. I felt bad all week for not responding, and being afraid that I just created more drama by ignoring his low attempt. So on saturday I caved and sent him something that was natural, low effort, just to have a "clean slate" before going back into no contact. Even the score sort of. 

but I feel like something has changed. Where as he used to get so upset when we stopped talking, he started missing me, give me small signs of regret etc, its nothing now. I feel like he suddenly and abruptly moved on over this past week, and it feels horrible, because at the same time he threw me right back to square one. 

It could be multiple things, because suddenly there's a new lockdown now, so Im stuck inside doing nothing but worry that in six months Ill regret how I handled everything, that I didn't do more, didn't see his attempt etc, because I feel that way about the past. 

But Im in a very mixed state, because Im also starting to feel a bit excited for the future for the first time in over half a year. I catch myself looking forward to things, that I previously felt had no meaning if I didn't have him. And I feel GUILTY?? I dont understand why I would feel guilty. He broke up with me, he started dating other people, he has tried to move on for so long, how do I feel guilty for starting to give up and let go? I feel like Im betraying myself, or what we were, or my beliefs or something. I dont exactly know what or why, but I feel bad about it. As if something is slipping through my fingers if I let go. 

At the same time Im panicking that he's finally letting go at the same time. It's horrible. I think part of why I panic of the thought of him letting go, is that I was always hoping that we would meet before he lost all his feelings, so we could talk and he would feel the need to apologize. I think Im afraid to loose that closure that Im hoping for. I know there's no guarantee to get something like that, but I know him and he has done that before. Also it would be so I could speak my mind about all the things Ive been to afraid to say in the past about how I feel he has treated me, in fear of him leaving me. 

Im trying to do a lot of self work. Do things that are good for me or my future, I also spend a lot of time listening to Thais Gibson and similar accounts like suggested above, and I go for long solitude walks to clear my head and process things. I feel stuck but moving at the same time, and Im terrified about what's to come, but also can't wait. I hope good things are coming in he next few months. 

[ExpatInItaly]

13 hours ago, Runninggirl said:

 At the same time Im panicking that he's finally letting go at the same time. It's horrible. I think part of why I panic of the thought of him letting go, is that I was always hoping that we would meet before he lost all his feelings, so we could talk and he would feel the need to apologize. I think Im afraid to loose that closure that Im hoping for. 

Closure needs to come from inside you now. 

There is no practical need to get it from him. If he cared anywhere as much as you do, you two would have already had a similar conversation. But the reason he doesn't feel awkward about sending you meaningless social media messages is exactly because he does not attach the same emotional significance to his interactions with you anymore. 

It's great that you're doing more for yourself. Focus on that. This guy will soon be a distant memory, a guy you used to know. He's part of your past, but not your future. And that's a good thing. You two haven't been on the same page for a long time. 

 

 

[Negotaurus]

Sounds like my ex. He was entertaining many girls and kept bothering me because he knew I was on the hook and longing for him. We were teenagers though. You are allowing him to manipulate you so easily. You enjoy it, which is really sad. You know this isn't going anywhere, you just don't want to admit it. Something is seriously missing from your life, that much is obvious. But it isn't him, it has nothing to do with him. You're so wrapped up in this obsession that you are happily missing out on life.

I don't mean to sound condescending here but I have been through this exact thing - keep torturing yourself if you must. I wish I had the insight I have now when I was 17. I could've walked away with my head held high, instead I hit rock bottom. If that's what you want, nobody here can help you. 

Stop calling it "no contact". That's not what it is. It's you waiting for him to text you so you can have your ego-boost, love. But you're not the one playing the game, sadly you're the one being played. 

[Acacia98]

On 3/16/2021 at 1:26 AM, Runninggirl said:

A little two and a half update from me, just because I need a place to share. 

I started no contact again, and it was surprisingly easy. After he stopped answering I quickly decided it was better to stop trying. And I was doing good! I had some nice things coming up, and for the first time since our initial break up I felt like I sometimes "forgot" about him, while watching a movie or doing activities with my family. I started working out A LOT! 

(...)

But Im in a very mixed state, because Im also starting to feel a bit excited for the future for the first time in over half a year. I catch myself looking forward to things, that I previously felt had no meaning if I didn't have him. 

(...)

Im trying to do a lot of self work. Do things that are good for me or my future, I also spend a lot of time listening to Thais Gibson and similar accounts like suggested above, and I go for long solitude walks to clear my head and process things. I feel stuck but moving at the same time, and Im terrified about what's to come, but also can't wait. I hope good things are coming in he next few months. 

Sounds like you're on the right track to me. There'll be some days when it'll feel like you've taken some backward steps. And there'll be good days. Just keep doing the good stuff you've been doing and be kind to yourself. You'll get there eventually.

[Runninggirl]

Thank u  

Doing the best I can. To keep myself from checking I started putting my phone away every morning, I have a different work phone, so I can technically go without checking my personal phone all day. I try to check my phone only three times per day (morning, mid day and night), so the temptation to keep track won't be there. 

I feel sad and guilty for feeling lighter, but also I can feel Im starting to feel less attached. I hope the process speeds up whenever this covid situation is over, so I won't have so much time to dwell. 

Doing the best I can Being active every day! 

[Runninggirl]

I have a little update.

I stayed in no contact and my ex again reached out when he was in the hospital. I remained very careful and only responded, didn't initiate any contact at all. Over the past eight weeks he has kept in contact, and gradually is become a 50/50 initiation. He stopped talking to the other girl completely. Ive still been very careful and always just try to leave a good impression, be polite and superficial in the conversation. After about six weeks I forgot my phone at my parents house and didn't care to pick it up until the next morning. This was a friday afternoon, and I understood that he was under the impression that the reason I disappeared from evening until the next morning was that I had a guy over. Next day he apparently contacted the girl he stopped talking to that he met on tinder - they have never met in real life. 

I apologized for being MIA and explained that I forgot my phone, but it kept talking to her AND me. The next two weeks he was actually quite nice to me, he contaced me even more thaan before, which I found strange considering he had reignited with the other girl too. He even drunk texted me for the first time since we broke up, and sent me like 30 messages in a row, I think he was hoping to come over, but waiting for me to invite. Which I obviously didn't. 

Past 1,5 week now he suddenly became sort of sour - or indifferent? He reach out every day, and make sure we keep in touch every day, but with nothing. I reply happy and polite always, and he always ignore my replies. If I initiate he often just ignores it. The things he contact me about are me-paricular, and often cheerful. But it feels like he's trying to state some point, trying to deliberately make me understood that Im being ignored. The few times he replies a bit, its often playful and teasing. For example we do the same sport, so this morning he sent me a picture of how early up he was up, and that I couldn't keep up. I sent a picture of basically the same a few hours later and he ignored me. 

Often he ignores me when its unnatural, when a normal person would reply. 

Im good if he doesn't want to stay in touch, he was the one who broke no contact, but I don't know if he's just being and a**h*** because he's conflicted, or because its going better with that other girl, or because he has some unresolved anger towards me. Anyways what I really dont understand is that I barely contact him anymore, Im just content with contact stopping, and I dont get why he keeps initiating with me, when he clearly only have bad feelings now? 

Could be that he has simply moved on now and dont feel anything towards me anymore, but that makes it even weirder for him to keep contacting me, and always being rude. He is NEVER simply nice anymore, the best mood I can get from him is playful/jokingly teasing me. 

At this point this post is mainly about me trying to understand what's going on so I can leave to rest in my head. Ive given up on reconciliation because he seems like a different person to me now. But Im trying to pain my narrative correctly, so Im not left with questions. 

I read something about people act towards others how they feel about themselves - hurt people hurt people, etc. Which could be true, because I know his life is difficult right now, and he's struggling a lot with depression. But considering he's started working out again, and stays in much contact with the other girl, i dont know. 

Grateful for all imput. If its unclear Im trying to go back into no contact, because he always just makes me feel bad and never happy anymore. Just trying to do so without being rude or creating any drama with ignoring him when he reach out. But if he keeps reaching out like now Ill probably resort to just ignoring him.