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LDR complicated with regrets


Confusedcupcakegirl

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6 hours ago, Confusedcupcakegirl said:

I’m afraid he’ll get mad and not meet me then

You are afraid.  This in itself shows that either

a) you don't know him well enough to be confident that he's an understanding kind of fellow or

b) you know he has a temper and is not above throwing a hissy fit and refusing to see you. 

Either way, it's problematic.

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7 hours ago, Confusedcupcakegirl said:

Are they expensive? I’m afraid he’ll get mad about that 

Personally, I have no idea because I don't know where you live and what the options are. But you can find out (for instance, by visiting the airport website or by calling the hotel where he'll be staying) and share the info with your boyfriend.

I do think you should let him know before he buys the ticket that you may have little or zero access to your mom's car. This expense will obviously affect his budget and he needs to be able to plan.

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A friend of an ex of mine used to hire prostitutes and get them to take a dump on his glass coffee table while he lay underneath it.  People get turned on by some weird $-hit, (pardon the pun). Sigmund Freud would tell you that your LDR guy probably experienced some type of trauma while potty-training, (or maybe not being potty trained, maybe he was left to sit in his poop as a baby and it affected his psycho-sexual development and gave him this kink). Whatever, poop is nasty stuff and you need to ask yourself whether you really want to be with a guy who gets his jollies sitting around in a steaming, stinking pile of dung. I advise you to stick with scented candles for a romantic atmosphere. 

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Come on you surely know what you have to do in this situation. And please, you're not conflicted ... this poop this is overwhelmingly on the negative side. Conflicted is 50-50 ... or better yet 100-100 ...

 

 

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7 hours ago, Confusedcupcakegirl said:

I love him so much. I don’t know what to do 

How do you love someone you’ve never met?

Have you dated before?

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I agree that he's either catfishing you or trying to get out of meeting you.  

He would know this would be a deal breaker to many women, so if it was true AND he also planned to stop doing it, why tell you in the first place?  It would have made far more sense to keep it as his dirty little secret (pun intended)

Honestly, if he really wanted a future with you, he wouldn't have risked losing you over it.

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14 hours ago, Confusedcupcakegirl said:

 I’m not trolling either.

Why did you add this disclaimer?

Edited by Wiseman2
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7 hours ago, basil67 said:

I agree that he's either catfishing you or trying to get out of meeting you.  

He would know this would be a deal breaker to many women, so if it was true AND he also planned to stop doing it, why tell you in the first place?  It would have made far more sense to keep it as his dirty little secret (pun intended)

Honestly, if he really wanted a future with you, he wouldn't have risked losing you over it.

He said because he doesn’t know if he can stop and he didn’t want to keep any secrets

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22 hours ago, Confusedcupcakegirl said:

I’m not trolling either.

So why do you bring it up then?

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As far as fetishes go, thats a weird one for sure!  Have you asked him what the appeal is?   

I'm wondering if he was abused as a child and this was some sort of punishment, it stems from somewhere.

It's not safe.  There are tons of germs and toxins and he could become very sick from it, just sitting in it.  Gawd only knows what else he does with it.

The gross factor?  I'm feeling a little ill myself just reading this but your call on that. 

Have you made any plans to meet in person or will this be strictly an on-line thing?   How far is the distance?  

I get you love him, but ask yourself if this is enough for you, and if so, why? 

What scares you about close in-person real life relationships?

Six months is a long time to carry on on-line with no meet.

 

Edited by poppyfields
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21 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said:

So why do you bring it up then?

My guess is she's clarifying what many posters are probably thinking or wondering. 

It is quite shocking.  

Edited by poppyfields
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20 hours ago, Confusedcupcakegirl said:

I love him so much. I don’t know what to do 

You can't love someone who you never met.  You need to learn the difference between a real relationship and a fantasy.  

I'm surprised that you kept talking to him after he would tell you something like this.  Most people would be OUT of there.

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32 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

You can't love someone who you never met.  

Yeah you can.  Even if it IS based on mostly fantasy, the love, the feeling, might still be real.  

No one has the right to tell another person how that person feels.  

Whatever that feeling is based on, fantasy, whatever, to them the feeling is real.  

It happens to many many people. 

Edited by poppyfields
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11 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Yeah you can.  Even if it IS based on mostly fantasy, the love, the feeling, might still be real.  

No one has the right to tell another person how that person feels.  

Whatever that feeling is based on, fantasy, whatever, to them the feeling is real.  

It happens to many many people. 

There is a difference between actually being in love with somebody you know & have been in a relationship with 

vs. 

thinking you are in love based on the fantasy you created in your own mind around somebody you have been talking to but haven't yet met. 

Things change when you actually meet.  

The OP is young, seemingly naïve & perhaps a tad desperate.  She wants a BF so badly she's willing to deal with this fetish & she is fretting about this guy's alleged upcoming visit.  She wants to pick him up at the airport but her mom won't let her use the car.  She's terrified that the guy will get mad & not see her.  None of that screams genuine love, especially not on the part of the guy. 

I can't speak to for every poster (obviously) but @Confusedcupcakegirlneeds to be smarter & more careful about this. She's rushing headlong into potential danger carried along by the girlish notions of fairy tale romance.  

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1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

Things change when you actually meet.  

I agree!  Things can and sadly do change once you meet in person.  

The idealization, the fantasy becomes reality and whatever feelings you had developed, whatever connection you made on line can all blow up in smoke.

Not always though, sometimes the reality does match up with what you had envisioned, it did with my bf and I. 

But even if it doesnt, that still doesn't invalidate the feelings you did have while interacting on line, does it?  

I don't think so.   Our feelings our are own, they're real, whatever they are based on at that point in time.  I don't believe anyone has the right to judge whether what we're feeling is real or not.

They're our feelings, only we get to decide that.

Jmo.

 

Edited by poppyfields
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23 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

No wonder your mother won't let you use the car to pick him up at the airport. 🤣💩

OP, why in the world would you tell your mum about this?  

A big part of me thinks he told you because he's trying to get out of visiting you and wants YOU to dump him (sorry no pun intended lol).

It's just too bizarre.

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3 hours ago, poppyfields said:

As far as fetishes go, thats a weird one for sure!  Have you asked him what the appeal is?   

I'm wondering if he was abused as a child and this was some sort of punishment, it stems from somewhere.

It's not safe.  There are tons of germs and toxins and he could become very sick from it, just sitting in it.  Gawd only knows what else he does with it.

The gross factor?  I'm feeling a little ill myself just reading this but your call on that. 

Have you made any plans to meet in person or will this be strictly an on-line thing?   How far is the distance?  

I get you love him, but ask yourself if this is enough for you, and if so, why? 

What scares you about close in-person real life relationships?

Six months is a long time to carry on on-line with no meet.

 

We have a plan to meet 

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51 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

OP, why in the world would you tell your mum about this?  

A big part of me thinks he told you because he's trying to get out of visiting you and wants YOU to dump him (sorry no pun intended lol).

It's just too bizarre.

I didn’t 

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43 minutes ago, Confusedcupcakegirl said:

We have a plan to meet 

Tnx that was helpful.  🙄

All the best, hope it works out.

 

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You are not in a relationship.. you can't be in a relationship with someone you have never met.

You do not love him, you cannot be in love with someone you have never met.

Let's get those things out of the way.

About his fetish.. well either you accept it or you don't. I would never accept it.

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4 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Yeah you can.  Even if it IS based on mostly fantasy, the love, the feeling, might still be real.  

No one has the right to tell another person how that person feels or that what they're feeling isn't real.    

Re-quoting for emphasis. 

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31 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Re-quoting for emphasis. 

Not sure why, I read it the first time.

OP can think whatever she thinks she is feeling sure, but it's a fact it is not real love, or a real relationship, as you can't have that with someone you have never met. Virtual doesn't count as real love or a real relationship.

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