How would you respond?

[Cookiesandough]

13 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

😂😂 is that  the stalker one. 

He got it bad 😂. Why did u ditch him lol. 

 it’s another one lol .. he thinks I left him for his friend. I didn’.  I left him and started dating a guy he was loosely acquainted with....two separate events... but he’s delusional. And no.. he wouldn’t p to put me out xD 

 

how did you get blocked? 😂

 

edit: sorry back to you, op 

Edited May 24, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[miranda561]

1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said:

Yes... tbh I think it’s hard for people in general to block people they’re into Or might see something with in the future ,... because hope.... 

True. I mean Ive  tried to get one of my friends to do it with  a guy she cannot seem to let go of. And she keeps making excuses.

I think if the person makes it obvious the feelings are not reciprocated. They wont go back on that. So really it is best to let go

 

[Cookiesandough]

7 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

cookies, how do you block on gmail?  I know you can block messages from being sent to your in-box, they go directly to your trash, and deleted after 30 days, but the sender doesnt  know any of that? 

Am I missing something or has something changed?  That allows for a full block so their message gets kicked back?  They have that feature on Outlook email.

Oh hunni , you need help blocking? I gotchu... Gotta be on a computer, not phone, but maybe if you go to the ‘desktop’ version of gmail. I think it has to be on computer though  Then open the email they send,  go to “...” drop down, hit “block” then roll up and relax😌

Edited May 24, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[poppyfields]

2 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Oh hunni , you need help blocking? I gotchu... Gotta be on a computer, not phone, but maybe if you go to the ‘desktop’ version of gmail. I think it has to be on computer though  Then open the email they send,  go to “...” drop down, hit “block” then roll up and relax😌

No I've done that many times!  Or used to when dating, from my desktop.

But it isn't a true block, they get sent to my trash and deleted after 30 days.

I've contacted google/gmail even and was advised of same. 

So I dunno, this was years ago, perhaps Google has upgraded.

Tnx though. 

[miranda561]

7 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

 it’s another one lol .. he thinks I left him for his friend. I didn’.  I left him and started dating a guy he was loosely acquainted with.... but he’s delusional. And no.. he wouldn’t p to put me out xD 

 

how did you get blocked? 😂

Awww its clear he has very strong feelings for you. Quite the heartbreaker aint u 🤭🤭🤭

One guy blocked me because after months and months of him trying to get me to meet him i wouldnt 😂. So i think he got annoyed.

The other has a gf.but keeps messaging me on Facebook  🤔.. and then keeps blocking and unblocking me. Maybe due to paranoia lol. 

[Cookiesandough]

Ohhh... oh no.. you might be right. I never checked my trash... 😧

 

This thread is teaching me all kinds of things. Especially stop temporary  blocking family on FB xD 

 

 

Edited May 24, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[poppyfields]

3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

No I've done that many times.  Or used to when dating, from my desktop.

But it isn't a true block, they get sent to my trash and deleted after 30 days.

I've contacted google/gmail even and was advised of same. 

So I dunno, this was years ago, perhaps Google has upgraded.

Tnx though. 

Oh sorry, just checked and the messages get sent to "spam" not trash, and deleted after 30 days.

I just researched this again and this is what I found.

>>"Gmail users can now block specific email addresses with just two clicks. In the top right hand corner of a message, click the drop-down menu button (upside down triangle), and select "block." (It appears with the name of the sender in quotes.) Any future messages from the blocked addresses will land in the spam folder."<<

 

[LB2016]

Thankfully, I’m not on Facebook, so it’s not a concern for me😂The only thing I’d need to worry about it regular text. 
 

I know I need to remain stubborn and strong! I need to continue to remind myself of the reality and that if he ever did contact me, it’d be for nothing more than selfish and self serving reasons. 
 

I agree 1000% with Cookies- SO many people continue to hold on to HOPE. In my case though, I’ve seen this pattern all to often and no that’s no longer a reason. I’ve also learned that I will no longer chase someone that only sees me as an option and a “toy.”  I am way too good for that and won’t tolerate it anymore. 

[rjc149]

12 hours ago, LB2016 said:

I know not responding would be like giving him the finger to his face, which is what he needs and deserves.

Giving someone the finger is an act of anger, literally, or figuratively with silence, and it means you've got emotion invested into this. 

The opposite of love is not hate, the opposite of sadness is not anger -- it's *indifference.*

Respond to him politely, indifferently, in a curt, uninterested manner, 12-24 hours after he texts you. Don't make small talk, just decline his invitation with a smile. 

There's really no better way to tell someone "f--k you." 

Edited May 25, 2020 by rjc149

[LB2016]

You know what though- I AM angry and if he catches that vibe, so be it.
 

I am DONE being civil and smiley with him. That’s how I’ve been this whole time and it’s gotten me nowhere but being walked on.  He took my kindness as weakness. Yes, I gave in..that’s on me. 

That’s the whole point for right now- I don’t want to put myself in a vulnerable spot or even give him the decency to respond. 
 

Sorry...pinched a nerve. Sometimes I sit and think about it and become furious. 

[Cookiesandough]

I agree ... I don’t think not responding is giving the middle finger... I think that’s actually the nice thing to do... Honestly, if I asked out a guy I liked and  he texted me back “no thanks 😊 “ I would seriously burst into tears and die. Maybe you should do that 

[simpycurious]

5 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I agree ... I don’t think not responding is giving the middle finger... I think that’s actually the nice thing to do... Honestly, if I asked out a guy I liked and  he texted me back “no thanks 😊 “ I would seriously burst into tears and die. Maybe you should do that 

I agree as well but there is no need for any tears 

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, rjc149 said:

Giving someone the finger is an act of anger, literally, or figuratively with silence, and it means you've got emotion invested into this. 

The opposite of love is not hate, the opposite of sadness is not anger -- it's *indifference.*

Respond to him politely, indifferently, in a curt, uninterested manner, 12-24 hours after he texts you. Don't make small talk, just decline his invitation with a smile. 

There's really no better way to tell someone "f--k you." 

Personally I just wouldn't respond, they both know the reality of this and its unnecessary, and not responding is indiference, IMO...responding has always been the same old first-round thing, they both know it's a booty call or there's nothing there. JMO.

Indifference is...oh, he texted me...well, there's nothing there...maybe I'll answer him...meh. Forget it. 😃

[SincereOnlineGuy]

On 5/21/2020 at 5:56 PM, LB2016 said:

I continued to put myself BACK in the situation and always hoped for a different outcome.

 OP:    focus on this part of your post, and the answers will magically come to you.

[poppyfields]

17 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Personally I just wouldn't respond, they both know the reality of this and its unnecessary, and not responding is indiference, IMO...responding has always been the same old first-round thing, they both know it's a booty call or there's nothing there. JMO.

Indifference is...oh, he texted me...well, there's nothing there...maybe I'll answer him...meh. Forget it. 😃

Lol, yup, not to mention LB has already done the "ended it politely, indifferently thing," several times and each time, she second guessed herself and went back on her word.  

So as she even said earlier, her words have lost all credibility.

Silence speaks volumes and will say much more than any words ever could.  

[LB2016]

Sincere, I certainly will! It’s the new script I will continue to play in my head. 
 

And Poppy, that’s exactly why I will opt for silence. It’s so minimal but says so much. 

[Acacia98]

I totally disagree with the idea that blocking someone is always cowardly or immature. It certainly could be those things in some situations. But, in other situations, it could be about setting boundaries so that you give yourself a chance to recover from a bad relationship and move on. It could be about protecting your mental health. 

I can't help thinking that whoever came up with the theory that blocking was shameful in all situations must have been an abusive person who wanted to maintain constant access to and control of their victim.

 

Another thing people need to realize is just how intrusive and essentially abnormal (when considered in the context of human social evolution) modern forms of communication can be. All this stuff we have now (social media, cell phones) is relatively new. And the way we use it can hurt us because it keeps us connected to people we would previously have drifted away from or walked away from because they weren't good for us. Today, you can receive a friend request from that kid who bullied you in high school even though you're living 6000 miles away from your hometown and thought you'd never encounter that person again. And you may feel pressured to accept that friend request because it's the "mature" thing to do. Never mind how it makes you feel about yourself. Alternatively, your sister or friend or whoever may give your cell phone number to an ex you don't want to hear from. Being able to block gives you some control.

As for hurting people's feelings by blocking them, what can I say? That's life. Someone blocked me recently because he misinterpreted something I did. He has been diagnosed with depression and knows his mental health status is precarious. So he did what he did to shield himself from spiralling downwards. I understand that. I'm not taking it personally. So I'm pretty sure folks who have actually deliberately hurt other people can live with the fact of being blocked by those people.

Edited May 25, 2020 by Acacia98
Correcting a typo

[preraph]

Blocking and walking away from a situation for good is honestly about the most mature thing you can do. If you were blocking and then going back and blocking and going back and just playing games that would be a different story. 

 

but blocking and terminating contact in a relationship that is hurting you or was toxic that has power over you that you need to shake off is the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. The ultimate goal is to stop caring at all what they think about the actions you take including blocking and no contact..

[Cookiesandough]

Seriously...I think it needs to be examined why he has so much power over you right now (ie making you feel so angry), rather than how to “stick it to him”. I mean just for the future and other people you might encounter. He shouldn’t even be a blip in your mind anymore.  Just seems unhealthy 

Edited May 25, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[miranda561]

21 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Personally I just wouldn't respond, they both know the reality of this and its unnecessary, and not responding is indiference, IMO...responding has always been the same old first-round thing, they both know it's a booty call or there's nothing there. JMO.

Indifference is...oh, he texted me...well, there's nothing there...maybe I'll answer him...meh. Forget it. 😃

There are times i take someone not responding as theyre annoyed at me..so not responding...

And if they reply like everythings cool in a more complacent manner. .i think that  shows  they're  indifferent

[miranda561]

2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Seriously...I think it needs to be examined why he has so much power over you right now (ie making you feel so angry), rather than how to “stick it to him”. I mean just for the future and other people you might encounter. He shouldn’t even be a blip in your mind anymore.  Just seems unhealthy 

She must have really been into him. Its all well and good to tell people that  they shouldn't care..but reality is they do and it can take time to disappear 

[Cookiesandough]

I completely understand that it’s hard to control,  but I was just wondering if some introspection into the situation  might help op more than plotting retaliation. That’s like putting a bandaid on a blown off limb. As they say, closure comes from within. (Or by ruining the other person’s life)

Edited May 26, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[LB2016]

Great points, Acacia and Preraph! Your response gives a different per Epcot each on blocking. I agree that doing what’s best for the person is really ALL that matters. 
 

Cookies, I’m not at ALL trying to figure out a way to “stick it to him.”  I’m not one for revenge. That’s in fact why a part of me felt BAD for not responding if he ever reached out to me again and almost in a sense, is trying to give myself permission  to do so. I’m so mad Bc I’m hurt and disappointed. I’m sure you can understand that.
 

I agree though, there’s too much power over me, but I’m working on getting passed it. One of those steps is ignoring him from this point on. 

[LB2016]

27 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

She must have really been into him. Its all well and good to tell people that  they shouldn't care..but reality is they do and it can take time to disappear 

...and I was and he KNEW how much I was which makes it even harder. It’s like, if you weren’t into me fine. But, don’t use my feelings to your advantage. 
 

Yes, much easier said than done- especially when not in the situation. 

[Cookiesandough]

I see what you mean. So what would you do differently next time with people who behaved like him? Was there even a blatant sign where you know now you should have cut off?