How would you respond?

[miranda561]

26 minutes ago, LB2016 said:

Lotsgoin- you’re exactly right. I’m not at the point of strength just yet, so I’d rather not converse at ALL. As you said, he’s got the game so well played, he knows what to say. I don’t want the confrontation. 

I’m not even interested in playing it cool and acting aloof with small talk, which we’ve done before. I’m so disgusted, I have ZERO desire to do that with him. 

Poppy, I promise you it won’t keep me stuck Bc I just have a whole different perspective of him now anyway. I think it would make me more anxious wondering IF he ever did reach out or not. That’s just me. I’d rather know and then react with nothing, than not know at all. 

I just wanted to think this process through so I’m prepared if I am faced with that decision. As I said, I’d bet anything I won’t hear from him, but he might surprise me. If his “well” runs dry and he needs a boost, that’s when I might cross his mind. 

Ultimately, HE will get the same message either way, but the one way of not blocking him just satisfies ME more- if that makes sense...lol

Why not just un block him then

[poppyfields]

7 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Why not just un block him then

LB hasn't blocked him yet, to unblock.

She wants to hear from him first before she blocks, sort of like her last hurrah, which I totally get!  

Edited May 24, 2020 by poppyfields

[miranda561]

2 hours ago, LB2016 said:

And THIS is why I came to post on this board!

Yes, Poppy- that’s what I contemplate. I guess the whole idea to be able to not respond is to send the message that i’m done and to get my power back. Although I know that can be done in other ways. 
 

I know it’s cowardly and childish to NOT respond, as I’ve been on the receiving end from others and always hated it! The thing is, I’ve told this guy a FEW times that I was done, that I know it’s not going anywhere, I wished him well, etc. But then I’d have my “weak” moments and reach out to him. Shame on ME. I feel like at this point, MY own words have lost credibility. So this silent response was a different one, and a louder one at that. I’ve NEVER ignored him before. He’s learned he can always work his way back “in.”  Again- I know I TAUGHT him that. I take total responsibility- trust me. 
 

Like I said- this time is hitting me differently.  I mean- he was willing to come over on my BIRTHDAY 3 weeks ago- HIS idea! Knowing the history of how things always played out AFTER the fact and he’d disappear, I basically put the ball in his court and said if his intentions were pure, then come. He responds with saying he doesn’t want me to regret having him come over. At that point, I said I had my answer. He didn’t pursue, wished me a happy birthday, said to have a good night,  and that was it. I haven’t heard a peep from him since. Meanwhile, I find out he was simultaneously  “working his way” back to an ex. 

I really don’t want to make it a game. I just want to finally close this chapter for myself- which has already started anyway. I think perhaps Bc I’ve lost all respect for him at this point, I'm not feeling compelled to even have the common decency to respond. And believe me- knowing him, he won’t chase. He’ll see his “supply” has been cut off and just move on to the next. I’ve realized I mean NOTHING to him. 
 

You made VALID points though and make me reconsider. 

If i was in your situation..i would let him message me and IGNORE. So he knows he doesn't have that power to sneak back in. I mean if you could do that, it would be good. But if you feel like you wont be able to resist...then block.

I just always view a block as someone who was really invested in me. That the situation has really got to the person. So i think he would see it that way  too. Whereas if you keep him unblocked and he messages.. it just shows you don't  care anymore 

[poppyfields]

33 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

I just always view a block as someone who was really invested in me. That the situation has really got to the person. So i think he would see it that way  too. Whereas if you keep him unblocked and he messages.. it just shows you don't  care anymore 

That is a really good point!  I just discovered I was blocked by a guy I rejected because I have a bf.

And that is exactly what I thought, it's an emotional response, which reflects the person still cares.  

I now agree with ignore and don't block.  Sends the message you can't even be bothered wasting the time and energy blocking.  

Tnx M, great point!  

 

Edited May 24, 2020 by poppyfields

[LB2016]

Yes, Miranda! Blocking shows more intention, not blocking and not responding shows indifference and can care less. There’s that old saying or thought: when you hate or love someone, there’s still FEELING, when there’s indifference it means you have NO feelings, which sucks more to me. 
 

Poppy- I will def keep you posted! You all helped me so much!

On and other note and just out of curiosity, can someone even tell if they were blocked? I didn’t think they could. I thought just the receiver would know, not the sender. Am I wrong?

[Realitysux]

5 minutes ago, LB2016 said:

Yes, Miranda! Blocking shows more intention, not blocking and not responding shows indifference and can care less. There’s that old saying or thought: when you hate or love someone, there’s still FEELING, when there’s indifference it means you have NO feelings, which sucks more to me. 
 

Poppy- I will def keep you posted! You all helped me so much!

On and other note and just out of curiosity, can someone even tell if they were blocked? I didn’t think they could. I thought just the receiver would know, not the sender. Am I wrong?

I don't understand the blocking aspect of this at all. If a man or women does not want to be with you then accept it and move on. There is no need to block anyone. If someone has hurt you and walks back into your life then why do you need to sink down to their level and hurt them back. I was in one situation where a man deliberately dumped and rejected me almost daily for 7 years. I still didn't need to block him. He was with another women and I was happy for him but I didn't want to associate with him anymore. I just wanted to write on this forum sometimes and move on. 

[preraph]

Your goal is to stop caring what he thinks about whatever you do, including blocking him. Leaving him or he can contact you will just keep you stirred up.

[Cookiesandough]

Ive blocked people who have been harassing, but  also some people who were nice. I’d only do it if I  believe they will continue to message. I’m a soft person, so if someone I no longer wanna communicate with keeps messaging, I feel bad to ignore it. Better not to see it. Also I’ve had cases where I said I’m no longer interested (nicely) and just deleted... and they come back like months down and say hi , and I’m like old phone, who dis? Because I don’t recognize their number... then it’s a really awkward conversation all over again and  I don’t need the bother in my life, when good old block just fixes. Ask yourself do you think he will come back like a fly in your ointment and do you want that? 
 

If you do not, I say just block/delete and be done with it. Im sure it’s tempting to want to “get back at him” but I think the most empowering thing is not wasting any more time of emotional energy on this fuqboi.
 

On the phone/Imessenger  ... no one knows they are blocked .. they just think you haven’t received their messages. Same on Facebook messenger. (You get two options. Make sure choose block on messenger only. It just looks like you’re never on. Do not to choose block on Facebook... it will block your entire profiles to each other 😳

Edited May 24, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Spainglish]

I believe Silence leaves too much room for interpretation.  You can only assume he will get the message this way. 
It's been my experience that men don't get "hints" too often. 

The best approach is to be direct with him.   When he contacts you again, you simply say,
"I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in having a physical relationship with you any more. "
That's it. You don't have to give a reason or explain yourself.  You have the right to choose what's best for you. Period.

 

[miranda561]

1 hour ago, LB2016 said:

Yes, Miranda! Blocking shows more intention, not blocking and not responding shows indifference and can care less. There’s that old saying or thought: when you hate or love someone, there’s still FEELING, when there’s indifference it means you have NO feelings, which sucks more to me. 
 

Poppy- I will def keep you posted! You all helped me so much!

On and other note and just out of curiosity, can someone even tell if they were blocked? I didn’t think they could. I thought just the receiver would know, not the sender. Am I wrong?

It depends if its whatsapp/facebook they will know. 

If its normal messaging maybe if they get delivery reports..and they always fail. .then it will be obvious..otherwise no.

 

[LB2016]

Reality, it’s not about me trying to hurt him back at all. God knows I was quite the opposite through all this and always gave him the benefit of the doubt. There’s more to it than I explained in this post but I won’t bore you..lol. The idea is to just FINALLY set a boundary for myself and Bc he’s basically played me for a fool this whole time, and it’s become abundantly clear now, to just not even bother acknowledging his text. 
 

Spainglish, I agree. But as I said, I’ve SAID so much already to him in the past and have then gone back on my word. I’d laugh at MYSELF saying anything at this point. It’d hold no value, where silence would. 
 

Thanks for that explanation, Cookies. I didn’t think anyone would know it. 

[miranda561]

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

Ive blocked people who have been harassing, but  also some people who were nice. I’d only do it if I  believe they will continue to message. I’m a soft person, so if someone I no longer wanna communicate with keeps messaging, I feel bad to ignore it. Better not to see it. Also I’ve had cases where I said I’m no longer interested (nicely) and just deleted... and they come back like months down and say hi , and I’m like old phone, who dis? Because I don’t recognize their number... then it’s a really awkward conversation all over again and  I don’t need the bother in my life, when good old block just fixes. Ask yourself do you think he will come back like a fly in your ointment and do you want that? 
 

If you do not, I say just block/delete and be done with it. Im sure it’s tempting to want to “get back at him” but I think the most empowering thing is not wasting any more time of emotional energy on this fuqboi.
 

On the phone/Imessenger  ... no one knows they are blocked .. they just think you haven’t received their messages. Same on Facebook messenger. (You get two options. Make sure choose block on messenger only. It just looks like you’re never on. Do not to choose block on Facebook... it will block your entire profiles to each other 😳

Ive blocked people  on fcebook messenger and vice versa. At the bottom it says you cannot reply to this conversation.  So it will be known hes been blocked 

[miranda561]

1 minute ago, LB2016 said:

Reality, it’s not about me trying to hurt him back at all. God knows I was quite the opposite through all this and always gave him the benefit of the doubt. There’s more to it than I explained in this post but I won’t bore you..lol. The idea is to just FINALLY set a boundary for myself and Bc he’s basically played me for a fool this whole time, and it’s become abundantly clear now, to just not even bother acknowledging his text. 
 

Spainglish, I agree. But as I said, I’ve SAID so much already to him in the past and have then gone back on my word. I’d laugh at MYSELF saying anything at this point. It’d hold no value, where silence would. 
 

Thanks for that explanation, Cookies. I didn’t think anyone would know it. 

Do it my way...trust me. Ive been in this position before.  I know you don't  want to hurt him or whatever..But if there is a little part of you that does not mind bruising his ego  🤭🤭. Keep him unblocked.

I know  from experience even if its one tiny message..if u dont respond ..it wont go unnoticed !! 

[miranda561]

1 hour ago, Realitysux said:

I don't understand the blocking aspect of this at all. If a man or women does not want to be with you then accept it and move on. There is no need to block anyone. If someone has hurt you and walks back into your life then why do you need to sink down to their level and hurt them back. I was in one situation where a man deliberately dumped and rejected me almost daily for 7 years. I still didn't need to block him. He was with another women and I was happy for him but I didn't want to associate with him anymore. I just wanted to write on this forum sometimes and move on. 

I dont think for the op it was to hurt  the guy it was just to stop him messaging whenever his down below part needs attention. 😂. 

Either way this guy only cares about himself anyway so i doubt he even has a heart to get hurt

[poppyfields]

26 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Either way this guy only cares about himself anyway so i doubt he even has a heart to get hurt

True his heart won't, but his ego might.  Especially if he's ego-driven which it sounds to me like he is!  

Yeah, start ignoring, could almost guarantee he will notice and will he bothered.  Even if it is just his ego.

Just don't allow him to pull you back, which he may try to do, again it's his ego in the driver's seat.

Ya gotta be strong!  

[Cookiesandough]

58 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Ive blocked people  on fcebook messenger and vice versa. At the bottom it says you cannot reply to this conversation.  So it will be known hes been blocked 

It says that for you, not for them I don’t think? 

[Cookiesandough]

1 hour ago, miranda561 said:

It depends if its whatsapp/facebook they will know. 

If its normal messaging maybe if they get delivery reports..and they always fail. .then it will be obvious..otherwise no.

 

They know on Facebook?! Oh sh.....

[Cookiesandough]

Cuz I recently blocked an obsessive ex on Facebook... he emailed me and mentioned  he saw I was going “invisible” On Facebook ... ie not showing up on Facebook messenger as “online” ... but he didn’t seem to know I blocked. Then I had to block him on gmail xD 

 

im tempted to make a FB to test this bc I have blocked so many people on there 

Edited May 24, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[miranda561]

4 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

It says that for you, not for them I don’t think? 

It will say it for both. Because  ive been blocked and it said that 

[miranda561]

2 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Cuz I recently blocked an obsessive ex on Facebook... he emailed me and mentioned  he saw I was going “invisible” On Facebook ... ie not showing up on Facebook... but he didn’t seem to know I blocked. Then I had to block him on gmail xD 

If you block on facebook..you will disappear to the person.so they shouldknow you either deactivated or blocked 

And wow  he didnt  get the hint. U should have just told him to quit bugging you

[miranda561]

22 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

True his heart won't, but his ego might.  Especially if he's ego-driven which it sounds to me like he is!  

Yeah, start ignoring, could almost guarantee he will notice and will he bothered.  Even if it is just his ego.

Just don't allow him to pull you back, which he may try to do, again it's his ego in the driver's seat.

Ya gotta be strong!  

I know of girls they can easily be sucked back in.

So hopefully  the op stays stubborn and doesnt give in

[Cookiesandough]

lol yea sorry, Miranda. You guys are right. I just checked and went down to check with my ex who messaged” You heartless bitch. Blah blah blah You are dead to me” and I can’t write anything to him anymore... on Facebook . Haha I got blocked,,,
 

 

And yes I did! like many times ... he could not take a hint...

 

yea don’t block on Facebook then xD unless you want to send the message they’re blocked 

 

 

Edited May 24, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Cookiesandough]

3 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

I know of girls they can easily be sucked back in.

So hopefully  the op stays stubborn and doesnt give in

Yes... tbh I think it’s hard for people in general to block people they’re into Or might see something with in the future ,... because hope.... 

[miranda561]

2 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

lol yea sorry, Miranda. You guys are right. I just checked and went down to check with my ex who messaged” You heartless bitch. Blah blah blah You are dead to me” and I can’t write anything to him anymore... on Facebook . Haha I got blocked,,,
 

 

And yes I did! like many times ... he could not take a hint...

 

 

😂😂 is that  the stalker one. 

He got it bad 😂. Why did u ditch him lol. 

[poppyfields]

7 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Cuz I recently blocked an obsessive ex on Facebook... he emailed me and mentioned  he saw I was going “invisible” On Facebook ... ie not showing up on Facebook messenger as “online” ... but he didn’t seem to know I blocked. Then I had to block him on gmail xD 

cookies, how do you block on gmail?  I know you can block messages from being sent to your in-box, they go directly to your trash, and deleted after 30 days, but the sender doesnt  know any of that? 

Am I missing something or has something changed?  That allows for a full block so their message gets kicked back?  They have that feature on Outlook email.