Divorce after 18 years

[Blind-Sided]

Sorry you are here... and as above... she will ask for everything... including things she is not entitled to.  It just seems like the way it is.  Once the angry wife starts to walk away... she will get bad advice from all kinds of people.  Stick to your guns, and don't give in to anything that is unreasonable.   Never forget to keep a good relationship with your kids.  

Good luck, and keep us posted.

[emprosnet7]

Update 10-6-2020

The agreement has been signed by both parties as my X has resigned from her demands. The divorce will be final after we get a paper from the Church that dissolves the marriage and then go to the registry office. I have got an apartment close to my mother and I will get visitation from my kids based on the agreement. Also I am looking forward to start a new life and I feel I have one more chance at it.

[emprosnet7]

I had this crazy dream yesterday.
In my dream we are together, my ex wife and I,  and she behaves like the good old days, talking nice to me, being happy etc. The dream feels so real like never before in my life. I actully start to believe that it is real and the divorce never happend. So I am thinking that if this is a dream, I will make love to her and relieve a good moment from our past. Before anything happens, the dream ends and I wake up.

[schlumpy]

Please maintain no contact with your ex-wife except for text conversations about the children. Have her drop off the kids at a neutral site where you won't have to interact with her. Do not celebrate holidays, or birthdays with her and the kids. Instead have separate birthday celebrations where she is excluded. The kids won't mind. I promise you. If the kids talk about mom just noncommittal and don't extend the conversation.

Do not allow her to box you into some kind of "friends" mode for the sake of the children. That situation would be for her, not for you.

Get used to the idea that there is not one decision she will make that will include your interest. So, don't expect it or be surprised.

Get rid of all your memorabilia that reminds you of your wife. Block her on all your media. Take a hammer to your wedding ring.

Do these things until you are indifferent to her. Where you could care less if she comes or she goes.

You do have a new life in front of you. Choose wisely.

[emprosnet7]

@schlumpy and @Blind-Sided

I don't want to open another thread, So I would like some help from you guys

I am talking to a lady online for a couple of days, she has two kids, divorced like me. We live in different cities but I could get a transfer from my work into her city. I will know in a few months from now.

A couple of hints. I told her that we must be fit and she changed it from fit to healthy. I believe she has gained weight from her pregnancies. She does not like the summer, typical for women with extra pounds. Also she smokes and she said she likes to drink wine. Now you don't say that if you don't drink everyday and that means there is a problem. She told me that she does not want to live together until the kids are much older. That means a decade. 

On the plus side, she is good looking and has a successful carrier.

We will talk on the phone for the first time late at night. What to expect from the phone call ? Will she ask me on a date ? Should I go despite the fact that I will not know about the transfer or not. That would mean some expenses on my part, traveling and staying in a hotel. 

hurry because we will talk tonight

Edited August 23, 2020 by emprosnet7

[schlumpy]

If I have my druthers I would not choose a partner that smoked or drank alcohol. I am very biased about that. My mother was an alcoholic and she died from lung cancer at the age of 56.

That says nothing about the personality or quality of the women you are speaking to but there can be future consequences to behaviors such as smoking and drinking.

Why start out your love life with what could turn into a serious handicap?

Just my opinion. You are free to choose who you may. 

[emprosnet7]

24 minutes ago, schlumpy said:

If I have my druthers I would not choose a partner that smoked or drank alcohol. I am very biased about that. My mother was an alcoholic and she died from lung cancer at the age of 56.

That says nothing about the personality or quality of the women you are speaking to but there can be future consequences to behaviors such as smoking and drinking.

Why start out your love life with what could turn into a serious handicap?

Just my opinion. You are free to choose who you may. 

Yes the drinking sounded bad when she said it. She must be drowning her sorrows... I want to ask her about it in a polite way.

[JRabbit]

On 8/23/2020 at 12:00 PM, emprosnet7 said:

@schlumpy and @Blind-Sided

I don't want to open another thread, So I would like some help from you guys

I am talking to a lady online for a couple of days, she has two kids, divorced like me. We live in different cities but I could get a transfer from my work into her city. I will know in a few months from now.

A couple of hints. I told her that we must be fit and she changed it from fit to healthy. I believe she has gained weight from her pregnancies. She does not like the summer, typical for women with extra pounds. Also she smokes and she said she likes to drink wine. Now you don't say that if you don't drink everyday and that means there is a problem. She told me that she does not want to live together until the kids are much older. That means a decade. 

On the plus side, she is good looking and has a successful carrier.

We will talk on the phone for the first time late at night. What to expect from the phone call ? Will she ask me on a date ? Should I go despite the fact that I will not know about the transfer or not. That would mean some expenses on my part, traveling and staying in a hotel. 

hurry because we will talk tonight

You have not even met yet, it is way too early to be planning life changes based on potentially meeting someone IE moving to her city.  

You haven't even had a phone call yet, time to take things slow!  Are you officially divorced yet? If not, you really should wait until that is final.

[schlumpy]

BTW, how are you getting along? Are you getting back to normal?

 

[emprosnet7]

4 hours ago, schlumpy said:

BTW, how are you getting along? Are you getting back to normal?

 

There are times that I am emotional and I wonder how long will this last. It is only two months after the divorce. 

I am planning to move to another city for professional reasons at first. Here it is difficult to get a promotion.

On the personal side, the number of available women there will be 100 times more. So it is a combination of the two. And I think that changing my work and stay environment will do me good. 

We talked on the phone with the lady and she is great. She is very independent, working from an early age and has her own company. Also has two kids of her own. 

She is not looking to get married or to have more kids. That is something that I want. In the distant future we could live together.

So it is a possibility, but when and if I relocate, I will have the chance to meet women besides her. It depends on whether I get the transfer or not.

 

Edited August 24, 2020 by emprosnet7

[schlumpy]

I wish you the best. You get to make your own choices now so make them good ones.

[emprosnet7]

17 hours ago, schlumpy said:

I wish you the best. You get to make your own choices now so make them good ones.

Thank you very much. 

[emprosnet7]

I want to ask what do when my ex wife's father dies,  he has some health issues.  I don't want to go to the funeral.

[schlumpy]

How has her family treated you after the divorce? That's how I would judge the situation.

If they tried to maintain a connection with you then recognize that. If not, then don't go.

If your conscience is bothering you then visit the grave site after everyone is gone.

[amerikajin]

On 8/24/2020 at 4:57 PM, emprosnet7 said:

There are times that I am emotional and I wonder how long will this last. It is only two months after the divorce. 

I am planning to move to another city for professional reasons at first. Here it is difficult to get a promotion.

On the personal side, the number of available women there will be 100 times more. So it is a combination of the two. And I think that changing my work and stay environment will do me good. 

We talked on the phone with the lady and she is great. She is very independent, working from an early age and has her own company. Also has two kids of her own. 

She is not looking to get married or to have more kids. That is something that I want. In the distant future we could live together.

So it is a possibility, but when and if I relocate, I will have the chance to meet women besides her. It depends on whether I get the transfer or not.

 

Don't get married anytime soon - just date and don't get anyone pregnant.

Give yourself time to recover emotionally and financially.

[Next Phase Legal]

Its pathetic.

 

[emprosnet7]

new dream

Yesterday I saw another nightmer-ish dream. I want to write about it just to feel better, maybe it will be added to a psycologist's collection.

So the scene is in our ? house and somehow we, ex and I, are in the same house but divorced. Mother and father in-law barge in so I go to a room alone and leave them. In the next scene, the ex comes after me in the room, looks 20 years younger, and is getting ready to leave, at what seems to be a date with a man.

Before anyone comments on this, note that I haven't seen or talked to ex since June.

 

[schlumpy]

I also had a dream this morning that I've been pondering.

I was raking leaves in the front yard. My wife was present as well as a gorilla. I had the vague notion that this gorilla was under my wife's care. My wife walks into the house and I decide to take a break also. I walk up to the front door but it's locked. I knock but there is no response. Behind me I hear the gorilla making aggressive noises and when I look over my shoulder he is moving towards me.

I pull the screen door closed so that I am trapped between it and the main door while frantically knocking and calling out my wife's name.

The gorilla approaches and rips the screen door off the hinges turning to toss it across the yard. I somehow slip under the gorilla's arms, jump the fence into the neighbors yard and escape.

Very odd, very odd indeed. So what do you think of my dream?

As for your dream, I see someone who is still at times grieving for what they think they had. I see clearly your fear that she will find unbelievable happiness with someone else while you will grow old, lonely and lovelorn.

None of that is true.

What's more likely is that there a is worm of doubt and guilt that is gnawing at her soul and drawing a few more dour lines of worry on her face.

Your best course is to live the best life you can and be the best dad you can be.

Then you will have dreams about a big job promotion and the new girlfriend whose laugh lines fascinate you.

 

 

[Blind-Sided]

I've had a bunch of strange dreams when the wife was going nutz.  They mostly stopped after she moved out... but truth be told... it was a little over a year for them to stop completely.  But just like anything else... dreams only have the power you give them. If you dwell, and worry about the dream... then you won't heal, and move forward. You need to try to put it out of your head.  FYI... try to cut all caffeine by lunch time.  You will be amazed how well you sleep if you do. 

[emprosnet7]

update; 13 April 2021

In June it will be one year after the divorce and I am going to meet a wonderful lady in the Summer. We have been talking every day from Sun, Mar 28, 2021.  We connected from a dating site. We have regular video calls and we both don't believe this is happening. The signs are very good, she is like an opposite of my ex wife. Her only downside I would say is that she is inpatient. We had 16 good years with my ex and only the last 2 years were bad. Maybe the next 16 years will be not only good but wonderful 🙂

 

[d0nnivain]

5 hours ago, emprosnet7 said:

I am going to meet a wonderful lady in the Summer. We have been talking every day from Sun, Mar 28, 2021. 

What's the hold up?  Why can't you meet now?  Why do you have to wait 3 more months?  The delay seems bad.  

Talking every day to a person you have never met is not a great idea.  It makes you think the relationship is more than it is. It causes you to develop feelings for the person you think they are, not the person they actually are.    It's also waaaayyyyyyy tooo much to soon.  This woman is a stranger.  She is not your wife of 18 years.  There is no need for daily communication before you meet. 

I wish you the best but this is not an auspicious beginning IMO.  

[trident_2020]

14 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

What's the hold up?  Why can't you meet now?   

Because she's in the hospital.

 

[Pumpernickel]

8 minutes ago, trident_2020 said:

Because she's in the hospital.

 

😂😂😂😂😂 - that’s funny 

[Wiseman2]

22 hours ago, emprosnet7 said:

. Her only downside I would say is that she is inpatient. 

Do you mean she wants to meet sooner than you do?

[d0nnivain]

On 4/13/2021 at 2:42 AM, emprosnet7 said:

Her only downside I would say is that she is inpatient.

Based on the joke / pun somebody else pointed out, are you, in fact, saying this new woman is presently hospitalized or did you misspell impatient, meaning she's restless & eager?  If the later, I again question why the delay of months to meet?