basil67 Posted March 1, 2020 Share Posted March 1, 2020 24 minutes ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said: Why is the advice almost always to leave??? Do people not believe in working through things and taking a person's great qualities into consideration? If you're sure that staying is the right choice, why did you ask us for opinions? 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted March 1, 2020 Share Posted March 1, 2020 11 hours ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said: Why is the advice almost always to leave??? Do people not believe in working through things and taking a person's great qualities into consideration? while he beating you or got red flag?goodluck with that.😯😯😯🤨 Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted March 1, 2020 Share Posted March 1, 2020 11 hours ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said: Sorry, I don't throw people away over one bad choice where no one lost blood or a limb. I'm not a perfect person, either. He has already reassured me he would never lay a hand on me. I see you deny everyones judgement who tells you to run or watchhout. I wonder why you open this topic if you had no concern about his ""past""yourself!!? And why you go against all replys that tells you maybe what you deep down feel its truth or posible.... I think if his past was just his past and he ddnt give you any weird vibe, you wont even ask this type of question. Look out for yourself and dont deny warning signs.😔🌹 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 1, 2020 Share Posted March 1, 2020 11 hours ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said: Why is the advice almost always to leave??? Do people not believe in working through things and taking a person's great qualities into consideration? Because, the problems presented here are usually pretty serious and whilst you want to deny it, a history of domestic abuse is a pretty serious issue. Plenty here ignored red flags when domestic abuse first raised its head and live to regret it. The point of the forum is to try and stop the runaway train before it runs headlong into the oncoming express... The point of the forum is not to sit back and say "Oh it will all be OK, don't worry" when we know the oncoming express is on its way... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 1, 2020 Share Posted March 1, 2020 OP, what makes sense to you? After getting nearly 100 opinions from anonymous persons who have no vested interest in your relationship, you or your partner, what's your takeaway? Any plan of action? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted March 1, 2020 Share Posted March 1, 2020 12 hours ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said: That is not fair. He is a good person, minus the occasional mistake. We all have made a mistake here and there, no? So, why did you create a thread about physical abuse, if you believe that your boyfriend won't physically abuse you like he did with his ex? I'm confused. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GeorgiaPeach1 Posted March 1, 2020 Author Share Posted March 1, 2020 I'm wondering if there are others who have a similar situation, where things went on to be just fine. 12 hours ago, basil67 said: If you're sure that staying is the right choice, why did you ask us for opinionopin Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted March 1, 2020 Share Posted March 1, 2020 7 minutes ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said: I'm wondering if there are others who have a similar situation, where things went on to be just fine. Why, though? As Carhill pointed out, you received a ton of opinions from people here who've experienced physical abuse in relationships, yet you're quick to defend your boyfriend as someone who'd never hit you, even though he hit an ex-g/f supposedly "once" (who knows if that's the truth). If you aren't going to leave your boyfriend, why ask for opinions about physical abuse unless deep down you are at risk for the same behavior. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted March 1, 2020 Share Posted March 1, 2020 13 minutes ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said: I'm wondering if there are others who have a similar situation, where things went on to be just fine. I did. They weren’t fine. But you only want to hear a similar situation where it did go on to be fine. Sorry, my bad. Ahhh well.. I’ll just press submit anyway. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted March 1, 2020 Share Posted March 1, 2020 A leopard doesn't change his spots overnight and he should be AVOIDED entirely. It isn't worth the risk. Ever. My mother was a victim of that. She got out. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GeorgiaPeach1 Posted March 1, 2020 Author Share Posted March 1, 2020 1 hour ago, The Outlaw said: A leopard doesn't change his spots overnight and he should be AVOIDED entirely. It isn't worth the risk. Ever. My mother was a victim of that. She got out. I'm sorry to hear that, Outlaw. Thank you all for your opinions. I will weigh them carefully 💙 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted March 1, 2020 Share Posted March 1, 2020 I'm not going to the "he's an abuser" and "violent offender" place with this; for me it's quite simple. He dealt with his anger and a conflict in a relationship in a 100% inappropriate (and, in fact, abusive) way. He now, in your relationship, yells sometimes and you "cringe inside." Maybe he'll never hit you but it sounds like the way he expresses his anger - and, likely, uses it as an intimidation tactic - is part of your relationship and you're doing what you need to do to make it acceptable. Let me tell you this: NO relationship is healthy if one person is angry, "annoyed" and yelling / snapping while the other person is cringing. Sure, yelling can happen if people are prone to fighting with each other in that way. What you describe is the first (or beyond the first) step in the long and miserable path of "walking on eggshells." Since you've decided already that it's going to be OK with you, I do urge you to define your boundaries strongly to yourself and then to him and to stick by them faithfully. Otherwise this will lead somewhere you won't like, and it doesn't necessarily have to involve hitting to be a very unhappy place. 3 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted March 1, 2020 Share Posted March 1, 2020 (edited) 51 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said: Since you've decided already that it's going to be OK with you, I do urge you to define your boundaries strongly to yourself and then to him and to stick by them faithfully. Otherwise this will lead somewhere you won't like, and it doesn't necessarily have to involve hitting to be a very unhappy place. 100% agree with NuevoYorko's advice. Since you most likely aren't going to leave your boyfriend now is the time for you to do the tough stuff -- the inner work on yourself so that you can define what your limits are (what you are willing to put up with and what you aren't willing to put up with), stick to those limits, tell your boyfriend what those limits are, so that he knows if he crosses a line with you there will be consequences. There is definitely an imbalance of power in your relationship with your boyfriend already: he has all the power and you have none (you cringe inside, as you wrote). If you are ok with that dynamic, then do nothing. But, if you want your boyfriend to respect you especially when you two argue, so that he won't resort to slapping you (or you to him), then you two need to have a talk right now about setting limits on what behavior's acceptable, and what behavior resorts in walking papers (for either of you). Edited March 1, 2020 by Watercolors Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 I would note that, with something as significant as physical abuse, twice should be considered a pattern IMO. So that would be one more time with you... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 A guy either hits women or he doesn't. This one does. He has clearly shown he has anger issues. If you choose to stay with him don't be surprised when he yells and/or hits you, the wall, or something else. Run. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted March 13, 2020 Share Posted March 13, 2020 On 3/10/2020 at 1:55 PM, notbroken said: A guy either hits women or he doesn't. This one does. He has clearly shown he has anger issues. If you choose to stay with him don't be surprised when he yells and/or hits you, the wall, or something else. Run. The guy that hits a lady is a the lowest of the low. There are some things that are just off limits and that's one of them. Awful character IMO Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted March 13, 2020 Share Posted March 13, 2020 Avoid at all cost! mid he hit someone before he stands a HIGH risk of doing it again. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 16, 2020 Share Posted March 16, 2020 I suggest you read up on abuse, from mild to severe. Even mild abuse is a red flag. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 4 months when he subjected me to another episode of verbal abuse. For him it's insults and name calling, and even that makes me feel like garbage - a strong sign that I can't continue with this guy and certainly not build a long-term future with him. When I talked to my dad about him - even though my dad has a history of verbal, emotional, and in the distant past physical abuse - he was very concerned and said it's almost guaranteed to get worse, not better. Pay very careful attention. I'm beginning to realize that abuse is pervasive and so many women endure it and suffer under it far too much. We need to be strong enough to get away from these guys. 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 16, 2020 Share Posted March 16, 2020 31 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: It's almost guaranteed to get worse, not better. It never gets better. I'm sorry about your breakup, RS. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 (edited) RS, truly sorry to hear he was verbally abusive to you. Totally unacceptable. I’m glad to hear you are taking care of yourself and broke it off. Edited March 18, 2020 by greymatter 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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